Snow Carr Northridge
I was sitting alone, in the spacious living room staring at an empty space and trying to make sense of my life. I was already used to living with Ian, even though we never shared a room until yesterday and we barely ever talk to each other, it was weird having to live where he isn't.
I thought back to the day he came here, for my homecoming party and...
"Oh my God, White Princess!" I exclaimed. In my hurrying out of the house, I totally forgot about my puppy. Well, maybe if Ian sees that I left her behind, he'll get the memo that we're done. The jerk hasn't even calles me.
I picked up my phone and I remembered I had switched it off in anger and so that I would avoid any calls. I decided to put it back on just to listen to the voicemails in case I missed something important. Surprisingly, I had 14 voicemails and none were from Ian, 5 were from Savannah, 2 were from Leanne and 7 from mum. All the voicemails bore messages that made me dash out of the house and make a run for the hospital. Royalty has given birth!!.
"Stupid!, stupid! Stupid!. Why did you switch off your phone Snow, goddammit. I wanted to be there!" I shouted at myself and then laughed at how insane I looked and probably sounded. Thirty minutes later, I got out of the car and dashed inside.
"Your highness" people muttered and bowed but I was in too much of a hurry to even acknowledge it. I got to the reception and I was immediately directed to the VIP section where her room was.
"Ro!" I exclaimed immediately I opened the door to the room and everyone was there, yes!, including Ian. Savannah, Leanne and mum all rushed at me and engulfed me in a breath seizing hug.
"Guys, I.. Can't Breathe" I managed to say and they let me go. The hug was followed by a round of 'thank God you came and where have you been's.
"Snow!. You had everyone worried" Royalty said when she could finally get a word in. Everyone hugged me, including Seven. Dad didn't say a word, he just hugged me the longest but I got the message. I was overwhelmed by how much they all loved me and that made me tear up.
"a boy or a girl?" I asked, looking at the new mother, she was looking so beautiful and Happy.
"I have a new girl to love." Roland said and I laughed. She's bound to be spoilt silly but I know Royalty won't tolerate any excesses, she's going to be a wonderful mum.
I walked to her and hugged her, I wished her congratulations and I told her how sorry I am that I wasn't there when she was in labour.
"It's fine darling. I was tired of having everyone freak out, besides it happened in the midnight, We could only call Ian, he's such a chicken. He got here in a second and he's been here since. Only excused himself to go bathe, almost as if he's scared I might go into another labour when he's not there" She said and realization made my bone ache.
I looked at him and our eyes met. He didn't say a word, he didn't even move from his position when everyone was hugging me, if not that he's looking at me right now, I'd say he didn't notice my entrance. I judged him and jumped into conclusions, while I was getting angry at the fact that he left me because he regretted touching, he was here supporting his sister who was birthing a new life, shame and guilt burnt my eyes.
"Don't you wanna see the baby?. Let Ian take you to the NCU" she said and I blinked. I wanted to say no but at the same time, I didn't want to make the whole thing so dramatic so I nodded and stepped out. A minute later, he appeared behind me.
"This way" He said, motioning to the left and I nodded and followed him. The air around us was as thick as a 7 inch mattress and it was sickening. A part of me wanted to apologize but then, it's not like he wanted me anyway.
We reached the door of the NCU and the guard bowed and opened the door, we walked in and Ian headed to the little crib, there she was, looking as beautiful as the miracle she is. Baby Harvey.
She stretched out her hand and I held it, she wrapped her hand around my finger and I didn't know when tears ran down my eyes. I couldn't help myself, I couldn't help my envy, my breast ached for my loss.
Ian held me back and I fell into his arms and cried, I shook violently and cried, he stood there and held me without saying a word and I was grateful. I was grateful that he was there and grateful for the silence.
"I'm sorry Snow. I'm sorry I took your baby away from you, it was all my fault and I am so sorry" He whispered and I cried even more. No Ian, no!. You can't do things like this when I'm about to let you go, you can't say things I've always wanted you to say when I'm almost out the door, it's hard enough already!
Don't leave me Snow" He said and I jumped out of his arms, I looked into his eyes and looked around, this definitely isn't the place. I might get mad and throw the nearest thing at him, that would be a baby so I walked, more like ran out.
"Snow, why are you always running? " he said once we were in the empty hallway and I turned to face him, my anger making my back bone rigid. I desperately wanted to choose my words carefully but I just couldn't.
"You bastard!. I'm running?. Did you just say to me that I'm always running?. 'Oh Snow, I want you out of my life, Oh Snow I really hate your presence, Oh Snow, I can't love you so please walk away when this deal is over and don't expect me to hold you down'. Do you know how many times you've said those words to me with your actions and with your mouth?, do you know how many times I've wished for the strength to be able to get over you and walk away like you wanted?, and now that I'm finally able to do that, you dare to accuse me of running?! " I said, my tone rising by the minute.
"I.. I'm sorry, you're right. I never should have said that to you, hell, I never should have said any of the things I ever said to you to you babe. You don't deserve it, you've never deserved it, I've experienced nothing but first hand love from you and all I've given is the direct opposite"
"But Snow, I didn't run out on you yesterday night. I can't even if I tried, I had to leave but I wanted to come back to you. Crazy how the thought of you kept me sane even when I was worried sick about Royalty, one minute I'm all scared about how the labour could go wrong and the next, I catch myself grinning because I had the best night of my life. You drive me crazy woman. " He said and shook his head but my world was shaking. What does this mean?
"What are you saying Ian?"
"I'm saying I think... No, there's no thinking, Snow I am saying I love you. I fell in love with you long before I could bring myself to admit it, cause I didn't want to admit it. You read the journal Snow, you know how much I lost in love and I couldn't dare to lose you too. Everyone looks at me as a prince, the guy who's got it all together, the guy who should be brave and be able to take anything but it's not me. I am just as human as it comes, I have fears too and I feared that if I should dare to love you, I'd lose you. I didn't want to, I still don't want to and then the day I finally allowed myself to admit that I was in love with you, I got a call that you were rushed to the hospital" he said and I groaned. I couldn't dare to imagine how he must have felt.
"I told myself I wasn't cut out for love, told myself that I didn't go ahead to fall in love with you, you wouldn't lose the baby. I told myself I was going to be the bane of your existence so I distanced myself yet again. It was painful not to hold you Snow, it was painful not to rock you to sleep or be the arms you'll fall apart in but it was okay if you hated me and still live. " he said and I wiped at the tears that streamed down my eyes. How I love this man.
I covered the distance between us until I was standing right in front of him and I could feel his body's warmth. That same body I am helplessly in love with, I stared at his eyes, the eyes I wanted to look into every day of my life, to draw strength from when I needed it and to add light to whenever it seemed dull.
"So, what changed your mind?. Why are you telling me now?" I asked and he shrugged.
"Maybe because I want to be selfish. I can't do this without you Snow, yeah I lost two women but I could still go on. When you left, I knew I might never recover, the thought of you with another man would make me a psychiatric patient, the thought of you anywhere but beside me would drive me mad. I am so in love with you, I have never felt this way before and it's crazy. So I have to ask you, are you willing to try this out with me, are you willing to stay with me despite my insane fears and annoying paranoia? " he asked and I laughed.
"I am not going anywhere Ian. My days are going to be very very long and I really really think, I just think spending it beside you is the best thing I could ever experience so... Yeah, I'm willing" I said and he kissed me. It was nothing like last night's, last night was him telling me he wanted all of my body but this, this can only be the way a man would kiss the woman he's planning to grow old with and that thought turned my stomach into a zoo.
"I love it when you call me babe" I murmured against his lips , remembering how my chest tightened when he called me that minutes ago. He pulled back, confused for a minute and when recognition flashed in his eyes, his laughter was the most beautiful sound in the world.
I finally found love......and I didn't have to worry about whether a man would love a woman who once married the prince and got pregnant for him. The universe loves me!
________
THE END!
This is me Saying I love you all.
Thank you so much for sticking to this book even through all the times of absence.
You guys are the best and you all fueled me to keep on.
Thank you so much.
There will be an epilogue , so you all just stay tuned.
I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH
✔✔