Perilous (Harry Styles)

chapter 30

"I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forgot about the stupid little things, like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you and the memories I never can escape, 'cause I'm not fine at all."

- 5 Seconds of Summer, Amnesia

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My world started crumbling down all around me.

I was taken by surprise, too stunned to realize that he was actually right in the same room as I was, and too gobsmacked to understand that he just wasn't on his own.

Without really knowing why, I could tell that I would have been able to deal with seeing him.

Even after days of crying and breaking down although I had sworn to myself that I would be strong, I knew that I could have been able to see him.

There still was no explanation for a single thing that had happened to us, but I could live with it.

I was stronger than I gave myself credit for.

But how was I supposed to know that he would show up with another girl at his side?

How could he have moved on that quickly?

Our relationship was cut short, definitely, but even in that short amount of time - that honestly felt like half a lifetime to me - everyone could see the depth of our feelings and the truth behind every declaration of love.

It physically hurt me to not have him by my side, and the memories of every little thing we had ever done only dragged me down further until I felt like it was suffocating me.

There was a difference between living for someone and living with someone.

Living for someone meant that you were living a life that someone else has chosen for you, or that you simply did whatever anyone told you.

But living with someone meant that they were a part of you, like your second half, and that you could not live without that certain someone. You felt like dying without your counterpart.

Harry and I had been living with each other, just as if our hearts were beating in unison. Without him, my heart was hurting.

So to say it nearly killed me to see him with some unknown girl by his side was an understatement.

If it had killed me, I would have felt a sharp pain, but then I would have experienced the sweet feeling of relief when my soul escaped this cruel place.

Right now, I felt like I was on fire. My hands were shaking uncontrollably and I barely noticed when my hand slipped and knocked over the drink Lisa had just ordered for me.

I registered some movement beside me and was pretty sure I heard Lisa calling for something, but I was in trance. All I could do was watching the one who had the power to break me.

My eyes painfully took in the way he wrapped one arm around the girl's torso, pulling her closer to him while she stood on her tiptoes to whisper into his ear.

I watched the way he flipped his head the way he always did when he found something utterly hilarious.

And I wasn't the one who made him smile.

With that realization came another one. Out of nowhere, I had an explanation for his breakup.

He had found another girl, one who was better than me, prettier and overall just a stronger character. There was no more space for a girl like me.

The air gushed out from my lungs and my shoulder slumped. My hands stopped shaking and a deadly silence overcame me, I wasn't able to move at all, even if I wanted to.