Ethan
I've been building for 3 months. It's gone good some days and bad the next. It's sort of unpredictable. Which isn't helpful when building something.
It's a hut. Somewhere to smoke with Roman and shit but Mom don't know that. Cameron doesn't either. Or my Dad. And Grayson definitely won't be finding out.
I've been smoking a lot recently. It's crazy about how much the human body can actually take. It scares me how well I can still drive to school too.
My hands shake on the wheel but other than that, no one assumes anything.
And the smell? I'm good at hiding that.
I'm good at hiding my feelings too. You know, I've had all this shit build up over the years and no one has batted an eyelid. It's normal for E to just be the chilled out guy with no emotion, right?
The way I think of it is that I'm a candle that always burning and I'm half way till I completely burn out. Times ticking.
It was 3pm and I had been building for an hour or so. Tired, I sat down and let the sun sink into my skin for a moment.
My phone was buzzing like fucking crazy. What the fuck? So weird, I don't talk to anyone so why is it doing that?
I picked my phone up whilst squinting my eyes and holding a hand above the phone so I could actually see as it was hard because of the sun.
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martyzee_x: 👀🥵
zoeeep29: Damn 😍😍
taliaprincesa: @tillymayy02 look at him 🤤
So fucking weird.
This has never happened. I don't talk to girls but as I'm strolling through my likes and comments- that's all I'm seeing. Girls dropping their snapchats and emojis that instigate they think hot.
I don't get a lot of girl attention, I never have as I've always been interested in Emma.
Confused as hell and not caring about building anymore, I head inside to see if I could figure out why this was happening.
I never even really post on Instagram but I did the other day and I'm not even really sure why I did.
I added my snapchat to my bio instead of adding every girl in the comments. I don't wanna look like a dick but if they wanna have me on snapchat, they can add me.
I huffed when I realised I don't really talk to girls and I don't know how. I wanna but at the same time I feel like I owe my loyalty to one girl. That girl who's boyfriend is my brother, yeah- her.
It's ridiculous and it makes me so fucking mad when I think about it. I'm not out there living my life as a 16 year old boy because of one girl who doesn't even fucking acknowledge me.
I'm tired and drained and maybe fucking around with some girls can't be a bad idea. Take the pain away, temporarily.
I need that.
Putting on a shirt and going into the kitchen, I decided to grab a snack. Cameron was in the kitchen. We didn't speak. We don't much anyway.
I speak to her more than Grayson- way more in fact, considering we haven't spoke properly in years.
"E, wanna talk?" Cameron spoke up.
"Nah I'm okay." I go to walk out.
"Please?" She whispered.
I couldn't help but feel sad. Sad that I wouldn't even speak to my own sister but it's because speaking gets me in trouble. I say the wrong things. I would rather just say nothing at all.
"Sit?" She was sitting at the table and I sat down opposite her, resting my hands on the table. She smiled lightly. "I was just wondering how your mini house is going? It looks really good."
I smiled. "Thanks. It's going okay."
"Well, I told Gra-"
I shuffled my chair back and grabbed my snack that I put on the table, getting prepared to leave the room.
I don't wanna talk about him.
"Ethan, why won't you even let me say his name? That is fucking weird. He is your brother. What has he even done?"
"You wouldn't know and you wouldn't care. You don't need to care, no one does. It's over and it's done so can we just accept that?" I huffed about to spiral out of control. I felt like breaking a couple windows.
"How can I accept something I don't even know about? You can tell me." She was pleading. Begging for me to let her in.
"Can I Cam? Because I wanna know why you wouldn't run off and tell Grayson when you two are so close." Put my hands on my hips.
She looked hurt. So badly hurt.
"Okay fine. I won't tell him. I promise not to say a word. So when you're ready, you know where I am." She left the kitchen and slid past me. As my eyes followed her, I saw her face. She looked so hurt.
I feel so guilty like this is all my fault but my brother is happy. I could of told him years ago and he would of respected my feelings for Emma but I saw them both happy, who am I to destroy that? So I didn't tell him, I had no intention to do it either and I still don't.
I left the kitchen a few moments later, gathering my thoughts. Entering my bedroom and crashing on the bed. Looking at my phone and all the random adds on snapchat.
Who were all these girls?
I knew a few but some names I have never even seen before. I added them all back and the snapchats kept flooding in.
It's from that moment I decided that I wasn't gonna care and that I was gonna let my anger run through this. Girls.
I'm gonna fuck around and break as many hearts as I can because I deserve to.
I fucking deserve that when my heart has been ripped and ran all over by the two people in this world I care about most.
I know it won't be these girls fault but it wasn't mine either. It doesn't help I'm a bit fucked up too.
I opened up one snap from a girl called Chelsea. I couldn't see her face but just her lips pouting and her cleavage. Cute.
I sent back a picture of the ceiling with just the top my head in the pic. I said "Cute shirt." Douche bag thing to say but whatever.
I asked why my Instagram was blowing up and she told me a girl noticed I'm cuter than Grayson and single or something.
I snapped about 10 girls back and fourth through the night and two of of the 10 sent me nudes without me asking. I'm gonna get used to this life.
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And he did. Kissing girls against his car in the school parking lot for everyone to see. Receiving nudes everyday. Playing every girl he could.
Most girls didn't care and just loved that he was playing attention but some girls caught feelings because he was so good at selling the dream.
It was 2 months on and the hut was built. It had a couch, TV and even a bedroom. A bedroom which Ethan took girl after girl to.
Every night.
He replaced the thoughts of Emma and compressed them feelings by breaking other girls hearts- pretending sometimes it was her heart breaking.
Grayson and Emma watched as he would practically be dry sexing a girl against his car every morning.
How he changed completely.
Smoked weeded proudly, not caring what anyone thought. Dressed utterly different to before.
Ethan was new and improved. Emma was concerned though and she didn't know why when she saw him and girls, her heart hurt sometimes at the sight.
Emma knew that once Ethan stays like this for a couple more months, old Ethan is gone for good. This was his last straw.
No more nice guy.
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small chapter!! important tho
poor ethan
thx for the votes guys xox