You're allowed to feel
3. person
"I'm Insu!"
"That's a cool name!"
"Here." "Go and buy yourself something much better than that chocolate bar, hm?"
"Thank you, pretty noona!"
Taehyung couldn't stop thinking back to the moment of Chaeyoung's little interaction with the aristocrat boy. Once he has noticed her standing by the laundry cords he wanted to approach her but the little boy beat him to it. Therefore he couldn't help but watch as she chatted with the kid, smiling goofily and whole-heartedly. He didn't know why, but he couldn't chase away the picture of her at that moment. So carefree. Kind and sweet.
The sight of her interacting with a little child made him remember the night she told him about her dream. How she wanted to make herself a family. She wanted to create herself a future with that special someone, just like every other common girl wishes to. That made him wonder, will she do that once she's out of the palace? Once she's free from his hold?
"What are we going to do, Your Majesty?" sighing softly he closed his eyes for a second, leaning his chin against his fist as the other men in the room looked at him quietly.
"There's nothing we can do to stop his engagement." he stated, rolling his head a little to look at the men by the table. Running his eyes over all of them, his look blank and expressionless. "We will have to wait for his next steps."
"But Your Majesty, your father is furious! After Min Yoongi's marriage, he'll have more power in politics and Stella will become even more of a threat for us!" clenching his jaw, Taehyung listened to the annoying man who was lecturing him as if he didn't know all that himself.
"You're right, however, that also depends on who he's marrying." he explained gravely. "Until we know who it is, we can not assume his intentions behind the engagement. Until then we can not take actions." he watched as the men around the table whispered among each other, smirking as he listened to all the curses and complaints meant his way. "The meeting is over."
After all the men left, including Seokjin who left the room as quietly as possible, Taehyung stood up from his chair with a sigh, making his way around to the wide window overlooking the front yard.
Tucking his hands in his pants he ran his eyes over the lawn outside, mindlessly watching the people stroll around.
"Engagement," he sneered with a scowl, "nothing but a pain in the ass."
Noticing two kids playing around the pound on the right, his eyes softened as he watched them running around barefoot with paper toys in their hands, their clothes completely covered in mud. Tilting his head, he couldn't stop thinking.
"What's so great about creating a family anyways?"
The next day
Chaeyoung's pov
The chamber was quite silent as there were not a lot of us. Occasional giggles and murmurs were heard here and there as I read the book in my lap, engulfed in the comfortable softness of the countless pillows under me.
Jisoo and Jennie were also with me, however, the two were in their own world as Jennie painted Jisoo's nails while Jisoo watched her closely, sipping on a cup of coffee.
I loved moments like these when I could sit in comfortable silence while drowning my thoughts in a book, letting myself get carried away by the story.
However, as much as I tried to concentrate on the words printed in blank ink on the faded pages, my mind wandered everywhere else but the book. My jumbled thoughts were repeatedly going back to yesterday, the scenes of my interaction with the king were haunting my mind like a poison. I couldn't stop reminiscing his words.
"I wanted to see you."
"Once I noticed you standing here, I guess I couldn't control myself."
"I was waiting for you but you never came to me." "I guess it's still too soon for you to forgive me."
Biting my lip I clutched the book in my hands tighter, the force causing my fingers to turn white. He couldn't really mean the words he said. He shouldn't even be saying things like that so carelessly. Because like always, they made me question everything. My decision on not letting him close anymore. My decision to keep myself away from him. It was hard when he was walking around, saying things like that as if it was the most common thing in the world.
Whining internally I buried my face into the book, all the memories I had with him resurfacing back. The nights spent with him, the mornings I stayed behind for a few more minutes to watch him in a peaceful slumber, the time I brought him the cake. The night he tried to kill me.
If I only knew why he did that. Did I really do something to make him so angered with me? But he said it wasn't my fault, right? Suddenly the picture of Seokjin acting weirdly stiff at the birthday party made me lift my head again in thought.
"Hey girls?" I muttered, still looking ahead as I wondered whether that could be the reason for his anger that night.
"Hm?" they hummed in unit before I looked their way, a slight frown etching itself on my face.
"Do you perhaps know." I started off, the two looking at me with a raised eyebrow, "of any recent argument between Seokjin oppa and the king?"
They both frowned looking at each other.
"I don't know, I just assume they had one." said Jennie which made me look at her expectantly.
"You assume?"
"Yeah well, Seokjin is acting weird around him recently. I don't see them walking around together either." I nodded my head, agreeing.
Seokjin used to hang around the king a lot, it was rare to spot him on the corridors alone. But now it seemed like he was avoiding him like a plague.
I glanced at Jisoo who had an absent look on her face, her frown telling me she was deep in her thoughts.
"Unnie?" glancing up at me she scratched the back of her head, chuckling nervously. "You know how stubborn they both are, probably just a bicker or something." she said with a shake of her head, making me frown.
Bicker? That doesn't really sound like the king I know. But I shrugged it off, assuming she was probably just as confused as we were.
"I wonder what they could be arguing about. It's not often you see them like that." muttered Jennie, proceeding on painting Jisoo's nails.
"With the king's personality, you never know what could go wrong." said Jisoo, making me and Jennie nod.
She was right, the king's an unpredictable person.
A light knock interrupted our conversation before Yeonjun walked in, his eyes running around the room. His eyes focused on the three of us, causing my heart skipping a shaky beat. However not long after, I could feel it shatter to pieces.
"Jisoo, the king's calling for you. Be sure to come to his room at 9 PM tonight."
Dipping lower into the warm water, I let it reach under my nose as I stared blankly ahead. The water was pleasingly warm and the air in the room was comforting as well, however that didn't stop me from shivering in discomfort. Hugging my legs tighter I brought my knees closer to my chin. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I sighed.
8.47 PM
For tonight we decided to go to the bathtubs, but in the end, I was the only one out of the three of us who went. Jennie went with Jisoo to help her prepare for tonight and I didn't have it in me to go with them. It didn't feel like a good idea.
Closing my eyes shut, I hugged myself tighter. I was utterly furious with myself. Why was I even feeling this way? Disappointed to the point it hurt. Drained because all the emotions washing through me lately made me feel exhausted. I felt lied to and played with. But it was all my fault. I allowed him to play with me and my feelings as he wished.
I was so frustrated with myself because I wasn't supposed to be feeling like this. But I let myself fall too far. Dive in too deep.
I knew it wasn't Jisoo's fault, I wasn't blaming her at all. For some reason, she even looked apologetically and hesitantly my way once Yeonjun left the chamber. Her look made me even more frustrated. She shouldn't be pitying me, it's her job to go when he calls. Just like it's my job as well. Just a job.
Then why in the hell was it bothering me so much? Imagining her getting the affection I was so addicted to. Imagining her laying on the same side of his bed I used to lay on.
The idea of that was so unsettling my heart clenched. Too much. I was feeling too much. So much I didn't notice the single drop of a tear rolling down my cheek and into the warm water. I hated myself for being like this because of something so stupid.
"Not to interrupt your emo hours," jumping from the sudden voice on my left, I looked up to see Sueji approaching me in the water, "but you look like you could use some company." I smiled softly before I shook my head, wiping my cheek with my inner wrist. Sueji sat down beside me, dipping further down so her shoulders were completely underwater.
"What do you mean emo hours? I'm fine." I muttered with a soft smile before averting my eyes away, sighing. "I guess." I whispered.
There was a long silence before I felt the water around us swish, noticing her scooting closer towards me.
"You know," she started, looking ahead with a small smile, "there's nothing wrong and stupid about catching feelings for someone." I gaped at her remark, looking at her with widened eyes. "Especially if that someone's treating you the way our king is. It's kinda expected." I shook my head abruptly.
"F-feelings? What are you talking about? I didn't-"
"You didn't? Really?" she asked smiling smugly, raising her eyebrow. I silenced myself, looking at her in shock.
I didn't, did I?
"I..." I couldn't say anything, it felt like my tongue was tied. I didn't catch feeling for him, right? I couldn't, it was too soon and also completely insane.
"I didn't." I muttered, shaking my head with a frown, "I don't know."
"But you do feel about him in some way, don't you?" I stared at the calm water blankly, thinking.
"I do." I whispered before glancing her way. "But I don't think I feel about him like that. I just-" I bit my bottom lip, not able to find the right words. I looked at Sueji who was listening intently, an encouraging smile adorning her dewy face. "I just feel this way I know I shouldn't be feeling about him. It's not my place to feel that way. But it's not love!" I ensured quickly shaking my hands, causing Sueji to chuckle warmly. "But it's wrong. And frustrating." I muttered under my breath.
Sueji sighed, draping her arm over my shoulder.
"It is but it isn't wrong at the same time." she said, making me look at her with a confused scowl. "It isn't wrong because of his rank or post. You have the right to fall for anyone, your heart isn't going to choose by the position of that someone."
"And it isn't right because..." I stretched on, raising my eyebrows.
"I have had my share of time with the guy. I may not know him that well, but I know about the things he has done and about the way he is with others." she said before turning to me, squeezing my shoulder softly with pursed lips. "And you deserve much better, Chaeyoung."
I stayed silent as we searched each other's eyes. What things could she witness and know to talk like this?
"What things?" I questioned quietly, not being sure if I wanted to hear the truth. Sighing she looked away.
"Let's just say, he's not good with people who have feelings for him." my heart skipped a beat as I hugged myself tighter under the steaming water.
"You mean," I faltered, "there's someone who has feelings for him?" I asked with squinted eyes, trying to get her to look at me, however, Sueji hung her head down, her jaw tightening.
"There was someone. Long-time ago."
"W-well, where are they now?" I pushed, ignoring my clenching throat. Did something happen to them? Why is she talking in the past tense?
Finally looking at me, Sueji shook her head, smiling softly.
"That's not my story to tell. And besides, the king forbid to talk about it anyway." she said before retreating her arm from around my shoulder and standing up.
"But-"
"And remember, don't be angry at yourself for having feelings for the guy. It's not your fault." she said before bowing a little, caressing my cheek with her fingers. "And don't cry, you don't deserve to be sad for someone like him." with that she left me sitting in the bathtub alone, my mind even messier than before. But one thing I was sure about. She was right. I shouldn't be angry at myself for having feelings. I'm a human after all.
The next day
3. person
"Seokjin!" the said guy turned around to spot Jennie racing his way, her face embracing alarm.
"What's wr-"
"The guy's here again!" whined Jennie, making Jin raise his eyebrow in confusion. "And Lisa wants me to go out with them." she huffed, crossing her arms around her chest. Seokjin chuckled as they continued their way along the long corridor.
"You mean Sehun?" the girl nodded, a pout on her face as she looked around, afraid the two caught up to her. "The guy's chill, you don't have to panic so much." he snorted making the short girl look up at him with wonder.
"How do you know that? Did you went out with them the last time?" the look on his face suddenly darkened, causing Jennie to gulp.
"Well, after all of you including Jimin abandoned me I had no choice." he grumbled. Jennie chuckled nervously, patting his shoulder to calm him down.
"I'm sorry but you gotta admit he's scary! I feel weird around him." she pouted, causing Seokjin to chuckle.
"I guess he has this weird aura around him."
"Won't you go out with us as well?" she asked, sending him puppy eyes since she knew they worked almost every time. Keyword: almost.
"Sorry hun, but I have work to do. Why don't you ask Jimin?"
"They're having discipline right now."
"Jisoo?" the girl stayed silent, wondering if she should tell him about Jisoo's whereabouts. She knew Seokjin was never cool with her sleeping with the king but he always managed to endure it somehow, so maybe it was okay to tell. "Hm?" Jin turned to her, confused at her sudden silence.
Jennie scratched her head, looking everywhere but him.
"Ah, you see, Jisoo is still in her room. Getting ready and stuff." he quirked his eyebrows.
"Now? But it's like 10 AM already." he muttered, frowning. Jisoo was an early bird, it was rare for her to get up so late. Unless...
He snapped his head in Jennie's direction, his eyes holding questions but also hope. He hoped it wasn't what he thought it was.
"She was with the king last night so..." Jennie trailed off, wincing internally at the dark scowl etching itself on Jin's face the moment she spoke.
It was rare for Jin to get this mad but once he did, he could be even scarier than Jimin. And that was something to say.
"Seok-"
"That son of a bitch!" before she could utter a word, Seokjin was already racing down the corridor, away from her sight.
Only now did Jennie realize she probably messed up.
"Ah, I should have stayed quiet." she whined, looking at the end of the corridor where Jin disappeared seconds ago.
Still, it's the first time he got so mad because of this. Maybe he'll finally do something about it?
Chaeyoung's pov
Walking along the deserted corridor, I was making my way back from breakfast. I didn't know where I was going to go anyway, I, sure as hell didn't want to go back to my room. The silence and loneliness would force me to stay alone with my thoughts and I didn't want that happening. The bride's chamber was a choice but I didn't feel like being near the girls right now. It was frustrating I didn't want to interact with anybody but at the same time, I knew I couldn't be by myself in this state of mine.
"Ah Rose, you're so complicated." I whined to myself quietly, messing up my hair slightly.
Walking around the corner, I noticed Jisoo exiting her room. The moment she noticed me there was a short silence before she waved my way, a soft smile adorning her pink lips. Stiffly I waved back before she jogged my way to give me a light hug.
"Hey there, are you coming back from breakfast?" she piped up with a shiny smile.
"Yeah."
"Well, you wouldn't mind going back to accompany me, right?" she asked with a grin, already interlocking our hands. "I'll give you my egg roll as a thanks." she said with a smug grin, making me chuckle with a shake of my head.
"Are you bribing me?" I mused, nudging her in her side softly.
"Just making sure you won't run away."
"Aww, why would I?" we chuckled as we continued our way down the corridor.
A long silence followed accompanied by a slight awkwardness in the air. I felt like we both knew we should talk about it, but neither of us knew what to say.
Jisoo didn't know about the extent to which the king troubled me, but she knew about the way I felt about him. Which made this even worse.
"Hey, I need to tell you something." she said with a sigh as she slowed her steps, causing me to do the same. I slowly glanced her way, raising my eyebrow. "I didn't want to tell you at first, but I feel like you deserve to know." her words made me nervous as I didn't know what to expect from her.
"Well, what is it?" I muttered in a small voice.
"Last night," she started, my chest tightening in anticipation and nerves, "after he was done with me he was acting weird." I frowned at her words.
"Weird?" I muttered, looking ahead as we stepped down the staircase.
"He asked about you." I felt my heart jump at her sudden words, causing me to look at her with widened eyes.
"Huh?" she frowned as well, shaking her head.
"I can't remember much since I was half asleep by then but..." she faltered, thinking, "I'm sure he asked how you were doing." I gaped at her, bringing my hand up to rub my neck unconsciously. "Oh and he also asked whether you hated him, but I'm not sure what he meant by that." she shook her head before looking at me, who was looking blankly at her like a fool.
He asked whether I hated him? Why? I sighed shakily, looking away from Jisoo.
I wish I could hate him.
"Did you two fight? That would explain why he didn't call for you for so long." she questioned, looking at me with raised eyebrows. I bit my lip. I can't tell her the truth but I also shouldn't hide everything from her. She doesn't deserve this.
"You could say we're not in the best conditions right now." I said before pursing my lips.
We continued our way to the dining chamber in silence before Jisoo piped up again.
"You know," she said, sounding a bit hesitant, "I don't know if I should be saying this but," she sighed, glancing at me, "I feel like he called for me just to ask about you." I frowned before scoffing slightly, shaking my head.
"That's stupid. Why would he-"
"I'm telling you, he was acting weird. I'm not exaggerating when I say we finished our business in few minutes." I widened my eyes silently, looking at her incredulously.
How is that even possible, we always finished after few hours and sometimes he even wanted a round two.
"Are you s-oh god." I gasped, noticing the scene happening in front of us. Jisoo looked at me in confusion before turning around as well, stiffing in place at the sight.
"Your Majesty!" I shouted, looking at them in horror.
What in the name of God were they doing?!
***
sorry there were lots of pov switches in this chapter, hope it didn't confuse you much
ALSO I don't really know how the rankings on wattpad work, but for some reason this story was ranked first in #taerose for few hours and I am...? THANK YOU! (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)
I may be already annoying since I say this often but again, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT you guys are the loveliest! (●'□')♡
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