Is it the way it's supposed to be
When I look into your eyes
Chapter 22 ~ Crazy Little Thing Called Love
Ryan Rivera
River had made himself comfortable on the edge of my bed, surveying the small room equipped with nothing more than a bunk bed and a twin bed with a dresser separating the two, while also running a towel through his blond hair that had resembled more of a dark brown from being wet. It was almost midnight; we had lost track of time after deciding to go for a late night swim, but I made the proper arrangements with Bryan to ensure we'd have the room for ourselves tonight.
"Gah, I'm starving," River was the first one to speak once I closed the door. He rested his towel in his lap and leaned over, selfishly blocking the view of his toned abs underneath, but I figured it wouldn't be too long until I got to see them again.
I ditched my towel and made my way over to him, carefully lowering myself onto the empty space beside him. "There's leftover hotdogs and hamburgers in the fridge. I can warm some up for you."
River gave his full attention to me, his jade green eyes twinkling with amusement along with the silly smile he was wearing. "Thanks for the offer, Ryan, but I'm a vegan, remember? And funny, so were you, up until this afternoon when you downed a whole hot dog in 0.3 seconds."
I felt my body tense up at the accusation and I desperately searched my brain for an excuse that would explain the lie I had decided to fully immerse myself in, but when I came up empty, I pulled an apologetic smile. "I'm so sorry, River. I totally understand if you don't want to talk to me ever again–I'm a horrible person for even lying about it. It's so insensitive, actually, because you're actually a–"
"Do you do this often?" River questioned suddenly, managing to pull me out of my brief ramble. "You know, talk a lot?"
I folded my hands in my lap. "When I'm nervous."
River nodded. "It's cute."
I didn't know what to say next, so I didn't say anything.
This was such new, uncharted territory for me. I didn't have much experience with romantic interests. Preston and I didn't spend our time talking since our relationship was mostly physical and my conversations with Felix were usually about chemistry and the occasional Bobby rant here and there.
So it was safe to say that I didn't know what to do when it came to talking to a boy like River.
Thankfully, I didn't have to say a word because River let out a cute little laugh to fill the silence, and then his lips came crashing down on mine. A surprised hum sounded from my throat as he gently lowered me onto the bed to further fuse our lips together in a fervent kiss. It wasn't long before River had his bare chest pressed against mine, somehow abandoning his towel through the altercation, as his hands carefully traced the length of my arms until his fingers finally laced themselves with mine.
Just as I was beginning to melt into his lips and his touch, he pulled away from the kiss to gaze down at me with the green eyes that I had grown to love so much. Before now, I had been such a sucker for brown eyes that it was hard to imagine I'd actually be feeling this strange stir in my stomach every time he looked at me under those long, dark eyelashes.
He pulled me further into his spell with a smile that made my heart do backflips, but the trance disintegrated into dust the moment his hand moved to the waistband of my shorts.
"Wait, what are you doing?" I questioned in an odd sense of panic.
River retracted his hand and used them to prop himself above me, instead. "Well, I was going to pull down your pants to possibly do something sexual, but now I'm stopping because it seems like you don't want to go there."
The thought of someone who looked so outright beautiful wanting to do anything sexual with me made my heartbeat shoot through the roof. "Sexual? You want to do something sexual?"
"By the sound of that question and the way your voice seemed to get higher by two octaves, I'm gonna go with no." He plopped onto the bed beside me and stared up at the wooden planks on the ceiling.
"Wait, no!" I turned onto my side to give him my full attention, but even as I tried to reassure him that I wasn't all that opposed to doing something of that nature, his gaze remained fixed on the ceiling and he didn't utter a word, almost as if he had pushed himself into a vow of silence. "I didn't mean to make you upset."
It took him a while for him to answer, but when he did, he breathed a long sigh. "You didn't make me upset," he admitted as he flicked his eyes to me, once again capturing me in his charming gaze. "I guess I'm sorta mad at myself for initiating something so soon. I don't want to make you feel like that's what I'm after."
I had experienced first-hand what it was like to have someone only want me for sex, and I knew River wasn't that. "I know that's not what you're after, but uh ... I'm totally down."
River's green eyes gleamed with something strange. I almost wanted to comment on it, but the way the corners of his mouth twisted into a soft smile took all of my attention instead. "You know what? It's okay. I'd rather just lay here and talk."
"Talk," I repeated, sounding quite a bit annoyed by the word. I was taken aback by River's proposal for sex, but it didn't mean I wasn't up for it. I didn't watch all those gay pornos for nothing, and what better way to lose my virginity than in a rustic cabin in the middle of nowhere? My shoulders slumped a little, displacing my utter disappointment at my inability to go with the flow and let things happen. If I hadn't been such a nervous little bitch, I would've been well on my way to having my cherry plucked.
"Yeah, talk, because I want to know more about you."
I fell back onto the bed in defeat. "I've told you so much about me in these past two days. I wanna know about you."
"Okay, then what do you want to know?"
"What's living with your grandma like?"
River scrunched his nose and squeezed his eyes shut as he racked his brain for what to say. "Well, to be honest ... it's like what you'd imagine living with a grandma is like. She's into old western music and a bunch of musicians that I've never heard of. She loves watching cartoons and animated movies—absolutely hates horror movies—and is totally scared of the dishwasher."
"The dishwasher?" I exploded into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, so loud that even River started to laugh along with me. "Oh my god, that's horrible!"
"Yeah, she refuses to use it because she thinks it'll blow up."
"And I thought my dads were old school."
"Hey—" he shrugged, "—but I love her with all my heart. Didn't get to know my parents, but she's the whole bundle so I don't ever feel like I don't have my parents, you know?"
I did know. I had spent a majority of my life lusting after a relationship with my birth family that I didn't stop to appreciate the one I had. Maybe it seemed like my parents were giving siblings preferential treatment because at least they weren't actively resisting their love and support like I was.
The room stood quiet for a while, but it wasn't an uncomfortable form of silence—not with the way River's hand seemed to fit perfectly in mine. We must've laid there, still, staring deeply into each other's eyes for a full moment before River chuckled (something I learned he like to do) and pulled my body against his worn my back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around my waist and nuzzled his chin into my neck.
"So, I have a question."
"I have an answer," I responded accordingly. It was banter that we had formed for ourselves.
"Tell me about Bobby."
"What? More than you already know? He's a jerk that used to be my friend."
"Yeah, I know that," he said with another small laugh, "but what I don't know is why you put up with him for so long. He sounds pretty awful."
"He's not—" I pressed my eyes shut in an attempt to gather the right words to describe Bobby, "—he's not awful. He just has a hard time understanding that there's more to life than just him, you know? He doesn't see how he can hurt people with the things he says and does."
"But you guys were friends, right? Why didn't you just tell him? My friends can be insensitive and out of line sometimes, but I always keep it real with them. That's what friends are supposed to do—make each other better."
Suddenly, memories of all my failed attempts at getting Bobby to understand why he was being a bad friend rushed to mind. I didn't know why River was so adamant on talking about Bobby and certainly didn't like how Bobby always seemed to come up when I try to move on and be happy. "It's more to it than that," I said, short, hoping that he'd get the hint that I didn't want our night alone to be filled with conversations about Bobby.
River was a very intuitive person and seemed to have a good grasp on social cues, but for one reason, he couldn't see that I didn't want to talk about Bobby. "Well, explain it to me."
A deep-rooted sigh expelled itself from my nose and mouth. "Okay, well, there was this one time where I complained about not having much experience with guys. Bobby thought it was a good idea for me to go down on him to get experience. Then, after the fact, he blamed me for tricking him into letting me blow him."
A frown creased his forehead as his brows weaved together.
"And then ... he kisses me as a way of trying to figure out if I have feelings for him."
"You have feelings for him?"
"No!" I objected in a lie that sounded a bit too rushed to be real. "He thought that I did and wanted to prove it by doing something stupid like that."
"But you told me he was straight."
"He is straight."
The facial expression on River's face morphed into a worried one. "Ryan..." I gave him a prompting brow, "...straight people don't do that."
I scoffed at that. "Of course they do! Straight people don't make any sense. Take my brother for example—he is head over heels in love with this girl at our school, but goes off and sucks a dude's dick because he think he might be gay."
"That's called experimenting—what Bobby is doing is not that."
Pulling my hands away from his, I folded my arms across my chest. "What's your point?"
"My point is that maybe Bobby is doing all of these things that interfere with your happiness because he wants to be your happiness."
When I first met River, I tripped over my own words as I struggled to find the right words to say to such a handsome boy. Spending time with him was the highlight of this family trip and I thought that River were on our way to becoming something more ... up until now. I had never felt so much emotional anguish from talking about Bobby than I did in that moment. River was an outsider to our relationship—he knew nothing about our friendship and here he was, trying to connect dots that didn't exist.
"Bobby is straight," I felt the need to reiterate in a stern tone. "He likes girls, he likes having sex with girls, he's not into guys."
River still wasn't getting the hint. "Well, maybe you're an exception."
"Sexuality doesn't work like that."
"Love does."
The hidden anger sitting just below the surface of my skin broke free in that instant. "Oh my god, shut up!" I barked so long that I swore it shook the room. "We were supposed to come back and be cute, cuddle, kiss, and fuck—since that's probably all you want to do, anyway—God, anything but what's happening right now! I just want to be happy, but everybody keeps shitting on my fucking happiness! Fuck Bobby—he's not important! I don't know why you're so persistent on giving him excuses. He's an asshole that only cares about himself!"
I had gone from being a complete and utter dumbstruck fool to an enraged bull. It wasn't enough that I had to deal with losing Bobby's friendship and having a two-faced bigot come back into my life to try to become family—now I had another asshole on my hands who was trying to ruin my happiness, too.
River sat up abruptly, his brows sewn together and his lips down-turned into a disapproving frown. "You're mad at yourself for being in love with that tool, but you're gonna take your anger out on me? If anything, I'm supposed to be the one angry with you for using me to get over your lame-ass crush on your friend."
"I don't have a crush on him!"
"And I'm not fucking stupid, Ryan," he bit back even louder. He stumbled out of the bed and started making his way to the door with long, determined steps. He was almost out the door when he spun around to say, "you spend all this time convincing yourself that Bobby is the bad guy when you're just like him–a match made in heaven! And just for the record, I didn't want to have sex with you. I only did it because Bobby thought it'd make you move on." He didn't wait for me to react because he was already out the door, carelessly slamming it behind him, before I could.
I sat there, dumbly staring at the closed door, as I thought back on River's last words.
Bobby was behind all this?
The same Bobby I had ordered not to mess with my life had, once again, messed with my life?
The same Bobby that was going to have his face rearranged after I was done with him?
Filled with so much anger and confusion, I jumped to my feet and stalked out of the room with every intention of walking into Bobby's room and punching his face into a wall. I walked with heavy steps through the small living room of our cabin, gathering quite a few strange glances from Bryan and Kahori who badgered me with questions about River's sudden departure. I ignored them completely because I didn't want any of my harbored rage to go to waste; I wanted to save it all for the moment when my first landed with Bobby's pretty face.
I made the trek all the way to the middle cabin belonging to Bobby and his parents and walked right up to his bedroom door, pounding my fists repeatedly on the worn-out wood until he finally opened the door. I was prepared to swing my fist at him, but I was caught off guard when my eyes landed on his bare torso and his plaid briefs hanging low around his waist. His dark hair was oddly unkept, and one look further into the room to see a presumably naked Liza under the sheets of the sole bed in the room confirmed my suspicions.
"Really!" I yelled in exasperation, more in awe at the fact that Bobby has gotten Liza to sleep with him even when she knew he was a massive fuckface.
"Are you okay?" He inched out of the room and closed the door so as to not wake Liza. "What happened?"
"What happened? You happened!"
I was waiting for him to play dumb, to deny his involvement in trying to get River to sleep with me, but all he said was, "Sorry."
"Sorry?"
"I'm sorry I meddled," he said, sullenly. I wanted to be mad at him, but it was so hard to do with the way his shoulders were slumped and his eyes were averting to the floor.
"So, you know what you did?" I questioned, and when he nodded, I added, "then why'd you do it!"
"Because I knew that if you had someone like River, you wouldn't need me. Because he's so much better than I could ever be and you need someone like that as a friend. Not me."
I opened my mouth to fire back with another emotionally fueled outburst, but the words didn't come out. So instead of saying anything, I stared back at him with wide eyes and my mouth agape. Though severely misguided, Bobby had done something selfless, for once, and he did it because he wanted me to be happy even if it meant it would be without him.
Bobby had finally acted like a friend.
I breathed an inward sigh. "I hate you."
He nodded in agreement. "I hate me, too. I was such a horrible friend to you. You're such a great person, Ryan, that I can't believe I would ever hurt you. You deserve so much."
I hated seeing those brown eyes that I had sworn to love until the end of time look so dull and sad. It was clear that he had been beating himself up over our friendship. Even though Bobby acted irrationally, I never once thought it was because he was trying to be a bad friend. He was trying to do what he thought would help, or so I thought, until River implanted another idea in my head.
Bobby didn't love me—not like that, at least. If he did, he would've told me. We were never one to keep secrets from each other which was one of his dumb spit-shake promises, so I found it hard to believe that Bobby would keep this a secret from me, especially not after knowing how I felt about him.
But there was only one way to find out.
The moment I brushed my lips tentatively against his was the moment I stopped breathing because all I had aimed to do in that moment was entice, tempt, lure. It was Bobby who closed whatever distance was left and sealed the kiss. It was Bobby who breathed in so deep that I thought he'd never exhale. It was Bobby who snaked his arms around my waist to pull our bare, hard chests together. It was Bobby who confirmed what I had already been thinking since I looked into his deep brown eyes.
We found ourselves in a fiery kiss that sent chills down my spine and goosebumps all over my arms. It wasn't my first kiss, but the quickened pace of my heartbeat along with the way a jolt of electricity seemed to radiate through my bones, it felt so.
Bobby kissed me carefully, tenderly, and in a way I somehow knew he hadn't kissed anyone before. When I slipped my tongue into his mouth and he met my actions with no resistance, I knew that what we had was something special. I didn't know how it could be. I didn't know half of the answers to the questions plaguing my mind in that moment, but I did know I didn't care. All I cared about was Bobby and how kissing Bobby made me feel.
I pulled away then, not because I had had enough, but because I didn't want my heart to get too attached. "Bobby," I said in a bare whisper. "Why did you kiss me?"
"Because you kissed me," he replied in a rather annoying, sarcastic way. I was the sarcastic one, not him, so I rolled my eyes at his tactic of evading my question.
"No, Bobby, why did you kiss me back?"
"Because, well..." He dropped his gaze to the floor and breathed in deep, "...I don't—it's because I ... look I—I don't know, okay? I don't know why. I can't tell you why so don't ask me questions I can't answer, okay. I should be asking you why you kissed me when you're supposed to be super mad at me."
I shrugged, attempting to play off the pure excitement I felt from having the best kiss ever. "It's the scientific method."
Bobby's facial expression fell flat, completely void of emotion. "What?"
"You know, the scientific method: make an observation, ask a question, form a hypothesis, and conduct an experiment," I finished the sentence with a wide grin.
"What the fuck, Ryan? You think this is funny?"
"Nope." I pressed my lips together to hide any semblance of a laugh, but I failed miserably when I let a snicker slip through. "I mean, yeah."
Bobby shook his head in disbelief. "Wow, and I'm the asshole."
"You like me," I jeered, jabbing a playful finger into his chest to which he slapped my finger away and stumbled backwards.
"No, I—"
"You totally like me!"
"Well, now that you say it like that, I'm starting to not like you."
"Bobby, you like me!"
Bobby winced at my growing excitement and rushed to cover my mouth with his hand all while I continued to vocalize Bobby's feelings for me. "Okay, okay, we get it ... just calm down. I don't want anyone to hear."
And at those words, I wiggled out of his grasp to shove him away from me. He stumbled back, but propped himself on the door to keep his balance. "You don't want anyone to hear that I sucked your dick because you wanted me to?"
"No, that's not why I let you..."
"Then why?"
"Because you wanted experience."
"Straight guys don't do that," I cited River's words back to him.
"Yeah, but straight guys that care about their gay friends do," he asserted, sounding like he has it all figured out, but he couldn't dent what had just happened. I wouldn't let him. "Really, Ryan, I don't want to mislead you into thinking that this—we are what you think we—"
"Then let me suck your dick."
"—what?"
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a/n: The winner of last chapter's little competition is -yoooonseoook with 156 comments, the runner-up is Anna_R_T_ with 136 comments, and third place goes to LavenWhisper with 110 comments. Thank you all for participating. I enjoyed reading all of your comments and I hope you enjoyed the chapter.
I guess what's left to ask is ... what's the status of Ryan and Bobby's relationship?
Make sure you comment and vote and share with ya friends. This is the last book in the KB series, so I wanna go out in style!
Until next time,
Lara Verne <3