"I have news."
I almost fell off my lecture chair in surprise, and I turned my head to see a guy with dark hair and a blue sweater rolled up at the elbows, standing beside me, a big smile on his face. He pushed the seat next to me down so he could sit on it, already knowing full well that I'd want to hear his news. Because this was not just any guy. This was Austin, my main gossip provider.
Not really, though.
He was one of those people who simply couldn't contain their excitement and I was always happy to listen. Especially now that my brain was more cluttered than ever. No matter what I tried, I could not stop thinking about my parents and the fight we'd had about Jackson, because there was no way they would change their mind anytime soon, and I greatly appreciated all the kinds of distraction my friends could throw at me. I'd even considered watching an episode of that anime Harriet kept gushing about, but she said I wouldn't understand without watching the first three seasons and I wasn't really in the mood to catch up on my own.
So I turned to offer Austin a smile and asked, "What's the news?"
Our friendship was mutually beneficial. I listened to his stories for my own enjoyment, and Austin, who was incapable of keeping his mouth shut, was damn lucky he told me and not some gossipmonger who was just as bad as him at being silent. I was the filter that kept everyone's secrets from getting spilled. Other than that and whatever the professor of our shared general education course blabbered on about every week, Austin and I didn't really talk about much.
In fact, it'd been a few weeks since we'd talked, apart from the occasional message about our coursework. He always forgot to do it and then asked me what the next lecture was going to be about so he could skim the pages an hour ahead of the lecture.
He opened a notebook, of which he'd ripped out half of the pages and covered the other half in dark scribbles, and whispered, "Okay, I'm actually not supposed to tell anyone..."
Really?
"But I gotta tell someone."
I chuckled and shook my head to myself. "Sure."
It's not as if it was impossible to just not say anything...
I suppose it was to Austin, but before he could tell me his story, our professor walked in, immediately turning on her projector and welcoming us, and he let out a deep sigh. "I'll tell you after, okay? I think I'm gonna fail this class if I don't take any notes."
"Fuck, you've got me on the edge of my seat now," I grumbled.
"Sorry," he laughed, before asking me for a pen.
Rolling my eyes, I handed him one, and patiently waited for this class to be over so he could feed my addiction. I couldn't concentrate on all these stupid general education courses. I'd never understood why I had to follow courses that weren't in any way relevant to my major. Why on earth would I need anything math related if I wanted to become a lawyer? It was such a waste of time.
I always found myself wishing I could just get it done already. I wanted to get out there and start earning money by myself. To be free of my parents and do my own thing. Instead, I was stuck here, just like every other young adult that wanted to do more than work a shitty job at the mall. Nonetheless, I'd spent the entire week applying for those shitty jobs at the mall, because I had a very bad feeling...
Just in case. Take precautions. Save myself before I needed saving.
Rather than paying attention like Austin, I kept looking at my phone, checking my inbox for a response—just one—to all those applications I'd sent, but... no luck. Jackson told me I needed to be patient, but I was not patient. I had never been. I wanted it now and I needed it now.
An eternity seemed to have passed when the class finally ended and Austin handed me back my pen as we made our way down to the exit of the lecture hall. "Thanks."
"No thanks," I replied, stuffing the pen in my bag. "Now please tell me that story."
"Oh, right. Yeah, uh... Are you coming to the food hall, by the way?"
"Sure," I said quickly. Get a move on, Austin.
"Okay, so you know Jamie, right? My roommate?"
"Yes, of course I know him," I nodded, relieved to hear the story wasn't about strangers, which would have made the story a lot less interesting. It was always much more entertaining if it was about someone I knew. "Although, I had not actually met him until recently."
"You met him?"
"We were both invited to a bar with a group of friends a little before the holidays. We talked a bit, but I haven't seen him since. Is your news about him?"
"It is," he said, nodding proudly. "You remember that whole... thing with Mason and Kenny? You said your friend was super sad, because she and Mason broke up and everything, right? Well, I always kinda got the impression that Jamie wasn't very happy about it either."
I highly doubted that, considering the fact that Jamie and Kenny had spent a full hour talking and laughing with each other that night at the bar. Jamie didn't seem sad at all.
"Anyway, turns out I was wrong," Austin continued, holding the door of the lecture hall open for the girl that came out behind us. "I have no fucking clue what's going on with him, because he keeps everything a secret! I thought he was lonely, you know? But I came home last Friday and he was in bed with someone. He has a whole-ass boyfriend that I didn't know about."
"He's not obligated to tell anyone," I told him.
"I guess not," he mumbled with a casual shrug. "But here's where it gets interesting... I never told you about this, but a few months ago, I was at a party and I got super drunk, and this guy came up to me and started flirting with me. And, you know, I thought... why not?"
My jaw dropped. "Seriously? You actually slept with him?"
"Yeah, well, I tried," he muttered. "Anyway, that's the guy Jamie's dating, and they're hiding it from their friend for some reason, so you can't tell anyone."
"I've never heard such hypocrisy. Who else have you told apart from me?"
"No one!"
"Okay, good," I said, reaching out to pat the top of his head. "Now, who's this guy? Do I know him?"
"His name is Emmett."
"Oh, Emmett!"
He sighed, "Of course, you know him. Is there anyone you don't know?"
"More than I'd like," I said, smiling as I saw the food hall coming into view. I knew Harriet and Krista would probably be around too, because they didn't have any more classes today, so I told Austin to go ahead and get food while I went to look for them. It didn't take me long to find them. Krista had gone to the salon on a whim this weekend, and she got a purple streak in her blonde hair. I couldn't keep myself from commenting she was getting gayer every time I saw her when she sent us the picture. She'd laughed and thanked me for the compliment.
When I spotted the purple streak, I saw Harriet sitting across from her at their table, in complete silence, eating and listening, and she was wearing a new pink beanie with white stripes. I immediately walked over to pull it down over her eyes.
"Hey, Harry, did you make that?"
She pushed the beanie back with a smile. "Yeah. You like it?"
"It's super pretty," I told her, sitting down at the table.
"Hey, how have you been?" Krista asked. "Have you heard back from any of those places you applied to?"
"Not yet."
"Why are you suddenly applying for jobs anyway?"
Oh, great... more interrogations.
"I told you," I replied, shrugging as casually as I could despite my annoyance. "I need the experience and I want to make my own money instead of constantly leeching off my parents. They won't keep supporting me forever."
Harriet frowned. "But... why are you being so obsessive about it all of a sudden?"
"I'm not being obsessive. I just decided to make a change."
"Why?"
I felt myself growing more frustrated with every passing second. I wanted to slam the table and walk away from the conversation, but I couldn't do that. I couldn't make it so obvious that I was doing this because of another reason. I couldn't let them know how upset I was over it, because I really didn't want to talk about it. That would only make me feel worse.
Because I knew I'd been stupid. I was such an idiot. I knew I'd fucked things up for myself. I'd lied again and again and nothing good ever came from lying—everyone knew that—yet I kept doing it. I was caught in my own web with no way to turn.
"You know me," I sighed, holding onto my thighs under the table, out of sight. It was hard to keep the irritation out of my voice. "If I wanna get something done I wanna get it done as soon as possible."
They both looked at me for a long moment, frowning doubtfully...
It was obvious, wasn't it?
Krista let out a long sigh and crossed her arms and I knew she was about to say something, but Austin had chosen that opportune moment to return. He unknowingly but successfully distracted Krista by starting a conversation with her. But Harriet was not comfortable enough with him to join, having met him only once before, so she just listened and resumed eating, all the while keeping her eyes on me... Watching me sit there doing nothing but fret and worry... I should be getting myself something to eat as well—eat lunch like everyone else—but I couldn't even think of eating. I was far too nervous to be hungry.
I sighed and Harriet reached out to pat my hand and asked softly, "Hey, is something wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," I replied immediately.
"You always do this," she said suddenly, in a surprisingly annoyed tone.
I frowned at her. "Do what?"
"Pretend like everything is... perfect," she muttered. "You're obviously upset about something. It won't hurt to talk about it. You tell me and Krista to talk when we're upset, and it always makes us feel better, so why don't you try it for once?"
In the corner of my eye, I saw Krista looking over when she heard her name.
"I don't want to talk about it," I said.
Harriet sighed.
Krista gave me another look, and then even Austin asked what was going on.
"Fine, I'll tell you what's going on," I snapped, pushing Krista's face away. "But I don't want to talk about it. I'm just fighting with my parents."
Krista pulled my hand from her face before asking, "About what?"
"Jackson."
Austin frowned. "Your boyfriend? Do they not like him?"
I put my head in my hands and murmured, "That is... an understatement, Austin..."
"Why? Did something happen?"
"They don't want me to date him, and now I'm looking for a job, because I can't depend on them. If they decide to punish me by disowning me and putting a stop to my monthly allowance, I will have nothing left."
"W-what?" Krista uttered. "Are you serious? You think your parents are going to disown you for dating Jackson? Why the fuck would they do that?"
I laid my head on the table so I didn't have to look at my friends. I only had eyes for the hard, light gray plastic beneath me now. It couldn't judge me. It couldn't look at me with pitying and disappointed eyes. It was just... there.
"Harry, you said... I always pretend like everything is perfect," I repeated. "You have absolutely no idea how right you are. When I'm home... all I do is lie. I even made Jackson lie."
"What did you tell them?" she whispered.
"Do you remember I told you guys that my parents are Muslim?"
"You said they weren't very... strict about it," Krista said slowly.
"I lied," I admitted with a deep sigh. "I'm not allowed to date him. They already blew up at me because he's not Muslim. They literally started arguing with me in front of him—when all I've told them is that we're, you know... talking. I'm not allowed to touch him. I'm not allowed to touch anyone of the opposite sex outside of my own family. They would be beyond furious if they found out that I'm... having sex with him."
Literally two days ago, not even a week after that fight with my parents, I asked Milou to go out for an hour (she wouldn't make it any longer) so I could invite him over. And as good as it felt—as good as he made me feel—I still felt like shit, because I kept... fucking... lying...
I wished nothing more than to be able to just be honest with them and be happy with Jackson at the same time. I didn't want to have to choose one or the other.
"Jesus Christ, Nazy," Austin muttered.
"Do they really care that much?" Harriet asked.
I lifted my head and gave her a look, "They went crazy because I touched his hand last week."
She pressed her lips together with a frown. "Oh, yikes."
"I get it now," Krista said suddenly.
"What?" I asked.
"Why you never invited us when your parents were home, and why you never told us anything about your love life. You were separating the life you're living and the life you want your parents to believe you're living."
Harriet caught on and added, "Yeah, you didn't tell anyone anything so there was no chance of your parents finding out about it."
"Yeah, okay, shut up," I said, pushing my chair back and getting up. "There's no need to fucking analyze me, alright? There's nothing I can do about it now. If they find out what I've done, I am going to be fucked either way."
They all looked at me like I'd come from a funeral.
I shook my head. "Whatever. I'm gonna go and apply for more jobs, I guess."
Before I could walk away, Harriet suddenly jumped up and threw her arms around me. With her face buried in my shoulder, she murmured, "I really hope that won't be necessary. I mean, you should probably get a job anyway, because you're kinda spoiled, but that's besides the point. Your parents should accept that you're not who they expect you to be."
"I can ask my boss if she needs more people in the restaurant," Krista said.
I let out another deep sigh and returned Harriet's hug, feeling my eyes sting from this sudden show of affection. What did I do to deserve them? I'd been lying to them for years and this is how they treated me? With love and support and advice?
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "For lying."
Harriet leaned back and replied just as softly, "It's okay. Just don't do it again. I love you."
"Love you too," I murmured, reaching up to wipe away the tear that threatened to spill out of the corner of my eye. I couldn't cry in the middle of the damn food hall.
"Good luck," Austin said, giving me a crooked smile.
"Thanks..." There was a lump in my throat, but I swallowed it and nodded at everyone, before saying goodbye and leaving the food hall.
I couldn't waste any more time. I had to find a source of income before anything could happen. I took my phone out of my bag and turned on the screen to check if I had any emails from all those stores and cafés I'd sent my resume to, but all I got was an email from an account from a college staff member with the subject line Please come to dorm office ASAP.
My stomach dropped.
With trembling fingers, I opened the email.
Dear Ms. Qizilbash,
It has come to our attention that you have caused a disturbance in the dormitories. Your roommate, Ms. Schwartz, has requested a room switch, which means that you will no longer be allowed to reside in and make use of the room that was assigned to you. We have also been informed that the cause of this disturbance was regular engagement in sexual intercourse, which goes against the rules and regulations of the dormitories on this campus. Given the evidence Ms. Schwartz has provided, it is very likely you will no longer be allowed to reside on campus. You are to come to the dorm office ASAP. The office closes at 6 PM. If you do not...
I couldn't read any more.
My parents were not the ones I should have been worrying about.
It was Milou Schwartz.
A/N: I don't know why my chapters keep getting longer, but I don't think anyone is really complaining.
Anyway, I've been meaning to ask... Are you guys still enjoying the story? I know it moves a little slowly sometimes because of the many POVs, but I'm really trying to keep it interesting. You guys are not leaving many comments, so it's hard to tell... :')