"We learn from failure, not from success!"
― Bram Stoker, Dracula
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Harry's POV
My hands burned where they touched the soft skin on her hips. I couldn't move them, even though I wanted to.
My mind was working against my body, giving commands that not a little ounce of me listened to. Not having any control was eating me alive, and I was afraid I would completely lose it.
If Zoey noticed my change of heart, she didn't say so. Teasingly working against me, she pressed a kiss to the corner of my lips, then travelled down my jaw. Her hands were holding my head in place, but I couldn't have moved anyway, even if I wanted to.
Her lips were hot on my neck, her fingers seemingly scratching marks into my back even though I knew that wasn't the case. When they wandered to my stomach, something inside of me snapped.
I couldn't bear this any longer. Any rational thought left my mind, only a burning rage was left, threatening to ruin everything.
With every bit of willpower I could muster up, I turned my head aside, disconnecting her lips from my skin. My hands on her hips gave me the advantage of pushing her back, even now still careful to not hurt her. At least physically.
"What-" She began asking, clearly confused by my rejection.
But I had enough of her games. "Don't."
My tone was cold and I saw her shivering under my intense glare, this single word hitting her like a truck on full speed. Standing frozen in place, her hands dropped to her sides and her mouth plopped open in shock.
I bit my tongue with full force, my teeth piercing the flesh and drawing blood. The stinging pain brought me back to reality, and with the new clarity in my mind, I turned around and stomped out of Zoey's room.
Time seemed to slow down as I compacted down the hallway to the front door, not exactly sure what I was about to do, but knowing I needed to get out of this house and away from Zoey as soon as possible.
I had expected her to follow me and demand an explanation, but nothing happened. All I could hear was my heavy breathing and the fast beating of my heart in my own ears.
Finally reaching the front door, I wasted no more time in quitting the Clark's house, the door slamming shut behind me, leaving whatever hope there was, too.
My heart was bleeding, like storm and thunder, but I pushed the pain off my mind, rather focusing on the burning rage within me.
Just walking away surely wasn't my wisest move, but there was nothing to be done about it now. It was already too late.
I started the car and pulled out of the driveway automatically, my eyes barely able to focus on the street.
Only when I was leaving the Cherry Street did I remember to turn on the light. To make things worse, a black cat ran across the street and my foot itched to push down the brake, but luckily everything went just well.
After driving aimlessly for at least twenty minutes, I parked in front of a lonely bar at the border of town, where I had never been before.
Before I got out of the car, however, I checked if my alarm clock for the next day was turned on, not wanting to be late. Adding trouble to our problems surely wouldn't look too good... Whatever.
I sighed heavily and closed my eyes for a moment, contemplating whether to really walk in there or just start the engine again and drive home to try and get some sleep.
The decision was taken from me when my phone chimed in my hands, the notification telling me that Zoey was calling.
I ignored it.
I just couldn't deal with her right now, but maybe tomorrow. It was a dick move, definitely, but things would just escalate if I decided to raise the matter now.
So I didn't bother to read the text message that followed her call either.
Throwing every worry and doubt aside, I opened the car door and got out, the warm evening air hitting me. I couldn't wait until autumn started, greatly missing the cold temperatures.
The door to the bar opened before I had a chance to put my hand on the handle. Stepping aside, I watched a young woman leave, the name tag on her chest telling me she worked here.
She politely smiled at me and held the door open until I caught it. I nodded my thanks and walked inside, pleasantly surprised to find an air conditioner.
There were only a few people inside, and after closer examination, I decided that the bar resembled a diner a bit.
Not that this was any of my business.
"Hi, what can I do for you?" A woman asked, equally as young as her co-worker. Her name tag read Sarah.
I inspected her for a moment. Unlike most bartenders, she wasn't heavily caked with make-up and other unnecessarily stuff girls always put on their faces. Her dark brown hair was tied up into a neat bun, a single strand being tucked behind her ear.
Her brown eyes held a hint of green and she smiled friendly at me. The baby blue blouse she wore was buttoned up till over her chest, showing enough without showing too much. Her legs were hidden behind an apron.
All in all, she was really pretty. What made her even more likeable was the fact that she wasn't trying to hit on me.
"Uhm," I cogitated for a moment, realizing she was still waiting for a reply, "a beer, please."
"Sure. Can I see your ID?" Her hands were already reaching for an empty beer glass, but then she saw the way I hesitated.
"Is this your way of trying to find out how old I am?" I joked, before mentally facepalming. Of course she wanted to take a look at my ID to see if I was old enough, the signs at the entrance clearly having stated that they wouldn't serve alcoholic beverages to anyone under 21.
Her smile widened momentarily. "Yep. I take it that you're not 21, then?"
"Is it too late to order a coke instead?" I indirectly answered her question with a question of my own.
Maybe it was for the better, anyway. One beer could easily end up in five, and before I knew it, a few shots had added up on my bill and I would have a hangover tomorrow morning.
Not to forget that I couldn't get my drunken arse home either.
"No," she laughed, dismissing the beer glass. I watched her as she filled a normal glass with coke after pouring ice cubes in. "Hasn't happened to you before, right?"
I gratefully accepted the glass and sipped, thinking about a smart reply. When I couldn't come up with one, I went for the truth. "Not really, most bars don't check IDs."
"We didn't used to, either. But after having some trouble..." She trailed off, riotously waving her hands around.
I gulped the cold liquid down, relishing the way it ran down my throat. "I understand."
"So, what's your name?" She abstractedly asked, cleaning the counter and serving another customer while she waited for my answer.
I decided telling her my name wouldn't hurt anyone. "Harry."
"Hi Harry, I'm Sarah," she grinned, extending her hand for me to shake, "as you might have already noticed."
My eyes flickered to her name tag again and I shrugged my shoulder. "That tag could be lying."
Her soft laugh filled the air around us, the sound contagious, causing me to laugh along. There was something so liberating in this carefree atmosphere that made me feel more at ease.
"So, Harry, what are you doing at a bar on a Wednesday evening?" Sarah put down the cleaning cloth and returned her full attention to me.
I sighed and shook my head, not really sure if I should tell her anything about my relationship problems if I hadn't even talked to the source of trouble first. "Why? You get a lot of men trying to drink away their problems?"
"You'd be surprised," she joked, but there was a hint of truth in her words. "I think I should charge extra money for all the advices I always give."
"You're a bartending therapist?" I asked, the idea not seeming to be too far off.
"That's one way to put it, yeah. Every Friday evening, a man tells me all his problems and gets drunk until I have to call a cab to take him home," she told me, filling a glass of coke for herself.
"Woah, he surely has issues," I commented, downing the rest of my coke.
Without me needing to say it out loud, Sarah refilled my glass, only without ice cubes this time.
"We all do, right?" She asked half-heartedly, her eyes checking the bar to see if anyone needed another drink.
I scanned the bar as well, noticing the few people once more. Only some tables were taken, always at least two people sitting around it, engulfed in a conversation.
"Seems like you know a lot about it," I stated, debating whether to push the matter or let it drop.
"Hey, I'm the therapist, not you." Sarah leaned back and sipped at her coke again, her eyes watching mine. "Whatever you did, fix it before you lose her."
I was taken aback by her remark for a moment, before quickly recovering. "It's her losing me, not the other way 'round."
"I can see that you don't want to talk about it," she saved me from explaining any more, "so let's just talk about the weather instead."
We, surprisingly, managed to have a decent conversation about the weather, but of us agreeing that autumn was the best season.
Halfway through it, I had downed the rest of my drink again, my brain momentarily freezing from the cold. I declined a third glass and soon bid my farewell, throwing a ten dollar bill on the counter.
"If you change your mind, you know where to find me," Sarah called after me and happily waved goodbye.
I returned her gesture and pushed the door open, pleased it had finally cooled down a bit after all. Walking to my car, I fished for my phone in the tight pocket of my jeans and pulled it out. A notification on the screen told me that Zoey had called multiple times. Again, I ignored it.
A pang of guilt rushed through me at the thought of her in her room, all by herself, wondering what she had done wrong.
But I knew she was smart; she would figure it out sooner or later. Until then, I had to force myself to stop worrying about her. She was the problem, not me.
Once I was safely inside my car, I turned up the stereo to a reasonably volume and drove home, a slow fatigue creeping up on me.
It took next to no time to get ready for bed, and once I was wrapped in my warm blankets, I turned the light on my bedside table off.
A source of light was illuminating my room, and it took me a minute to see that it was my phone. Sighing to myself, I reached for it, only to find Zoey calling me again.
Checking the percentage of battery left and seeing the odd number, I quietly laughed, remembering a story Zoey had once told me. I was about to answer her call in that moment, my thumb already over my screen to slide aside, when the screen went black.
Flipping the phone over and putting it on the table face-down, I was glad she had stopped calling me in that moment. I couldn't cave in now.
I needed some more time to think everything through and decide if the fight was worth it. But what was this saying?
If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for.
My brain was overloaded, too many doubts flying around. Usually it would keep me up longer, and in combination with the coke I had just consumed, I really shouldn't be able to fall asleep.
But after tossing and turning for a few minutes, I found a position that was comfortable enough, even though I missed the feeling of Zoey's warm body in my arms.
A sadness overcame me and pulled me under, mixing with my present fatigue and luring me into a deep slumber that occupied my storming thoughts until my alarm clock awoke me the next morning.
Grumpily throwing my blanket aside, I waddled into the bathroom to get ready for another day at work. A quick look at my phone told me that Zoey had stopped calling me after midnight, probably after falling asleep herself.
I was barely aware of the time flashing by. Every motion I did felt automatic, as if my body knew what to do without my mind giving permission for any of it.
"Hey mate," Aaron greeted me as soon as I stepped into the kindergarten, still enjoying the silence before the first kids arrived.
"Hey," I nodded in his direction, putting my things aside. "Who else is gonna be here with us today?"
"Lea, Ellie and Mrs. Meyer," he informed me, getting the reading corner ready. "You okay?"
"Hm," I hummed, neither denying nor confirming his statement.
"We've been doing brilliantly so far, and next week the rest will be here again." Aaron whistled an unknown tune under his breath, apparently in a very good mood this early in the morning.
"Can't wait for the stress to end," I sighed, ruffling my hair.
"Oh, Harry, quit the bad mood, will ya? This week has not been more stressful than any other," he commented, his tone neither angry nor mad. His hands worked quickly to rearrange the pillows on the couch.
"I call dibs on the reading corner today," I called, loud enough for Lea and Ellie, who had just entered the room, to hear. I knew that reading would help me stay calm for a little while longer.
"Great, then the kids will never finish the book," Ellie joked, nudging me. She was definitely hinting at the way I spoke so slowly, but I couldn't help it.
"Zoey is the only one never complaining," I confessed before I realized what I had just said. The smile dropped from my face and I quickly turned around before anyone could catch it.
"She really has to love you, then," Lea called from the kitchen.
Any further conversation was prohibited when a high-pitched voice screamed my name. "Harry!"
I spun around, a big smile spreading on my face. "Lexi!"
The little girl ran up to me and threw her arms in the air, waiting for me to spin her around like I always did, every single morning. Her mother smiled warmly at me and waved goodbye, getting off to work herself.
"Guess what!" I told Lexi, setting her back on the ground.
"What?" She peeked up at me with those big, blue eyes and a completely innocent look.
"I'm in the reading corner today," I informed her, holding out my hand for a high five.
She stood on her tippy toes to connect our hands and spun around once, a happy grin on her face. "Bella and Lux will finally join me again!"
Speaking of, Bella walked in next, and soon the two girls disappeared to play a board game.
More and more kids filled the place, the noise level rising drastically. But except the young voices mixing together, it was a peaceful morning.
At least, until it was time to start our reading hour. I gathered as many kids as possible, urging them to listen to Room on the Broom, as it was a "very interesting story for kids and grown-ups alike."
As Lexi had promised, Bella and Lux turned up as well. The three friends were joined by Kate and four boys, who sat as far from them as possible.
Leo was in the thick of it, throwing curious looks at Bella. I smiled at their childlike love, having sensed there was something going on probably before there even was.
I flipped the book open to the page the bookmark had been stuck in and cleared my throat, getting ready to start reading.
Just when I had opened my mouth to say the first word, Bella stopped me with a question. "When is your pretty girl coming to visit you again?"
I looked up at her and blinked twice, not sure if I had understood her correctly. "Excuse me?"
"The girl who saw you wearing the dress," Kate chimed in, nodding fiercely.
Leo giggled, knowing exactly what – or rather, who – they were talking about. "They mean Zoey!"
I tried my hardest not to snap at any of them, the memory of Zoey walking into the room to visit me flashing through my mind. She had caught me red-handed wearing a dress as I played doll for the girls.
"Zoey is pretty," Bella spoke up again, a happy smile on her lips.
"She is," I confirmed, pinching my bottom lip between my fingers. "She is," I repeated, quieter this time.
I could see the questions lingering behind the girls' eyes, and even the boys looked curious, so I decided to simply start reading and shut them up.
Luckily, they listened and pushed their question to the back of their mind where they stayed until they were forgotten about, and more important things had the upper hand in the kids' heads now.
Around noon, Ellie and I prepared lunch for everyone. The atmosphere was easy and relaxed, my mind finally thinking of something that didn't surround my flawed relationship.
I had no idea how they had done it, but a few hours later, the kids had coaxed me into reading the remainder of the book about the witch and her cat. I couldn't resist their pleading eyes and pouting lips.
"If you hurry up, you can finish it before their parents start picking them up," Aaron called from across the room, seeing the struggle I was experiencing.
I rolled my eyes at him and suppressed the urge to raise my middle finger. "Very funny, mate."
He shrugged his shoulders, "Just saying," and returned his focus on Jordan and Brian.
I shifted my attention back on the kids and the book, finally telling them what happened towards the end of it. After playing for so long, the kids were tired and exhausted, which made it easier for me to read the book.
Bella's father was the first one to arrive, but his daughter urged him to wait a few more minutes until I could finish the book.
"How many pages are left?" He tentatively asked me.
"Three," I answered politely and pulled out a chair for him to sit on.
"So he will need at least 15 more minutes," Aaron said once he was within earshot. When he caught my glare, he slapped me on the shoulder. "Just kidding, mate."
I ignored him, and Bella's father, and continued the tale, finally reaching the end. With the last words said, Bella waved goodbye and left, promising she would bring some stuff to create friendship bracelets the next day.
The rest of the kids had some questions for me, Kate was the only one who got bored and walked off.
I tried to answer any question the boys and girls had for me, more than once using childish descriptions to make them understand what I was talking about.
In the middle of explaining the witch's behavior, Leo's eyes lit up and he sprang to his feet. "Lisa!"
The blood in my veins froze, knowing this could mean nothing good. I turned my head to the side, watching my girlfriend's best friend talking to Mrs. Meyer who seemed to be a bit stressed at the moment.
"Did you know she was going to pick you up?" I asked Leo nonchalantly, trying to appear casually.
He didn't have any second thoughts about my question. "Yep, mom told me yesterday."
That either meant Zoey had talked to Lisa in the evening, or there was no connection between her sudden appearance and what happened yesterday.
Knowing how close those two girls were, I knew that wasn't very likely.
Lisa walked over to us, smiling brightly at her cousin. "Hi Leo, having fun?"
He nodded boisterously, but then Brian launched out into a conversation about scooters with him, and due to kids' short attention span, Leo forgot all about Lisa and me.
"Harry," she said, looking around to make sure that none of the kids were listening.
"Lisa," I replied neutrally, waiting for a lecture of what a dick I am.
"I don't want an explanation," she surprised me with saying, "but you owe Zoey one. No matter how stressful work is at the moment, none of this is her fault."
I nodded at her, as if I was agreeing. "I know."
"So why are you behaving like this? Zoey's gone mental at home, her behavior is driving us crazy."
She didn't have to elaborate – I knew that she was including Phoebe. I bit my lip, not sure what to reply to her statement.
When she saw my lack of input into our conversation, she sighed. "Look, does she still mean anything to you?"
"Of course," I answered, my mouth quicker than my brain. Or was it my heart that had spoken?
"Are you-" she cleared her throat, only hesitating for a second, "are you about to throw everything away?"
Her question caught me off guard. Was I? Was I really about to throw it all away?
One thing was for sure: I should talk to Zoey as soon as possible.
I looked Lisa into her blue eyes and remembered all she had ever done, not only for my relationship, but also for me. She was in New York with Zoey, where they met Gemma and convinced her to come back. I could never thank her enough for it, but I would always try.
I knew that hurting her best friend equaled to hurting her, and truth to be told, I didn't want to hurt either of them.
"It's complicated," was the best thing I could answer, not really sure what I was about to do yet.
"Talk to Zoey," Lisa half-asked, half-demanded, her eyes sad. "Whatever it is, I know the two of you can make it through it."
That picked up my interest. "What makes you say that?"
A smile played on the edge of her lips as she answered. "I have never met anyone like you two before. The way you act around each other... I can't explain it, but it's like your two opposites that constantly attract each other and can't live without the other. What the two of you have, is something special. It's real. You have to hold on to it and fight for it."
Every word hit me like a fireball, burning doubt and worry alike.
My love for Zoey was out of this world, something I had never ever experienced before. It was different from the way I loved my family. Loving my family was certainty and acceptance, loving Zoey was dangerous and wild.
I had known it the instant I felt myself falling for her, even when I still tried to stay away. Our relationship hadn't started like most people's, and it certainly was anything but usual. We had already had our fair amount of fights, but we had always found a way to solve our problems.
No, the love I felt for her burned deep inside me and invaded my thoughts, my whole body and the deepest fiber of my spirit. The way she affected me was superlunary, but I wouldn't change a thing about it.
With just one single look, she had me wrapped around her finger – without even knowing it. My body responded to hers, just – like Lisa had said – as if we were opposites that attracted each other.
This love wasn't rational, but it was unconditional.
I smiled at Lisa, appreciating the effort she made for her best friend. "Thank you, Lisa. I promise I will contact Zoey after work."
"Just do the right thing," she said, walking around me to grab Leo's hand. As they were about to walk to the front door, Lisa spun around to tell me one more thing. "Please just don't hurt her."
Sadness overtook my body as I watched her walk away, concern for Zoey written all over her.
In that split second, I made up my mind. Without a doubt, I knew what I had to do.
Quickly leaving the reading corner and walking over to where I placed my things this morning, I pulled out my phone from my jacket pocket. I made a draft, telling Zoey to meet me at Freedom's Park in an hour.
I knew that I would hit 'send' the second I walked out of prep school, leaving yet another day at work behind me. But this day wasn't as all the others; this one had taught me a lot.
And if one thing was certain, then it was what I would do next. Something that could possibly change my life forever.
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