I'm still led back on the sofa, I can't bring myself to move, I feel numb, I feel dead. I can't remember if I've blinked in the last four minutes, I'm simply staring up at the cracked, wooden roof. Estella and Dalia are talking, but I can't hear them, I just hear noise, but no actual words, I need some air. I get up of the sofa and rush out the front door, not making eye contact with anyone as I leave. I know Estella is watching me as I go, I can feel her eyes burning into my skin. When I'm outside I take in a deep breath, the fresh air is what I crave right now and it feels good as it fills my nostrils. I stare out into the dark forest wondering where I go from here, I can't be a slayer, I don't feel like a slayer, do I look like a slayer? I just don't know anymore, even though a lot of my questions have been answered I still have plenty more lined up. The big wooden door creeks open and I know it's Estella from the feeling I have inside me, she just has a way of making her presence known to me, it pulls every inch of me in. "Hey", she softly speaks behind me, "You ok?" I can't bring myself to answer, I can't bring myself to even look at her, not because I'm angry with her, just because I know she's not capable of giving me the comfort I need right now. In the short time I've known her I've quickly learnt that she's a reserved individual, she doesn't smile, she doesn't express any emotion and she's certainly not about to give me a hug and tell me it's all going to be ok! Her darkness is just too powerful for that, instead I keep my head forward, continuing to gaze out into the night. A hug. When was the last time someone hugged me? When was the last time someone cared about me? Now's not the time to throw myself an epic pity party, but I can't seem to push it from my mind right now, it's swirling around along with all the other truths I've learnt tonight.
A cold hand touches my shoulder, "look, I'm not too good at this, I don't really do feelings and all that fuzzy shit, but I can only imagine that you saw a lot of dark shit in there, I just...I'm sorry, for everything that's happened to you." I turn to face Estella and before I can register what I'm doing I grab her, pulling her in to a tight embrace, I don't care if the contact is brief before she pushes me away, I just know I need this right now, to hold someone, to touch someone and if I'm being completely honest, I'm happy it's her. My naked abs press against her body and I can feel the curve of her breasts pushing against me, she's so cold, but not to me, to me she's setting of a fire that ignites my whole body. I've never felt this way before, surly I can't have actual feelings for a girl I've just met and know nothing about? I just can't shake the way I feel when her eyes are on me, I can't shake the way I feel when I'm near her, the moment I first saw her she sparked something inside of me that has refused to leave ever since. She doesn't pull away as I assumed, she lets me finish my act of affection. I step back awkwardly, my bravery from moments ago has vanished, I manage claw some of it back long enough to make eye contact with her, "Did that help? I mean do you feel better now?" she asks, her face emotionless, I really want to burst out laughing, the way she's almost educating herself on how to comfort someone has me holding back my amusement, I nod and give her a half smile, "yeah, thank you"
"Yeah, don't mention it" if I didn't already know how detached she is I would swear she was feeling equally as awkward as me right now.
Dalia hobbles to the doorway looking back and forth between the two of us, "not interrupting am I?"
"NO!" we both snap at the same time. A smirk spreads across Dalia's lips,
"Ok then, now why don't you come back in" a warm smile replaced her smirk, I nod and follow her in, Estella trails behind, "not too long, the sun will be coming up in a few hours and I..." She looks almost embarrassed, "I need to get back." A pang of discomfort erupts into my stomach, what happens when the sun comes up and she has to leave? I can't bring myself to go back to my father's house alone and I can't exactly invite myself back to wherever she resides. I fear my eyes are giving too much of my emotion away right now, I don't want her to think I'm some pathetic kid with a crush, I look away promptly, not giving her a change to notice, but I think it's too late, "you can't go back home"
"What?" my confusion is genuine even thought I don't really want to go home anyway, "It's too dangerous, back at the cliff, I just"
"But they think I'm dead, they think you killed me when I was a baby, right?" she looks down at the floor, her boot starts kicking something that isn't there, "yeah, but I just don't want to risk anything, if you're with me I know that you're safe" there's something she's not telling me, I can see it in her body language, the way she won't look at me, the way her voice is almost stuttering. I need to be a man, this chick has ripped my clothes off me, thrown me off a cliff and saved me from drowning all in the space of a few hours, it's safe to say my ego has taken a slight battering and I'm not about to kick it whilst it's down by following her back to her 'home' like a lost puppy, (no matter how much I want to), besides, I doubt she has a stack of male clothing in exactly my size waiting for me to throw on. I need to return my father's car, I need to take a shower and I need some time to think. I stand to my feet and walk over to Dalia, who's now rocking softly in her chair with two of her fury friends on her lap, "I think that's all I can take for one night, I can't thank you enough for showing me the truth...no matter how painful it is" I give her a warm smile to show my sincerity, she mirrors this and leans forward, reaching out her hand she takes mine "remember Leo, it's about who you are, not what you are", her words hit me hard, I nod slowly in agreement and turn towards the door, I brush past Estella without looking directly at her, I know if I do her eyes will pull me and I can't take that chance right now.
I begin to head back to the car, walking through the forest at a rapid pace, I don't even know the way, I've just picked a direction and headed towards it. It's not long before I hear the sound of Estella's boots trudging behind me, "hey, what the hell are you doing?" she yells, "you can't just walk through the forest in the middle of the night, you don't even know where you're going!" I stop dead in my tracks, I know she's right, if there's any hope of me finding my way back to my father's car then it's her. "Answer me! What the hell are you doing, I told you it's not safe" I'm growing impatient, "what the hell does that even mean Estella? You keep expecting me to just fall in line with what you're saying, but you're not giving me any reasons as to why!" I bark back, "I just need to go to my fathers for tonight, I need to clear my fucking head and put on a shirt, so can you please just show me the way back?" Her emotionless face glares back at me, "fine, I know a shortcut, but you still need to move your ass, the sun will be coming up soon" and with that she turns on her heels and walks into the dark forest, I let out a deep sigh and follow behind her.
The silence is uncomfortable, no one's said a word since we started on our way, I look over to Estella, her eyes are focused forward as she leads me through the black forest, I decide to pluck up the courage to speak first. "I didn't thank you, I should have thanked you" I stutter,
"What? What for?" she looks at me blankly,
"For everything, for saving me the other night, for saving me tonight, for taking me to Dalia and for not killing me all those years ago" our eyes lock intensely,
"Don't mention it" her eyes flick back ahead, like she's embarrassed, she puts on this heartless, no fucks given act, but tonight I managed to look past that, I managed to see the real her. "So I'm guessing your kind killed my mother?" I don't mean for it to come out as blunt as it does, "my kind?" she questions, her one eyebrow raised as if I've insulted her massively, I'd usually apologize for my tone, but when it comes to my mother and more importantly, how she died, I just can't seem to give a shit, "yeah...Vampires" Estella's eyes widen, it's the first time either of us have described her in that way, but I mean come on, it's not like I didn't know, I let out a laugh, "what's so funny?" she asks puzzled,
"It's just funny that you're all claiming that I'm this big, scary vampire slayer, yet a vampire has been saving my ass for the past God knows how many years" I finish my sentence with another small chuckle. "That's because you haven't unlocked it yet, trust me, when you do you'll definitely know you're a slayer" I stop in my tracks sharply, "wait, what?" she stops and turns to look back at me,
"Yeah, I mean the dreams usually start when you hit adult hood, then you need to kill your first vampire to, 'make it official' shall we say", she makes air quotes with her hands as she speaks, I take a moment to absorb the information before I start walking again, "ok, so what happened when I 'unlock it', I mimic her earlier actions with my hands, "then you become the slayer, didn't I just sat that?"
"No I mean how, like what does becoming a slayer mean, what will happen to me?"
"Well you'll become stronger, faster, you'll be able to smell us when we're close, track us when we're far and ultimately, kill us...basically you'll be genetically designed to destroy us" her head doesn't turn, but I can see she's looking at me from the corner of her large eyes, I don't really know how to respond to that, so I say nothing and we're back into the awkward silence from earlier.
We finally reach the car, she really did know a shortcut as it felt like half of the journey there. I unlock the door and turn to Estella who's stood silently behind me, "you best get back, it looks like the sun is due to start rising any minute" she looks up at the sky as if to run a quick assessment on that, "yeah, I guess I'll see you around" she blandly responds, I respond to her with a nod and get inside the car, as I pull out onto the road I can see she's still stood in the same spot, watching me leave until I'm completely out of sight. The journey home is going to be too long to be alone with all these thoughts, as it's still dark and hardly any cars on the road, I decide to pick up the pace, probably more than I should.
When I reach my father's house it's still dark, I say a silent prayer that he's passed out somewhere, I can't deal with him beating my ass because I took his car right now. I slowly unlock the door trying to make next to no noise, I tiptoe in and head straight for my bedroom without even looking into the lounge, I don't want to risk him seeing me, or waking him if he's unconscious. I slowly close my door and gently turn to lock to prevent him from bursting in when he sees his car and realises I'm home, when I turn around I gasp, I nearly jump clean out of my skin, Estella is stood in my room. I'm about to question how she got in when I notice my curtains blowing in the light breeze that's rolled in, has she never heard of a door! "What the hell are you doing here?" I gasp, "You scared the crap out of me," I whisper loudly,
"I just wanted to check you got home ok, I didn't know what place your head was in after tonight" she genuinely seems concerned, I look out of the window to asses the light situation, "you really shouldn't be here, the sun will be coming up any minute"
"I know!" she snaps, "I just needed to see you were ok" my face drops from concerned to a rather blank expression, this girl is giving me whiplash and I've known her for about 48 hours. "I'm fine, honestly, I just need to eat and shower and sleep."
"I can help you" she states, the words flow out of her mouth too fast for her own liking, "what? Help me take a shower?" I swear if she had pigment in her skin she would be blushing by my comment, instead she frowns, "No! I mean I can help you kill a vampire, unlock your gift...I can help you fight and teach you our strengths and weaknesses" I slowly walk towards her, I'm trying to hold back that she's making me nervous, "why would you want to help me kill you" I shake my head and correct myself, "I mean people like you," she pauses for a moment and I stop in my tracks, this is the first time she's shown emotion since I've met her, "because 'people like me' are everything that's wrong with world, people like me have caused too much pain to others and people like me need to be stopped...you're the only one who can do that, all these killing, draining people of every milliliter of their blood, it needs to stop" she looks at the floor before her feelings are reflected onto her face, a warm feeling rumbles in my stomach, I walk over to her until we're only inches a part, I take my hand and place it under her chin, tilting her head up towards me, "you're not like them, you didn't kill me, you've been saving me every single day since and now you're helping me identify my true self" our eyes are burning into each other,
"You don't know me enough to say that, you don't know the things that I've done," This moment really isn't romantic in the slightest, I mean we're talking about vampires killing people and all the bad things Estella has done in her life, but I can't stop myself from wanting to kiss her right now, we're so close, I can feel her breath against my face as she speaks, I can smell her sweet scent, it's almost coconutty and I know she wants this as much as me, she hasn't been able to stay away from me for years, watching my every move, (when the sun is down of course.) I lean closer to her, our lips millimeters apart, "I have to go" she whispers, breaking the moment into a million pieces of reality, I take a step back and try to scoop up some of my dignity, "the sun...if I don't go now I won't make it back in time." I nod back to her, Goddamn the fucking sun! She's disappears before my very eyes, leaving nothing but the curtains blowing and my heart aching, this feels all too familiar to me somehow. I shake the self-pity from my body and decide to take the fastest shower of my life, I'm still trying not wake my father from his slumber so I'm in stealth mode the entire time. I've never been happier to get into bed, I rest my head on the plump pillows and sink straight into a deep sleep, the feeling of Estella clings to my body, I need to see her again tomorrow night, I need her to help me...