Louis couldn't stop the panic running through him as he read the texts over and over again. Niall was still asleep in the bed next to his, it was still early enough that the sun hadn't yet rose outside.
Miles : everyone's talking
is it true about the counselor and ur brother?
u missed three practises this week, nobody's happy
coach said ur off the team if u don't start showing up
ignoring me won't help. there's a bunch of better players wanting ur place anyway so
Louis chewed his lip, blinking away tears. He was letting down the team by not being there but he didn't want to go back to school yet with all that stress, and especially not now when somehow everyone had found out about what had happened to Niall.
He hated that Miles was meant to be his friend, but reading through the messages, it seemed like he was against him. Like he wanted him off the team. It seemed as if nobody was on his side, and he was beginning to understand what Harry had meant when he'd said that the other players on the team weren't real friends.
They had let him drink and then left him alone in the garden, they'd pressured him into smoking and he'd allowed them to because he just wanted to fit in and be cool. He didn't want them to hate him or pick on him, he didn't want to go back to the kid who let bigger people wear him down.
Turned out, he had allowed it to happen all over again and now he just felt stupid. And it hurt, knowing that the people he had tried so hard to impress were so willing to turn their backs on him. It was clear that they didn't like him at all, and it hurt.
It felt as if nobody liked him.
Not his biological grandparents.
Not his primary school bullies.
Not his own football team.
He wouldn't be surprised if his parents and his brothers were only pretending.
He quickly dismissed that thought though, because his family had never done anything to hurt him. With that thought, he swallowed the lump in his throat and got out of bed, stepping over Cooper who was sleeping in between the two beds.
Tiptoeing on barefeet so as not to wake Niall, he crept out of the room and found himself standing in front of the door to his parents room. He hesitated before knocking, knowing they had a lot to deal with lately...
But, he had heard his Dad and Papa both say a million times over - if something was getting to him, he had to talk to them. Not bottle it up, not run away. He had to face his problems and talk them out; and right then, he felt all panicked and anxious and not good about himself at all...and he'd had enough of dealing with things in unhealthy ways.
So he knocked, and then shuffled into the room to see his Dad switching on the bedside lamp and shaking his Papa awake, both of them squinting at him tiredly.
And he felt bad for waking them, but he knew that if he didn't speak to them now then he'd end up just keeping it all in.
He shifted from one foot to the other nervously, feeling small and stupid and seven years old all over again in his pajamas, standing at the end of his parents bed.
"Lou? What's wrong?" his Dad asked, voice croaky with sleep. He glanced at the time on the alarm clock beside the bed, then looked back.
Louis chewed his lip, not sure what to say because he wasn't really sure what was wrong. It was just a bit of everything.
Papa moved over closer to his Dad and patted the space he'd just made on the bed beside him. Not caring about being too old to cuddle with his parents in that moment, he climbed up onto the mattress without hesitation and allowed his Papa to wrap an arm over his shoulder.
He leaned in and hooked an arm around the man's middle, curling into him. His Dad moved in on the other side, wrapping his arms around them both too.
Nobody asked any questions, but eventually he murmured, "the team hates me."
He felt his Dad's hand rubbing gently up and down the top of his arm and he closed his eyes slightly, allowing it to comfort him.
"What do you mean?" Papa murmured, and he let out a small sigh.
"They said I'm off if I miss another practise...but I don't think I'm ready to go back yet," he said honestly. Because as much as he hated the thought of not being on the football team (he'd been on a team for over five years now), he just couldn't stand the idea of going back yet.
His Dad tutted. "The school knows why you aren't in, they can't -"
"I don't think I mind. I - the other players aren't...they're not very nice anyway," he told them, and as much as he felt like he was letting them down for giving in so easily, it was a relief to get it off of his chest.
"You want to leave the team?" Papa asked, trying to mask his surprise and failing slightly. Louis swallowed and gave a small nod.
"I - I want to play. Just not with them," he mumbled, hoping they wouldn't be too disappointed.
Thankfully, his parents seemed supportive; maybe even relieved. He knew they weren't fans of his teammates and it was finally clear to him why.
"That's okay. We can get you into a team outside of school...maybe one with more people your own age," Papa said, and he nodded slightly.
He couldn't believe he was really leaving the school team, but he knew it was for the best. He wanted to start a new chapter, a better one, a more positive one.
And he was proud of himself for being honest for once. He was so used to constantly feeling like he wasn't enough in one way or another, so he held onto that positive feeling with all of his might.
#
Niall was awake when he got back to their room. Louis stopped in the doorway for a moment, not sure exactly when things got so stiff and awkward between the two of them. It had just been so long since they'd talked or done anything together. He knew why his brother had isolated himself now though, and it didn't make him feel any better.
Niall wasn't looking at him. He was sitting up with his legs still buried beneath his blankets, knees pulled into his chest with his gaze zoned out of the window.
Louis chewed his lip and then cleared his throat softly, not wanting to make him jump. His brother turned to look at him abruptly, shoulders hunched before they dropped.
"Morning," Louis said, softly. He didn't want to treat him any differently to what he usually did. He knew his brother had probably had enough of that already.
Niall just blinked at him a few times before looking down to twist his hands together nervously. Louis watched and then hesitantly sat on the edge of the other twelve year old's bed.
"Luke wants to come over soon. He's mad we both ditched him at school," he started, voice cautious because he didn't know how his brother would react, or if he even would.
He was glad when Niall glanced up at him and gave a small nod. "When?" he asked, voice barely above a whisper.
Louis shrugged. "Soon, I told him we had to ask Dad and Papa," he replied, settling down on the bed a little more opposite his brother now, feeling less uncomfortable.
Niall didn't speak again and he paused for a moment.
"Did you want to come to the park with me later or something? We could have a kickabout," he offered, trying to sound hopeful.
His brother gave a small shrug, glancing up at him for a second or two before looking back down. "Don't know...I think I want to stay in," he murmured, and Louis his his disappointment, wishing they could just talk or even argue like they normally did.
"Okay. We could watch a movie or something?" he prompted, and when Niall looked up again, he wore a frown.
"Why?"
The question threw Louis off, and he couldn't hide his confusion when he spoke again. "Why what?"
"Why d'you want to spend time with me?" he asked softly, still not looking up, picking at a loose thread on the duvet. "I'm not...I'm not the same."
Louis chewed his lip, feeling sad for his brother because it was clear that he wasn't himself. Maybe he never would be again. But they were still brothers and best friends. He still loved him.
"I don't care," he whispered, moving to sit beside Niall, leaning back against the pillow. He never moved away, and Louis relaxed a little. "I just...miss you. You're my brother, Ni, that's still the same."
It was silent for a moment or two, before Niall broke it with a small voice.
"We could watch a film, if you want?" he asked.
Louis grinned, nodding. "Yeah. That sounds good," he said, happy that he seemed to have gotten through to him.
They talked for a little while then. Not about anything important, and it was mostly Louis who spoke. He told his brother about the team, and about the shows he had been watching, about memes he had found on social media. Niall didn't say a lot, and he barely smiled or laughed, but he clearly relaxed a lot with the focus not being on his situation.
But Louis knew they couldn't ignore it forever. So when the conversation died down again, he let out a small sigh and looked at his brother sadly.
"I'm sorry it happened to you," he said softly, honestly. Because even if he didn't know the exact details of what the counselor had done, he understood enough to mean the words completely.
Niall was silent for a while, before he gave a small nod and whispered his reply.
"Me too."