jessie
The drum set in the back of the room was practically calling my name. It was a good-quality kit; I was used to playing on my pawn-shop worthy set that wouldn't last long in a decent band.
I sat at the stool and played a progression I had written. It didn't sound very good because my hands were shaking as violently as a California earthquake. I had thought the guys were doing what they needed to be doing, not listening to me. But I was dead wrong. Four pairs of eyes were glued to me, eight ears listening close.
"Told you she was good," said Frank triumphantly.
"Good?" Mikey smiled. "I'd say fantastic."
"Yeah," Ray agreed. "I'm sure I'm speaking for everyone when I say that we're lucky to have you while Matt's out."
I wasn't so sure he was speaking for Gerard though. His stone cold face was emotionless. I couldn't tell what he thought. He seemed puzzled, which tripped me up even more.
No one prodded him for a response. Ray, Mikey, and Frank went about turning, and Gerard just shut himself in the small soundproof room. I could see his mouth moving, which could only mean he was doing some sort of vocal warmup.
Ray came over to me once he had finished with his guitar and played a track of something they were working on. I couldn't help but grin as I heard it; it was only instrumentals but it sounded amazing. I nodded my head to the beat, already having a rhythm in my ear.
As the song wrapped up, Ray smiled. "So what did you think?"
"It's perfect," I said, smiling. My nerves had already somewhat gone away. I was confident about being able to handle this project. "I've already thought of something that could go along with this. Nothing elaborate."
"Damn, Frank," he called over his shoulder. "I wish I had a cousin like this. Mine's like a lawyer."
Frank smiled in amused disbelief. "Like a lawyer? Ray, your cousin's in prison."
Ray chucked silently. I noticed Ray had a nice smile. Pretty teeth.
"Alright, guys, let's get to work," Mikey sighed at last. Turning to me, he added, "A-and girl."
"Just come in when you're ready," Frank said. "No rush."
I nodded as I readjusted my position on the small leather seat. Ray counted us off.
A riveting chorus of the three guitars shook the room. I was almost lost in the music when I realized I should be playing.
I tentatively tapped my foot, pounding the bass drum. A few bars later, I was hitting the snares and hi-hats in time so that they intertwined with each other, meshing with the rhythms the guys were playing.
The song ended and I wasn't prepared to stop right then, so I carried over for another couple of beats before I stopped. My face must have gone really red, because Frank offered some support.
"Don't worry," he said. "You don't know the song well."
Mikey agreed. "We all have some cleaning up to do, yeah? Let's play it again before Gerard is done."
We did just that. This time, I stopped at the right place but messed up at the end, even though I was improvising, so there wasn't anything set to mess up.
Gerard noticed we were finished with that, so he sauntered out. "I have something ready. Do you?" he asked us, directing the question to everyone but me. He flashed a paper, but took it away before I could read the title.
Frank took him aside. They whisper-argued back and forth for a while until Gerard smiled and my cousin threw his hands up in defeat.
"Fine, you stubborn bastard!" he said. "Let's just do this."
Gerard smirked and announced, "I better just read the lyrics, you know, to get a feel for our song." He looked directly at me when he said 'our.'
He promptly cleared his throat and began.
Oh god.
gerard
Jessie seemed to know what she was doing, for the most part at least. But I was still a bit angry that we had a kid playing with us. She needed experience. The stuff we played--the lyrics I wrote--it was heavy stuff that children can't relate to. And if you can't relate to it, how can you be expected to play it as well as someone who can feel it?
I finished warming my voice up at around the time they completed their second run. I took out a sheet of lyrics I had been working on for a while, and I knew it went well with what they were playing.
I came out of the cramped room and waved the lyrics around and said, "I have something ready, do you?" I don't know if it was on purpose, but I noticed I didn't look at Jessie. At all. Even though I had all while they were playing.
Frank's eyes widened. He pulled me by the arm and off to the side. "Do you really want to play this song?" he scolded in a hushed voice.
I smirked. "Why wouldn't I?"
He scowled in response. "Don't you think we should save this for--" he glanced back at Jessie, "a later time?"
"Let's just play it now."
He rolled his eyes and tossed his arms above him. "Fine, you stubborn bastard!" he said much louder. "Let's just do this."
I smiled in a way that would piss anyone off and said, "I better just read the lyrics, you know, to get a feel for our song." I looked straight at Jessie.
I swallowed a chuckle.
"They're gonna clean up your looks
With all the lies in their books
To make a citizen out of you."
I saw Mikey out of the corner of my eye. He looked aghast.
"Because they sleep with a gun
And keep an eye on you, son
So they can watch all the things that you do."
I turned to get a glimpse of Ray. Not cool man, he mouthed. I smiled and continued.
"Because the drugs never work
They're gonna give you a smirk
'Cause they got methods of keeping you clean
They're gonna rip up your heads,
Your aspirations to shreds
Another cog in the murder machine!"
I knew what Frank was thinking. I could only imagine what Jessie was.
"They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me!"
I stopped reading. She stood up and landed right in front of me. I smirked down at her. I was a head taller.
Her voice was stern. "I can see when I'm not wanted." She walked out briskly.
Frank shot me a glance before running after her. If looks could kill, he'd be a mass murderer.
"Bro," Mikey said quietly. "That's shallow. Even for you."
"Yeah man," Ray added. "She was a good drummer. You want to put this album on hold? We don't know how long Matt'll be gone."
"I don't care," I shrugged, taking a seat on the couch. "She's just a kid. She'll get over it." I took a long, maniacal sip of my now-cold Starbuck's.
Game, set, match.
jessie
I was stunned by the lyrics. "Teenagers scare the living shit out of me"? "Maybe they'll leave you alone but not me"? If he was that bothered by me, why didn't he just say so? If that's how he felt, then I would leave him alone. He had made his point, so I guess that was my cue to leave.
I stood up and adjusted my collar. I felt like I was about to burst, but like all good dams, I kept the waterworks in.
I walked right up to Gerard, looked him dead in the eyes, and said with as much composure as I had, "I can see when I'm not wanted." I marched out of the room and didn't look back.
The door opened and closed again behind me, followed by the sounds of Converse on hardwood. Frank caught up to me and put a hand on my shoulder.
"It's not you, Jessie. It's Gerard," he coaxed. "He's irrational and doesn't know how to think properly."
"I don't care," I spat. "He doesn't want me there, so I shouldn't be there."
"Just come back, please. The band needs you."
"What about Matt? He'll be back soon."
"I don't know about that, Jessie." I gave him a look of disbelif. He continued, "He and Gerard got in a huge fight the other day. Things got pretty rough and even though Gerard is pretty against violence, a few punches were thrown."
I was shocked. "Oh man."
"Yeah. I honestly don't think they're on good enough terms to be coming back anytime soon, and I don't think Gerard would like that." Frank cleared his throat. "We're in the middle of recording and we only have one song left. So please come back."
I rolled my eyes. "Okay. But if he pulls another stunt like that, I'm out for good."