Hi! I am writing this story along with my first Coraźonvaliente Series entitled, Caenaella Solace.There will be no priority between the two but the updates will depend on how my mind (imagination) works. Hope to see you there too! Thank you for your patience.
Btw, advance MERRY CHRISTMAS! Here's a gift!
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Blazing rage
"Oh tapos?"
Naabutan kung nag-uusap si Perse at Damon sa kani-kanilang upuan nang makapasok ako sa klaseng kasama sila. Ang parehong mata ng dalawa ay pasimpleng dumapo sa banda ko tsaka nag-usap ulit na parang wala lang. Silang dalawa pa lang ang naroon dahil wala pa ang dalawang abno at si Tinashee bukod sa ibang mga kaklaseng maaaga rin at nag-aaral pa rin. Agad akong nagtungo sa upuan na nasa pinakalikuran nila at agad na sumalampak doon.
Hindi ko napasukan ang klase bago ito. I had to go back to DH to change my clothes because that stupid walking-brain-damaged-assholes' blood just really stinks--aside from the fact that anyone on this school will surely freak-out the moment they'll see me with my bloody-clothes on, walking around the quadrangle as I join my Chemistry class.
I can already imagine their reactions as a blast but...nah, that would surely draw alot of attention. So, I'd rather not and just skip that fucking class.
Fucking skipped a class because of a stupid walking-braincells. Damn it. What a waste.
I look at the window just a feet far from where I am seating. The glittering sunlight reflects the clear glass of the window where the soccer field and a few benches from the Friendship park is evident for me to take a peak. My eyes drifted on a bench crowded with a bunch of boys and girls. They were all talking and laughing when one guy said something that made them burst into laughters.
I gritted my teeth and fisted my hands on my lap.
Smiling from ear to ear as if life was so good to them.
I hated it. I hate to see those eyes full of joy as the sound of their laughters echoes in my ear making me remember how unfortunate life is to some people. It reminds me of how life was unfair and bias.
It was one of those very few moments of calculating everything, as if my mind was some kind of machine, processing and assessing a very complicated research which are the unanswered questions I have on my mind.
My endless why's of plea.
I mean, why can't we be like those typical students? Yung po-problemahin lang ay kung paano pumasa sa bawat semester. Yung halos mamatay sa kaba dahil may oral recitation. Yung magpapakamatay sa puyat dahil sa pag-aaral. At yung mag uusap-usap kung saan at kailan ang susunod na gala. O kung paano tatakas sa klase pag nakapag-attendance na. Yung magagalit dahil hindi marunong makipag-cooperate ang mga kaklase mo sa isang class performance tuwing practice. O yung gagawa ng excuse sa bawat practice na ayaw mong puntahan dahil tinatamad ka.
I mean, why? Why does it had to be me? Persephone? Azrael? Them?
Why does it had to be us? We were all breathing the same air, touching the same soil, feeling the same warmth and coldness of life.
Does life has its own bias? Or is it just fate that has been playing on us?
Why can't we experience those typical things that usual teenagers do? To end a toxic friendship rather than killing, late night movie marathon with your friends rather than late night missions on some dangerous alley, or rebelling to your parents for being too strict rather than rebelling for... not... having the warmth of a Home.
It was only those few things on a rare days like this that I thought of that. Especially after what happened a few hours ago at the University tunnel. It was the feeling of unjust situations that as I fight for my life, some people my age... just, think of suicide like its the easiest solution to every devastations of their failures.
But, it is not.
I say that dying after you have fought all your might is a worthy-death, because at least you know you have done your best to live. While, dying by an easy death of suicide is not, because again, your soul will forever be devastated for being weak, for giving up life for temporary ease.
"...because you are special. Always remember that."
I closed my eyes tight and swallowed that bile on my throat. It was as if I can still hear her soothing voice as she slowly brush her fingers down my long black hair gently.
Special...
I wanted to puke upon remembering that. Makes me want to punch this wooden table until I get satisfied with its ruin and be numb again.
Maybe that's really is.
One of the things I have learned in life is that, living is a battlefield. It is a game of survival. One needs to swallow all the bad things and embrace the goodness of the lessons that those challenges taught you and survive. Lucky for those who have brave souls if they did. And I pitty those who did not.
Some days, I thought that maybe it was just me. It was only me that was miserable. Just me who hated life for playing a very unjust game on a dark battlefield. But then, everytime I look at my "friends", thinking about all the things now, I realize that life just simply sucks. No biases. No restrain to any of whom. It just sucks. Period. No excuse or anything else.
"Good evening, prepare 1/8 paper. Lets do a quick oral recit on the recent Constitutions we talked about." the fucking instructor immediately said as he entered our room with almost all his things with him. For real?!
I gritted my teeth as I look at Perse and Damon on the side as I heared the silent groans and protest of the other students. Perse was staring daggers at Mr.Fabular as she mercilessly but silently ripped the paper she took on her other seatmate, while Damon was confidently smiling from ear-to-ear as he held his 1/8 paper on hand and the other was playing his parker pen.
Wanting to roll my eyes at his conceitedness, I can almost hear him humming his favorite song to joy.
Fucking asshole. I knew he was good with memorizing the Provisions and Constitutions and other shits thats why he was so confident on this one. Made me have the urge to punch his smile out of that fucking mouth!
Well, damn him and Mr. Fabular for this!
"Okey, Arancon. Stand up." and hell rise upon waiting for my fucking surname to be called.
"Roselle, stand up. What do you mean by the..." and heaven rejoices when I somehow answered it confidently and even the follow-up questions. Just not sure if this old man got satisfied with my answers though.
Well.
He better be.
"Read and familiarize the 1935 Constitution and everything about Globalization." we all look at him as he paused and said, "And I mean Everything."
1935 Constitution, fine then.
"Dismissed." he adjourned as everyone stood up along with him.
Finally, get lost, you walking-headache!
"Hi, Airess!" a girl seating ahead of me suddenly look back and greeted me as she was smiling from ear-to-ear. I stop and just move my eye to see her irritating face. She was wearing that friendly-aura around her with that chinky eyes, pointy-nose and a rosy cheeks.
Mabilis kong pinasadahan siya mula ulo hanggang paa. With that Rose pink pencil-cut skirt and a white turtle-neck longsleeve kinda fits her long-legged creamy skin paired with a T-sandals, a typical college hottie. Oh well, what ever.
"You're Airess Roselle, right?" again, she asked. Hindi ako nagsalita at sa halip ay walang emosyon kong tinitigan siya. She shifted a bit and her smile suddenly became uneasy by the second.
"I'm Aria, 3rd year Pre-med student. Like you...right?" may pag aalinlangan ang kaniyang boses ngunit hindi niya pa rin binababa ang kanina niya pang nilahad na kamay sa akin.
I look at it for a second. Hmm.
"Airess." I simply answered without taking her hand. Mukhang matalino naman siya at naintindihan agad na hindi ko gustong makipagkamay kaya mabilis niyang binaba ang kamay na nakalahad. Lumawak lalo ang kaniyang pagkakangiti dahil sa sagot ko.
Err, why the fuck is she smiling that wide?
I heared some girls calling this girl but instead she shifted her weight to face me better. Napatingin ako sa labas ng classroom at nakitang may apat na babaeng inip na nag-aabang sa labas, ang isa ay kaklase lang din namin kanina. Binalik ko ang tingin sa babaeng nasa harap ko na hindi inalintana ang presensya ng paniguradong mga kaibigan niya sa labas.
Wait, what was her name again? Airah? Ara? Ares? Errr, whatever.
"I've noticed that we have been blocmates for 4 subjects including Chem1 sa klase ni Sir Cuarteros. And...you weren't there kanina?" maarteng tanong niya. Ang bawat kilos ay may halong kembot at kung anong kaartihan sa katawan.
Oh tapos?
I only raised my brow at her but her smile only widen as she held both her hands together. What the hell is this girls' point again?
"Well, wala ang Instructor natin kanina but he posted something on our page to serve as an attendance of the class." she added, "And I assumed that you're...not yet on our page?" her smile is starting to irritate me.
"No." I answered.
"Okey! So I'll add you on our page, okey? Make sure you'll accept the invite!" nodding boredly, I look at my things again.
"Great! See you, Airess!" she exclaimed and finally left. Good.
How stupid can she get. She didn't even bothered asking me if I even have a social media accounts? Or if I'm using my real name on it. Which I honestly do not have. Even facebook, I don't.
Reminds me of Azraels' reaction and offended banters the moment I said I don't have one.
"My God, Hangin! Social media is for socializing! Everyone in this generation and even the precious ones have theirs! Even the oldest maiden has a facebook account. You have to have one for your self! Kahit Snapchat account lang, Hangin!" his endless rants goes on and on.
Psh. I call that a bullshit. Well, I only see it as a waste of time. And my time is gold. So no thanks.
"Excuse me, po." I stared daggers at the girl who were kinda bowing everytime she passes by on someone. Pansamantala kong tinigil ang tingin sa babaeng naka Nude longsleeves polo tucked on a black high-waisted jeans and paired with a white converse. Kakadaan niya lang sa harapan ko at kahit na sinadya kong banggain siya ay siya pa ang nanghingi ng paumanhin.
Parang baliw. Masyadong magalang naman ang babaeng iyon at parang lahat ng tao kahit hindi niya kasalanan ay nagpapaumanhin siya.
What a weakling. Ganun na mga tao ang madaling gamitin. An easy prey for those people who are a sucker for taking advantage. I roll my eyes when she got lost on the valley of the students on the hallway.
Mabilis akong lumiko at bumaba patungo sa daanan kung saan nakahilera ang mga bilog na sementadong lamesa at upuan ng Friendship Park. Konti lang ang dumaraan rito ngayon dahil karamihan ay nasa hallway pa nagkukumpulan.
For a moment, as the Augustian-breeze whispered on the solemnity of the big trees, I look around me. Lahat ay may kaniya-kaniyang ginagawa. Lahat ay abala.
A timid smile slowly rose on my lips as I continue to watch my surroundings. Kung sana ay ganito nalang kasimply ang buhay. Kung sana ay ganito nalang...
Suddenly, my eyes met a familiar deep-setted brown eyes. My brows creased when unfamiliar feeling disturb through me.
That eyes.
There was something about those eyes that just caught my attention, it was both mysterious and captivating. Until it slowly rose 'till both the upper and lower leads was almost touching each other as he smiled. Nangunot ang noo ko at agad na tinignan kung sino ang nag mamaya-ari ng mga matang iyon.
And there he is again.
Yung lalaking bigla nalang nagbigay ng isang malaking chuckie sa library. Abot tenga ang pagkakangiti niya na para bang ang saya-saya niyang makita ako.
Agad akong pasimpleng nag-iwas ng tingin at pasimpleng kinapa ang mukha. Puta. Baka naman may dumi na ako sa mukha o di kaya kulangot kaya ang laki-laki ng ngiti ng lalaking iyon! Susuntukin ko talaga siya sa bunganga niya ng makita niya kung sinong pinagtatawanan niya.
Isang malutong na mura ang naibulalas ko nang hindi ko namalayan ang paligid at may biglang malakas na tumamang bola sa may paanan ko na muntik nang dahilan ng pagkakasalampak ko sa daanan.
I close my eyes and my teeth was gritting too hard that I can hear my it clenching because I was really pissed as of the moment. Hindi naman masakit at lalong wala naman akong pakealam kung napahiya ako sa muntikan ng pagkakadapa.
Ang nakaka-bwesit lang isipin ay yung ikaw na nga ang nagawan ng hindi kanais-nais ng mga taong ubod ng tanga, sila pa yung may sikumurang pagtawanan ka at ni hindi man lang nagtanong ng nakaka-bobong tanong na "okey ka lang?' o kahit manghingi ng paumanhin sa pagiging tanga at bobo nila?
Mahirap ba yun gawin? Lalo na't sing-liwanag ng araw ang kasiguraduhan na may kasalanan sila.
Nakakaputangina lang talaga.
Pano ba gumana ang mga utak ng mga taong ganiyan? Yung tipong ang lakas lakas ng apog at sing tibay ng bato ng diyamante ang sikmura nila para ganun kakapal ang mukha nila.
O kung may utak ba talaga ang mga taong ganiyan o naupos na tulad ng mga ugali nilang di rin masikmura nino man.
"Watch where you're going, stupid!" sigaw ng isa sa mga babaeng nasa gilid na mga benches sa harap ng soccerfield kung saan may mga bobong nag papractice game pa ata ng soccer.
Gritting my teeth, I closed my eyes tight. The pain of my long nails dugging my palms as I fisted is slowly making me numb. Ramdam ko ang bolang nanatili sa paanan ko. I badly wanted to kick this fucking ball so hard, countless of times on their faces, vice-versa until I got my satisfactory upon watching them bleed and screaming in pain.
Not a minute after, I could no longer contain it and march my way to them as I open my eyes with blazing anger inside my mind.
Fuck rules. Fuck attentions. Fuck it if this will ruin the mission.
Oh shit.
I can already imagine them pleading and crying. Hell, I would love to hear them beg. Begging me for mercy.
But hell don't give mercy. It gives punishment.
And at this moment I just badly want to wring the necks of these bimbos and hear the screams of pain as I break the legs of these stupid assholes. Cutting their tongue out so they can no longer laugh!
I cursed at my own fantasy of torturing these animals!
Wala nino man sa kanila ang nakatingin sa akin dahil halos hindi na sila makahinga sa kakatawa sa nangyareng muntikan ko ng pagkakadapa. Boys were laughing their brains-out--oh wait, its already empty. Paniguradong magkakasintahan ang ilan sa kanila dahil may nakita akong isa na umakbay sa babaeng may kulot ang buhok habang may isang humalik talaga sa labi sa matangkad na babaeng katabi lang ng nasa sentrong babae na nagmistulang pinuno nila. Halos lahat ng soccer players na naglaro kanina ay lumapit sa gawi ng mga babaeng nakulangan sa breeding.
They stll couldn't refrain their laughters. Was that really funny or they're just bored over-reactors? Oh well, better enjoy yourselves from breathing, children! 'Cuz I'll damn make sure its gonna be your last!
Oh yes, alright. You won't be breathing any minute now.
Dere-deretso ang mabilis na lakad ko sa kanila habang tutok na tutok ang mata ko sa kanila lang nang may isang babaeng nakapansin sa akin. Ang kaninang ngiti sa labi ay unti-unting napanis at napalitan ng kaba at pagkabalisa. She tried to poke the girl in front of her but the other girls was to preoccupied of laughing their ass out.
Yes baby girl, feel my wrath. I can already smell that fear in you.
Lalo akong nanggigil nang halos maabot ko na ang tatlo sa kanila at itataas ko na sana ang kaliwang kanan upang bumwelo ng isang malakas na sapak nang may bigla akong maramdaman na mabigat na dumagan sa balikat ko upang ako'y mapahinto.
Rage automatically spilled my whole system. What the fuck?! Kung kanina ay gigil na gigil ako, ngayon ay mas nadagdagan pa lalo dahil gustong-gusto ko ng sapakin ang mga bwesit na babae at lalaking iyon pero dahil may bigla nalang na nagpigil sa akin ay...ay... urgh!
I was about to lash out and break the arms of this person beside me--nevermind if its Azrael or any of the annoying fuckers when that person talked that made everyone silent, and I mean everyone that can be reached by that icy-cold voice with a playful tone on it, even those people from the hallway where I came from which is a few meters away from us slowed-down thier pace and some with a thick-face really stop just to eavesdrop from whatever is happening here,
"Stupidity is really innate to some people eh?" and everyone fell silent for a few minutes before the buzz of the people talking started to irritate me! Kahit ang mga bayolenteng singhap ng mga Panggap na taong nakapaligid ay napaka plastic. Akala mo kung sino kung maki tsismis eh.
And oh!... shit... just great! Attention at its finest. Urgh!
Can't the universe leave me for a second?!
Damn it.