Everybody was staring, Xavier had no doubt about that fact. That would be the only reason Kat would decide to smash her lips against his in such a rough, explicit way in front of everyone. Although she did sometimes do it when they were both alone, it was never this aggressive unless they were out in public.
The taste of candy canes that rubbed off her lips made it almost impossible to kiss her and actually enjoy it. He preferred it when she was easy and gentle. He liked taking it slow with her. It was a new, fresh feeling.
So why did she have an obsession with everyone seeing them kiss?
Letting go of the top of Xavier's shirt, which Kat had clutched in her palm to slide him closer, which by itself added heat to the photo, she smiled before giving him a little peck, surely lifting her leg behind her for that extra look. Lame. Nothing like when they were alone.
She posed in different positions, flipping her hair from one side to the other. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, she actually did have the quality it took to become a model. She was insanely thin, since she was now on a strict diet that barely allowed her to eat anything, and had a face that would look good on the cover of magazines. More than she already was in.
She was beautiful. He smiled. She was his girlfriend.
"Thank you all, but we gotta get going, right, love?" She looked at him with loving eyes.
Did Stella ever look at him with loving eyes? Had she?
No, don't. Stop. Kat. She's right here. She's here. I want to love her. She's beautiful.
"Yeah," he smiled back, pecking her forehead before waving at the cameras, already walking away.
He couldn't help but hear the whistles that were blown as Kat turned around and slid underneath his arm, placing it over her shoulder. She smirked under her new bangs, trying to hide the satisfaction she felt at having so many men look at her. She loved that, Xavier knew clearly. The attention she attracted was one of her favorite factors of being famous.
But did she love his attention too?
"Where to?" She asked, snuggling close to him.
"Well, we need to go to the hotel. We need to get ready for the interview we have tonight."
"Right, I forgot. What do you think I should wear?" Xavier shrugged. "Maybe that purple dress that I used the other night for our date?"
He furrowed his eyebrows. "That wasn't a dress. That was a very small swimming suit."
She laughed, "It wasn't that bad. I actually quite liked it. It's one of my favorite ones."
"I mean, if you want. It just wasn't my taste, I guess." He frowned.
He didn't want anyone to see her the way he did.
"You're so overly dramatic. But I still love you." She reached up and kissed him lightly, like she usually did whenever nobody was around to snap shots of the kiss. That drove him crazy, knowing everything was sometimes just an act. He knew that she didn't really care about what they had. She only cared about the fame it gave her. She may love him, but it's nothing compared to how she loved the attention.
But sometimes he really believed there was something there. Could she love him?
Could he love her?
"Kat, I'm sorry. I don't mean to."
"Xavier. You do know I love you, right?"
Heat. Warmth.
Don't stop.
"You do?"
"Yes. Do you?"
I can try, Kat. I'm trying. I'll keep trying.
"Ever since we've gotten together, nothing has gone the way I thought it would." He was caught by surprise.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not the girl you should be with right now. It wasn't me in those papers. I'm not that "mystery girl" everyone thinks I am. And I hate it, Xavier. I hate it when people ask me about it and I don't know how to respond because I wasn't even there. I love you so much and I know you find it hard to believe but I do, and it hurts."
"It's over now, Katrina."
"Is it?"
"Of course," he said, pulling her hair back.
"So then why can't you look at me the way you look at her?"
I'm trying. "She's not in my life anymore, Kat. Believe me. You're the one for me."
He hadn't seen her in weeks and whether he wanted to admit it or not, it was driving him crazy. He missed her. He missed her smile, her eyes. Some days, he couldn't stop thinking about her even when he was with Kat and he hated it more than anything.
"Xavier, why do you keep lying to me and to yourself? You have to stop."
He sighed. Why was she always right? It was hard to accept.
"Because, I don't want to hurt you. I don't want people to be so worked up on something that never was. I wouldn't do that to you."
Her sadness seemed to subside as she smiled slightly at the ground. Xavier couldn't help but imagine her being Stella. It was so easy to switch them. They looked so alike, just that Stella was... unique.
No, stop. Remember what she did, remember what she did... Don't think about her. Push her out. Forget her. It's for the best.
Kat breathed in deeply, looking out at the plain scenery that surrounded them. Fake grass mixing with trees that had been planted somewhere else and were brought over as a decoration. They were at an old park where not many people seemed to visit. Their hotel wasn't far. Just a few blocks and they would be there.
"The girl. The one in the picture. Is she the paparazzi girl?"
He looked down at the grass. "Yeah, that's her."
"Why didn't you say anything? You wouldn't have to be here with me. You'd be with her, actually happy."
"It doesn't matter anymore. Things happened and the whole thing just wasn't gonna work out. And I am happy."
"Not the kind of happy you should be. Just go back and make it work out. You can't just throw what you guys had away. It was so special. God, even I could see it."
He looked at her in hesitation. She couldn't be talking seriously. She was the girl that wanted all the attention. This wasn't who she really was. She was... well... Kat. The one who drove him insane and wouldn't let him do anything without her knowing about it. The one who drove all the boys insane.
"What?" He wasn't sure he had heard her right.
"I know you think I'm annoying and that I'm controlling and beautiful and fit just for you. And that might be true. But everybody saw the way you guys looked at each other. There was so much connection. That's something I wanna have when I find someone I really like. Maybe even love. I wanna be a reflection of your relationship with her when I find that right person. I don't even understand why you're still standing here talking to me. I love you but this isn't going to work. We both know it. Go and find her. Make things right. Because no one will ever come around that will make you as happy as she did. So just go. Don't let time pass you by anymore."
He couldn't be hearing right. He was dreaming. He would wake up soon. Maybe even be back with Stella. Maybe it was all just a dream.
"Xavier," she looked into his eyes, seeing that he was distracted, "Go. Don't wait anymore. Go!"
After everything she did, go back? After all the pain? After everything she had put him through?
The color of her eyes flashed through his mind. Green. His heart ached.
And that's when he finally moved, hugging her before literally running with all his strength. He was going to make this right. He wasn't going to let it end like this. Even if she had moved on already, he would at least know they were on good terms now. He needed to see her. Hold her. Anything that related to her.
He needed her. God, how he needed her. And hopefully, she still needed him.