"sometimes, all you can do is lie in bed, and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart." william c hannan
☁
That night, the air was misty and the sky was a light purple mixed with black. Cirrus clouds stretched across the sky with the same color painted onto it. Sleep filled the bunker and it was completely silent, a scatter of a mouse could be heard all across the house. The ambiance was soft and rang through ears and gave hearts discomfort.
Even though it was 2:07 am, the blanket was thrown off the bed and Cas' bare feet hit the carpet. He looked out his window and saw nothing but the abyssal trees swaying like the melody of space. His tongue was dry and he searched for a glass of water. The creaking of the door echoed through the hallway and made Cas freeze in his trance, he tried not to wake Dean up.
He vigilantly stepped out of the room and into the hallway. There were no lights and so Cas had to carefully calculate each step he took. His stomach growled in hunger and he softly put his hand over his tummy.
Thinking he knew where he was going, he stepped into another room. But it was a bedroom, too. The lights were cut off completely and he tilted his head in confusion.
He flipped the light switch and to his demise he saw a scrambling Dean curled up in his bed. Cas widened his eyes and opened his mouth to say something, but all that came out was pure embarrassment and guilt.
"Cas! What the hell man?" Dean sat straight up and his eyes were squinted from the sudden brightness.
"My apologizes.." Was all that Cas could mutter out. He looked at his hands and played at the fingertips.
Dean made contact with blue eyes and sympathy were in his emerald green ones. He softly smiled and sat up on his bed, the blanket covering his lap. Cas stared into the green, and even though he couldn't tell what they exactly looked like, he knew they were beautiful. Out of all the humans Castiel had seen, he thought Dean was the prettiest out of them all. He didn't love Dean or lust over Dean, he just knew that the man was perfect in every way possible. Cas didn't know how it was possible.
Cas couldn't love because he didn't know how. He didn't know what it was like to be made of blood, your hair to be constantly growing, or why does it extremely hurt when you slam your toes into a table. He didn't know the difference between love and hatred. He could love and he could hate but he wouldn't know what it was or why.
"What do you need?" The sudden voice from the bed snapped his long train of thought.
"I was thirsty," The ex-angel said slowly, he caught himself playing with his hands again. Confidence was not his strong-suit when it came to being human, and Cas hated the flaws he had. He hated how clumsy he was, how nervous he got, and even the way he slouched uncomfortably when he stood. He couldn't feel hatred towards other people, only to himself.
Dean noticed the sudden sadness that captivated the blue eyes. Dean stood and flung his duvet onto his bed. He motioned Cas for him to follow. A soft smile was found on Cas' face. Walking down the hallway again, the darkness overcame the space and the only light visible was the dim one from Dean's bedroom. The man flipped a light and slowly each lamp flooded the whole bunker. Cas sighed with relief because he couldn't see in the dark and it honestly filled him with fear, the tug that he felt on his heart whenever he stepped into a room filled with shadows.
They both walked into the kitchen, Cas obliviously trailing behind because he got distracted. Dean grabbed a glass cup and twisted the faucet to get some water. He turned it on all the way cold to get the iciest temperature, it filled fairly quickly and then he twisted it again the opposite way to turn it off. Like a robot, Dean handed Cas the water and waited for him so he could turn off the lights himself.
Castiel grasped the water with both hands and felt it's coolness, it made his hands numbly cold but he enjoyed it because he was annoyed by the everlasting heat outside. He sipped it and the same temperature swished down his throat and he eventually chugged the whole thing. The water moistened his mouth and he no longer felt the uncomfortable dryness. Cas wiped his mouth with his sleeve and placed it in the sink.
Dean began walking again, nonchalantly. Cas trailed up behind him with a soft, "Dean?"
The mentioned whipped his head to the ex-angel's eyes. He cocked an eyebrow in reply.
"Why are you so kind?" He said completely innocently and truthfully. The man's hands rubbed the fabric on his tan trench coat, enjoying the touch. Dean's eyes softened and he felt peaceful from Cas' rough voice yet it was so.. faint. His voice wasn't overwhelming with gruffness but instead it sounded like the man didn't talk much, maybe he didn't need to.
Dean snapped out of his 'chick-flick' gaze and went back to his masculine look, "Just doin' what's best, buddy,"
He turned on his heels and strolled like nothing had just happened, like Dean wasn't kind and helped him out in the middle of the night. Like he didn't bring him back to his own home, gave him the warmth of a bed or food to eat. Cas' eyebrows sunk in annoyance and he shut his mouth tight. He followed Dean like he was a shepherd and Cas was a sheep.
The younger man went into his room and shut the door, and he heard a faint click and the lights were off. Which made Cas alone and his nervousness rose. He didn't like being alone.
☁
That morning, the sun was risen and it sang a delightful tune of melodies that echoed across the sky. The birds sang along with chirps of happiness. Night and day sounded oddly different. A pool of light shimmered through the glass and the pattern of the window shadowed itself on the angel's bed.
He sat up and his hair looked like a cat's hairball, which was covered in sweat. He was wearing a white shirt and he still had on his black pants and matching socks. The man stood up and went to his closet with two items that were hung up, his buttoned up shirt and his favorite coat, he slipped on the over shirt and buttoned that up with ease and he put the trench coat over his arms and patted his arms down.
The man decided to brush his teeth so he went into his own personal bathroom, which he loved. There was just a toothbrush laying on the counter with nothing else. No comb, no deodorant, just a toothbrush. He opened the drawer and there laid a bottle of toothpaste. He was very organized yet there was nothing really to organize. The man had nothing.
Scrubbing his teeth, he heard a loud Dean scream almost at the top of his lungs, "Cas!"
He put down everything and ran out, very scared. He thought that Dean was in trouble so he came to the rescue. He opened the door and stomped down the hall, his feet running like notes on a piano.
"Are you hurt?" Cas asked as soon as he came face to face to Dean, there was high concern in his voice.
Dean's face scrunched up, "What? No... come on, Sam and Bobby are back."
Cas tilted his head in confusion. But he walked along with Dean anyway, because he knew Dean was always right. He noticed what Dean was wearing and it seemed like he put it on last minute. They both walked to the door and heard a faint knock.
The younger opened it and the first one to walk in was Bobby, then Sam, then... John.
Dean's eyes widened and his eyebrows curved in frustration, his mouth was partly opened. He crossed his arms and he heard a simple 'hey Castiel' from Sam behind him. John put his bag on the long coffee table and looked around the bunker.
John noticed a new person who he's never met. They locked eyes and Cas tried not to get uncomfortable but he stared with the same tension.
"Dad... this is Castiel, Castiel, this is our dad." Sam spoke up, since the silence was engraving.
"What the hell, Dad?" Dean snapped, he was furious since it had been months since they've last seen each other, and the last time they did, it didn't end on a good note. John decided to sit down and Cas lingered awkwardly because he didn't know what to do. "So, you've been gone for.. what three months now? And then you come back like nothing happened!"
Dean and John glared daggers at each other, obviously something was wrong. The silence was so awkward that it left the other three swaying on their heels trying to do something. John finally let go of the stare and looked back at the trench coat that fit on the newcomer.
"You need to watch your tone, boy." John said simply, crossing his legs and putting his hands on his stomach. He clicked his tongue and realized something, "Castiel.. that's an angel name isn't it? You're a goddamn angel!"
He stood up in frustration and almost lunged at the ex-angel before Dean and Sam stopped him. He startled Cas and made him jump. He didn't know what to do. Dean got even more upset because Cas and him became close over the course of a few days.
The father practically dragged Dean by his ear and into another room. He nearly shoved him to the floor, "So I drove seven hours just to see your sorry ass... and I come here and you disrespect me and hang out with feathery bitches? This is not how I raised you."
Dean snarled, "That's the point, you didn't raise me. You went hunting all the goddamn time and I saw you probably once every three weeks and then you'd go back to working on a case again! You're probably hunting vampires and then banging chicks my age!"
"Well what about that smelly angel over there?"
"He's not anym-"
"I don't give a rat's ass! He's bad! He's either gonna kill you or stab you in the back." John barked back. "So you better stop goddamn disrespecting me. I know what's good for you."
"No you don't!"
Slap.
Dean held up his hand in surprise, his palm cupping his cheek that was slowly turning red. All Dean did was storm out of the room, flick off everybody and then he left. Everybody stood in utter shock from what just happened.
John trailed behind and sat down in his same seat. Cas then got terrified because he didn't know Bobby or John well, and John obviously didn't like him. Cas went up to Sam and whispered in his ear, "What if your father hurts me like he did Dean?"
Sam brought him into another room, "O-our dad is not a bad person, Castiel," Cas nodded and Sam continued, "He's... he's just sensitive about family, you know?"
"But he does not want me here," Cas' hands intermingled together.
"Well I do, and plus, you were here first. So you're definitely not leaving." Sam smiled softly and patted Cas' shoulders and went back into the main room.
The blue eyed man felt safer, but he tried to avoid John in every circumstance... and it seemed to work because John didn't speak a word and instead played cards on the floor. Castiel was nervous about Dean, what if he didn't come back because his anger got the best of him?
He didn't like being alone.