Summary: "let me see you one more time and reach out to the stars and fly"
Warning: endgame spoilers, suicidal references, self harm, explosive behaviour
Also contains spideypool, wade is about 20, there's no author note at the end, but just sit back and enjoy the story guys.
Word count: 5195
~~~~~~ 1 month after endgame~~~~~~
His soft curls swayed softly in the wind, the gentle breeze hitting his skin as the dark sky loomed over him. His chest rose evenly as his brown, doe eyes looked upon the city he was sworn to protect as he hugged his knees closer to his chest. He hadn't been protecting the city. He was taking a break.
It had been almost a month since what the public had dubbed as the 'endgame' and people were still trying to piece their lives back together and get back into normal routines. However a large majority of people were still out of work, other people were homeless and crime rates were up, as it was what many people were resorting to.
Natasha always said, 'crime never rests, not for anyone or anything' and she was right. Hero's were out, still mourning close family and the death of Tony Stark. Nothing was right in the world, yet people were taking this as a chance to cause havoc and do as they please.
After all no one was stopping them.
The young boy, after a few minutes of sitting on the rooftop, visibly relaxed as the stars in the sky became visible to the eye.
This was his favourite part of patrol or just the evening in general. Getting to see the stars.
When his uncle Ben was still alive, they would always spend every Friday evening on the roof of the appartement, using a telescope and looking at stars, seeing who could name the most. Peter would always win, of course, but aside from that the two boys just enjoyed each other's company, taking in every moment they had together.
However when Ben died, the telescope was buried deep into the back of the closet, hidden away with other things that peter had stuffed in there as a child. May would always tell him to hide what he didn't like and lock it away in the closet. So he did just that.
These days the teen never got the chance to gaze at the stars anymore, he was always busy with school and patrol, never giving himself time to take in the small things and admire them. So when he did sit down at times like these, he did wish he hadn't hidden his telescope away.
But when his gaze fell from the sky and lingered on the painting of his past mentor he couldn't help it as his breath caught in his throat and his hands ran through his hair.
Turning sharply away from the painting, he secured his web shooters on his wrists with a click and swung towards the new compound.
His new home.
~~~~~~2 months after endgame~~~~~~
Peter, he was tired, a lot. He wanted to stay in bed longer in the mornings and spend less time out on patrol and try and skip team meetings. He wanted to hide away from the world, hold his legs close to his chest and not do anything. He wanted tony to be there to help him but he wasn't, and he didn't know how to process that.
The teen always felt a pit in his stomach nowadays, no matter what he did to try and fill the void, nothing would help. He tried reading, tinkering and even countless pots of coffee. Nothing helped.
He would wake up everyday and look in the mirror, dark bags under his eyes, his hair a constant mess and his arms a bright red from where he was continuously scratching.
Nerves were always getting the best of him these days.
He would plaster a smile on his face, one that tugged on his cheeks, the pull almost painful, and tell himself everything was fine.
He believed it for an hour or so.
Everyone had noticed the change in demeanour the once cheerful boy had, and no one knew what to do. So they let peter continue to spiral.
~~~~~~3 months after endgame~~~~~~
He knew it was true, yet he didn't want to believe it, even though the red and white faded lines on his wrists were enough proof, or the continuous voice in his head that screamed he wasn't good enough, he didn't want to come to term with the fact that he was depressed.
He was happy. Sure he had his moments, but they weren't enough to make him clinically depressed.
Were they?
Sure he used cutting as a method of release, a way to ease the void or even the swell of emotions that clouded over him from time to time, but that didn't mean he was depressed. He couldn't be depressed. Tony wouldn't want him to be depressed.
But Tony wasn't there.
But what if he was? What would he be saying now. What would he say if he saw all the scars and marks, what would he do? Would he be sad, disturbed, mad?
Peters Brain went into a frenzy, wondering about all the what ifs, but one thought prodded at him the most.
Would he be proud of you even now.
And peter couldn't help it when his body began to violently shake as his eyes watered, turning him red in the face, he couldn't help it when he pulled his legs closer to face and almost began choking on his sobs and tears. It was like Titan all over again. He could feel the pain, surging and coursing through his body. The pain of his limbs tearing themselves apart, whilst his body tried to hold himself together. He could almost feel Tony's jacket, and he could almost smell the scent of motor oil and vanilla that lingered on the man.
But he panicked more as he soon realised he would never be met with that comforting scent again, or the familiar words of 'its okay' from the person he trusted the most, and soon he was back on the battlefield. Tony's body in front of him as the arc reactor slowly flickered out. The sound of his mentors heart slowly coming to a stop as he took his last breath.
He sobbed and cried, thrashing about and not noticing a few members of the team enter his room. Most of them summoned by F.R.I.D.A.Y. All of them exchanged concerned glances, all of them had experienced panic attack's before in the past but none as violent as this, and it worried them all. Peter needed help, they could see that now.
So when pepper had come rushing in, enveloping the sobbing boy in a hug and whispering words of comfort as she ran a hand through his hair, the team were surprised. Pepper looked at them and sighed, whispering in a hushed tone, "Tony would do this whenever peter used to have a panic attack. It's the only way to bring him down."
So everyone waited, and after 10 minutes the boy had settled down and looked at the woman with his large chestnut eyes, confusion evident, "m'ster stark?"
Pepper froze, her eyes wide as her breath caught in her throat. She tried to swallow the lump as she realised peter was acknowledging her as Tony and not pepper. Not sure what to do, she sighed. Tears stinging in the corners of her eyes, "no peter, Tony's not here anymore"
"Oh"
That one word broke everyone's hearts, yet pepper continued to soothe peter, "it's okay now, I've got you peter, it's going to be okay" but something seemed to click in the boy, as his eyes widened, his face becoming stern and his head whipped around to meet the strawberry blonde. He looked at her almost panicked and then forcefully pushed away the woman, the force immediately knocking her off of the bed. She gasped as others went to her side, assisting her in getting up.
The boy froze as he looked around, he was like a deer in headlights, but suddenly his worried expression changed to one of anger and he looked towards the woman, "Okay? It's going to be okay?" The teen visibly scoffed as he crossed his arms and legs, visibly becoming more defensive, his nostrils flared and his voice was low and rough, "I'm sick and tired of hearing that it's going to be okay, it's been three months, I don't know if you've noticed or not but no one is remotely okay! So shut up! Just... shut up!"
To say people were shocked was an understatement, people were flabbergasted and others were confused, where had This come from all of a sudden?
Pepper felt a surge of anger as she took a step forward, brushing herself off with one of her hands and using the other to make gestures, pointing her finger towards the boy she rasped, "I don't know what's wrong with you peter but you need to stop this. You're turning into Tony here, locking yourself away and not dealing with you problems. So maybe for once you should be the bigger person and deal with your problems or get help." Her voice faltered at the end as she began to weep, she roughly balled her fists and rubbed at her eyes. Her stance still holding.
"Leave. Leave right now" it was low and barely audible but most people heard him. Pepper looked at him, "pardon?"
"Leave me alone!" The boy yelled in a spite of rage before he began sobbing again, his face still contoured into one of anger and his cheeks and eyes red. His fists were balled tightly at his sides. He watched as the older woman turned on her heel and walked out of the room, the sound of her heels echoing down the hall. Everyone else following close behind.
When they were all gone he got up and slammed the door. Telling F.R.I.D.A.Y to lock it as he made his way back to bed so he could just sleep.
~~~~~~4 months after endgame~~~~~~
It had been a few weeks after his emotional outburst and peter couldn't help but be consumed by his guilt. He hasn't apologised to pepper and neither had he made any attempts to take her advice and get help.
His door was always sealed shut after that day. He wouldn't speak to anyone. He barely ate or went outside. School was out of question. No one had seen him, not even Ned or MJ, and he wouldn't answer calls or texts.
Eventually people gave up on him. But everyone did, no matter what, he was alone.
He sat in his room almost everyday, only leaving through the vents to grab food from the kitchen. If people were to see him, he would be quick to turn on his heel and climb back into the Vents. The guilt and the pain would consume him and he often found himself with tears in his eyes, always looking like he was always about to cry. Panic attacks were regular and so were nightmares. He didn't know what to do.
If May was here, he wouldn't even know how to begin telling her that he had relapsed again. How would he even begin to explain the cuts and scars. How would he explain what he was feeling when he didn't even know what he was feeling in the first place.
Nothing made sense anymore.
He just wanted to be better.
~~~~~~5 months after endgame~~~~~~
He couldn't deny the fact that his relapse had led back to his depression and old ways.
Yes. He was ashamed of himself.
Yes. He was embarrassed.
He didn't try to get help at all, and as he continued spiralling he got more reckless as Spider-Man.
He was being slow when dodging, sometimes purposely moving into the direction of knives and bullets. Trying to feel pain to stop the numbness. He didn't have razors anymore, not after pepper saw his scars. She had freaked out, her eyes were blown wide and tears threatened to spill. She sounded broken when she confronted him, and he remembers the way they were both blubbering pathetically, apologising for not noticing or saying something sooner.
If he were to use a razor now, he would have to ask and be monitored. However she's realised he's getting hurt during patrol more frequently. Coming home with large spots of black and blue, or even more open wounds for Bruce to stitch up.
She wasn't the only one who had noticed this.
He was purposefully hurting himself.
So they did all the could think of. They took the suit from him. Locking it away so he couldn't find it. Peter pleaded them not to take away the suit and continued to aggressively cry as Bucky and Sam tried to pry it from his arms.
"We're doing this to help you Pete. Understand this please."
~~~~~~6 months after endgame~~~~~~
Wade Wilson. Also known as the local merc with a mouth. Deadpool.
The man who was cursed with immortality. But blessed with what he called good looks and charm.
Peter had met wade on a Tuesday to be precise. It was cold outside, Peter was bundled up in a scarf and beanie, fingerless gloves adorning his hands. His face was flushed pink slightly from the cold and a black backpack was thrown over his shoulder. Filled with seemingly meaningless items, his laptop, charger, a few books, notes and some spare change.
He had just seen his therapist (her name was Lucy, pepper set up the appointments and he went. Always grateful for the help) and was on his way to one of the coffee shops by the house. Eager to pick up a glass of hot chocolate, warm up and just relax with a slice of cake or even with a book that was tucked away in his bag.
Slowly he made his way into the shop. As he entered the doors, he was met was a homely atmosphere and a few people loitered about, some either chatting quietly in groups or others just doing work. He looked around and then strolled towards the counter, ordering a slice of marble cake with a hot chocolate (extra whipped cream on top).
Quickly he made his way towards a booth at the back, pulling out one of his books and beginning to read as he waited for his drink and food to arrive. He sat in silence for a while after the food came, too engrossed in his book to notice the hooded figure that had vacated the seat opposite him. The hooded figure didn't mind and sat patiently as the boy continued to read. Occasionally catching a glance at the others mop of brown curls that wasn't masked by the book.
Peter sighed as he sat down the book, rubbing his temple to help soothe the oncoming headache in his mind. He looked up shocked when he realised he wasn't alone, his face of shock being replaced by a stern glare.
The hooded figure chuckled and held out his hand, "Wade Wilson, also known as deadpool, sweetcheeks" peter rolled his eyes yet took the mans hand and firmly grasped it, "peter Parker, and don't call me sweetcheeks"
"Sorry princess"
The teen scoffed as he brought his hand back, setting it by his side, "what do you want wade?" The merc fake gasped as he held an overdramatic hand to his heart, "me? Wanting something? From you? Never!" The playful glint in his eyes was unmistakeable and peter just rolled his eyes as a natural response.
"Spit it out"
Wade huffed as he lowered his hand, setting it on top of the other, "just wanted to get to know the local Spider-Man I've heard so much of."
Peter sat star struck as the man basically revealed to him that he knew who peter was. He plastered a grin on his face and leaned forward onto his elbows. A mishchzevious glimmer in his eyes and a hint of humour in his voice.
"Oh really, Well I guess you came to right place huh? Because today is apparently get to know spider man better day!"
So the two sat in the homey cafe, in a booth close to the back, laughing and chatting for hours before the store closed, ordering numerous amounts of hot chocolate, coffee and carrot cake
~~~~~~7 months after endgame~~~~~~
Boxes were piled together in the corner of the room, filled with clothing and other sentimental items, clothes were strewn about on the floor and a bed lied in the middle of the mess.
Unpacking is tedious, anyone can tell you that, but if you're doing it with a person you love then sure it's fun.
Peter was helping wade settle into a new apartment close by to the new compound. Despite it being in the middle of nowhere there were still a few apartment complexes nearby. So of course wade had decided to pick out a place so he could be closer to his babyboy.
But peter didn't need to know that.
Their relationship was blossoming well and even after a few weeks the two boys had began dating. The team weren't shocked when peter told them he was bi, it honestly was no surprise considering half of the comments he made on a daily basis came back to the topic of LGBTQ+, but when peter told them the boy was wade Wilson, let's just say a few avengers had to be restrained or stopped from going on a murder spree.
Peter had picked up a large box of photos after they got all the furniture sorted out, smiling slightly as he saw the picture they took in the coffee shop framed. Wade was kissing his cheek, an arm casually slung around peters shoulders and peter was smiling brightly, looking like he was about to burst into a fit of giggles.
"Wade?" Peter called as he popped his head out of the bedroom door, "coming sweetcheeks!" The brunette sighed as soon as the nickname rose from the mercenaries lips.
The older man wrapped his arms around the smaller boy and buried his head into his neck, smiling slightly and leaving a wet kiss to his shoulder.
"Just wanted to say I love you"
"I love you too sweetcheeks"
Peter laughed as he swatted at wades head, the older man just beamed and fell backwards, holding the boy in his arms as they laughed in a pile on the floor.
~~~~~~8 months after endgame~~~~~~
Even though the two had been together for about a month and a half the two boys had moved in together into the apartment complex.
They learned to work around each other's schedules and grow together in this new environment. Every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday peter would see his therapist. Wade would be out every day as dead-pool but only for two hours.
Every weekend was either a movie night with takeaway or a day at the cafe. They usually just switched between the two.
Today was a Saturday, which meant date night basically for the two boys. In the end, after a lot of bickering, they had both decided on just watching a film. So there peter was, snuggled up on the sofa, late in the evening surrounded by pillows and blankets that were strewn about.
He basked in the warmth as his hand clutched the tv remote, looking for something to watch as wade stood in the kitchen by the microwave waiting for the popcorn, an over excessive amount of snacks pilled in his arms already. He had grey sweats on that hung loosely on his hips and a black hoodie, the pockets also containing chocolates and cookies.
As peter finally decided on a film for then to watch, infinity war it was called, wade had finally taken a seat next to him. Throwing most of the snacks on the table and placing the bowl of popcorn between them as he nestled into the mountain of blankets peter had thrown onto the sofa. The packets of sweets in his pockets rustled about as wade attempted to get comfy, before finally debating on leaning on top of the younger boy.
It wasn't until the end of the movie, when a scene between Robert and Tom had aired, that peter started to feel his chest tighten.
Robert was clutching desperately onto Tom, the younger actor had pleaded for the older man to not let him go. His body slowly fading to ash. Wade was crying softly into the superhero's hair, but peter froze as he found the air get denser.
He was on Titan again.
Peter couldn't breathe. Although he knew it wasn't real, he still almost felt his body being torn apart again, his chest was heavy and tears stung his eyes. His lashes wet but no tears threatening to spill. He couldn't breathe, he was dying again.
But it wasn't until wade grasped the smaller boy in his arms that his breathing had slowed and his heart had returned to its normal pace, he was grounded again and he stayed curled into wades side.
The older boy had turned off the tv and murmured words of comfort to the teen as his face stayed pressed into peters hair, and his arms wrapped securely around his waist.
Peters sobs had reduced to sniffles and after a while both boys fell asleep in each other's arms. Small smiles remaining on their faces.
~~~~~~9 months after endgame~~~~~~
He desperately tried to grasp at the covers as his throat felt scratchy, he struggled for breathe yet continued to intake sharp gasps of air. His head turned at every slight sound, his senses were in overdrive, it was almost like a sensory overload but infused with panic and sheer fear.
Swallowing quickly, he tried to stop the tears and shake the sleeping body next to him. His partner woke quickly and rose, a pained yet tired expression painting his face. But when he saw peter he got up and tried to steady the younger boy.
He gently caressed his cheek as he whispered soothing words, trying to reassure the boy and once he came down he peppered the boys face in soft kisses. Taking his time and reminding him of how much he loved him.
He was safe.
He wasn't there anymore.
Tony had saved them.
But he hadn't saved himself.
"I miss him so much Wade" peter sniffled as Wade looked lovingly into his eyes, cupping his face with his hands. The merc sighed and looked down before hugging the brunette tightly, "I know you do sweetheart. We all do."
~~~~~~10 months after endgame~~~~~~
"I have nothing to declare except my genius" was a phrase often said by Tony and peter realised this to be true after the first few months of them being together.
Tony to the press was known as a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist yet his level of intelligence was clearly undermined by many. He was a futurist, that much was true. Always thinking about what could happen and the what if in every situation, learning from the past and using it to benefit his future or even the worlds.
Peter found himself following this trail of thought a few months after being in the lab with Tony. Constantly thinking outside of the box and looking at the variables that could be possible in the near future. Their similar trail of thought led them to work well together, ideas bouncing off of each other and criticism being taken as ways to improve in the future. They were undoubtedly a great pair.
So when peter decided to go back into the lab for the first time, he wore a brave face and dared himself not to cry.
Blueprints were scattered about, collecting dust from not being touched in months and the iron man suits were shrouded in darkness, all the miniature arc reactors turned off and the lights lowly dimmed. Holotables were shut down and peter could still hear the faint humming of an AC/DC song playing on the speakers.
The lab was a shell of what was, and what can never be again. It was the memory of a mentor that worked hard and put others before himself. It was timeless nights spent living on coffee and rock. It was the lab in simpler words, an artefact that will remain lost to the shadows of time in a sense.
But peter smiled as he picked up an unfinished helmet and turned up the music, gradually picking up his pace as he put items away. Dusting and cleaning, looking at pictures and hanging up plans that were yet to be finished.
He was going to get better, for Tony at most, he wasn't going to be the new iron man, but he was going to be a better peter Parker and Spider-Man when time be it.
Because not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until its faced.
And all pepper and wade could do was smile as they watched the boy work away on what was left.
~~~~~~11 months after endgame~~~~~~
After months of the local superhero being gone, rumours began to spread on the whereabouts of Spider-Man. Headlines in newspapers and articles were declaring preposterous things, like he was dead or even retired.
Some people were logical and said he was taking a break, the death of Tony Stark had reportedly taken a big impact on the superhero. Everyone knew how close the superhero duo was so it made sense, however some places said that he was mourning the loss of a lover.
Peter gagged when he saw that. That whole concept just scared him.
Currently he was sat in the compound with Wade, it was spring break and the two were watching movies on the sofa with a few of the avengers that remained. Stucky, as peter called them, were on the loveseat, bucky fast asleep on Steve's lap. The other like pepper and Morgan were sitting on the floor or even the sofa that spread along the back wall, chatting Idly amongst themselves.
Peter and wade were on the other loved seat across from stucky, smiling as they shared a few kisses and laughter could be heard every so often from that corner.
Pepper looked at Sam and nodded, he was better now and they all thought it was about time Spider-Man had made a reappearance to the world.
So when Sam came back in holding peters old suit, the boy couldn't help but burst into tears, rushing to hug pepper and thanking her countless times.
"Thank you, you don't know how much this means to me. Oh my god thank you." People chuckled at his antics and smiled softly as he rushed off to his room to put it on. Wade not too far behind.
Clint turned to the group, "how long before you think they come back?" Stephen elbowed him as Bruce went into a fit of hysterics.
Later that night, reports of Spider-Man and deadpool swinging around the city were going viral, people had reportedly seen the duo sharing a taco on a rooftop whilst laughing at a comment one of them had made.
The patrolling for peter and wade had soon become a daily routine for both, when wade usually went out as deadpool peter had joined him, and peter alone went out from 11pm to whenever he deemed necessary sometimes. Which was often rare, but still something that was done.
No one could explain why Spider-Man had returned all of a sudden but they were grateful for him for doing so.
~~~~~~12 months after endgame~~~~~~
The stars shone brightly, as the pair made their way to the grave, hands intertwined and held tightly. It had taken peter a year to build up the courage to do this and this conversation was long overdue now.
Flowers and tokens of appreciation were left at the monument built for the public to pay their respects, but peter and wade made their way to the back of the graveyard, Both scanning their compound ID's at a gate.
The gate opened slowly and peter squeezed wades hand in reassurance, "you'll be fine love. I'm here if you need me" the younger boy nodded, Slowly walking ahead of his boyfriend.
He placed a solemn hand on the grave and wiped away at some of the dust that was already building up. He looked at the engraving and already knew he was crying.
Here lies Anthony Edward stark.
Was read in bold lettering on the grave, and peter realised that this would be him finally saying goodbye to Tony and being able to let go. So he wiped his eyes and looked up to the sky, his hands clasped together before taking a breath and starting.
"You once said to me, every new beginning comes from another beginnings end, and I've only just realised that to be true mr. Stark.
I always wondered why you gave up your life that day. Why you left everyone just like that.
Honestly, I didn't know if I should of been mad at you or even great full, I guess in a sense I knew that was the only way but I wasn't ready to face losing you like I had lost everyone else.
But now I know that because of you, people, thousands and millions of people can be happy again, reunited with family and friends that were lost almost six years ago.
And Yeah yeah, I know it's been a year since you've died and this is my first time seeing you, but I've been healing, things got worse after you left and I needed time to figure out who I was I guess. I see a therapist, not much now but I still see her and every weekend I'm at the compound, I tell Morgan stories about you before she goes to bed.
Her favourite story is when you first met me, recruiting me for Germany when I was only 14 years old and a few months into the whole superhero business.
I guess I just wanted to say thank you Tony, for having faith in me all those years ago. For asking me to help you fight in Germany when you needed someone on your side. To be by me when no one else was, and for helping me see the world from another perspective that I didn't know was possible until then. I guess this is me kind of saying goodbye, but I've never been good at those. Neither of us have.
So I guess I'll see you later mr stark, I uh.. I love you"
He murmured softly before walking away, and peter could of sworn as he was walking away, Wrapped in his boyfriends embrace, that he had heard a whisper in the wind, being carried for miles.
"I love you too kid"