~
Alexis
~
"Thanks Chicago, you were fire! I love you!" Billie shouts and the crowd cheers back at the top of their lungs, continuing to do so even once Billie runs off the stage and the stage lights go out.
I take my headphones off and high five the two guys next to me to celebrate another show without any audio mix ups or malfunctions. We've been on tour for almost exactly a month now, and our streak so far is perfect. The lighting crew can't relate, just saying.
The tour in general has been going really well, pretty much perfectly actually until a bit over a week ago. Things are still going really well in terms of all the concerts going without a hitch, it's just that I can tell Billie is running out of steam. She's exhausted all the time now, has stomachaches and headaches a lot, doesn't get enough sleep most nights, and has no appetite in the morning, which is really bad because she does so much during the day.
I also still feel like there's something she isn't telling me, but I don't know what it is. It could all be in my head though, because I trust Billie completely. I wish she trusted me the way I trust her, but that's for me to fix.
I'm having a great time, but it's also not as perfect as I thought it would be. I don't see Billie enough, which I know sounds fake because we're always near each other, but she's always busy- either getting dragged off to an interview or a meet and greet or a photo shoot or a rehearsal or whatever. By the time she finishes her shows she's rightfully way too tired to give me much time, and I'm starting to miss her even though she's right here.
On top of missing our time together that we had before tour, I'm also just worried. At this point I feel like Billie is running on fumes, and if she doesn't take a proper break soon she's gonna crash pretty hard.
I stand up to stretch my legs just as Billie rounds the corner and runs straight into my arms, the way she always does after a show. We never really feel the need to tone down our affection in front of the tour crew, they're all totally chill and wouldn't be the kind of assholes to sell pictures or stories about us to the tabloids.
A few rumors have started to swirl around me and Billie though. Occasionally we'll slip up, and a fan or pap will catch a picture of us before a show holding hands or something, but so far there hasn't been any pictures that can confirm we're anything more than close friends.
"Great show, princess!" I say genuinely and wrap my arms tightly around her, even though she's sweaty as hell and out of breath.
"Fuck I'm so tired," she whines and relaxes in my arms, putting a lot of her weight on me. "I can't move again ever."
"I can carry you back to the bus, lazy bones," I mumble and rub her back, but she shakes her head.
"Meet and greet first," she reminds me and I frown because she really should be resting, but it's not like she can just ditch her meet and greet at this point. "I wish I had time to get food first."
"I'll have food waiting for you when it's done," I assure her and kiss her cheek sweetly. "Let's get you to the meeting room."
I pull away from her despite her protests and turn around so she can jump onto my back. She's too tired to hold onto me too firmly so I grip her thighs firmly as I carry her through the corridors until we find the room we're looking for.
"See you in a bit," I murmur when I set her down on the floor then lean in to kiss her lips sweetly once I'm sure there isn't anyone around who shouldn't see that.
"Can I sleep in your bunk tonight?" she asks and I nod with a smile.
"If I ever say no to that, something is very wrong," I chuckle and nudge her towards the door. "Have fun, princess."
Once she walks into the room I turn and head back to where we just were, so I can start to help the crew load all of our equipment into the busses. We have a really good system going now that it's been a month, so it doesn't take too long.
I take one of the tour cars to Taco Bell after we finish, with permission of course, and get me and Billie's usual order. I always get looks for it, because it seems like way too much food for anyone, but we always manage to get it all down.
When I get back to the venue I get onto the bus and get in Billie's bunk to wait for her. I pull the curtain closed again and don't make any noise as I scroll through my phone so I can surprise her. It's not long later when she pulls the curtain back and jumps a bit when she sees me, which makes me laugh.
"Asshole," she grumbles and I hold up the bag of food with a grin.
"An asshole who got you Taco Bell."
Her face lights up and she quickly climbs into the bunk with me. There's a surprising amount of space, Chris really went all out with the busses to make sure everyone, especially Billie, is as comfortable as possible on the road.
"How was the meet and greet?" I ask while I watch her dig through the bag excitedly, eventually pulling out one of the vegan burritos.
"It was aight. The fans were great I was just so fucking exhausted. I feel bad, you know? I wish I could be a hundred percent for them," she says before taking a bite of her burrito and instantly moaning loudly at the taste.
"Gross not again!" Grey, one of the sounds shouts from his bunk, and I laugh while Billie tries not to with her mouth full of food.
"Chill! She's just eating a burrito!" I call back and hear him sigh in relief.
Grey has...heard things.
Billie and I finish the food impressively quickly while chatting about the show and whatever else comes up, and while I clean up all the trash Billie goes to change and brush her teeth for bed.
I do the same after her then crawl into bed with her, smiling when she immediately rests her head on my chest. I run my fingers through her hair gently, and strain my eyes to examine her features with what little lighting we have.
"Goodnight, Lexi," she mumbles, sounding half asleep already.
"Sleep well, Bil," I whisper back and keep playing with her hair as she drifts off quickly, unlike myself.
~
"Ten minutes until soundcheck!" someone shouts and I stick my thumb up in acknowledgement while focusing on the cards in my other hand.
Some of the crew and I are playing poker while we wait around for our jobs to need us, and it's getting intense. We're only betting candy but still....intense.
I haven't seen Billie all day because she's been bouncing around between interviews and what not since the second she woke up, so I'm really excited for sound check.
"I raise 3 white gummy bears," Ash says and I watch her closely as she pushes her candy into the middle.
"Fold." Grey's a pussy, Ash is obviously bluffing.
"Call," I decide and push my own candy in.
Grey flips the remaining card and I smirk when a second pair is made for me, meaning I have a pair of aces and a pair of queens.
"Two pair," we both say at the same time and throw our cards down, me laughing and Ash groaning when we see that I won.
"Thank you very much," I grin smugly and take all the candy from the middle.
"Guys, you're killing me. Clean this up and get prepped for soundcheck," Chris says and snaps his fingers as he walks passed us to get to the stage.
I groan and slide my cards to Grey so he can put them in the box, then stuff my mouth with some gummy bears before standing up.
I spin around and almost crash into someone, peeking up when I reach out to steady her and realize it's Billie.
"Damn it, I was trynna sneak up on you," she says with a pout and I keep chewing my gummy bears quickly so I can respond. "Ew what's in your mouth?"
I open it to show her all the gummy bears and she scrunches her nose and looks away, which thoroughly amuses me.
"How was your interview?" I ask once I swallow and she rolls her eyes.
"Same questions as always," she grumbles and I put my arm around her shoulder while walking her over to the stage. "I wanna nap."
"Do you have time between sound check and the show?" I ask and she shakes her head.
"No, Chris wants me to go to the pop up shop and surprise some fans," she mumbles and leans into me. "It sounds nice and all I'm just worried I'm gonna fall asleep on one of them."
"Can you just not go? It's not like you'll be letting anyone down. They don't know you're coming," I point out and she shakes her head tiredly.
"They deserve it."
"Alright Billie, up here!" a stagehand calls and she reluctantly pulls away from me before trudging up the stairs to the stage.
Throughout soundcheck I just watch Billie worriedly because she looks so drained the entire time. Afterwards we only get to sit together for a few minutes before someone takes her away to go to the pop up shop, and Chris makes me stay behind to help with prepping everything for tonight.
She's gone for a few hours, and she only gets a little while during the openers set to relax. Of course I'm busy with the sound system during the set, so I don't get a chance to see her before she takes the stage.
The set starts off the same way it always does, with everything running smoothly. A bit ways in though, things start to go wrong, just not on our side of things. Billie slips up and forgets the lyrics during one song, but most people brush it off. When it happens again I furrow my eyebrows in worry because it's unlike her, but when she messes up again I know something's wrong.
She suddenly stops singing all together and the audience gasps. The microphone makes an ugly noise as it hits the stage floor, and I don't hesitate to spring up from my seat and run out onto the stage.
Finneas is already crouching down beside Billie's body and I do the same, frowning when I look down to find her with her eyes closed and her face paler than normal.
"What happened?" I ask with a frown and cup her cheek sweetly, but she doesn't respond to the touch.
"I don't know! She just collapsed," he says frantically and I move one arm under her knees while my other goes under her back so I can pick her up bridal style.
She starts to stir in my arms and I look down at her as I carry her off the stage carefully. Her eyes open just slightly and she looks up at me with a confused expression.
"Lex? What happened?" Her voice is tired and confused, and she sounds stressed.
"I don't know, baby. You fainted for some reason," I reply and walk down the steps, where there's one of the venue's EMTs waiting for us with a gurney.
I set her down on it and she closes her eyes tiredly, her chest moving up and down slowly as she drifts off again. I walk with the EMTs as they wheel her outside, and talk to them about what possible causes could be. As I assumed, they tell me it's most likely because of exhaustion, and she'll be discharged shortly after getting an exam and an IV or something.
They only let one person ride in the ambulance with them, and we let Finneas go because he's her literal family of course. Chris and I drive behind them and meet them at the hospital, and the three of us sit in the waiting room while Billie gets checked out and hooked up to some monitors and an IV.
It's not too long later when a nurse says we can go see her, and I do t hesitate to spring up from my seat and go inside. While we were waiting, Finneas and Chris agreed that I can go inside first.
"Hey, Princess," I say softly and she turns her head to look at me with a tired expression. "How are you feeling?"
I sit down on the edge of her bed and kiss the top of her head sweetly, which makes her eyes flutter shut again.
"Shitty," she mumbles and rests her head on my arm. "I let everyone in that arena down."
"Hey, don't say that. You put on a killer show even though you were overworked and sleep deprived, and I'm sure none of them are disappointed. If they're real fans they're just worried about you," I assure her and wrap my arm around her so I can rub her arm comfortingly. "What did your doctor say?"
"I don't remember," she mumbles and lets out a heavy sigh. "My head is so foggy."
"Poor baby," I mumble and kiss her head again before pulling away so I can stand up. "I'll check your chart."
"Mkay," she mumbles lazily and I see that her eyes are closed. She's probably half asleep.
I walk to the end of her bed and pick up her chart, my eyes straining to read the chicken scratch on it. Damn, doctors really do have shitty handwriting.
I see the key terms I expected like sleep deprivation and high stress levels. Even though it's what I expected, it still makes me frown. Is there more I could've done?
I scan the page for a moment longer, and suddenly my heart stops in my chest.
Patient is 8 weeks pregnant.
What the fuck? This has to be a mix up. I must be reading the wrong chart. My eyes flick to the top of the page but unfortunately all I find is O'connell, Billie.
Part of me hopes maybe they mixed up her test samples, but then I read underneath that the information was provided by her primary care physician back home.
Holy fucking shit. Billie's pregnant.
And 8 weeks pregnant means that she was still fucking around with someone right before we got back together. The same time I hooked up with Shay, which she still holds over my head sometimes.
"What does it say? Am I dying?" she jokes tiredly and I look over at her, finding her eyes on me.
"It says you're pregnant," I say simply and her eyes widen slightly. "But you already knew that."
"Lexi listen-" she starts but I shake my head.
"After everything I said about being open and honest with each other you still kept this from me?" I cut her off and she looks down at her hands. "I know how far along you are, you must've been fucking around with Devon until right before we got back together."
"You were fucking around with Shay," she says defensively and I roll my eyes.
"Yeah, and it ate me up so much that I told you the next day. You almost dropped me over it but you were doing the same shit!" I feel myself starting to get more and more pissed off, so I take a breath to calm myself and avoid looking at Billie.
"I'm sorry," she says weakly, her voice cracking.
"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?" I ask after composing myself a little bit.
"I thought you might leave me again," she says sadly and I scoff.
"Why do you always expect the worst from me?" I ask and look at her again, seeing the way her eyebrows furrow together and her frown deepens.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you just assumed I'd ditch you when you need me like that?" I ask and she shakes her head. "Just like you immediately assumed I was dealing again when you heard 5 seconds of a conversation out of context. That shit hurt, Billie! It's like you don't trust me at all." I vent some of my frustrations, even though partway through my voice starts to waver.
"Lexi, I'm sorry," she says quietly and I hang my head. "Fuck I'm so sorry. I should've been as open with you as you've been with me. I know you're trying so hard, and if anyone hasn't earned trust in this relationship it's me, not you."
I sigh and rub my hand over my face in frustration then look at Billie again. "I need to go back to the bus and process all of this," I mumble and Billie's face somehow grows even sadder.
"Can I sleep in your bunk when I get discharged?" she asks hopefully.
"I think I need some time alone tonight, Bil," I say and walk around to the side of her bed again.
"I'm sorry," she says again, her voice strained. "I wanted to tell you I swear to God I tried so many times."
"Let's not talk about this right now, you need sleep," I insist and she sighs in defeat.
"I love you," she says quietly and looks up at me nervously, as if she's worried I won't say it back.
That hurts too.
"I love you too," I mumble and lean down to kiss the top of her head before turning around and leaving her room.
A/N
not edited ayyyyyyy
damn okay there y'all go lexi finally knows you can stop HARASSING ME
jk i like your comments
how are y'all doing? questions? thoughts? predictions?