The Paper Kingdom

Chapter X: The Decision Makers

gerard
June came, June went. We rehearsed nonstop and actually began to sound good. "Vampires Will Never Hurt You" had been released a couple days after we finished recording, and the number of people who bought it was less than impressive. We decided to put it up on MySpace for free--in order to get some buzz.

Through all of it, there was a sentence that was stuck in my head, said by none other than Mikey's confusing love interest.

"Brought her his bullets."

I thought about that, and I told Frank how I really loved the sound of it. We toyed around with it.

"He brought you his bullets, you brought him your love."

It still didn't roll off the tongue, however. So Frank suggested one more thing.

"I brought you my bullets, you brought me your love."

For whatever reason, the words sent shivers down my spine. I knew it was what we had to name the album. And to myself, I briefly wondered if Jessie Iero needed any ammo.

~~~~~~~~

"Can I have your advice?" I asked nervously. I wiped the sweat off of the palms of my hands on my dark jeans. The room was very dim, very much like something a séance would be held in, but that's just how Ray's apartment was. I sat on a tattered couch he probably got from the side of the road and fixated my gaze on what I hoped was a coffee stain.

"Yeah, anything," Ray replied. He didn't look up from the book he was reading.

I licked my lips. "It's--a girl thing," I stuttered. Hey Ray, I think I have a crush on my best friend's seventeen-year-old cousin.

"Oh," Ray said, lifting his eyebrows and taking his eyes from the page. "Is it that cute barista from the Starbuck's on Main Street?"

"Uh, yeah," I mumbled. This was a bad idea.

Ray put his book aside. "Well, what's the problem?"

"A lot of things," I began. I wasn't sure how to phrase it. "She's young--like eighteen or nineteen--and I know she'd never be interested in me."

"You want a relationship now, man?" he inquired. "I mean, they're a ton of work, and we have so much to do..."

"That's the other thing. We're both pretty busy, and--I don't know man, it-it's stupid. I'm sorry." I began picking at the beige threads that poked out from the cushion. The rough texture of the couch reminded me of the many nights I crashed on it.

Ray scoffed. "Bro, don't be sorry. Chick problems happen." He didn't know who I was really talking about, but regardless, I was irked by his use of the word chick. Jessie was not a chick, she was a girl. A very ordinary, very innocent, very pretty and very confusing girl. A girl who radiated love and intelligence, whose passion for anything she cared about just shined; a girl that I wanted to talk to because she always had something intriguing to say, but I just couldn't; a girl that seemed to know what the world was and know its dangers--as I could see it in her chocolate eyes--but didn't it change who she was. A girl that I really, really cared for.

I was absolutely hopeless. "Ray," I said softly, "I just want her to like me, y'know?"

"I see," Ray said, and nodded. "You don't want to get with her, you just want the attention. No shame in that."

I shook my head fervently. "No, no, it's not like that. I feel so pathetic and I want her to value me, but I don't know if she ever will. We've talked and shit, had a few decent conversations, but--ah, I don't know man, it's all so confusing."