I KNOW PEPPER WON'T BE AROUND during the final showing of her musical. That's why I can breathe as I approach the box office and show them the ticket I bought ahead of time. Though my heart sinks a little upon seeing Rebekah collecting tickets at the end of my line. Why is she out here? I mentally curse myself and contemplate jumping into another line. A quick swivel of my head shows each line is twice as long as the one in front of me. Worry bubbles in my stomach. Is it worth it?
Last I heard, she and Tiffany still give Pepper shit about ridiculous rumors surrounding us and Lucas. No matter how many times I or Pepper herself have tried to shut them down, they keep on poking at her, waiting for her to snap. They have no idea how much I want to snap for them merely existing.
The time for contemplation ends and I'm up next.
"Mason?" Rebekah drags beneath her Southern accent and appears thoroughly thrilled that I'm in line. "I didn't know you liked musicals."
"I don't," I mumble and wait for her to rip my ticket off.
"Ooh." She leans on the booth and drums her fingers along her cheek. "Are you surprisin' Pepper? Should I tell her you're here?"
"No." I huff and shift my head slightly to glance around her. "Aren't you supposed to be helping with costumes?"
"Oh, you know Pepper. Always showin' off." She flaunts her wrist as acid drips from her tone. "She takes over everything."
"That's because she's good at what she does." I shrug and stuff my hands into my pockets. Can you give me my ticket now?
"I'm sure you'd know." She offers a delicate smile as she rips my ticket off. "Bein' the baby daddy and all. Or was that Lucas?" She cocks her head to the side and offers my ticket.
Snatching it from her fingers, I declare, "I wonder how lonely you must be for someone else's life to be more interesting than yours. If you focused on yourself as much as you focus on stupid rumors, people might actually like you as much as they like her."
Not giving her gaping face a chance to rebuttal, I stride past her and into the auditorium. The lights are dim and pre-show music plays drifts like a breeze from the orchestra pit. Groups of families and classmates are piling towards the front middle seats while smaller groups sit along the side rows. Determined not to be seen, I pick the last seat in the very last row in the darkest part of the theater. The last thing I need is Pepper freaking out and gushing over me attending the show. She'd probably declare that I like theatre and try to make me see every Broadway show and local musical with her.
Opening the program I received at the entrance, I flip through the bios until I can find Pepper's. Hers is on the shorter side, perhaps saving her longer message for their last musical next year. "Pepper Young...head costume designer...senior..." 'This is Pepper's thirteenth play and musical...' "Wow," I mumble. "And she calls me the overachiever." 'She would like to thank her parents and friends for always supporting her and tolerating her bizarre theatre lifestyle. (Including using them as mannequins on occasion.)'
I snort and bite back a smile. On occasion? Okay. I've come home to vibrant colored shirts hanging in my closet because of this girl sneaking in my house all summer. It's more like an ongoing battle.
'After graduation, Pepper would like to further her studies in theatre, fashion and design. She hopes to create fashion for all of the fascinating people of the world.' "Hmph." I smile and close the program. Her addiction is more of a dream than anything. She's been doing this since she was a fetus in middle school.
A depressing flash of jealousy pierces me like the end of a poisonous spear. How does it feel to be passionate about something? To have a dream and work towards it for years? How does it feel to know your purpose and what you want to do? I place the program on my lap and slouch into the cushions of my seat. What's my purpose? To be perferct for my parents?
What about what I want to do? What do I want?
Certainly not to be a businessman. Maybe I do like helping people a bit. Researching and learning things. It might seem lame to others, but school is one thing I'm good at above soccer.
I lick my lips and scan the set of Grease. Pepper's already forced me to watch the silly movie with John Travolta. I remember her gushing about loving the style of every costume and how I was a Greaser and she was a Pink Lady. I had teased her ruthlessly for always romanticizing her life as some kind of musical, but maybe that was her passion shining through. Her love for something.
So what's my musical?
"Mason?"
"Shit," I hiss and slink into my seat at Lena's voice whispering in my ear. I jerk to the side to find her kneeling right next to me with wide eyes. "W-what do you want?"
Razor straight auburn hair brushes along her fair cheek as she cocks her head to the side. "Why are you sitting all the way back here? Are you waiting for Pepper or something?"
"No." I fold my arms and sit up straight. My heart is beating against my ribs and I so desperately want her to leave and not draw attention to me. "She doesn't know I'm here and I'd like it to stay that way."
"How come? Are you surprising her?"
"No. I just want to support her. Why do you care?"
Thin lips spread into a smile that matches her catlike gaze. I shudder and imagine the Chesire cat in her place. "So you're a little soft boy," she teases. "How precious."
"Don't you need to find your girlfriend or something?"
Flames flicker across her eyes and somberness gradually pulls down her expression. She rises above me and shifts over to sit in the seat next to mine. I slouch in the other direction to face her again while keeping myself on guard. I zero my sights on each end of the stage in case I spot a Pepper-like shadow and need to duck and dodge a confrontation.
"I'm actually glad I got you alone." Lena rubs her neck before placing dainty hands over her crossed legs. "I wanted to say...thank you," she mumbles and then clears her throat in the most obnoxious manner.
"Come again?" I arch a brow and pretend I didn't hear her.
She rolls her eyes and huffs. "I'm saying...thanks."
"I thought that's what you said." I smirk.
She narrows her eyes and if I weren't crazy, I'd say she's blushing just a little. "Don't make me regret this, Hyeong Rhee. I'm trying to be nice."
"Go on. Go on." I nod my head towards her, urging her to continue.
She exhales a heavy breath and slumps forward. "Martsia...she told me what you guys talked about the other day. The whole eating issue...we've fought about it for years and it always resulted in us seemingly hating each other. Even when it was out of love, it never failed to create a conflict. Amber and Pepper even tried to an approach that kind of worked but didn't solve the overall problem."
"Most people don't know how to approach those kinds of situations. I'm sure you didn't mean to cause any harm."
"I-I didn't. I was always so worried about her and she never understood my position. Then you come along and somehow convince her to go to a doctor." For the first time since I've ever known this girl before me, a genuine smile breaks through her lips and she rubs her under eye. "She made a doctor's appointment for next week and we're going together."
"That's amazing, Lena." I sit upright and touch her wrist. "That's exactly what she needs."
"I know." She shrugs my hand off and wipes any evidence of emotion off her face. "I was so happy and relieved. You have no idea how much it means to me. I...I love her more than anything. And I want us to have a healthy future together, so I just hope that this is a step towards her getting the help she needs mentally and emotionally. Then maybe she can be the girl she wants to be...or be happy with how she is."
"I hope she can find that too." I grin and nudge her leg with my knee. "It's pretty obvious to everyone how much you love her. She's the only time you're even remotely nice."
"Okay. Shut up." She laughs and sniffles the rest of her emotions. "So, yeah. Thanks. It really means a lot and I owe you so much for this. I really appreciate it, Mason. I guess...I guess you aren't the worst nemesis in the world."
"We aren't nemeses, Lena."
She ignores my comment and rises from her seat. "If you tell anyone that I smiled at you or almost cried, I will kill you and hide your body."
"Wait, what?" I gape.
Lena saunters around me and struts down the aisle as if we never interacted.
Leaning back, I smile to myself and watch as she finds a seat next to who I assume is Martsia and Amber near the front. Even a girl who deems me her rival was able to find happiness in something I'd done. Not because I was looking for it, but because I really do want Martsia to live a healthy life. I want everyone to live a healthy life. So no matter what it is that can help them, I want to be able to offer that.
Warm tingles fill my chest as I sit and take in the happiness I've brought to them. Even if their road continues to be hard, I'm glad that one small act helped.
Just like I hope my patience and support will help Pepper come to terms with whatever haunts her. I hope her re-entering her daily schedule and working on this silly musical helps her find happiness. Even more, that her friendship with Amber will be the one thing she deserves but didn't have in these past few months.
Thinking so much about it, I lose myself in imagining a life of helping others in some way. I've been looking into things I could be passionate about these past few months. To see what makes me happy in the deepest parts of my heart. So far, everything I've come up with has been more confusing than helpful. My parent's business could always be a backup or stepping stone in some way to elevate me to what I really want to do in life. More than ever, I want to find what that something is.
"Mason?"
I look up abruptly at the call of my name. "Oh no," I grumble when I see Pepper approaching me like a madwoman up the side-aisle. I sink into my seat and pretend not to notice her waving her hands wildly as she approaches. Maybe I can pretend to be a stranger.
"Mason."
I turn my head and pray to the heavens for the auditorium lights to fade to black. Please don't let her approach me. Please...
"Mason, is that you?" she hisses as she gets closer.
I slink further and pull the collar of my sweater over my nose.
"You can't hide from me!" Her giggles touch the air and she skips right next to me. "Hi," she chirps and pokes my shoulder. "What are you doing here? Did you sneak in because you didn't want me to know you like musicals?"
"No, I-"
"I knew you'd eventually love them." A beam bright enough to make the stars envious conquers her face. She hesitates for a moment, appearing to think heavily on her next actions before grabbing my limp arm with a soft tug. "Why are you all the way back here?"
My mouth is open, but not a single word can come out because the universe ceases to exist around me. Words are lost but my thoughts are infinite.
This smile... Her excitement... It's all so beautiful.
My heart lurches in the most painful way as I fall in love with her harder than I ever have before. The pure joy that she wields from me willingly coming to something as dumb as a musical is ethereal to me. She's laughing so cheerily and tugging me out of my seat with her frail hands. "Come on! You have to sit up close before it starts. I want you to have the best seat in the house!"
"O-okay," I murmur and give in to her continuous tugs of excitement. I rise to my feet and am at her will as she smiles up at me. "I-I didn't want you to know..."
She cocks her head to the side. Loose curls dust along her brown cheek. "Why not? Lena just text me that you came here to see me."
I grit my teeth and look in Lena's direction just in time to see three heads, blond, black and red, whip around in unison. I'm going to kill her. I turn my attention back to Pepper as she simpers. My heart jumps as if I'd forgotten that she was looking at me in such a mesmerizing way. "I didn't want you to get your hopes up and think that I was going to start seeing musicals with you." I rub my neck with the hand that's free from her delicate hold. "I just wanted to support you."
Emotion cascades her expression like rivers and she blinks rapidly. She drops my arm suddenly. My heart thuds. She looks down and hesitates yet again. A battle wages inside her, like she can't decide what to do or how to react. She steps forward, closing the distance between us, then hesitates again. What's she trying to do? There's not enough time to prepare as her thin arms wrap around my sides and she presses her head against my chest as if searching for the pounding of my heart.
"Pepper, I-"
"Thank you," she whispers, "for being here to support me. Even when you still hate musicals."
Pathetic attempts of laughter flutter from my chest, and I place my arms around her shoulders. "Of course, I'm going to support you. You're my friend."
"You and Amber are the best friends I could have asked for. You make things seem as if they're almost normal." Her words get caught in my chest and dance along the chambers of my heart. She squeezes the fabric of my sweater and holds me tighter. It's impossible to ignore how her limbs shake. "Thank you for being here for me even after the whole mess that we've been through."
"You don't need to thank me. That's what we're here for. I want things to get better for you. Even if it's a little at a time, I want you to be happy again."
She pulls back and wipes under her eyes. "I wore waterproof mascara just in case I cried tonight."
"Of course, you did." I chuckle and tuck stubborn curls behind her ear. "You're always crying about something."
"Shut up." She pushes my chest with her palm before stepping back to craddle herself. She takes a calming breath, like the act of hugging someone took so much power. "I really think you'll like the musical. They've improved a lot since the dress rehearsal."
"That won't make me enjoy it more," I tease.
Pepper rolls her eyes and rocks back and forth in her boots. "Remember when I made you watch Grease over the summer?"
"I'm still trying to forget."
"Well, you'll like the musical so much more! There's an extra song and everything." She grins and hesitates again, shorter this time, before grabbing my wrist. "Come on, before the show starts."
"Oh God," I groan and pretend to drag my legs as she tugs me down the aisle and to the front. Something inside me, something so minuscule and emphereal, flickers inside the crevices of my hollow chest.
This moment, her excitement, the tingling of her touch, it whisks me back to our budding friendship before we ever started dating. When we were still nervous and awkward around each other and every time I was remotely nice to her, she treated me as if I gave her the entire world.
The first time I agreed to see one of her musicals, she gushed about it for days. I hadn't even kissed her yet, but I knew then that she would mean so much to me. The way she emits light as if she were her own star.
How had I not seen it before? I didn't fall in love with Pepper over the summer. It wasn't when we were intimate for the first time or shared our first kiss. It wasn't the first time I held her hand or asked her out on a date.
The first time she smiled at me like her heart was already in my hands.
That's when I fell for her.
I realize as Pepper finds me a seat as close to the front as possible, that I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have her as my first love. Suddenly, I don't want to waste this opportunity we have. I don't want to sit by and continue to watch her be hurt by so many things when I can be doing something.
I don't care how much my parents threaten me. I don't care if my punishment is to work by their sides for the rest of my youth. Pepper is going to be in my life for the rest of my life.
Nothing in the high heavens is ever going to stop that.
As you can see, Pepper is really struggling trying (forcing herself) to be comfortable touching people again. It really breaks my heart seeing her go through this struggle to try and be normal again.
💜 bri sommers 💜