**What have I done? I look around my room and I feel him roll to my side. And I would like to reiterate, what the fuck have I done? My head is banging and I need a coffee. I don't want to get up... I'm scared I will wake this guy up. He puts his arm over my stomach. I can't believe I just had a one-night stand! That sounds weird. One-night stand and me... don't fit into the same sentence. That doesn't sound right. I don't do shit like this! This is more Lexi's pace. I can't even blame the alcohol... I wasn't that drunk. I roll my body over. This is gross. I'm gross. I don't even know this guy. What is his name again? Ross? Roger? Kyle? My head is killing me. I slowly move his arm off of me. Don't wake up. Don't wake up. I regret this. How do you go about these situations in the morning? Everyone talks about the night of... but no one talks about the morning of. Maybe a, "Hi, How are you? Bye?" then I'm assuming the walk of shame. Thank god I came home. No walk of shame for me. I squeeze my eyes shut. Flashbacks of us having sex begin to resurface. I shake my head. Oh god... It was sloppy. I didn't even.... Ugh. I close my eyes. Just sleep. Just sleep. Just sleep. Why did I do this? The text message appears in my mind. I'm not angry anymore... I'm just hurt. Why would he say that? That's all I could think about last night. Ugh. Fuck my life. Suddenly my apartment bell is ringing. What the fuck? I quickly jump up. Where are my clothes? The ring is loud.
"What the fuck is that?" He puts his head up.
"It's my bell. Someone is here,"
"Ugh!" He grabs a pillow and puts it over his head. Where the fuck is my clothes? I begin to panic. It doesn't help this blanket around me restricts my movements. I quickly move to my dresser and find a pair of sweats. I quickly slap them on and run to my closet. I rip down a hoodie and slide it on. The bell continues ringing. WHO IS THAT? I kick it out of my room and run to my small living room. I run to the door and hit a buzzer,
"Who is this?"
A man's voice, "Delivery!"
Oh fuck. The helluva surprise I was promised. Fuck.
"Come up!" I say into the intercom and press a button to let them in. I hear the door open and I wait by mine. What is that? What did he do? I hear someone knock at my door. I quickly open the door and see a man in a brown khakis and a brown shirt.
"Lillian porter?" He smiles at me.
"Yes?"
"Can you sign here?" He hands me a pad.
I grab it, "Yeah." I scribble my name he looks down the stairs.
"Okay! Bring it in Tom," He yells.
I watch another man bring in a huge bouquet of flowers. Holy shit. They are bigger than him. It looks like the flower spouted legs and is walking up my stairs. He walks them inside,
"Where can I put these?" He mumbles to me through the flowers.
"Just on the kitchen table," I feel embarrassed. He walks over to my table and sets them down. I watch another man walk in a smaller bouquet of red roses and a teddy bear. He hands them to me, "Here you go, Miss Porter!"
"Thanks," I say as I awkwardly hold my bouquet.
"Mr. Finley sends his regards," He hands me to envelopes and chuckles, "We didn't know where to put these. The flowers would have swallowed them up,"
"Thanks,"
"Tom and I here," He points to him, "Made a bet. Is that the actual Luca Finley? Like the singer?"
I chuckle, "Uh..."
"Come on!" I shrug at them and smile, "Rude," He laughs as him and Tom walk out of my door. I quickly close door behind them. Yes. Yes it is. I walk closer to inspect the large bouquet of flowers. It is a mixture of red and white roses with lilies. I bend down and smell them. Wow. I walk over and set my red roses and teddy bear on the counter. I rip open the first red card. I flip it open and read it, "Lil, I'm sorry I couldn't be there! I want you to know how much it is killing me that I can't spend your birthday with you. I know I pika promised I would always come home for your birthdays when I left... I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you, -L" I feel my heart get warm. I set the first card down and begin to open the other one. I wonder what this says? I begin to get nervous. Oh fuck. What if it's bad? I open it and begin to read, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Forgive me? –L" I begin to smile at the card. I roll my eyes and laugh. I hate him.
"What's so funny?" I jump. I look up and see Rod wearing his jeans. I feel a gut wrenching feeling.
"Oh... nothing. Just my mom is funny,"
He smiles at me, "You're mom sent allllllll of that?" He makes a hand motion.
"Yeah," I don't even believe me.
He raises his eyebrow, "Okay,"
"So..." I look at the floor.
"Do you want to get breakfast?" I look up and he is smiling at me.
I feel my empty stomach and my head still hurts, "Sure." Anything for coffee. **
I hear a knock on my door. Who is that? My room is dark. I look at my phone and notice the date. Oh shit... it's tomorrow. Wait. I mean... It's today, but that means I have been here two days. I hear another knock. I sit up and look around. I left the do not disturb sign on my door. Who the fuck is disturbing me? My head is killing me. I hear a voice, "Lillian?" and a another knock. How the fuck did he find me? I flick on the light beside me and it burns my eyes. Ugh. I quickly stand up and begin to sift through my clothes. I find a bra and slap it on. Another knock. I find a shirt and slide it on. More knocking. I find my shorts and slide them on. I push all the clothes in a pile and walk towards my door. I fucking hate him. Why couldn't he let me sleep? I open it and he is standing in front of me. His eyes widen when he sees me, "Are you okay?"
I wipe my eyes, "Never been better," I grumble, "How did you find me?"
He looks at me with deep concern; "My assistant and I called various hotels in this area,"
I look at the floor, "I want to be alone,"
He shakes his head, "Here. You have a phone call." He hands me his phone.
"Who is it?" I take the phone and put it against my ear, "Hello?"
"Ill go get you a coffee," He smiles at me and walks down the hallway.
"Hey honey," I hear my mom's voice on the other end. I shut the door and walk to my bed. I sit down and sigh, "How are you?" She says.
I feel like trash, "I'm fine," I voice sounds monotone. I clear my throat, "How are you?"
"I'm good. What is going on, Lillian?" I hate that she calls me that.
"Uh... nothing," I grumble.
"I don't think so. Luca called me yesterday scrambling and panicking because you abruptly left."
"I know,"
"And then you text me that Rod broke up with you. You scared him like that for Rod?" She sounds mad. I don't have anything to say, "Lillian. Why are you doing this?"
I begin to sob to her, "Because he broke up with me,"
She goes quiet, "Lillian?" I cry harder to her.
"I'm so heartbroken,"
"Lil..."
"3 years of my life, mom!" I say through my sob fest.
I hear her sigh, "Lillian!"
"What?" I say to her. I'm trying to be dramatic.
She goes quiet for a moment, "Nevermind,"
"What, mom? You want to say something," What is going on?
"Are you really heartbroken?" I feel my heart.
"Uh... yeah,"
She sighs again, "Lillian. I am going to say something that you're not going to like. I just need you to understand that... it's coming from a place of love. Don't be too mad at me,"
I raise my eyebrow, "Okay."
"Wake the fuck up!" Her voice instantly changes.
"What do you mean?" I haven't heard her swear in a long time.
"Were you going to marry him?" She abruptly asks me.
"Uh..." I don't know.
"Honestly! Ask yourself that!" My eyes widen, "Because you are wasting your fucking time with a man who loves you,"
"Who?"
"Oh my god. You're so dense," Whoa.
"Luca?" She has never talked to me like this.
"Lillian! Wake the fuck up. He loves you. I knew the moment that I met Rod it was not going to last," I'm stunned, "You were never going to marry him. You were never going to start a family with him. You're just too stupid to open your eyes and see he is right in front of you! And now you have the chance to be with someone who actually makes you happy! AND YOU'RE WASTING IT!," She yells. My mouth opens, "Crying over Rod! There is a reason you are there! He needs you, Lillian." She collects herself and I sit in silence, "If it is like the last time... and it's worse than what we think it is... you really are wasting his last breaths. I feel it... it's different. And I know you feel to. You're just to scared to ask... and so am I," She begins to choke up, "And I don't want to push him. He will tell us when he's ready. I already have my bag packed. Please, wake up."
I don't know what to say. 2 years ago.
I clear my throat, "What about 2 years ago?"
"What about it?" She sighs, "Lil. You need to forgive him... or at least it's time to talk about it with him. I love you. I just want you to be happy... and I knew for the longest time... You weren't just meant to be with Rod." She sighs.
"I don't know what to say,"
"You don't have to say anything. Just let it sit with you and think about it. Okay?" Should I be mad at her? I feel like I should. I really should be mad,
"Okay," I hear a knock on my door, "Uh. I have to go," Okay, I should be mad. Right? She just invalidated my entire relationship.
"Okay sweetie! I love you," I quickly hang up. Fuck. I stand up and walk to the door. I open it and he is holding a coffee and a sandwich.
"This is all I could find," He looks at the food in his hands, "I'm sorry. This all they had," He tries to smile at me.
"Thanks," I say to him.
"Did you have a good conversation with your mom?" He hands me the coffee and sandwich.
"Uh..." I don't know what to say about that conversation. I hand back his phone to him. That... was. Stressful? I still don't know how to feel about it.
"I understand," He chuckles, "Well I'm here when you are ready to talk about it," He takes a deep breath, "I'm going to go home. I'm tired," He looks so pale.
I lean on the door frame, "I can't believe you actually found me."
"It took sometime," He laughs, "I'm sorry. I was just so worried about you, dummy." He lightly punches my arm, "You really scared me, Lil,"
I look at the ground and see his black boots, "I'm sorry too,"
"It's fine. I know you're going through something," I look up and his blue eyes are penetrating into me, "I will send you supper. Okay? Anything else you need, just text me. I'll send anything right over. And I mean anything," He teases, "Especially a brush,"
"Thanks," I laugh. I take a deep breath.
"Okay! I'll see you later, Lil," He turns around. I walk inside and close the door. I feel a bit better. She's right. I turn around and quickly open the door. He's waiting for the elevator and I quickly yell, "Luke!"
The doors open and he turns his head, "Yeah?"
"Can I come back to your house?" I automatically ask.
"Of course," I see a smile reach across his face.
"And can we get better food?"
"Anything, Lil,"