Chapter Seven:
Alex
Soroya went back to the palace with Shuri, mumbling to me that the princess was forcing her to watch a movie called 'Avatar'. I told her to have fun with that as the princess pulled my sister away to take her to her torture.
I felt tempted to go back into the palace and stay in my room, but deep inside I knew where I wanted to go. Where I said I would go. With a slight shake of my head, I walk towards the tree line, towards the mountain area of Wakanda.
After maybe fifteen minutes of walking, I find Khari sitting on the log we were at yesterday. His white paint is still on from earlier, but some of it has faded due to the water. He is still wearing the grass skirt, but his chest is covered with the same leather breastplate I've seen him wear before.
As I approach, he looks up to me, then to the outfit I'm wearing. He smiles sadly. "You were there today?"
I nod, sitting down next to him, waiting for him to speak again. I can see how sad today has made him. It makes me wonder why I feel pity for this man I barely know.
"M'Baku is a good man. I know he didn't seem like it today, but he's a respectful and generous leader. He only said those things because he thinks our way of life is better for everyone. He has good intentions."
"His behavior was barbaric. The way he taunted T'Challa about his father was inexcusable, how can you defend him?"
"He's my leader and my friend. You have only just met him today, you can't be too quick to judge."
"That goes for you too then," I say, but this comment makes Khari confused. "You've seemed nice so far but I've only just met you. Perhaps I've been to quick to judge you. Perhaps you're no better than M'Baku."
I can see the hurt go across Khari's face. I have to look away, not knowing what I'd say if I look into those hazel eyes any longer.
"Why do you act like that?"
I force myself to turn back to him, but I avoid his gaze. "Like what?"
"Like everyone you meet has some vendetta against you."
"Because from my experience, everyone does."
"Just because you have had a run in with several cruel people in your life doesn't mean you have to treat others prematurely with aggression." Khari says defensively. I am reminded of when Soroya acted the same way when I accused her of being in league with HYDRA. Those two really are alike.
"Assuming everyone is out to get me is what's kept me alive this long. And even before that, it's what's kept me from getting hurt."
"Getting hurt is apart of life. If you keep pushing people away then you'll be all alone in life."
I shrug. "I've never minded being alone."
Khari's face softens and the anger fades. "Yes, you do. You just find it easier than opening up to someone."
I let out a noise of exasperation. "And Sigmund Freud is back at it again! I'm sure there are plenty of people who would enjoy you interpreting their every word, but I'm not one of those people."
Khari looks slightly annoyed. "If you took a step back and looked for a moment you might realize that I'm not someone whose out to get you. I'm someone whose trying to help you."
"I don't need your help." I say stiffly, standing up off the log.
"Yes, you do. You're just too proud and too scared to admit it," He says, not caring that my back is turned to him. "You know you would be surprised how many people could care about you. If only you would allow them to."
"Who? Like you?"
I turn around and find that Khari is standing up as well, looking at me very seriously. "Yes, like me."
"I believe that less than anything. I've been nothing but rude to you, why the hell do you care about me? And if you say it's because I have a pure soul, I will jam the oversized toothpick someplace it will hurt."
Khari ignores my remark, and to my surprise, shrugs. "I don't know why. I just do."
"That's a horrible answer."
"It's the truth."
I shake my head, beginning to walk away. "I don't have time for your psychoanalysis. I have to get back to my sister."
"What if I could prove it to you?"
I turn back towards him, watching he takes a step forward. "I can prove to you that not everyone in the world is full of hatred and selfishness. Will you come with me somewhere tomorrow?"
"Where?"
"Jabariland."
"Why would I go to Jabariland with you?"
"Because part of you deep down wants to be proven wrong," he says, adding on after a moment. "And I can tell you're curious to see if I'm a lunatic or not."
Fair point. "Alright, fine. When do I meet you?"
Khari smiles widely. I actively ignore the butterflies in my stomach. "Here at noon, come alone."
"I thought we established I'm always alone." I say snidely, walking back towards the trees. I have no idea why I came here today, or why I just agreed to come back and see him tomorrow. He's right, part of me wants to be proven wrong. Part of me wants people to be as good as Khari and Soroya believe. But a larger part of me knows its better not to get my hopes to high and get hurt in the process.
-
Soroya
"What do you think of it so far?" Shuri asks. The two of us are sitting on a couch in her room, watching a movie called 'Avatar' that came out about eight years ago.
"It's good. I like the blue woman with the bow."
Shuri raises her eyebrows at me. "Neytiri?"
"Yeah, her. I like how she slowly grows to trust Jake; finding out he isn't evil like the other humans. It reminds me of..."
"Of you and Sergeant Barnes?" Shuri shifts in her seat, turning to me with her curiosity blossoming to new heights. She clicks the button on the remote to lower the volume on the screen. "What's between the two of you?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean. I was there when he was put under cryo. I heard the way he spoke about you. I now hear the way you speak about him. There's also the fact you come and visit him every single day. Are you two together?"
I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear as I shake my head, feeling a blush form on my cheeks. "No, we're just friends," I tell her, but she doesn't buy this for a moment. Letting out a sigh, I add onto my last statement: "Or we used to be just friends. I don't know what we are now. Before he left he wrote me note telling me that he had feelings for me."
"And do you have feelings for him?"
I nod. "Yes. I've known that for a long time. I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out why I never told him. I honestly have no idea. In the letter he said he didn't tell me he loved me because he thought he didn't deserve me. But that's not how I feel. I think he's the greatest man I've ever met. He deserves the world. It isn't like me to hold back how I feel. I've come up with no answers as to why I never told him I love him, too."
Shuri sits there in contemplation before looking back over to me, asking: "When did HYDRA take you again?"
"When I was twelve."
"Well that's why! You have zero experience with romantic feelings and relationships. You have the experience and knowledge of a twelve year old! Oh my god...do you even know what sex is?"
I feel my face become a tomato. "Of course I know what sex is!" I hiss at her.
"But do you know how to—"
"Yes, I know how to! I wasn't kept in a box for fourteen years. I went on missions, I did plenty of stakeouts on adults, and I wasn't the only prisoner in my base. So yes, I know how all that works."
"But even with that being the case, you still have no idea what to do with your feelings or how to be in a relationship. It's totally normal that you would be scared and reluctant to share. Do you think you want a relationship?"
I let out a small chuckle, shaking my head. "I don't even know if that's what he wants. But I don't know, I never thought I would have a chance to have a relationship. It's just so strange having options now."
"Options?"
"For so long my life was about survival and keeping my family safe. Now, I'm here in this peaceful place, and I have a say in what the rest of my life looks like. I have no idea what I want it to look like."
"You know I became the head of science and technology for Wakanda when I was twelve? I used to tinker around with different objects as a child, but then I got more and more advanced. When I was offered the position, I knew that for the rest of my life I would be in charge of helping my country and keeping them safe. If I picked this job, there wasn't any going back. That was a lot of handle, a very big decision to make. But my mother told me that if it felt right, then I should do it. I haven't regretted it a single day since. You just have to find something that feels right for you. Maybe you should take this time you have to try out new things and see what feels right."
I smile at the young girl. She is so often underestimated, she doesn't get enough credit for her wisdom beyond the technological. "You're a good friend, Shuri."
She smiles at me, turning the volume back up on the movie. "But going on a path of self discovery doesn't mean you are free from finishing this list!"
I roll my eyes. "I know, I know." I say, turning my attention back to the screen, my mind lingering on Bucky for the remainder of the movie's run time.