"Anna, dear. Come have dinner!" Lena called out at her door. She was worried it would be another night for her without dinner. Anna simply didn't have the appetite.
"I'm coming," she called back, just because she wanted Lena to go away so she could collect herself.
Dinner was a cold communication. Lena tried to talk about it but it wasn't happening. It left Anna wanting to escape the room yet again.
Sitting in the swing on the terrace behind her home, Agnetha watched the night. The moon was growing brighter and there was a slight breeze. Sadness caught her each time she thought of the other end of the call, each time she thought of her daughter. The argument they shared in front of everyone was one she would never forget.
Linda, Christian, Björn and Agnetha had talked about what had happened. They understood it at last, but that never made it okay to have an affair and even more it sounded like an incredibly ridiculous plan to hold on to a secret like that. Linda and Christian knew their parents and Anna needed both of their support, bringing them back to easily forgive what Björn and Agnetha had done.
"Are you doing okay?" Björn had asked Agnetha, sitting beside her on the swing. It was the third time he asked her that day and his mind was worrisome. The devastation followed her since that night, ever once giving her the chance to rest.
"I don't know. I don't know anymore." She turned to see him and felt his arms surround her. "I knew it. She'd hate me."
"Agnetha, she doesn–" the jingle of his phone stopped him. He took it out quickly and her eyes had followed his actions.
"Hello?" A moment later he heard the voice of his daughter.
"Papa?"
"Anna? What's going on?" He sensed there was something off in her voice.
"Papa, I read the letter," she cried. "I want to talk to her. I want to know–"
"Sweetheart, she's here. She's waiting for you. Do you want me to put her on the phone?"
"No, no, papa," she panicked from being nervous. "Can you come get me? I don't want to be here."
"Sure, baby. I'll come. Just wait for me." He ended the call and turned to Agnetha. "I'll bring her here." Agnetha felt relief and anxiety in the same moment.
"Please, go. I need to know that she's fine."
He had gone and within an hour he had arrived to his old home to see Anna. Lena was surprised to see him, also angry.
"You can't take her. She has school in the morning!"
"So I'll drive her there. You're not denying me the right to see her. Don't think I'll ever let you. Come on," he put his hand on Anna's shoulder and led her.
Another fifty minute drive to Ekerö gave time for him to communicate to his daughter. She had begun asking him questions and Björn provided answers. Anna sat with a backpack in her lap filled with clothes for the next day, the letter and the key.
Agnetha heard the doorbell and quickly opened to her daughter and Björn. It was awkward but Agnetha led them to the living room. She had prepared to say everything. Start to finish. She had rehearsed it for fourteen years, but sitting in front of her daughter she paused and waited for her to begin asking.
"I want to know the truth." Agnetha nodded, her eyes a constant glaze from tears.
"But first I need to you know it wasn't that I didn't want you. It's not true. It's not how it was." She had heard from Linda that it was what she had been told and had to clear it from Anna's mind immediately.
"Then why was I given away? Why didn't you keep me?"
"It was safer for you that way," she looked at Björn hoping he could finish her thoughts.
"How?" Anna's eyes were teary and her voice so small. "I've lived all my life thinking my mother is someone else."
"The options at the time weren't easy to make," Björn explained. "Lena wouldn't let your mother keep you for her own. The best option was so that you could be raised with us."
"I knew your father would take care of you better than anyone else and though it was hard to let you go, I felt better to know you were with him. You were with two parents not a single mother," Agnetha tears were flowing, her heart breaking to have to tell her own daughter these words. Her voice was whispery and barely audible, but she had to bring herself to talk.
Wiping her tears, Anna dug through her backpack and pulled out the key.
"Do you want to see it?" Agnetha asked.
"Yes," she answered firmly. Björn knew of the chest but had never seen it. He never knew what Agnetha had written in the letter, but he was mostly curious to see the chest.
The three of them went upstairs and into Agnetha's bedroom. The side closet wasn't one of just bedsheets and covers, and pillow cases. At the bottom rested the long chest, covered with a white woven blanket.
Björn helped her pull at it and set it beside the bed, noting it was heavy and beautiful from the outside from the carvings and designs. Anna opened the chest quickly. To her it was like opening her birthday present. Ironic, she thought. The box was large and bulky and on the inside, it was brown, deep, and dark. It contained many items. Anna pulled out a book first. A scrapbook. She flipped through the big pages finding pictures from infancy to school years and the present.
"Your father always gave me pictures. Throughout every stage, every milestone, it's recorded in there." Anna flipped through finding little notes beside the images, dates and information. Little memos. Firsts, birthdays, and grade school.
Anna didn't want to cry, but she couldn't help it. Lena never put one together for her. She never bothered with something personal like this. She couldn't breathe from trying to hold back her tears. Björn and Agnetha looked at one another, both feeling the same anxiety. They hated to see her hurting, but this was the calmest way to let her comprehend on her own.
Anna closed it and pulled out a notebook. It looked aged. The pages were becoming a yellow color. A diary? She flipped through the pages. Each page was filled and the first date was October 8th, 1985.
"I wrote a lot. It helped because many things were kept to myself. There was so much to tell you. I was overwhelmed so I wrote."
She found a picture of Björn holding her with Agnetha, Linda and Christian beside him. They looked happy and as if a family.
"You two loved each other still? Is that why you got back together?" That wasn't exactly how it happened as they recalled to those nights, but in their hearts and minds they knew it so clearly. Everything was done because of love.
"Yes," Björn answered.
"So if you two still loved each other, why couldn't you get back together? I mean you made everything drag along when there was no need," she got heated and angry, knowing they clearly still do. They wasted those years missing being a family and for what?
"Anna, it really wasn't as simple as you would think. Your sister was only four. I couldn't."
"Christian was one when you two divorced." Agnetha and Björn both looked into their own hands, running out of speech.
They both recalled when Agnetha had begun to beg him to stay the moment they realized there could have been a chance to be a family again, but they had known that it was too late. Nothing could have been done. Anna was already Lena's, everyone had known it.
"I want to know everything." The two of them looked at one another trying to see who would begin first, but the story they knew was long and much darker than they wanted to reveal to her. "You promised you would."
"I know, of course we will," Agnetha said as she helped Anna up and brought her to sit on the bed. Björn brought over a chair and sat beside them too, already forming words in his head.
"It was towards the end of summer. I had just flown from England. Emma and Lena were still there... they had a few more items to pack. I had work with Uncle Benny and Tim Rice but the first place I went was to see your brother and sister– straight from the airport. To my luck they were asleep. It was quite late and I hoped to surprise them. I missed them very much and I couldn't wait. Agnetha let me in, we talked and that night... I don't know what hit me. It was like falling in love again. None of it was planned to happen, it just did."
"Or meant to continue," Agnetha added.
"But it went on?"
"For a short while and then once we had finally created some distance between one another, I felt strange. I had just known it. I was pregnant. We went to the doctor and it was confirmed. It was a frightening moment, I remember it clearly. Of course what we had done wasn't right."
"Anna, we've set a bad example, that's for certain. It wasn't right to do what we did and after having you, and hiding it from you and everyone else was just as bad," Björn commented.
"What happened after?"
"We were in shock. You know when we were married, so many times we tried to get pregnant and couldn't and when she had gotten pregnant with you we couldn't believe it." He paused as the three were growing emotional. "We talked and I told Lena that same night. She knew everything. I couldn't hide it from her. She wasn't happy to know at all. And for a while your mother and I didn't know what to do."
"We knew that we were going to get through it, but the fear of the public knowing would smear our image, the family, Linda was already bullied at school, and you most of all... they'd never give you peace. We were in the papers already. So many ridiculous things," Agnetha said. "Then Lena gave us the only option we could accept. To take you as if her own. I only accepted because it meant you'd be protected from that life. I was afraid I'd hurt you, that I'd make you unhappy."
"What if the better option was to have been raised by you?"
"We couldn't have seen that one being the better option at the time. I don't know exactly how to tell you this."
"After I was born... that's just it? You gave me away?"
"It was tricky. You were tiny and you needed your mother. She'd nurse you and at times you were only ever able to fall asleep with her. As you grew older, you grew closer to your mom, which made it difficult for Lena to accept."
"Besides babysitting you when they had somewhere to be, I didn't see you as much. I couldn't. I grew attached and so did you."
"And after that, after your first birthday we moved back to England. You were getting closer to Lena by then, it had gotten better. I'd send pictures, letters, videos of you to Agnetha. That remained until fairly recent."
"I have videos too," she confessed to the both of them. "During my pregnancy and after when I'd look after you. Only a few months old. They're all in this box." Anna couldn't remember much about her and Agnetha, but after the revelations it was a puzzle coming together. This was the reason Agnetha always felt familiar. Maybe it was the sound of her voice, or her gentle approach. This was the reason she was always fond of her. It had to have been, she thought.
Anna began to cry, covering her face and leaning down into her own lap. The brokenhearted parents were beside her through it. Björn reached for his daughter's hand and Agnetha pulled her into her arms and held her. She also couldn't help but cry.
"I'm so sorry, baby. Forgive me," she kissed Anna's head and felt the relief of holding her even through her heartache. Anna sobbed in her mother's arms, finally understanding the meaning of each embrace they had many times before. It was motherly and she only ever felt it from Agnetha.
"I do," she cried. "But I can't h-help it, I wish you r-raised me. That you kept me. I'm the reason f-for everything."
"No. No, sweetheart you're not. You were another blessing and we didn't even know it."
"It was our mistake to hide it, but there is nothing to keep from you, Anna," Björn added. "You mean the world to the both of us."
"I'm sorry I yelled at you," she turned to Agnetha and cried. Her cheeks were red and wet. She hugged her, and continued crying. "I didn't mean to y-yell at you in front of everyone. I was s-so angry."
"I know, honey, I know. Don't cry. You had every right," Agnetha watched Björn sit on the other side of Anna and stroke her back to calm her. His eyes were tender and he knew it clearly that Agnetha was the only one who could comfort their daughter. They had a bond, though it wasn't obvious to anyone before, it was clear now. "Look, Anna, we're all here now. We're all together and nothing will change it if you don't want it to."
"Agnetha... you're my mother, but Lena is my mom."
"I know," Agnetha tried to smile, tucking Anna's hair behind her ear and wiping her warm cheek. "I won't take it away from you. I understand she's your mom and you love her."
"Anna, has she told you anything?" Björn asked in suspicion. He knew Lena and her manipulation well, but Anna shook her head.
"No, I wouldn't listen to her anytime she tried to. I trust to hear it from you first."
"Good," Björn checked the time on his wrist and found it was getting late and they had slowly come to an understanding. "What else would you like us to answer?" Anna shook her head and looked at her father.
"I don't know. There's so much, but I can't think now."
"Okay, I have a question. What do you say we wrap this up here, for now, have a bite to eat and figure out where you want to sleep tonight?" Björn asked.
"Where am I gonna sleep tonight?" She asked.
"Wherever you are comfortable, darling," he said. "We can go to my house or, because it's late and if Agnetha would like us to, we can stay the night here and I'll drive you to school in the morning."
"My home is yours. There's a guest bedroom or Linda's old bedroom. I'm sure Linda wouldn't mind either if you'd like to stay with her instead, her home is next door. Whatever you both like." Björn gave a small smile.
"I don't mind," Anna responded. "As long as I don't go home. I don't want to go home."
That night the three spent a quiet evening together sharing stories of Anna's childhood, Agnetha's most joyous memories with Anna and commenting on her characteristics as a child and during her pregnancy. They had answered a few more questions and smiles were beginning to come in little by little though their heartache couldn't be wiped away.
Agnetha showed Anna where she would sleep, allowing her to change into Linda's old pajamas and wishing her a good night. She met Björn back in the kitchen, finding him drying his hands from the dishes. She smiled and he turned to give her a comforting hug.
"There's her smile," he kissed her head.
"Thank God," she breathed and closed her eyes. "I was so scared."
"I told you she just needed time. She still does, but she'll heal slowly."
"I know. I love you. Thank you for everything."
"Me too, baby. I love you, too."
That night the three of them had slept in three separate rooms under the same roof. Agnetha was still anxious, knowing if Lena had found out Anna was spending the night at her home she would lose it.
Björn was content. Their lives had finally come together and united them. A little more time and he knew their family would be healed, though they still had to fix custody matters by the coming week.
Anna, though she finally learned the truth, had a hard time falling asleep. She wasn't bothered, she wasn't hurt, and she wasn't sad. She laid awake unable to rest her thoughts. It was suddenly making sense why Lena had always been distant and closer to Emma instead. Though she couldn't figure out why Lena had requested sole custody. Her mind replayed that night's conversations again and again until she could no longer stay awake.