Brooke's POV
Four weeks later
I completely had lost all sense of time, which may have been because I hadn't done anything for weeks than lying in bed or staying on my couch. Mostly I slept because I couldn't even get up to watch a movie. Every day was the same. I usually saw Julian late at night, and then he was so tired that he fell asleep immediately. For several weeks he had been commuting daily between the set and the hospital to be with the twins. He did what I should have done as their mother. But although I should have had a guilty conscience about that, I didn't feel anything. On doctor's recommendation, I had begun psychotherapy, in addition to the medications I had to take regularly for a few weeks. But the therapist's questions were more annoying than they really helped. What bothered me the most was that she questioned my relationship with Julian. She had pestered me with questions like if I had forgiven him, that he had left me back then and how my feelings for him had been, and whether I would believe that we would have a happy marriage. As if that had something to do with the fact that I couldn't love the twins! I didn't know why I felt that way or what was wrong with me. And it didn't help that I knew that I was suffering from a 'postnatal depression'. And surely it hadn't been wise to just get up and just leave the treatment room where the therapy had taken place. But I couldn't have stayed longer with her. I was on the verge of punching her. Also, something that showed that I wasn't myself at the moment. I did a lot of weird things that scared me, but there was one thing I knew for certain; I loved Julian and hoped that one day, with his help, I would get better. The pondering had exhausted me and I closed my eyes, pulling the blanket up to the tip of my nose. I wasn't quite asleep when I heard voices in the hallway...
"You're late today, Julian. The dinner is cold now."
"I'm sorry, Mom. They called from the hospital and said I should come quickly."
"Is something wrong with the twins?"
"Jude had breathing problems. It was probably too early that they took him from artificial respiration."
"Oh, no! I'm so sorry, Julian! What did the doctor say is wrong with him?"
"He was lighter than Davis from the beginning and had bigger adaptive difficulties. He isn't developing too well. The doctors want to do more tests to find out why. They say his little heart is still too weak and the lungs aren't fully developed."
"Does that mean he could... die?"
My stomach suddenly clenched and I struggled for air. My baby was sick, was all that suddenly crossed my mind. He might die! I pushed back the blanket and got out of bed. When I opened the door and stepped into the living room, I saw them both turning their heads towards me and looking at me in shock.
"Brooke, my Dear! Did we wake you up?" Sylvia asked worriedly.
I didn't respond but looked at Julian, in whose eyes tears were swimming. "Will... will my... baby die?" I managed to utter haltingly. I didn't know why they both suddenly looked at me with that weird look. But I wanted to know the truth. "Julian?"
"I don't know," he said in a hoarse voice, lowering his head. "Go back to bed, Brooke."
I looked at him as if he had lost his mind. My baby was in mortal danger, and I should go to bed and sleep? "No!"
"It's late," Sylvia said. "You should rest."
I didn't know where this sudden desire came to want to see my baby. "I want to go to the hospital!" I said determinedly.
"Nobody will let us inside the premature ward," Julian replied. "The visiting times are over."
I went up to him and clawed my fingers into his shirt. "Please!" I pleaded as I noticed to my great surprise how tears were running down my cheeks. I couldn't remember the last time I had cried. But as much as it surprised me, it felt good.
Julian nodded hesitantly. "Okay, fine. Put some clothes on and we'll go to the hospital again."
I was a nervous wreck when we finally arrived at the hospital. Julian spoke with the attending physician and asked him to make an exception, so that we could see the babies again. And though I was afraid, this time a different feeling prevailed; a feeling that was completely new to me. Julian had his arm around my waist and hugged me as we entered the room where the incubators stood. I remembered how panic-stricken I had reacted the first time I had seen them. And I was glad that Julian was at my side this time. The sight of my helpless baby almost broke my heart. He was connected to a heart monitor and there were tubes in his nose, arms, and chest. Tears were running down my cheeks as I reluctantly put my hand on the lid of the incubator.
"Would you like to touch him?" The doctor asked, opening the small side window.
I looked questioningly at Julian and when he took my hand and guided it through the window, I held my breath for a moment. Carefully he took Jude's tiny hand and put it in mine. It was the first time I touched my son since he was born four weeks ago. "Don't give up," I said in a trembling voice as I stroked his little hand. "You can do this. Mommy and Daddy love you." I looked up at Julian and saw tears in his eyes.
"I think it's enough for today," the doctor said gently.
I released Jude's hand and closed the side window. One last time I looked down at him before going to the other incubator where my second son lay. Davis was, unlike his brother, completely without tubes, could obviously breathe independently and was also no longer on drip-feed.
"We really have to go now," urged the doctor. "I already made an exception anyway. If you want you can come back tomorrow morning."
"Can we?" I asked, looking at Julian.
He nodded, smiling. "I'll call my father and tell him that I will come later to work."
We had left the premature ward, and the doctor had already said goodbye when Julian suddenly pulled me into his arms and kissed me.
I looked at him in surprise when he had finished the kiss. "What was that for?" I asked, frowning.
"You made it, Brooke," he said, smiling. "And I had almost given up hope that you would ever love our babies."
"No." I shook my head. "Not I made it, we made it," I corrected. "Without your help and love I couldn't have done it. And our sons neither," I added softly.
"Everything will be okay from now on."
As he hugged me, I snuggled against him and rested my head against his chest. "Yes," I mumbled softly. "Now everything will be okay."
Brooke's POV
Another four weeks later
I couldn't believe how fast another month had passed. The twins were already eight weeks old and strong enough to be taken home. Even Jude had recovered and caught up, although he still weighed a bit less than Davis. The doctors had also given their okay, that he could be released home. And I felt better every day. I really seemed to have overcome my depression. It was probably the shock that I could lose my baby, which helped me to overcome my illness. At least that's what my psychologist had explained to me. I had promised to go the sessions at least once a week to avoid a relapse. Altogether, I was almost the 'old' Brooke again. And now Julian and I were standing in the premature ward with two baby car seats, ready to prepare our sons for the drive home.
"Thanks for all you have done!" I held out my hand to the doctor and smiled.
"We couldn't have done that without your help," he said, returning the handshake.
I watched as Julian picked up the babies and put them in the car seat and suddenly remembered how I had sat with him in the nursery of the hospital and each one of us had a twin lying on our bare chests. The 'kangaroo care' had been good for them and also for Julian and me, because the shared care had strengthened our relationship. My God, how much I loved him! And now that I'm feeling better again, I'd show him how much.
"Brooke? Is everything okay? "
I blinked twice. I hadn't realized that I had been staring at him all the time. "Yes... yes, sure," I stammered. "Let's go."
The drive home was a totally new experience for us, with two babies in the backseat, who were fast asleep. I looked at Julian and smiled. He once had told me that happiness was a condition and not a destination. Something that you would feel for a brief moment and then it would be gone again. Being here with Julian and our sons made me incredibly happy right now. The ride was over too fast and when we parked in front of the house, Julian jumped out of the car before I even could unbuckle.
"I'll just bring the twins inside and then you can follow later," he said, opening the back door to take the twins.
"I can help you," I offered my help.
"No, stay were you are. I'll do it. Wait here a little longer.
His behavior was odd. But before I could ponder further, he bent forward and kissed me.
"Stay here," he repeated again, took the twins and carried them into the house.
I stayed in the car and waited until the time was too long. When he was still not back after 10 minutes, I've had enough. Did he forget me? Annoyed, I got out of the car and walked to the front door. I was just about to open it when the door opened as if by magic. Slightly confused, I pushed it open and then stood rooted to the spot.
"Surprise!"
All our friends and family members had gathered in our living room and beamed towards me with happiness. When Haley approached me with a grin and then took me in her arms, I awoke from my stiffness.
"Well, surprise accomplished," she said with a smile. "We all thought that since you didn't have a baby shower party, you and the twins should at least have a welcome party."
"Oh, Hales!" Tears filled my eyes as I hugged her once more. "What a great surprise!" I looked at Julian, who stood there with a big smile. "And you knew about it?"
"I even helped," he said proudly. "It wasn't that easy to prepare everything without you knowing it," he confessed.
I looked around. Paper garlands were hanging everywhere in the room, and balloons floated on the ceiling. Even food was prepared in the kitchen for the guests.
Peyton came up to me. "We just had two hours to decorate everything and make the food," she said mischievously grinning. "That wasn't long. Luckily we were in contact with Julian the whole time. So he could then tell us when you would start from the hospital."
"We should make a toast," I said and went to the counter in the kitchen and got three glasses, which I filled with champagne.
"Um... do you also have non-alcoholic sparkling wine?" Haley asked and grinned sheepishly.
I frowned in confusion. "No, why?"
"Just an orange juice for me, please," Peyton cut in.
I looked confused back and forth between the two of them. "When did you stop drinking alcohol?" I asked with a frown. I saw both exchanging meaningful glances.
"Since we're pregnant," both said in unison.
I stood there, thunderstruck. "Pregnant?!" I echoed perplexed, before I realized the deeper meaning of that statement. "Oh my God! You are both pregnant!?"
Haley nodded, laughing. "Yes, can you imagine? A few days after you had given birth to the twins I suddenly had these cravings and had felt sick. Besides, my breasts had become huge." She rolled her eyes. "I still had the remaining pregnancy tests. So I took one, and what can I say, it turned out to be positive!"
"Why didn't you say anything?" I muttered.
"You felt so bad after the delivery of the twins. I didn't want to burden you with my problems," she admitted.
I hugged her spontaneously. "I'm so sorry! I've been a terrible friend for the last few weeks."
"You were sick, Brooke. Don't blame yourself. But I think if I had told you, you probably wouldn't have cared. That's why I wanted to wait a little longer before telling you. "
I nodded and then looked at Peyton. "And since when do you know you're pregnant?"
"Since the weekend," she confessed. "It's still fresh, so to speak. And not many people know about it yet. Haley and you are the only ones besides Lucas and me, of course."
"I'm so happy for you and Lucas!" I hugged her. "Then there are two events to celebrate this year."
"Next year," Haley corrected with a smile. "You forget that we will have Christmas soon and then New Year."
I took three new glasses and filled them with orange juice. "To our friendship and more offspring in Tree Hill!" I said solemnly and then clinked glasses with my best friends.