trigger warning: brief mentions of self harm
i said I'd update today , so here's the chapter
—
Adonis»
Farrah returned from downstairs, and climbed back into her bed.
"We're good." She said grinning.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, they don't come home until around 6. It's only 3 right now.."
"Oh..cool."
I couldn't help but notice Farrah staring intently at my neck.
"Shit, it's worse than I thought." She mumbled, examining closely. "We gotta get those off you."
"What is it??"
"Just a couple hickeys, I know your mom would freak out if she saw them."
Eden used to get in trouble for hickeys, but once he got to be about 16, my mother stopped caring. However, I knew this would not be the case for me.
"How do I get rid of them?"
"An ice cube should do the trick fine, if not I'll cover it for you. Don't worry."
"I'm not worried. What's the worst that could happen?"
All those times Eden would say 'what's mom gonna do?' Id think he was crazy and stupid. But by now, I'm to a point where I think the same thing. What is she gonna do?
"We don't wanna find out the worst that could happen, Adonis. Ugh I should have put them somewhere people can't see." She said, touching my neck.
"...you could still do that."
Farrah»
"I suppose I could." I said, climbing on top of him, causing a small smile to appear on his face, despite his efforts to hide it.
"Could you do me a favor?" I asked, playing with the strings of his sweatpants.
"What is it?"
"Could you...take this off please?" I said, tugging on the bottom of his shirt.
To my surprise, with little hesitation Adonis took off his shirt, tossing it next to us.
I leaned down kissing him lower than before, leaving lighter hickeys on his collarbone.
A quiet groan escaped his lips, inciting me to go lower.
I didn't know why it was so easy to trust Adonis, but it was. I trusted him with things that I wouldn't trust anyone with. But the farther things got, the more I began to think of the time I tried with Keith. And no matter how far I wanted to go with Adonis, I couldn't stop thinking about things more troubling.
"Don." I said, sitting up.
"Yeah?"
"I..can't." I sighed, climbing off of him.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm okay I just..I'm just..thinking a lot."
"I understand. Don't feel pressured Farrah..that's not what I want to do. It's okay."
Butterflies filled my stomach out of embarrassment. Even if I anticipated one of us to be in dismay, I didn't expect it to be me.
If I wasn't ready I shouldn't have acted like I was. Now I've made things awkward by randomly stopping in the middle.
"Farrah..please don't be upset. It's ok." He said, grabbing my hand.
—
Adonis »
I felt terrible. I'd never really seen Farrah upset before, and I had no idea how to help. She just kept saying sorry, and I didn't understand what she was sorry for.
I did wonder what it'd be like if more happened, but at the same time I wasn't sure that I wouldn't freak out the same way she did.
In her panic, she went into her bathroom, staying there for a while. I knew exactly how she felt, I've done the same thing before— which is why I can't understand why I don't know how to help her.
I know that if it was me, she'd know exactly what to do.
After about fifteen minutes, she came back out.
"You okay?" I asked, not knowing what else to say.
"I'm good." She said smiling, though her eyes appeared puffy and red. "We should get downstairs and do something about your neck."
"Yeah, I guess.." I said, putting my shirt back on.
I agreed that the hickey would be a problem, but I just didn't care bout the consequences. All my life my mom would yell at me, or hurt me with her words when I'd make a wrong decision.
As a kid I'd go in my room and cry about it, she'd come in later with cookies, telling me 'I only want what's best for you, all you have to do is listen.'
Once I got into middle school, the first couple years without my dad, when she'd get really angry with me I'd shut down. Go in my room curse to myself, maybe break a couple things.
When high school started, she didn't yell as much. Often times she'd hurt me by comparing me to Eden, bringing up my father, or 'warning' me about the horrible things that would happen to me if I didn't listen to her. Fifteen year old me eventually found relief in cutting my arms.
Thankfully I'm done with that.
-
Farrah and I went downstairs, and she led me to her kitchen. I noticed many pictures on the refrigerator of her and her family. They apparently take many trips together.
Sometimes I wish my family was like that.
"You can sit at the table." She said, opening her freezer pulling out an ice cube.
I sat at her kitchen table, and she came and sat in front of me.
"Hold that right there for a while," she said pressing the ice cube against the spot the hickey was. "It should be gone by morning, I'm gonna cover it with foundation until then."
"Okay." I held it there, and she got quiet for a moment.
"Sorry about..being weird earlier."
"Farrah, I understand. Better than a lot of other people would."
"I know-"
"Then you don't need to apologize about it."
"I just feel kind stupid and awkward. I know guys don't like being...teased."
?
"Well....I enjoyed myself."
She smiled, looking down.
"I'm glad you did, Don."
-flashback-
July 5 [last summer]
"Farrah stop tripping, you acting like I'm gonna hurt you." Keith said, rubbing his girlfriend's leg.
After spending many afternoons at her house, he'd expected to finally get what he wanted from her..but to his confusion, each time things progressed she'd back out.
"I know you're not gonna hurt me..."
"Then just chill." He smiled, before kissing her. Slowly, his hands entered her pants, causing her to jump.
"Keith stop, please." She pleaded.
"Farrah what is wrong with you?"
Her eyes were now flooding with tears, partially because of the things entering her mind because of Keith, and partially out of utter embarrassment.
"Are you good? I know it's your first time and everything but I'm barely touching you."
"Please just go, Keith." Farrah mumbled, wiping her face.
"Alright, alright..I'll go. Uh..sorry."
Keith left her house, horny and confused.
a/n:
This chapter is short, but I'm kind of sick. Sorry
Also..I'd like for that to be IT for the flashbacks. But there's a lot of context to be added that just doesn't come up via dialogue. If it's bothersome to annyyy body. Let me know! (Nicely, thAt shouldn't have to be said...buuut)