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"Words in double quotes" - Talking
'Word in single quotes' - Thoughts
Chapter 16 - Repurcusions
Two hours after the horrific attack, they finally managed to lose the enemies. There were many injured, many with bullet wounds. However, they would recover as the wounds weren't so severe.
Only casualty that tore the hearts of both the families was Swara's death.
#Maheshwari residence, late night#
"Status Adarsh?"
"It's under control. Our men have been given the required aid. Some of them are in the hospital. The rest wanted to return safely to their homes, but I asked them to stay in the guest house today. Just in case."
"And their families?"
"They are all safe Laksh. I called each and every one of them." Adarsh replied.
This was why he liked Laksh. He always made sure all of his comrades were taken care of. 'I can see how he desperately wants to know about Ragini, but his men, the ones who fought for him are equally important to him.'
"Did you get them to a safe place Adarsh? Ra-"
"Yes. Both Ragini and her mother are safe. However, Swara's body...its okay if you don't want to talk about it."
Laksh swallowed hard at the mention of Swara. He felt like it was all his fault.
Lash wanted to avoid the topic as it only made him guilty and misrlerable. But he refused to back away. He refused to take the easy way out when he was part of the cause. He wanted to feel miserable because he felt he deserved it.
"What about it?"
Adarsh sighed in resentment. "I'm sorry, but we couldn't bring it with us. The van where her body was placed burst into flames before we could recover it."
Laksh's eyes widened in horror. "Sanskar was in there as well!"
"Don't worry. We got him out when the flames started. We struggled to pull him away from the burning vehicle as he wouldn't come out without Swara's body. But we managed. The guy's completely devastated Lucky."
"He loved her. What do you expect?"
Adarsh looked at Laksh with frustration and helplessness. "I'm sorry man! But the person alive was more of priority, not to mention like my own brother! Call me selfish but I don't care. Swara was already dead. So I..." Adarsh closed his eyes and sighed. He looked far old than he was as he stood there before Laksh. "So I did what was necessary. Hate me if you want to. I ju-"
Laksh stopped him with a hand to the shoulder. "It's okay Adi. I understand. It was a life and death situation and you took the one that would save my brother. Don't feel guilty over it much. I...I think Swara's soul...where ever it is, would be thanking you right now for saving our Sanky."
"You...you really think so?"
"Absolutely." Laksh assured with a small smile.
Laksh's words made Adarsh feel like a huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders. "Thanks dude. I had to...no. I needed to hear these words. It was killing me inside thinking I did something unforgivable." Adarsh's relieved face, however, turned into a morose one quickly. "But...but Sanskar won't understand. For him, I'm the one who left his lover behind."
Laksh gave him a sympathetic smile. "Yes it's true that Sanky is angry now. But he will understand. I'll go talk to him, alright?"
Adarsh nodded and turned to leave.
"Hey Adarsh!"
"Yes Laksh?"
"Um can you..." Laksh looked down in sadness. "Can you watch over Ragini and her Mom for me for some days? I...I don't think they would want to see my face ever again. But they won't mind you."
Adarsh turned to look at him with a look of pity. "And what about you? Would you be able to stay away from Ragini?"
Laksh swallowed hard. However, he simply nodded. "It's what she would want."
"You don't know that."
"Yes I do." Laksh calmly replied in resignation.
"No you don't!"
"Don't push it please."
"Don't give up that easily."
"Adarsh...please..."
"Don't give up you coward! She's the love of your life!"
"Don't you think I know that?" Laksh answered with restrained rage. His broken heart was breaking each moment, making him want to smash everything.
Everything seemed too calm in the room. While he was breaking, he envied them to be so still, as if mocking him.
"You don't know for sure that she won't forgive you."
"Yes I do dammit! Didn't you see her face? Didn't you see the look she gave me!?" Laksh shouted in anger.
That look of pure disgust in Ragini's face was etched into his mind. It would remain forever in his mind. He felt like he couldn't breathe at that moment. Like someone was twisting a knife into his heart.
Over and over, in and out.
"That was then! Of course she would react that way. But that doesn't mean you give up on her! Think of all the times you spent together. Think of all the good times. If you try really hard, maybe she will understand why you did what you did."
"No. I don't think it's possible. She doesn't want my love anymore. She fe-"
"She feels the same. Just because she hates you now doesn't mean she never loved you."
"She doesn't just hate me Adarsh! She despises me, she completely loathes me! She loathes my name!"
"You shou-"
"Enough! Leave. Adarsh."
Adarsh refrained from saying anything anymore, not because he was afraid of Laksh. But rather because he could hear Laksh's voice cracking. He wouldn't want to make Laksh feel embarrassed by seeing him cry.
"Alright. I'm going. Make sure you have something to eat, okay? You haven't eaten anything since hours. Take something for Sanskar too, alright?"
Laksh nodded without another word.
#Hotel Rainbow#
After Adarsh shifted them to the hotel, Ragini was informed not to leave for their home until it was safe to go back. They were put under security in that hotel which was owned by Adarsh's close friend. Adarsh guaranteed that no one would harm them there.
Ragini sighed to herself as she rubbed her mother's forehead. She just got her mother to quieten her sobs and get some sleep. She had been crying ever since Swara...
Ragini's own eyes teared up as she remembered her sister's dying face. "Swa...Swara. Oh Swara!" not wanting to wake her mother, she rushed towards the washroom and closed the door. She covered her mouth with her hand so as to not let out her sobs. 'Swara, why did you leave us Swara? I miss you. Maa wants to see you alive. She wants to see your smile! Swara come back. I wish you would come back!'
However, she knew it wasn't possible. She remembers how she sided before her eyes.
As the events flashed back, Laksh's came to her mind. However, instead of love, all she could feel was her anger rise. "It's all your fault. It's all your damn fault! If I hadn't got involved with you, my sister would still have been alive! You're the reason I lost her Laksh Maheshwari! It's. All. Your. Fault! I...I hate you! I hate you so damn much!"
And yet, as she cursed him, she knew she would never be able to let go of the memories she held of him. She loved him...still...and she hated herself for it. 'Why had I ever met you Laksh!?'
#Maheshwari residence#
Laksh stopped in his steps as he suddenly felt a pain in his chest. He clutched his left side where his heart was with the free hand. On the other hand he held food for Sanskar.
Swallowing hard, he composed himself and raised his hand to knock on the door. However, he stopped midway.
What was he doing?
Did he even know what words he could use to comfort Sanskar? How will he console him? Was there any way he could bring back Swara for Sanskar?
No.
He was the elder brother. He was supposed to protect his little brother and give him all the happiness even if it meant it was on his own expense. And yet...yet here he was the cause of his brother's misfortune.
Laksh didn't have the courage to face Sanskar yet. He dropped his hand and turned to leave.
However, the door handle made a squeaking noise as it was opened from within. Sanskar's voice came from inside. "I know it's you Laksh bro. Come in."
Laksh flinched as he heard the hoarse voice of Sanskar. It seemed like he hadn't used his voice for hours. 'And all that screaming and crying...no wonder he sounds so broken.'
"It's okay Sanky. I'll come back later if you want some priva-"
"Just freaking come in dammit!" the voice came from a distance. Sanskar must have left to sit back at his earlier place in the room.
Laksh didn't retort back. After all, he could understand that Sanskar was using his anger as a last resort to keep himself from breaking down. It was his anchor.
He silently entered the room and looked around. Although it was dark, he could make out some of the things.
Vases broken, mirror in pieces, glass shards lying all over, clothes torn and thrown astray. The room reflected the inner turmoils within Sanskar.
"I...I just thought to bring you something to eat."
"I'm not hungry." came Sanskar's response from where he sat at the darkest corner of the room, hugging himself like a hurt animal. He reminded Laksh of the little kid who used to cry silently for his parents when they were children.
"At least have an apple. You haven't had anything since..." Laksh's grief laden voice faded towards the end.
"Shut up!"
"Sanskar I...just have something...please?"
Sanskar didn't show any signs of moving. However, Laksh knew he was shaking from suppressed tears.
Laksh remembers their childhood. He remembers how Sanskar would refuse to show his tears and cry when he thought no one was awake. He cried and prayed that their parents come back, that they had enough money to earn three meals a day. Then, he would silently slip beneath the thin covers beside his elder brother, not knowing that Laksh was awake all along. Laksh, who had silent tears of his own flowing down his nose as he promised to himself to never let his brother cry like that again.
That was why he became a part of the gangsters in the first place.
To have enough power and money to protect the ones he loved.
Laksh grabbed the plate hard enough for it to creak. 'But I could neither protect my love, neither stop my brother's tears from shedding once more and neither save the person who was like a sister to me! Disgusting!'
#Hotel Rainbow#
Ragini let out a shaky sigh. She had no tears left to cry. Only stains remained on her face.
Even tears failed to express her pain and eventually, they too refused to come out.
'Maa must be waking up soon. I know Swara's death is unbearable but...but I can't let Maa fall ill. After getting her something to eat, I must make sure she takes her medicines.' Ragini rubbed her cheeks and got up to wash her face in the basin. She splashed her face with water and looked at her reflection in the mirror. "You can't escape from reality Ragini. Life isn't going to stop because of your misfortunes. You have to be the strength for your mother from now on. You must be there for her!"
She watched her dress in the mirror. The red bridal dress from the marriage that she was still wearing. "This red...this red is not the colour of love for me anymore. This red is the colour of hatred for you from now on Mr. Laksh Maheshwari. You're dead for me. Dead!"
#Maheshwari Residence#
Dead.
That was what he felt from inside.
He, the Don of the most fearsome gangs in town, was completely useless and unworthy.
He believed he had the power to have anything he can and could have everything by pointing a gun at his enemies.
And now...now, he was watching his little brother break down emotionally, unable to do anything but watch on.
"Sanskar I..."
Sanskar didn't show any signs of acknowledgement.
"Do you want to talk?"
Still nothing.
"At least say something...anything!" Laksh pleaded. 'This silence is suffocating me. It feels like I'm drowning in quick sand. Please say something. Shout at me, scream at me, but don't treat me like a stranger, brother.'
"I'm...I'm so sorry Sanskar. It's all my fault."
At this, Sanskar's blob of hair seemed to rise up. Laksh took it as a sign that at least he was listening and continued. "I...I'm sorry I got selfish. If I didn't pine after Ragini, then I wouldn't have to lie to maintain our relation. If I didn't get involved with her, then you and Swara could have continued the way you had. Eventually I would have found a way to separate you from the world of gangsters like us and...and you could have a happy family. But I ruined it. I ruined it!"
Laksh threw away the plate in his hand and grabbed his hair in frustration. "I can't do anything right, can I?! One job. I had just one job! It was keeping you safe and happy. And I couldn't even do that!? I'm pathetic! I can't do an-" he felt a hand turn him around and bring him into a hug.
"Sh-shut up, will you?" came the whisper from Sanskar as he hugged his brother. "I don't blame you. I don't. So don't go blaming yourself, al-alright?"
"But Sanky, di-"
"But nothing. You always have given me everything I want. You've put me first before every need of yours. You even sacrificed your own career, education, even morals for me. And I know I...I don't say this much, but I don't think I can ever thank you enough for it."
"But I became selfish!"
Sanskar broke the hug and looked at him with sincere eyes. "No, you didn't. For once you tried to find happiness for yourself and that's not being selfish. I want you to be happy. And if Swara was alive, she would want both you and Ragini to be happy as well."
"You...you aren't angry at me?"
Sanskar shook his head with a teary smile. "I could never be angry at you after everything you've done for me. Infact, I'm sorry for not seeing how much guilt you were drowning in. I got so busy in my own pity party that I never thought about you. I'm the one who's sorry."
"Don't apologize little brother." Laksh consoled, placing a hand on his shoulder. "After what you have lost, I can't imagine what you're going through. I'm just glad that you don't hate me. You're all I have left of my family."
"You and me against the world, eh?"
Laksh smiled a genuine smile. "Yeah. You and me bro."
In the darkness of the room, the brothers found solace in each others arms, comforting each other of the losses they suffered, for the people they lost, for the times that can't be changed, crying for their lost love...for the lives that can't be revived.
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~ 🌹 Mona 🌹