Peter sucks in a breath while Shiloh stands up, offering him a hand to help him stand up. He's holding her hand, using her and the wall to get him to his feet, wincing with the pain in his leg and his side. Sure, he's in physical pain but that doesn't really matter right now because he's got Shiloh's hand in his leading him to Bruce and he's gonna find out exactly what's wrong with him. It's terrifying and he knows Shiloh will be there with him through every step of the way and that makes him feel better. It's just hard for him to start looking on the bright side of things so quick and soon. Shiloh can hold the optimism for him, he'll just squeeze her hand and listen to Bruce.
Shiloh and Peter enter the room where Bruce is sat in a flannel, sleeves rolled up a little, glasses hanging on the bridge of his nose as he looks at the computer screen. He seems to be in deep thought and Peter and Shiloh are both feeling like they're going to explode with anxiety.
Shiloh clears her throat. "Uh, Dr. Banner?"
Bruce immediately looks to the two of them, paying no attention to their still connected hands while a smile comes to his face. "You're here." He says, pushing his seat back and grabbing a tablet. "Do you want to step out?" Bruce asks, walking up the two of them, his eyes on Shiloh.
She looks to Peter, expecting him to have changed his mind already but he doesn't. He squeezes her hand, a silent plea for her to just stay there. "S-she can stay." Peter says with a shallow breath and a nervous but faint smile. "What, uh, what'd you f-find?"
"Are you sure?" Bruce asks, hesitance in his voice as he looks between the two of them, making sure this is Peter's decision given his insistence on Shiloh not being in the room the night before.
Peter nods. "Y-yeah, yeah. I asked her." Peter says, his grip tightening around Shiloh's hand, almost cutting off her circulation before he realizes he's squeezing too hard, his grip loosening once more but Shiloh doesn't even budge. Her eyes stay on Bruce, waiting.
"Right," Bruce says, looking at the tablet before switching it around to show Peter and Shiloh. "So, you're blood and DNA was mutated with the bite of the radioactive spider, thus giving you these powers and your healing ability. This is what your DNA looked like when we drew your blood for your leg."
Bruce shows them the digital double helix, something they've both seen a hundred times before in the testing that's been done with Peter to understand his powers. It has the usual color-coded strands that show which parts are his, that make him just Peter Parker, and which parts are actually from the spider. Purple, indicating the spider, bleeds onto the red backbone and blue backbone of the opposite side. The bars in between the backbones being greens and yellows, blotches of purple decorating each one.
"And this is what it looks like now."
He swaps the screens, showing Peter's DNA and this time, instead of it being completely intact and color-coded like Bruce has it, it's turning grey where the purple usually is. Spots of the backbone are deteriorating but are coating with another layer, the color turning blue and red like on the previous diagram.
"When you..." Bruce pauses, looking at Shiloh before looking back to Peter. "When you started injecting the morphine into your leg and abusing it as you were, the chemical compounds started to deteriorate small parts of your DNA due to the radioactivity caused by the spider."
Peter nods softly because it's exactly what he expected. It is his fault that his healing factor doesn't work anymore. It's his fault he can't heal all because he didn't know how to handle all of the heartbreak and devastation with good coping mechanisms. This is his fault because he let himself turn away from the people he cared about, from the people who were willing to help him, in order to selfishly protect them and himself. Now, that's all proven to be in vain.
"Had you been taking it as prescribed and stopped, this probably wouldn't have happened but because you were abusing for a length of time and needing more than the average person to get a high out of the medication, it started to tear down the mutated parts of your DNA." Bruce explains, not making Peter feel any better, all while Shiloh is listening, her grip tightening on Peter's hand. "But," Bruce holds the tablet with one hand and continues to explain. "Right now, it's just your healing factor and I can fix it."
Peter and Shilohs' eyes both widen, both feeling like they've completely misheard him. Bruce just said he can fix Peter. Fix him, just like that? Fix him to before he was Spider-Man or fix him to how he was before his addiction?
"Y-you...you can fix it?" Peter asks, voice fragile and laced in disbelief. "So, it'll, uh, it'll just be like after the bite?" Peter stumbles words. "I'll have the healing factor back?"
Bruce nods. "I need more blood but yes. I can clone your DNA and extract what's left of your healing factor," Bruce says, turning the tablet back around and showing Peter and Shiloh bits of purple that indicate there's still parts of Peter's DNA that include the mutated healing. "And use that as a way to treat you and you'll be fine."
A rush of relief washes over both Peter and Shiloh. They've been holding their breath since Tony said Bruce had news and it is good news. This is something good and it's taking everything in them not to turn to each other and hug and celebrate because this is incredible. Of course, it's not as if they didn't think Bruce couldn't figure it out. He's Bruce Banner, after all. Those seven PHDs have to mean something but everything has been so bad that this is just amazing. Indescribably amazing and the two of them are squeezing each other's hands with the purest form of relief and happiness.
"That's it?" Peter asks, eyes bright as he glances to Shiloh, catching the smile dancing across her lips.
This is one of the best things Peter's heard in years. If Bruce can fix this and it's just that simple, for him, then maybe there is a bright side to this. Maybe he isn't just reaching a hand out. Maybe Peter is actually starting to tread water because this is something of a miracle in his books. He's not going to die. His mistakes are not costing him his life today and neither are his coping mechanisms or that crippled skeleton in his mind. Today, he gets part of his life back.
Bruce nods again. "It should take a few months and you have to stay clean but yes."
Peter gives Bruce a smile before looking to Shiloh. "Thank you." Peter says, eyes back on Bruce.
Bruce smiles softly. "You can take a seat and I'll draw some blood so I can get started."
Shiloh lets go of Peter's hand, his face immediately dropping. "I, uh, I have to go for a treatment so I'll meet up with you later." Shiloh forces a smile to stay on her face, looking to Peter and his brows only furrow, expecting her to stay but he can see there's something not right. She was just so happy for him and now....she's not?
With a shallow breath, Shiloh turns away from Peter and heads for the door, Peter watching her with an aching heart before looking back to Bruce. He wants to go after her because she should be happy for him. He's gonna be okay but she just doesn't look like it. And last night, she said she'd have stayed if she could and sure she needed a treatment then, too but...this just seems so random.
"I'll get everything ready, go." Bruce says to Peter, noticing the uncertainty on Peter's face.
Peter just nods quickly before limping out of the room as quick as his body will allow him. His steps are louder than he would like in the empty hallway, Shiloh definitely hearing him coming from behind her. She's been here through it all for him even when he doesn't want her to be. Even when he's flat out told her he hates her and she's the reason people die, Shiloh just does not give up on him but her walking away from the good news makes Peter worry. And for these few minutes, there isn't an ounce or a glimpse of anything dark and twisty in him. This is Peter.
"Shi?" Peter calls, trying to get her to stop so he can catch up to her, his leg burning with every step and his side feeling like he's being stabbed.
Shiloh tilts her head up, eyes closing as her steps start to slow down, turning back to him. "Hm?" She hums, pulling her lips between her teeth.
It's not that she's not completely ecstatic to hearing Peter is going to be okay. That's amazing and the best news she's heard in a long time but there is this horrible color of green taking over her insides. Peter destroyed his healing factor, by accident, and now, it can just be....fixed. Just like that. Bruce is gonna take some blood, spend a few hours cloning it and a few hours extracting the healing factor. Peter will be hooked up to a machine or IV of some sort for a type of transfusion and in a few months, he'll be fine. He'll be back to being able to heal just like he has since he was fourteen. Shiloh, though, she's not that lucky.
She didn't ask to be kidnapped and toured by Killian. She never asked for the extremis. She tried to get away and screamed and fought and cried. Shiloh did as much as any ten-year-old could and it wasn't enough. But, yeah, she got lucky and Tony already knew about extremis. He knew how to fix it, how to stabilize it and it worked. It worked the first time and now that it's no longer stabilized, that's it. Nothing's working.
The treatments are becoming less and less effective and Tony and Bruce still haven't found a solution. It's been months and there's still no sign of any solution. Peter walks in, gets an answer in twelve hours, and gets to work on being better. Shiloh has to wait months and she still might die. That's just not fair and it's also not fair that she's jealous because it's not Peter's fault. It's not anyone's fault Bruce found an answer for Peter and not Shiloh. It sucks but it's no one's fault and she's just pissed off at the world.
"A-are you...are you okay?" Peter asks, getting closer but not wanting to wait until he actually reaches her in order to ask.
"Yeah, why?" Shiloh shrugs, the same fake smile pulling at her lips.
"What's wrong?" Peter questions, finally closing the distance between them, leaning all of his weight onto his left side to try and feel some sort of relief.
"Nothing." She answers curtly, a subtle hint of snark in the edge of her tone.
Peter's eyes slightly narrow and this isn't a case of him ignoring her wishes. Shiloh can be a very good liar. If she doesn't want people to know something, they're not going to know. Lying isn't exactly a quality people should be proud of but Shiloh is very good at it. Except right now. Her answers are short, she looks bored, the smile falters. She looks like she wants to roll her eyes and never speak again.
"S-something's wrong." Peter says. "You can tell me." He offers, eyes scanning over her face.
Shiloh sucks in a breath, looking to the floor, eyes meeting with her sock-covered feet and Peter's one-sock covered foot. This isn't his business. This isn't up for him to talk to her about. This is something she wants to talk to Harley about because she can't trust Peter with her own problems or her thoughts. And it's not even because she's afraid of what he'll do, it's just because she doesn't trust him. He finds out she's dying and then he wants to make a change. That's great, it is, but that doesn't mean he gets to know everything. He could have killed her. He could have killed a lot of people. This is his fault anyway. She doesn't trust him to tell him about herself. Not yet.
"No." Shiloh states, voice harsh and stern, unwavering.
Peter shakes his head, clearly taken aback by the simple word. "N-no?"
"No." She repeats, same tone but her brows flick upwards and her arms cross.
"I-I don't...I don't understand." Peter says and he's trying to figure out what changed. She was fine. She was fine until Bruce told them he's gonna be just fine. Why would that set her off? Doesn't she want him to be okay? She said herself she wouldn't let him die. What about him?
Shiloh bites the inside of her cheek, feeling her blood start to boil, snark leaking into her voice. "I told you, Pete. I don't trust you."
It's Peter's turn to look to the floor but not in shame this time, he's pissed. "What's that supposed to mean, Shi?" Peter asks, snapping his head back to her.
What does her not trusting him have to do with her being happy for him? She's being selfish right now and that's not fair to Peter. Why can't he be happy about being able to live and heal with the one person he trusts enough to stand with him through this?
This isn't about her.
"What?" Shiloh's the one taken aback this time.
"Wh-wha-wha-what's that supposed to mean?" Peter's stutter worsens as he tries to keep himself from exploding. "You-you-you can just....ugh," Peter groans, annoyed with himself. "You act like you trust me! I don't want you lying to me!"
"I do! I do trust you!" Shiloh yells right back. "But not with my own fucking shit! This is mine!"
Peter shakes his head, taken aback by Shiloh's comment. How did they go from good news, him being okay, to this? This isn't about her. It's about him. This is supposed to be about Peter. Not about Shiloh. But now they're stood in the hallway screaming at each other and she doesn't trust him. How many times does she have to say that? He knows. But what does that have to do with any of this? What does her shit have to do with his?
What about me?!
Peter yells at her, his arms going out. "I-I-I-I-I need you for this! And you're just gonna leave?"
She just told him she'd be there for him, with him, through this. Good news or bad news, this is all scary and Peter doesn't want to do any of it without her. He doesn't know if he can and he's not ready to find out. It's not fair that she's just leaving him without an explanation. He's scared out of his mind and he's telling her but it's like she's not listening. But he's not listening to her, either.
"I have to!" Shiloh's face starts to redden and her voice strains. "I'm sorry! But I have to! You're gonna be fine, Peter! You can do it alone, you don't need me!"
This is hard for her. She knows it's selfish and mean and rude and even a bit cruel to leave Peter hanging like this but it's so hard she wants to rip her hair out. She's pissed at the world and herself. She wants her life back. She wants to go back to not having to have treatments and not feeling like the energizer bunny or like the walking dead, with nothing in between. She's so sick of feeling warm and the constant fear of not making a treatment and the possibility of her literally exploding. She's so sick of having to be careful of everything. And if she stays, if she doesn't step away and just let herself be pissed off about how the world isn't fucking fair and she doesn't go talk it out with someone she can trust, she'll take it out on Peter. And that's something she can't do to him.
"I do need you!" Peter's voice turns into a half-groan, half-whine, his selfishness making an ugly appearance. "Please, stay!"
"I care about you more--" Shiloh cuts herself off, coming to her own realization right there with Peter's flushed cheeks and eyes dark with anger but creases along his face showing worry. "I care about you, okay? And I'm happy you're gonna be okay. That is all I have ever wanted in the time I've known you. I'd die for you without thinking about it. But, I need to be alone." Shiloh sucks in a breath, trying to calm herself down. "You can do it." He's being selfish but maybe if it were her, maybe she'd be the same way. She needed Harley when they first found out about the extremis. "Call me, okay? I'll be down the hall but if you need me, call and I'll stay on the phone with you."
Peter dodges her eyes and he just wants to understand why. Why is this the thing that's got her pissed off? And at him. He understands why she doesn't trust him and why she does but not with her own health. He gets it but he just wants to be there for her in the same way she's there for him but maybe he can't do that. Maybe he shouldn't because he can't even think about having conversations without having a panic attack and he's still on the verge of a breakdown. And he's being selfish by begging her to stay with him even though he knows she does need to go for a treatment. This isn't fair to her and he knows that.
"I-I'm sorry." Peter shakes his head, voice back down to something calm but nervous. "I-I-I didn't mean...I'm sorry."
Shiloh nods because she gets it. It's weird to trust him on a surface level but not on a real, emotional level. "I'll see you later, okay? You can tell me about the blood Banner drew and what his exact plans are. I'll just....meet you around the tower."
Peter swallows, giving up on the argument. "I, uh, I just want you to be okay, too." Peter admits, his voice much steadier than before.
Part of Shiloh hates Peter because he can just make every ounce of fury and annoyance melt away. When it comes to anyone, she stays mad for weeks, sometimes months. Peter's different though. He makes her soft. But, maybe that's because Peter usually has people's, Shiloh's, best interests at heart and that's what really matters. And maybe this time it's because it's not Peter she's really mad at. She's doing what Peter's been doing to her for two years. Taking her self-blame and pushing it onto Peter and she knows she can't do that. So, she steps forward.
Her arms wrap around Peter's neck and his arms hug around her torso. She buries her face in his neck and it really kills her not to trust him with any of this. He's the person she always talked to about an injury or anything really, but she just can't bring herself to talk to him about this. Not yet and she just wishes she could because he's so comforting and warm. Safe.
And Peter's head is buried in her shoulder and all he wants in the entire world is to protect her and she just won't let him. He wants to take the blow of what's bothering her and not because he thinks he deserves it this time but because he knows if Shiloh can scream and yell about it, she'll be okay. He wants to be the punching bag for her and the person she runs to like she did before even if he doesn't deserve that type of friendship with her right now. And above everything else, he wants to take back fighting her.
Shiloh pulls away, Peter's hands moving to her hips. "We're gonna be okay, ya know?"
The corners of Peter's mouth twitch into a soft smile. "I hope so."
"Just, go, okay? It's fine. You get help and we'll take it a day at a time."
Peter nods, scared but motivated to move forward with himself. To get his life back. To get her back. "Okay." Peter says. "I...I wanna move past...it all."
Shiloh's hands slide down his shoulders, squeezing his arms. "So, do it." Her words are airy, soft like her hands against his skin. "If you don't let your past go, you're gonna be stuck running in circles, Pete. Look," Shiloh sucks in a breath, remembering every horrible thing he's ever said to her and done to her and she shouldn't just be okay with it and she's not but it's okay. "It's okay." She pulls at his arms, eyes locked with his.
Peter's grip tightens on her waist, not wanting to let her go. "Promise?"
Shiloh moves her hands to Peter's sides, avoiding the wound on his right side. "Not gonna lie about this, Pete." Shiloh says softly. "You deserve to be happy."
Happy. It's weird hearing for Peter because he could barely remember what that feeling felt like. He knew it's always associated with yellows and oranges, sunshine and flowers, rainbows. But, he's been living in the dark, cold, room. Gloomy black clouds covering his own sky for so long he just didn't think happiness was for him. Didn't think he could feel it again if without the help of a drug. But Peter didn't think he deserved it.
He didn't deserve to be happy after losing MJ and May. After the way he treated Shiloh at May's funeral. Screaming at her that he hated her and she brings death with her. He might as well have passed down the Merchant of Death title to her in that moment but none of it was true, of course. None of that could ever be true because Peter has cared about her since the day he met her, but he was so damn desperate to blame someone else and to protect himself and to protect her, one of the only important people in his life still breathing, that he just let himself get lost in the chaos of the storm.
He let the skeleton scream and cackle over everyone's offers to help and he let the waves pull him under. He just didn't think he deserved to be happy so he pushed away every single aspect of his life that might bring him a form of happiness. Someone who only gets people killed and pushes people away, hurts them in the worst ways, they don't deserve to be happy. Or, that's what Peter thought.
But he's looking at Shiloh and she's looking at back him, eyes so soft and warm. The clouds are pushed away and waves are calm. No more skeleton screaming. It's just him and warmth and this small bit of sunshine, like just the beginnings of a sunrise peeking out behind a passing storm cloud. It's there and he didn't think he'd ever feel again but he does.
He feels it when he's here. Not even just with Shiloh even if he can feel it the most with her. It's there when Harley joked with him and it was there, hidden behind the anxiety when he was at breakfast around Tony. It is right there hearing he's gonna be just fine. And it's here right now with Shiloh in his arms. Peter is allowed to be happy. Because of Shiloh.
You make me happy.
"We'll get lunch later." Shiloh finishes. "I really do have to go."
Peter nods quickly, pushing away his thoughts. "R-right, right, okay." Peter says softly as Shiloh pulls away from him. She turns around and gives him a smile before going her own way, leaving Peter to head back to Bruce.
With every step he makes, this is the start to something. A start to real healing, both physically and mentally. This is a start to full recovery and he's scared. He is always going to be scared but he's ready. He can do this.
Over the next two months, Peter started getting his own treatments. They started off with lots of anxiety, mostly him questioning if this was really going to work and a fear of relapsing and screwing it all up again. But, Shiloh walked him down to Bruce every morning. She didn't stay, not once, but she did walk with him and then she got her own treatment. She had talked about her jealousy with Harley, Tony, and Pepper, making herself feel better and being able to brush it off within a few days, still not budging on telling Peter and he let it go even though it bothered him. Either way, it started to work and the two of them did their treatments from down the hall from each other and texted most of the time.
Their days went on of Peter just getting used to the tower again. Exploring but staying out of the way. Nat had actually offered to train him with more combat to get his mind off of things and he almost took her up on it, mostly because he was bored a lot and he was always fond of her but then he remembers the pain of his gunshot wound that was slowly healing. Clint, however, offered to teach him archery and that, that he could do. It wasn't easy or painless, but he could manage it and he always really liked Clint so that was fun (plus, Clint always had food and coffee). And it was nice being at the tower and not being with Shiloh or Tony or Pepper or in a lab (Peter wouldn't dare step foot in Tony's lab and Shiloh told him he's not allowed down in hers yet). It was just nice hanging out Clint and Nat, trying something new.
Shiloh went back to coaching and this time, she didn't miss a single practice or football game. She got to be fully invested again and it was like a huge weight off of her shoulders. She finally got to be the coach she's been wanting to be for these kids. And after practice, Harley would come by to pick her up, taking her to her old apartment while Cindy was still at work, and help her grab a few things. They usually only had an hour to grab what they could as Shiloh didn't feel comfortable bringing anyone else in to help but it worked. Slowly, things started being moved back into her room at the tower which was perfectly fine with her.
Ned and Betty came by the tower a couple of times for dinner, Ned pulling Shiloh aside and almost crying at the small bits of progress Peter was making and then apologizing for ever doubting her and Peter. Which, of course, Shiloh brushed off because it wasn't exactly her that got Peter to come back and start anyway. Harley got the ball moving. But, nonetheless, Shiloh and Ned had a moment to just be happy for Peter. His limp was starting to ease up on him and he was getting color back in his face, bruises and cuts were either fully faded, scarred, or completely healed. It was like looking at the old Peter again and they could not be happier.
And between all of this, Harley, Shiloh, and Peter got closer as friends again. Sometimes, Harley and Peter found themselves with a Nerf gun war around the tower like when they were teenagers, this time Harley actually getting some nice shots in since Peter can't move nearly as fast. Sometimes, it was just Shiloh and Peter, first starting off with them hanging out in the living room to Peter slowly gaining the courage to walk to her room and knock, them falling back into a comfortable habit of hanging out in her room when it's late at night. And sometimes, it was just three of them either playing games of Mario Kart and yelling at each other while laughing or just having movie and tv nights, which also sometimes involved whoever else happened to be in the tower.
All in all, the last two months have been good for everyone. Peter's a had a few panic attacks but he pushed through them, seeing a therapist definitely helps. He's made his treatments and stayed at the tower, out of trouble. Shiloh kept up with her treatments, growing closer to Peter and starting to trust him a little more. Her being happier than ever with the progress he's made which is what lead her to go to the roof of the tower, a pizza in hand.
"Pete?" Shiloh calls, seeing Peter with his legs dangling over the edge of the tower, looking over the city, book in hand, er, leaving his hand.
Shiloh's sudden appearance and voice startled him, his heart jumping to his throat and him dropping the book. But, as he is on the roof, he has his webshooters on and shoots a web, catching the book and pulling it back up before looking over his shoulder to see Shiloh walking towards him.
"You, uh, you brought pizza up here?" Peter asks, a smile tugging at his lips.
"Clint bought more pizza than necessary." Shiloh chuckles, taking a seat beside Peter but leaving enough room for the box to sit between them. "I'm pretty sure pizza and coffee are the only things that run through his veins which probably isn't good for his health." Shiloh jokes as she grabs a slice for herself.
"Sounds pretty good to me." Peter jokes back, grabbing his own slice.
"Whatcha reading?" Shiloh asks, looking to the book covered in web fluid that's now on the opposite side of Peter.
"N-nothing." Peter says, covering his mouth as he chews.
"Mhm." She hums and if she weren't sitting at the edge of a roof, she'd lunge for it herself and see what he's up to but she doesn't want to fall off the side of the tower today. "Why not tell me, Parker?"
"None of your business, Shi." Peter mocks, eyes widening with the shake of his head.
"Aww, c'mon, Peter." Shiloh sticks out her bottom lip, giving him puppy dog eyes but that only makes Peter laugh.
His eyes crinkle and his entire face scrunches. It's the laugh he always has when he's so genuinely happy and in a good mood. When things are good and he's just happy to be breathing and living in the moment. It's Shiloh's favorite because it always sounds so perfect and beautiful and he looks adorable with his face scrunched.
Whereas Peter, he adores her with the puppy dog eyes. He laughs but his heart is fluttering in his chest and his stomach does somersaults whenever he sees her. She's adorable and it makes him nervous, makes him start to stutter a little more and his cheeks tint a Spider-Man red.
"N-nope." Peter says, going back for another bite.
Shiloh shakes her head, biting her lip. "Fine," She takes a bite of her pizza. "If you're not gonna show me, you have to come out with me."
This was actually her plan all along. Get up to the roof, offer Peter some pizza, and then make him leave the tower. One of the things Peter still needs to be reminded of is that he's Peter Parker. He's the person who always does something good for the little guy. That's not just Spider-Man's gig. Peter Parker, the person, cares about people and he just needs a little reminder that he doesn't need Spider-Man to do that and maybe now is a good time to show him.
Peter keeps eating his pizza, shaking his head. "I-I don't...I don't know, Shi."
"C'mon, Pete." Shiloh crosses her legs, facing him. "You haven't left this tower in two months. What're you so scared of?"
Peter tosses his crust in the box, Shiloh's eyes slitting and a smirk dancing onto Peter's face before he lays back, feet still dangling off the edge of the roof. There's plenty to be afraid of leaving the tower. The tower is safe. All of his treatments are here. His support system is here. It's all here but out there, out in the public and in the open, there's danger. There's temptations.
It's not that the urge to use has completely gone away because it never really goes away unfortunately but it is easier to deal with when he's here. He doesn't even really think about it very much anymore, especially with the pain in his leg easing and his back healing. It's so much easier not to think about relapsing when everything is starting to feel better and he's sleeping better, still not completely nightmare-less or a full eight hours but better than he has in two years. But, if he leaves the tower, maybe he'll run into someone, one of his dealers he went through before he just started stealing from pharmacies. Maybe it'll be too loud for him. It's safe here with Shiloh.
"'m not scared." Peter mutters, arm covering his eyes, shielding them from the sun.
"Mhm." Shiloh hums, picking up the crust Peter left.
"You can have it." Peter says, not even needing to look to know she's taken it like old times.
"Wasn't gonna ask." Shiloh grins to herself before eating the crust.
Peter peeks at her, just barely moving his arm and this time, her attention is looking over the city. Shiloh has never been one for heights. Not even with the suit that'll catch her. It'll coat her body and the thrusters will turn on before she even has time to think about hitting the ground and there's a backup parachute. But, the fear of falling is still there but it eases a little around Peter because Peter doesn't miss. Not in the times he's caught her.
When he's had to, he could catch her without even a thought. So, she can sit with one leg dangling from the edge, her leaning on her hand away from the edge and just admire the city. And Peter thinks she looks beautiful with the sun hitting her face, casting a shadow onto the left side of her face. She's so beautiful and Peter doesn't even realize he's started smiling to himself as he looks at her.
"Whe-where, uh, where'd you wanna go?" Peter asks, deciding that if Shiloh can handle her fear of heights because he'll catch her no matter what, he can handle his fear of leaving tower because he knows she'll catch him.
Shiloh smiles, turning her head to him, the sun hitting her necklace, reflecting the light towards Peter. "Can't tell ya, Petey."
Peter puts his arm back over his eyes with a groan. "Stark." He whines and it makes Shiloh giggle, something Peter hasn't heard in so long and butterflies just rip through his stomach. "What?" Peter moves his arm once more, just enough to catch a glimpse of her scrunched nose.
"You haven't called me that in a long time." Shiloh says. "Kinda miss it, I guess." She shrugs and Peter swears there's a blush coming to her cheeks.
Peter bites his lip. "You haven't called me Petey in awhile."
"I know you hate it."
"Yeah..." Peter sighs, but a smile still pulls at his lips. "Not, uh, not when...you say it though."
Shiloh tilts her head to the right, her brows softly furrowing together. "Yeah?"
"I-I, uh, yeah." He shrugs, keeping his arm over his face to shield the blush that's coming over his cheeks. "I like Peter and Pete but...yeah. I, uh, I don't hate it when you say it."
It goes silent between the two of them, just the sounds of the city below them filling the air and Peter wonders if he said too much. It hasn't been that long since her Cindy broke up and maybe he's not flirting right. This is flirting, right? Peter's always so bad at it. It's a miracle MJ understood him the way she did. But, he's trying but maybe he's trying too soon or reading too much into Shiloh just worrying about him and making sure he's okay. Maybe it's not like that. Maybe over these past two months, it's just been solely platonic. No bubbling feelings from her side. Just Peter's. What if she's just--
"I don't like when people call me Stark." Shiloh breaks the silence, biting the inside of her cheek, her stare on Peter until she sees him move his arm, her quickly turning her head to look over the city again. "But I don't hate it when you call me it." Shiloh's voice is soft and quiet, her still chewing on the inside of her cheek.
Peter smiles to himself, relief washing right over him. Maybe this is....okay.
"O-okay." Peter sits up, resting his weight back on his hands. "I-I'll go."
Shiloh turns to him with a proud smile. "Good, I've already got the car ready."
Peter's face drops with the shake of his head. Of course she does. "How'd you know I'd say yes?"
"I didn't." Shiloh says smoothly, closing the pizza box before getting to her feet and brushing off her jeans. "I was just hoping you would."
Peter turns tilts his head to the left. "You've, uh, you've become the real optimist, huh?" He jokes, sarcasm in his voice.
Shiloh scoffs. "I'm only an optimist when it comes to you." She bites her lip, looking down to Peter who's gained a feverish blush with her words but he pushes away the rush of nervousness and fluttering of his heart.
Peter looks up to her with her blocking the sun. "You're, uh, your-you're not gonna tell me where though?"
"Nope." Shiloh sticks out a hand, offering to help Peter up and he takes her hand, mostly because he just likes the way her hand feels in his and not because he needs help getting up this time. "But..." Shiloh starts, watching Peter shoot a web at the book and pick it up that way instead of being normal and just bending down to grab it. "You have to try. You have to try for fifteen minutes and if you want to leave, we will. But you have to promise me, you'll give it a solid shot for fifteen minutes."
Peter shakes his head, anxiety starting to creep to the forefront of his mind. "Uh....w-why? What..."
Shiloh just raises her brows. "Promise?"
Peter sighs, tilting his head up to the sky before looking back to her. "Yeah, yeah, okay. I promise." He says, almost mockingly.
"C'mon, then." Shiloh pulls his hand, leading him to the door of the roof.
The two of them head into the tower, stopping by the kitchen to drop off the rest of the pizza to which Clint takes for himself. They head out to the main entrance of the tower where Happy has a car ready and his face lights up with the sight of Shiloh and Peter, Peter trailing slightly behind, still holding a little bit of a limp.
Happy greets them, nodding at Peter with pride before the three of them get in the car and Happy starts the drive. The entire way Peter asks where they're going only for Shiloh to ask what he was reading. If he won't tell her, she won't tell him. Although, she does realize they're in a car so it's not like he's gonna open the door and jump out. So, she could tell him but she also figures a panic attack on the way there might not be the best start. If he gets there, sees where they are, maybe he won't panic. Maybe he'll feel like he has to do it and that will-power conquers anxiety. Especially with her there. She has hope.
They pull up to a tan building, stairs leading up to a long stoop with a few people sitting on a bench and Peter's heart sinks right to his stomach, eyes closing as he shakes his head. Now he understands why Shiloh made him promise before they left. He can't do this.
"Pete?" Shiloh asks, leaning forward to try and catch a glimpse of his face.
"Yo-yo-you brought me to FEAST?" Peter looks at her, tears in his eyes.
She nods. "You have to do something, Peter." She says and Peter can feel himself ready to start crying, remembering all the times he helped May and MJ here.
This was May's place. She helped here. She cooked here, took care of people and then MJ started helping. Peter helped when he wasn't being Spider-Man. He hasn't been back since May died. This, this is too much.
"Look," Shiloh unbuckles her seatbelt and moves closer to Peter. "I've seen you beat yourself up over everything for too long. So, you're gonna get out of this car and we're gonna help some people today. For May and MJ. For you because you need to know that you help people every day by just being Peter Parker. Not Spider-Man. So, get out."
"I-I-I..I can't."
"Yeah, you can. And I'm telling you, Happy is gonna be right here the whole time. Fifteen minutes and if you wanna leave, we can. I talked to Randy. He said you can leave whenever you want. No harm, no judgment. I'm asking you for fifteen minutes." Shiloh's eyes are soft and pleading, begging him to just give this one try.
Peter hangs his head but he understands. He understands why Shiloh is making him try this, making him do something good. She's making him try and get back to how things were but still accepting that things have changed because that's the thing.
He can be Peter Parker, the good guy, the one who helps and has corny jokes and one-liners. He can be Spider-Man, the hero people are supposed to rely on. He can do both just like before, it just has to be different because Flash, MJ, and May are dead and Peter is a recovering addict. It'll never be the same, but it can be similar. With the acceptance of what happened and moving forward by honoring those who have gone too soon. That's how people move on. How Peter needs to move on. Honor the people he loved.
He sucks in a ragged breath, lightly nodding his head. "O-okay. F-fifteen minutes."
Relief washes over Shiloh as she nods, nodding towards Peter's door. He opens it, hand shaking with every movement of his arm. He gets out of the car, holding the door, looking around. He hasn't even been over on this street since May died but nothing's really changed. She died and everyone moved on. People move on. People die and then their loved ones move on, strangers keep living because they don't even know, or maybe they heard so they offer a quick apology and carry on because it doesn't affect them. People die and the world keeps moving. Everyone keeps moving.
Shiloh exits the car, heading to Happy's window as Peter shuts the door. "I'll be at the meter down the street."
"I'll text if you need to come later." Shiloh says. "And, thanks, Happy."
"Nah," Happy huffs with a sincere and soft smile. "It's no problem, kid."
Shiloh moves away from the car, lightly pushing against Peter's shoulder to get his attention. He looks to her, barely even breathing but he's out of the car. He's on the sidewalk. This is farther than Shiloh thought he'd actually get and he's not having a panic attack so this is good. He could freak out and start running away now and she'd still be proud of him because he's here, he's trying.
"Ready, Spider?" She asks, eyes reassuring and bright.
That gets Peter to crack a smile. "Um...." Peter looks to his hands, tugging at the plaid sleeves of his flannel. "I-I think so." He gives her an uncertain nod.
"Alright," Shiloh remains confident, pulling at his hand. "Let's go." She pulls Peter along with her, keeping her own steps slower so Peter doesn't hurt his leg and so she's not rushing him too much but he keeps up well.
His hand is barely holding hers but it's there and he's keeping up. One foot in front of the other and he is making a solid effort even though he wants to scream and run like hell. Especially when Shiloh opens the door and allows Peter inside first. Everything still looks the exact same and Peter is fighting the lump in his throat because it's like just stepping inside of FEAST is enough to make him feel like he can feel May's ghost around. He expects her to spot him and wave him over with a bright smile, glasses on the bridge of her nose. But, he knows she won't and before he even knows it, there are tears filling his eyes.
"You okay, Peter?" Shiloh asks, stepping in front of him, hands on his arms.
He looks at her and he wants to tell her he is. He's fine but he's leaving. This is too much. Too emotional, too painful, too heavy. But he doesn't do that. Instead, he moves his stare around to the open doors in front of him that's used as a sleeping area, bunk beds spread out amongst collapsible tables. May would want him here. MJ would want him here. They'd want him to try and help. It hurts like hell to be here again, too many memories, but that's the thing. Memories aren't always bad. And the memories here, are all good. Every single one of them. So, maybe it's time Peter tries to embrace them and remember May and MJ for how they were before and not the last time he saw them.
"No." Peter answers with a broken tone, sniffling before rubbing his eyes. "B-but, uh," He nods, eyes on Shiloh's. "Fifteen minutes."
"Are you sure?" Shiloh asks with hesitance. "I mean, I know you promised but...you sure?" It's hard for her to try and conceal the proud smile that's starting to split her face while warmth spreads through her chest.
Peter nods. "Yeah, yeah, uh, you're right." Peter says. "I, um, I gotta do this." His brows furrow slightly. "Where-where are we helping?"
"Kitchen." Shiloh beams with so much pride it actually brings a smile to Peter's face. She sticks out her hand for him and he takes it without even thinking.