For this book, the future and the past are so interconnected I decided to add two ** around the scenes where it is in the past!
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You never know how life is going to work. I don't know why I came. I put my face in my hands. Why did I come? I look into the window. The clouds look like a sea of white fluff. They don't look so dark up here. The sky is in a halo of light blue. The dark blue begins to set in. The sun's beams light up the sky. Is this where people come when they die? I'd like to hope so. Is this where... I close my eyes. Stop. Don't think about it. I sit back in my seat. I should do some work. I slide my laptop out of my backpack from under my seat. I turn it on and sign in. I don't want to work. I click on my saved files and look at the words. The words jumble together on the screen. This is pointless. I close the screen and look out of the window. If this is heaven... then it really is a beautiful place. I close my eyes and begin to think of my life.
I never really had to think about death. It wasn't in my proximity. Why would I think about when it was not going to happen to me? And in my naivety, my loved ones? At least... that's what I thought. I grew up in a small city, just enough people to sustain in it. I grew up around the same kids, same neighbor, same school and the same life. There was only one exception. My best friend... for as long as I could remember. So, kindergarten. We actually only became friends because he was in my proximity... we lived on the same block together. I remember the first words he said to me,
"Want to walk to the bus stop together?"
I agreed... and from then on, we continued to walk together everyday.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are going to begin our descent into Los Angelo's in 15 minutes. Thank you for choosing Air Canada as your flyer. I hope you enjoy the ride," The captain says into the intercom. We're going to land into L.A, soon. Great. The plane begins to shift in the air. I grab onto my seat. I hate flying. I look out onto my window and watch as we begin to descend into the clouds. The clouds are just mist. I remember when we used to lie down in the grass and watch the clouds. We watched how they moved and change, never being quite the same. He always said they looked like white fluffy pillows that we could bounce on, if we just got high enough. We just had to build a big enough latter to get to them. The mist is a deep gray haze, I could get lost in. I think the storm followed me... is that even possible? Maybe the earth is sad to? Unlikely.
I put off packing till this morning. Why did I put off a weeks worth of packing... till this morning? Honestly. The truth is, I don't know how long I will be here. How do you pack for a trip when you don't know how long you're going to be somewhere? I seriously don't fucking know. I can't even afford to buy new clothes. Laundry Matt, for 500$? I close my eyes again. I don't want this plane to land. I want to go home. I look out the window again, the city appears. It's just a concrete, hot jungle. Why couldn't he come home? You know why. Stop being so selfish. The plane begins to drop even more. I grab my stomach and hold it. I said I was never going to comeback to this god forsaken city. I deeply inhale the air. Ew, it's just nothing but stranger's hot breath. We're close. We're closer to him. I slide my phone out of my pocket. I turn it on and nothing at all, of course. I wonder if Rod will text me? Why would he? For someone who is my supposed boyfriend... we really couldn't sustain a relationship far apart. A fact. But a sad fact.
"Why do you have to go?" He argued with me, for the 10th time.
"You know why I have to go." I yelled back, as I threw my socks in my suitcase.
"I just don't see the point..." My glare ripped through his soul, "Babe... it can't be that bad. Right?"
He always jealous of him, "He called my mom... I think it is." I don't remember how many times I explained this to him.
"At least let me come?" He gave one final beg.
"No... if it's like the last time," I sighed, "I just don't want you to be there," As if he could fathom the circumstance.
"I seriously don't mind,"
"Just stop, Rod."
"Lillian..." I hate when we calls me that. It sounds gross.
He didn't say anything after that. We drove to the airport in complete silence. A light kiss goodbye and a faint hug. I doubt he would text me.
I hope he was right. I hope he was right. I hope it isn't bad as we think it is. Either way, my mom was deeply concerned. She wanted to come, but he only wanted me to come. Odd request, since she practically raised us.
Rod accused, "He only wants you alone,"
I don't think I have ever heard something so stupid.
I see out of the window and watch the plane hit the strip. I made it. Hello, L.A. I take a big sigh. I'm here. I turn off airplane mode on my phone and watch the texts come through.
Unknown number: Lil?
Mom: Text me when you land safely.
I look at the unknown number, that's an L.A area code. I reply: Yeah. Who is this?
I know for a fucking fact who it is.
Unknown: It's me. Did you land?
I quickly reply: Yeah.
Unknown: I sent a car, it will be there waiting for you.
I reply: You didn't have to. I could have taken an Uber.
Unknown: Don't be stupid. I'll see you soon.
My heart begins to race. I quickly save the number as Stupid. I'm playing with fire, I should have not come... especially after what happened last time. I look up and see people beginning to take down their luggage. I pack up my laptop and wait for people to leave. I need to get off this crammed plane. The first people leave and I stand up to get in line. I hold my backpack and begin to slowly walk off the plane. I need to get my suitcase. It was too big to be a carry on. He didn't text. I walk through the small corridor and walk into a vast amount of small shops and people. I just need to get my suitcase and get the fuck out of this. I don't know how anyone could be around this many people. My hands begin to clam. I hate my people anxiety. I take a deep breath as continue to walk through a sea of people. Imagine what he goes through on a daily basis...
It wasn't always like that. It was always just he and I. It was us two against the world.
*
"Promise?" he asks. We are 8 years old.
"Promise what?" I didn't quite hear him.
"Are we always going to be best friends?" He sounded morose.
"Of course, don't be stupid." I laugh at him and say reassuring.
"Even when we go to grade 3?" He doesn't sound convinced.
"Even when we go to grade 3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13. All those grades, I promise."
"Don't be stupid, Lilly. There isn't a grade 13," He smiles at me.
I stood up and begin to jump on his trampoline, "How," Jump, "Do," Jump, "You" Jump "Know?"
He tries to stand still as he put his hand on his hip, "Because I know. Lilly, do you Pika Promise?"
I stop bouncing and stick my little finger out, "I pika promise," We lock fingers and we both said "Pika Pika CHU!" A promise perpetually locked in our adolescence.
*
I sit and wait for my luggage to come out. I notice I am chewing my nails. Stop, that's gross. I pull my hand away and notice small Pikachu face on the back of my left wrist. I quickly slide my hand into my pocket and notice the luggage has finally come out. I see a suitcase covered in big lilies. That is mine. I quickly grab my huge suitcase and walk out of airport luggage area. I notice the doors leading out of the airport, I think this is where I should go. I leave and notice elevators leading to the main area. I quickly walk to them, I wonder if he actually sent a car. I look around through the drivers and see's one with pink balloons. He is holding a huge sign, with of course my name on it. Lillian, in all funky letters. Of course, he HAS to embarrass me somehow.
"Lillian?" he says as I walk up to him. He is wearing a wrinkled suit and looks tired.
"Yes, that's me." I say to the man. He is obviously my driver.
"How was your flight, Miss Porter?" He tries to give me a forced smile.
"It was fine, thank you!" I try to smile him. We're one step closer to him. Ugh. Is it too late to catch a flight home?
"I can take your luggage, Miss Porter."
"Oh thank you!" I hand the bag to him, "It's heavy," I know I should carry my own luggage. I just... ugh. Mom raised me to be better than this.
"Are you excited to see Mr. Finley?" He politely asks.
"Yeah," I look down at the ground as we walk out of the airport. I notice all of the limousines in line across the airport road. Whoa. I notice a Bentley limo... damn that's nice. I stop and look at it. Please don't walk to it. He begins to step to it. Please don't. The driver grabs his keys and I hear it unlock. Please don't... for fuck. He opens the doors. Of course, I roll my eyes. Hard. Why is he like this? He could have just sent a normal car. He's only picking up me for fuck sakes. He opens the door for me,
"Here you are, Miss porter," I quickly step in and mumble thank you. I watch him pop the trunk with his keys and gently put my suitcase in the back. I hear it close and I watch him walk all the way to the front of the car. He opens his door and jumps in the car, "Relax and enjoy the ride, Miss" I give him a small nod and he starts the car. We sit in silence as we drive through the vast city. I don't even know where he lives. Santa Monica? Calabasas? Who knows? All I know is he lives by where the hills meet the ocean... or something like that. I can't remember. I know it's different from where he used to live. I look down at my phone. I feel like I should text Rod. I don't know what to say. Sorry I came to L.A? My friend needed me? I didn't tell him the whole story. How could I? I can't even believe it. Quite frankly, I do not know the whole story. My mom just told me it was urgent and that I needed to go. To be with him, in his time of need. I never heard her sound so worried... not for sometime now. We drive through the hills. It's only mansions out here... I don't belong in this area. We pull up to a gate and stop. Are we here? The driver presses the button and a voice comes through, "Hello?"
"Hello, it's Tim. We are here," The gate begins to open. Holy shit... The driver begins to drive into the gate. So many trees... it reminds me of home. The trees open to a huge modern mansion. Okay, not like home. His house is two story white and black with a modern and European exterior. It truly is breathtaking. It really sticks out in the trees. The driver pulls up to the huge white doors. He opens his door and I begin to open mine. I can't believe I'm here. My heart begins to pound. I should go home. Do I even know this guy?
"Oh Miss! Wait! I can open it for you," I notice him rushing down as I step out.
"It's fine," I swiftly close my door.
"Are you sure?" He looks at me and gives me a half smile.
"It's completely fine," I give him a reassuring smile.
"I will grab your luggage for you," He walks to to the trunk.
"I don't mind," I quickly race beside him.
"Oh! Your quick!" He says as he pulls out my huge suitcase, "It really isn't a bother,"
I reach out for my suitcase, "Again. Really. I can handle myself," That's right! Woman up!
"At least let me take to the door," He smiles at me.
"Fine," I pull my arm back and smile at him. Stubborn as me.
He picks up my suitcase and begins to carry it to the door, "Thank you for making my job a little easier today," he says to me as we walk up the steps.
"You're welcome," I give him a half smile. He puts my suitcase on the top of the stairwell. I reach down for it, "Thank YOU,"
He gives me a smile, "You have a good day, Miss Porter" He chuckles and walks to his car.
"You too!" I yell back. I look at the big, daunting white door in front of me. I can't do this. I sigh and put my hand up to the door. You can do this. Just knock. Why do I feel like... things are going to change? I look at the step and force my hand into the door. Knock. Knock. No one answers. I hope he is here. He better be here. I didn't come half way across the coun— I hear the door begin to open. Shit. The door comes to full swing. A girl in her mid 20s dressed in a black dress suit opens the door. Her glasses reflect as she stares at me, "Yeah?" She says into her headpiece. She quickly turns right around and I walk into the house. The house opens up to the two sets of dark stained stairwells. The mansion separates into beautiful elegant rooms. I look at a huge vase of flowers on a small desk in the middle of the stairwell. Lillies, nice touch.
"He's expecting you," she finally says something to me.
"Oh," I look at her.
"Follow me." She looks her at her small binder. I plop down my suitcase and lift the handle all the way up. She looks at me with disgust, "Leave it here. I'll have someone take it into the guest house,"
"Okay," I put my suitcase next to the small white foyer chair. Better listen, because she looks like she doesn't dick around. She turns begins to walk up the right set of chairs.
"Where are we going?" I look at the black elegant designs under the rail.
"He's in his room," She dully says. We reach the top and she walks down a white hallway. She continues walking and reaches a door close to the back. She lightly knocks, "She's here." Oh fuck. It's happening. I'm here.
"Come in," I hear someone yell. I can hear him. Not to late to run. I can I run. Right? She opens up the door and waits by the door. Guess not. I take a deep breath and begin to walk inside the door. I look up and see large windows with white curtains. I notice small gray couches beside the window. I see a door towards the back. I see two small white desk on the sides of a messy king bed. The room glows in white sunlight. I notice a small slender man in white pajamas bent over staring at papers spewed over a foyer chair. His orange messy hair lights up in sunlight, "Thanks Beth," He says as looks to her and he swiftly looks back to his paper. He notices me and quickly turns back facing me. He quickly stands upright and stares me down. He gives me a white coy smile, "Lilly,"
"Hi... Luca."