Renesmee
"Psst," Jacob said, tapping his fingers on his desk during our International Foods class. I waved him away. Nobody noticed us in the back of the only half full class. "Hey," he insisted.
"Don't you want me to learn how to make this? Wouldn't it be cool to have crepes for breakfast?"
"Here," he said, throwing a folded note onto my desk. I opened it to find a question in the center. Do you like me? Circle one Yes No I rolled my eyes at him. "You're so weird," I whispered, shoving the note into my purse.
The end of the day couldn't come fast enough. In the car, before we headed home, he pulled me close. I smiled and drummed my fingers on his chest.
"What do you want for dinner?"
"How about breakfast?" he suggested. "Sounds good."
Breakfast for dinner was always fun. The kids thought it was pretty hilarious to have waffles in the evening. We were greeted loudly and lovingly when we got home. It's kind of nice to be missed, I always missed them too. After saying goodbye to Nana and Gabriel, Jake and I got started on our homework. When I was a couple of paragraphs into my reading, I felt two little hands on my leg, tugging at my jeans. I looked down and smiled as Asa pulled himself into my lap.
"Hi, Mama," he said.
"Hello, my baby boy." He put his buzzing bumblebee toy on my opened book. "Buzz buzz buzz," I sang, picking it up and flying it back into his waiting hands. "Are you helping Mama study for school?"
"Asa school!" he cried, getting all excited. He dropped his toy like it was on fire, and pointed to himself.
"I know you do! Did you have fun with Nana today?" I asked.
"Books," he said.
"Books are good, I'm glad you like them." I leaned down and picked up his toy. "Here," I said, giving it back to him. "You and the bumblebee can read mine with me." I cuddled him and read about boring chemical reactions.
His bee buzzed all around me and landed a few times on Jake's math homework too. "Get out of here, don't sting me!" Jake said, flicking it away. Asa giggled.
"Sting Daddy!"
"No way, don't sting Daddy!"
"Ow!" Asa said, giggling some more, and poking the plastic stinger at Jake's arm. Other than the killer bee attacks, things were mostly quiet until it was time for the daily feeding of the frogs.
"Dinner time for froggies!" Mollie called gleefully.
Yuck. Mollie and Xandra thundered up the stairs to give their pets their daily offering of crickets. I was vaguely aware of them in Mollie's room, cooing to her frog like it was a kitten. My focus drifted back to my reading until things got quiet. It caught my attention right away, Jake's too. That wasn't normal. I took Asa from my lap and set him on the floor.
"Mama?" he asked, standing under the table.
"Hang on a minute sweetie," I said, standing up.
I could tell the scream came from Xandra's room. "MOM!" I took the stairs two at a time and found them both huddled around the frog's little tank. "Mom! Something is wrong with Roll!" Xandra cried.
I'm no frog expert, but one look and I knew. That frog was about as dead as a frog can get. The poor little guy was on his back, all spread out. Mollie turned to me, holding her own frog, still alive and well, in her hands.
"I brought Tuck in here so he could play with his brother, but..." her voice trailed off, and she turned back around to look at Roll. "Should we call Grandpa Carlisle? Does he know about frogs?" she wondered.
"Wake up!" Xandra shouted, tapping on the glass. "It's time to eat your crickets and to play!" She started dumping crickets into his tank. I stopped her as she was begging Roll to eat. "Look, crickets! Your favorite!" "Xandra," I said, pulling her away. "Mommy, why won't he eat?" she asked.
I took a deep breath. "Sweetie, it looks like Roll must have died."
"What?" she shrieked. "No!"
"But nobody tried to drink him, he's been right here!" Mollie insisted. The only thing they really knew about death, was what they'd learned from hunting.
"I know," I said gently. "I think he just got old. That is what happens to humans and animals when they get old. But not vampires, and not werewolves."
Xandra let out a mournful sob, and Mollie joined her. I'd never heard any of my kids cry like that. I bent down and pulled them both into my arms. "But I don't want him to be dead!" Xandra wailed.
"I know, honey," I said. "I'm so sorry." Jake came in then, and Xandra ran to him.
"Dad, my frog!" she cried.
"I'm sorry, cutie," he said, picking her up. I became aware then that everybody else was watching from the hallway. Three long faces were looking in.
"What will happen to him now?" Swan wondered.
"Well," I said. "How about after dinner, we find a nice little shoebox for him, and we can bury him in the backyard."
"Kay," Xandra said tearfully.
"Are we having a funeral?" Anthony asked.
"Is that what you want to do?" Jake asked Xandra.
"What's a funeral?" Mollie asked.
"It's when you bury somebody who has died and say some nice things about them. Sometimes there is praying, or singing. Maybe it'll make you feel a little better," I said. "It's a way of saying goodbye."
"Kay," Xandra said.
"How about we have a make your own taco party tonight?" I suggested.
Xandra shrugged. "I guess."
"Or would you rather have breakfast for dinner?" I asked.
"Tacos," she muttered.
Tacos it is then. As I chopped up vegetables downstairs, Mollie and Xandra sat on the kitchen floor, their backs up against a cabinet.
"Hey twinnies," Jake called from the living room. "Jessica Fisher is on!" Jessica was a sportscaster, of whom the girls were big fans. They loved at the end of her half-hour program when she showed sports bloopers. "I'll feel silly if I have to laugh at these all by myself in here," he said when they didn't respond.
Mollie stood first and offered Xandra her hand. "Come on, maybe she'll show another skateboarding one today."
Xandra took her hand, and let Mollie lead her into the living room. I sighed and kept chopping up the tomatoes. By the time I was almost finished with the vegetables, my eyes were stinging with tears, but not from the pungent onions on my cutting board. As I was digging through the pantry for the taco shells, my phone went off in my pocket. I recognized the song playing as Rachel's ringer.
"I got my damn period," she said when I picked up. "No baby this month."
"Aw, I'm sorry, hun," I said sympathetically. I could certainly relate. "Is it okay if I call you later though? Maybe tomorrow."
"That's fine. Why? What's going on?"
"We are about to have a taco party, then I've got to plan a funeral for a frog."
"Oh no. Which one?" she asked.
"Roll, Xandra's." "Aw, that sucks. Poor thing. Could you put her on?"
I went into the living room, where Jake was covered with twinnies as they quietly watched the sports station. Xandra was curled up in one half of his lap, Mollie's head rested on the other side as she was sprawled out on the couch.
"Here, Xandra. Aunt Rachel wants to say hi to you," I said, handing her my phone.
Not wanting to look at those puffy, red eyes, I went back into the kitchen. Once everything was ready, we lined up and got our toppings from the serving bowls on the counter. I watched with concern as Xandra served herself. I watched her still, as she at once piece of diced tomato at a time with her fingers.
"Do you want some of my cheese?" Mollie asked, sliding her plate towards Xandra.
"If I wanted cheese, I would have gotten some," Xandra grumbled, shoving Mollie's plate away from her.
"Sorry," Mollie muttered.
Even my happy baby was quiet. He may not have fully understood, but he knew something was going on. After dinner, Swan came downstairs with a brightly colored shoebox.
"It's a Converse one. Your favorite kind of shoes," she said when she presented Xandra with it.
"All my shoes don't really need to be in their boxes. Roll can have this one."
"Thanks," Xandra sniffed.
I felt guilty for thinking the frogs were gross. Xandra was devastated, and my heart was just breaking for her. Mollie called Seth to come over, it was only right since the frogs had been a gift from him. Jake went in the backyard, I could hear him poking around in the shed. He emerged with a shovel, and the twins watched at the sliding glass door as he dug a small hole in the hard, cold ground next to a small tree. When he was done, he opened the door and squatted down.
"Do you wanna put your frog in the box, or do you want Daddy to do it?" he asked Xandra softly. She looked down at the box in her hands. The heartbreak was so plain on her face, it was killing me.
"I'll do it," she replied quietly
. As I watched them Xandra and Mollie trudge up the stairs, I wondered if I should go with them. No, if she needs me, she'll tell me. I watched the stairs until they came back down.
"Are you ready?" I said, patting Xandra on the back.
"I'm not sure," she said. It took all my strength to not burst into tears when she laid her cheek against the top of the box.
"Come on," I said, steering her towards the back door. "Let's go say goodbye to Roll." We stood in a circle around the little hole in the ground.
"Go ahead and put him in there," Jake said. Xandra knelt down, and gingerly placed the box in the hole.
"Do you want to say anything about Roll?" I asked Xandra. Mollie was standing next to her, holding her hand.
"Like what?" she asked, looking up at me, her eyes swimming with tears.
"Maybe about what a good frog he was?" I suggested.
"He was the best frog ever," she said.
"How come?" I said, helping her along.
"He was so cool. I liked to watch him jump, and eat crickets. I love him so much," she said, the tears streaming freely down her face now. She looked across the shallow hole at Jake. "Do you think he knows that I love him?"
"I'm sure he does."
The twins got on their knees and used their hands to cover the box with dirt.
"Goodbye, Roll," Xandra sobbed. Her twin cried right along with her. Jake got down and patted the dirt smooth.
"There, back to the earth." He took Xandra into his arms and said, "Now he'll be a part of the earth. When all the pretty flowers grow in the spring, you can think of him, and know he helped them grow."
"Really?" she said, her voice muffled by his chest.
"Mmm-hmm." As she cried he told her, "It's okay to cry, just let it all out."
No surprise here, Xandra wanted to sleep in Mollie's bed with her that night. After they'd said goodbye to Seth, I tucked them in. They had some questions.
As I laid in bed next to them Mollie asked, "So everything dies but us?"
"Humans and animals, yes. But not Seth," I said quickly, "or anybody over at the bigger house."
"What about at Aunt Rachel's house and Aunt Rebecca's?" Xandra asked. This was so hard to talk about, but they were asking, so I had to tell them.
"They are human, so yes. They will have to leave us someday. Not for a very long time though."
"Grandpa Charlie? And Grandpa Billy?" Xandra asked.
"Yes, honey. They are human, too."
"But I don't want them to die!" Xandra wailed.
"I know. Neither do I."
"But why?" Mollie asked.
"I wish I knew. But that's just the way things are." That was the best answer I could give them. "It's nothing we need to worry about right this minute though. It's been a hard day, let's all just try and get some sleep."
I stayed with them until they were both asleep. In our room, Jake was curled up under the covers in the dark. "Did he drink his bottle?" I asked, wiggling around in my shirt to take off my bra.
"Yeah, went right to sleep."
"Good."
Once I was out of my jeans, I lifted up the covers and got into bed. He'd left his boxers and his undershirt on. He knew there'd be no fooling around tonight. When he held me, I finally let the out the tears I'd been holding in all evening. "I hate seeing her so upset. Both of them. I wish I could make them feel better."
"I know me too. We did as much as we could though. They are resilient little chicks, they'll be okay," he whispered.
I knew he was right. As long as they were hurting though, so was I. In the morning, I woke to find myself on the edge of the bed, with Jake behind me, his arms around my shoulders. I looked out the window as my eyes started to focus. It had snowed a lot last night.
"Hey," he whispered. As I rolled over he loosened his grip to allow me to do so.
"Hi," I whispered back.
"You okay? It doesn't seem like you slept very well," he said and kissed my forehead.
"It doesn't feel like I did."
"Today will be better," he promised.
I didn't see how today would be anything less than a big bummer. He gave me a long kiss good morning. It was so comforting to feel his lips moving against mine and his tongue darting into my mouth. That was what I wanted, comfort. I wanted to start this day by being with him. No matter what "it" was, he could always make it better. As we kissed I felt him move his hips away from me.
"No," I breathed, pulling him back to me. "I need you."
To show him I meant it, I rolled on top of him. Lying on his chest, I rubbed against him. Our kisses grew frantic as he put his hands down the back of my panties to feel me. I hurriedly removed them and climbed back on top of him. In the second it took me to get naked from the waist down, he'd done the same. I reached down and gripped him, rubbing him against my folds before I took him into me.
"Oh, God," he breathed.
I put my hands on his chest and started to rock back and forth. He put his hands over mine and gazed up at me with such adoration. It was exactly what I had needed.
His hands curved around my wrists and moved slowly up my arms. He rubbed my shoulders and my breasts in a way that made me moan and ride him harder. I stripped out of my shirt, and he held my hips, watching me bounce. He reached up and touched my lips, I parted them for him. He put his finger in my mouth, and I looked into his eyes as I sucked on it.
"You're so sexy," he groaned, stroking my tongue with his finger.
He smiled at me when I bit down on it. He trailed his hand down my body and circled his wet finger around my nipple. He sat up, looking at me as he took my breast into his mouth. I whimpered and put my arms around him, holding him to me tightly. His warm, wet tongue felt heavenly as he sucked at me. I pressed my cheek against the top of his head, breathing in his scent and touching his soft hair as I rocked hard against him. Our release together was nothing short of blissful. Jacob's heavy breathing agreed with me.
"I love being with you in the morning," he said, as I was sitting on his thighs, still wrapped around him. He trailed his fingertips lightly up and down my spine.
"I know how you hate to waste a good morning hard-on," I said.
He laughed quietly. "I sure do, and that was a good one," he said, almost with pride.
"Yes, it was," I agreed, snorting a laugh. I looked over his shoulder at the clock, it was time to make a choice. If I was going to school today, I'd have to start getting ready now. "I don't think I want to go to school today," I announced, pulling away to look at him. "Do you wanna stay home with us?" I asked.
"Mmm-hmm," he said, pulling me close to him again.
"Oh, that's right," I said, pressing my chest to his. "If I wasn't there, you'd have nobody to flirt with, and you'd have to actually pay attention."
"Hey!" He protested by telling me in French, that he does pay attention."Je fais attention!"
"Parfois," I said. He proved my point by staring at me blankly.
"Sometimes!"
"Right, I was just messing with you, I knew that," he lied.
"Sure, sure," I said.
"Maybe I'll go to school and flirt with that new blonde in my gym class," he said.
"Ah, new meat huh?" I said, shoving him down onto his back.
"Or maybe I'll stay home with you and your meat," he said, looking up at me and grabbing my rear end once.
"Pig," I teased, even though I was feeling quite sexy right about now.
He pulled me down with him and said, "Yours is my favorite."
I laughed until that made me think of last night when Xandra begged her lifeless pet to eat his crickets. The mood in the room to a sharp decline. Since I was touching him, he could see what I was thinking about.
"That was rough," he said.
"I know. I think I wanna go check on them."
He gave me a soft kiss below my ear and released me. I put my underwear and my t-shirt back on, then padded out to the hallway. Upstairs, Xandra was sleeping flat on her back, with Mollie curled up next to her. I stood in the doorway as Xandra rolled away, then rolled back again to face her sister. Mollie adjusted herself and flopped onto her stomach. I watched as Xandra, still asleep, sought out Mollie's hand. They laced their fingers together and settled again. Their bond just amazed me sometimes.
They were both quiet through breakfast. It was hard to see my most boisterous kids so sullen. They seemed glad we were both staying home though. When I had called Nana to tell her we were all taking the day off from school, she agreed with my choice. We had to go to school if we wanted to be a part of this world. But my kids were only going to be little once. If they needed me, school can wait.
Jake suggested we go play in the snow, and build an igloo. Outside, the kids all helped on and off. They would get distracted, go do something else, then eventually make their way back. As I was squatting down, gathering snow, Xandra came up to me and rested her head on my shoulder.
"Hey, sweetie," I said.
"I really miss him," she said sadly.
"I'm sure you do," I said, wrapping my arm around her waist.
"It hurts, Mom. Not like when you fall down, like in my heart."
"I know it does. That kind of hurting can be even worse, huh?"
"Yeah," she agreed.
"Both kinds are bad at first, but they both go away. I promise."
Until then, I hoped I could help with some fun distractions, like the igloo. I was patting a brick of snow and looked up as Asa ran past me, Anthony following close behind with a snowball in his hand. Pizza followed after them, barking. They ran along the house, over where the flower bed was. I watched in amazement as all of my flowers sprang up through the snow, in Asa's smaller footprints.
"Jake, look!" I cried.
"Huh?" he said, looking up from adding a brick of snow to a wall of the igloo.
"Look at what Asa did! His gift!"
"Woah, it's plants?" he said.
"It looks that way." Asa had stopped and looked at us when he heard his name, and now that his target was no longer moving, A.J. nailed him in the shoulder with the snowball.
"Me?" Asa asked.
I got up, brushing the snow from my knees. "Come with me, sweetie." I walked him to the other flower bed, on the other side of the porch. "Mommy wants to see something. Go ahead and walk over to the porch, and while you do it, think about something happy."
"Kay," he replied and smiled. He did, and more flowers sprang up again in his footprints.
"That's it! You can make plants grow!" I said.
"Cool!" Swan shouted.
Asa went back to playing with Anthony like it was no big deal. Eleazar had been right. I figured that it was the almost direct contact with the flowers that had made them come up, even through all that snow. It's not like this was the first time he'd gotten near a plant, so his gift must be getting stronger as he grew.
"Hey, Xandra. Would you like to give some flowers to Roll?" I said.
"How can I?" she asked in a small voice.
"Just go set them on them ground above where his box is, he'll know they are there," I said.
She plucked some of the flowers and walked alone to the tree where we'd buried the shoe box. She set the flowers in the snow. "Here you go, buddy," she said.
Asa joined her and kneeled in the snow. He reached out and touched one of the petals. He smiled as the flower's roots buried themselves in the snow, and it turned upright. A.J. ran over to investigate and brushed the snow away.
"Hey, look! He made the flower take root right through the snow and into the ground!"
"Wow, Asa. Pretty cool," Jake said.
"Daddy!" Xandra shouted happily.
"Now Roll can help grow this flower right here, and I'll know it was him! Just like you said!"
"Happy?" Asa asked Xandra, patting her leg.
"Uh-huh," she said.
"For you!" he said pointing.
"Thanks, Asa," she said.
It was wonderful to see her smile and to have the mystery of Asa's gift finally solved. It couldn't have come at a better time.