Too mentally and physically exhausted, I resign myself to sitting on the ground by the campfire. Evan sits behind me and wraps his arms around me in a gesture of comfort and support.
I don’t want any of it, but I’m too tired to argue. Powerlessness is the most constricting of pythons, and my brush with it a second time in my life is not at all exhilarating. Him being so close also has me fighting with myself and the inner force that nearly ripped me apart moments ago. It’s the strangest thing. Like a fire burning within, sometimes it is low and warm, but then it will momentarily flare up and make me cringe in pain.
Alicia is skinning and gutting the deer a few yards behind me, showing Emily how it’s done, while the other two guys, sit around the campfire, talking and joking around. I watch the pair of males, examining their casual movements through the flicker of the fire’s flames.
The blond guy, I overhear, is named Keith. He must be Alicia’s brother because he supports the same tousled hair color, and nearly identical eyes, although his are more of a brown shade of hazel.
The darker guy, Rick, looks like he’s Native American, with short cropped dark brown hair. His eyes are a darker shade of brown, nearly black, and they’re consistently glancing over at Alicia with hints of affection. Clearly, those two are an item.
Both of these guys are ripped. I mean, solid muscle throughout their backs, chest, arms and legs… Jesus. It’s enough to make any girl salivate.
And, of course, they’re sitting on the other side of the campfire with just a pair of shorts on.
Then there’s this guy sitting behind me. Talk about being a mirror image of myself practically. Evan’s not particularly tall, is lean as opposed to ripped, but at least he’s toned. His frame, though, isn’t big and broad like the other two. He looks like a beanpole next to those two, but compared to guys I’ve seen around Portland, he would still be considered eye candy. He is just a very slender version of the other two. His arms and legs look only slightly built, but when he flexes, I can see the thick sinewy muscles hiding beneath the surface.
Can’t say my arms and legs look like that when I flex them. Alicia has muscles like Evan, and in addition to her perfect body and attractive face, it’s hard for me not to feel self-conscious. I wonder briefly if Evan ever feels this way next to Keith and Rick?
“How ya feeling?” Evan asks in my ear. “Your temperature has lowered to a normal level.”
I try not to shudder from his breath against my neck. Despite being angry, hurt, and confused by him, my body still responds strongly to him in a way I don’t understand, and I don’t want to understand.
There’s something wrong with me; I know this now. Maybe it has something to do with how I came to be out in the middle of the forest so far away from home?
“Fine,” I shoot back rather briskly.
Guilt washes over me as he flinches. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I rest my chin on top and exhale audible. “Sorry.”
He brushes my dreadlocks to the side. “It’s okay. I know this must be hard.”
I close my eyes, trying to slow the beating of my heart by focusing on my breathing. Why does he have this affect on me?
“What… What are you?” I ask, finally able to form the words and spit them out.
“We’re all the same here.”
I roll my eyes at him, even though I know he can’t see me. “And what are we?”
“We’re wolf-shifters.”
“Right.” I can’t stop the sarcasm from dripping out of my voice.
He scoots over a few inches around me so that he can see my face. “What?”
I scrunch my nose, unable to help myself. “Do you know how ridiculous you sound? All of this is ludicrous.”
I expect to see him grin, or shake his head, but instead his face is filled with pity. I don’t like it.
“How is it that you don’t know who you are?” he asks, catching me off guard.
Before I can articulate my uncertain thoughts, Alicia’s voice is chiming a few yards away. “All done.”
Rick is on his feet in an instant to help her lift the deer—or what’s left of it—onto the spokes over the fire. I’m pretty sure he could handle it on his own, but I’m left to mull over my thoughts on the action. Maybe he liked to do things together with her? Or maybe, she doesn’t want a man to do everything for her? Nevertheless, I think I rather prefer his gesture to that of taking charge of the situation.
“Alright!” Keith says as his eyes watch the meat hungrily. “It’s been so long since we’ve had a hot meal out here. I’ve forgotten how good it tastes!”
He looks like a ball of energy waiting to burst forth as I furrow my brows at his remark. I catch a grin beginning to creep up on Evan’s face. “What?”
“You don’t believe me at all, do you?”
I snort. “Of course not.”
He leans in close and I feel his breath hot on my face. “If you saw yourself about to shift back there, you’d believe me.”
My skin prickles and I look away quickly. Maybe I’m not ready to hear all this yet?
Feeling as though I’m being watched. I look up and see Rick regarding me closely with his dark eyes. It’s then that I realize that his eyes are identical to the copper wolf’s eyes—the same wolf that tried to attack me in the forest had Cody, I mean, Evan, not come when he did.
My stomach knots as I return his gaze with a glare. What is his deal?
Fingers snap in my face. Blinking, I turn and see Evan scowling at me.
“You really shouldn’t do that,” he says.
“Do what?” I’m not impressed with his tone.
He keeps his voice low as his eyes shift briefly at Rick before returning to me. “You’re challenging him.”
“You trippin’? I ain’t challenging him.”
He shakes his head with a frown. “You are too challenging him. Wolves don’t stare into the eyes of others, unless it’s their mate’s eyes, or they’re challenging another wolf.”
“I'm not a wolf,” I growl under my breath.
Now Evan is rolling his eyes at me. “Look, I get it. You’re in denial. That’ll pass. But in the mean time, don’t cross Rick or Keith. They’re proud, and Rick can be a little hot-headed at times. Which is good in an alpha because he’s passionate, but you gotta watch yourself. You’re crossing dangerous territory if you look him in the eye. He won’t think twice before he clobbers you into submission. Not to mention that he’s fifty times stronger than you.”
I scrunch my nose up at the “alpha” statement. First he was going off on wolves, and now he’s getting into the specifics. “If he’s alpha, then what are you?” I say, poking him in the arm. Obviously his muscle mass didn’t compare to Rick’s, or even Keith’s.
If he finds my question offensive, he doesn’t show it. If anything, he looks smug with his little grin and slight shrug. “I’m the fastest. Those two are the ones that take down the big game, but I’m the one that catches him first.”
“Right.” It comes out less enthused than Evan liked.
“No, really. I’m a runner. I rank below Keith, he’s beta, but I get the respect of the pack because my agility puts food on the table. Including our dinner right now,” he says, nodding to the meat roasting on the spit before us.
He’s got me there, but I still have an ace up my sleeve. “You can’t catch a fish, even if your life depended on it.”
He frowns, his brows pressing together. “No, I haven’t been able to master that technique yet… but you can’t say I didn’t try.”
I nod a little, giving him a sign of approval for his efforts regardless. It’s still better than anything I can do. I can’t even walk without tripping over a tree root and twisting my ankle. The forest is no place for a city girl like me.
Burying my face in my hands, I release a sigh. Evan moves closer, asking if I’m okay, or if my head hurts, but that’s not it.
I’m not cut out for this life. How can I be when I don’t even know who I am anymore? Has everything been a lie until now?
I lean back into his awaiting embrace and close my eyes in an attempt to shut out the world.
I don’t want to face any of it right now.
----
Author's Note: Zara's not ready to accept that she's really a shifter. Can't say I blame her. Living 18 years of your life and never being told what you are ought to be a shock. Her inner wolf has also had a taste of freedom already, and she wants more.