☆☆☆ Chapter 17 ☆☆☆
To Love is to Care
"That sneaky prick! Why did he make me say that I like him?" I was so furious!
Teresa, out of her work clothes for the first time in ages but still missing some form of fashion sense, sipped a bit of her beloved peach tea. "According to what you've told me of the story, you were the one that said that to him, and he didn't force you or coerce you... even though he did put the idea out there."
"No! He kissed me, okay? He started it!" I kicked Teresa's unnecessarily fluffy bed, and she hissed at me. Typical of an animal. If I even had a single ounce of crazy in me, I would say that I could literally feel and hear my sister's thoughts fly over to my own head, with one being: damn, can she stop it with her child-like tantrums? Teresa continued to gulp down her tea with a patience of gold. Occasionally, she brought the cup up to her stuffed nostrils for a quick scent of the classy drink. Her calm demeanor irritated me to the extreme, but it's not like I can do anything 'bout it. She has always been that way with tea.
With my head all cleared up and sane after yesterday, all I could think about was my confession. We both haven't talked to each other after that. He's obviously bound to already be back to his good old self, but that doesn't mean that I can't complain 'bout his drugged-up self. I just couldn't help but complain about it. Yet, I do have to admit that that experience was overall pleasant. I liked how he talked. Is that really him? So charming, so handsome, so special and adorable (he was even a bit spicy).
"Ane? Are you alright? You were kicking my bed but suddenly spaced off, whispering Daniel's name. Can you tone your thirsty self down? Actually, can you stop it with the witchcraft or do it somewhere else?"
I felt my heart jump. "What! What the hell are you talking about?"
I'm not even sure of how I really felt 'bout him── okay, fine, whatever, I was lyin' there. I like him, and everyone knows it (or at least the only two people I talk to aside from my parents). My heart aches when I'm near him. I can go insane when I'm either too far or too close to him. I get the Daniel Fever when Daniel's around pretty frequently as of late. I feel hot every single time his name's mentioned and when he's talking to me, and── oh, god, he called me an angel yesterday!
"Ane, you lovesick whore, go somewhere else! I told you to stop chanting his name, and here you are doing it again goddammit! For all I know you'll be summoning a Demoniel in no time!" She dipped her tongue into the cup of tea and savored it before snapping: "I'm busy, you're distracting me with your bull, just leave!"
I groaned, insisting that I'm not lovesick, but not enough to waste my energy on what she had in mind of what I did. There is just no way I gush over Daniel like that within just a few months of getting to know him, right? Heck, I didn't even like him in the beginning of my time here anyway... right?
"Ane, to love is to care. Keep that in your mind, you are bound to have that mindset soon enough. However, it does not mean that you are to rub it all over my face every time you walk into my room, like today. If you haven't noticed I'm still trying to recover from the embarrassing talk I had with you yesterday and need time to heal from you snatching Daniel away permanently with your devious claws, regardless of my fantasies with Honey." She let some air out of her system, calmly placed her tea on the nightstand, and stood up from her navy blue armchair. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need some goddamn time alone with my tea before my roommate comes in!" She shut the door in my face after pushing me out, leaving me alone to be eaten by the outside world that is Daniel's residence.
I sighed, and started walking my way to my room. I haven't been there since yesterday morning. Instead, I just ran over to Teresa, sobbing like a little runt, and eventually spent the day with her. I even pushed her to give me a spot on her bed to sleep on for the night 'cuz I was too tired to walk upstairs to my own room. Crazy, isn't it, for her to let me hang out with her after I basically made her feel like trash? She's got an alarmingly unconditional generosity for me, but I guess that's what big sisters are for. Maybe she understands me more than I thought she did.
Deep inside, as I have already told Daniel, I know she suffers just as much as I do, but I can't help but do what I do, y'know? I can't just stop all of a sudden from being what I've become, and I know it. It's hard to change who I made myself be in the past few years: a self-centered brat. It's something so deep that even as I'm thinking this, thoughts of pure vanity keep on seeping into my head, steadily and discreetly drowning out everything else that is not itself.
Regardless of that, I know the time's finally come for me── it's time to stop blaming Teresa for what happened to the both of us, and to stop beating myself over it all. Neither of us is to blame, and above all else, I care for my sister regardless of how I've treated her. I love her and hope that I am one day capable of wishing her the best in any and all of her affairs.
After I wish myself the best first, of course.