Words: ~ 2300
Warning: depressed and insecure reader
Pairing: Lucifer x reader
Summary: Reader falls into depression again after Lucifer is mean to her.
You and the Winchesters thought your life would change drastically after meeting god who gave you “the mighty task” to watch over the devil himself.
In all seriousness, Chuck just wanted someone to babysit his rebellious son so he didn’t get the chance to destroy earth. Especially your long lasting friends Sam and Dean weren’t particularly fond of your new job but
unfortunately, you can’t really say no to god (and believe me Dean tried).
But unlike your concerns babysitting the fallenarchangel was pretty easy. At first you thought Lucifer will do everything in his power to annoy you all to death while living in the bunker but instead he just spent most of the time in his temporary room. He didn’t really talk much except of making some sarcastic comments every time the brothers said something but they did their best to simply ignore the devil.
Like every morning you made your way to the kitchen to pour yourself a cup of coffee before you went to the library to do some research. Lucifer was already there reading some antic book.
“Good morning,” you greet him with a small smile.
You never hated the devil as much as everyone else. Of course you heard the stories and the brothers and Cas warned you about his evilness but you always liked to confirm things on your own. Furthermore, you kind of created a little crush on him, not that you would ever tell him that.
Therefore, you decided to be nice and polite to him until he does something to lose this privilege. It wasn’t hard to imagine that Lucifer has to be lonely, so you really wished he would open up to you. But of course he didn’t answer the greetings of a “worthless human”. He had a reputation to keep after all.
If he started to talk to you he would indirectly admit that his hate against every human being on planet earth was a little bit irrational. So that’s probably why he still didn’t talk to you after all these months, or at least that’s what you told yourself.
For the next hours you both sat in the library silently. Despite your efforts, you couldn’t really concentrate on anything but Lucifer. You caught yourself staring at him quite a few times but you couldn’t help yourself. He was a remarkably interesting angel after all.
“What are you reading?” you decided to start a conversation. But Lucifer didn’t even look at you and it took an
eternity before he finally answered. “Why do you care?”
“I’m just trying to make a conversation. You live with us since months but we never really talked.”
“And why exactly would I want to talk to you? Not only are you nothing more than a stupid hairless ape you’re also one of the most boring humans who ever existed. I mean seriously, what are you even doing besides cooking and reading? I have no idea why the Losechesters bother with
you. It’s obvious they aren’t interested in anything you have to say.”
Well you certainly didn’t expect that. His words hurt you more than you would like to admit and you were sure your facial expression
showed it. Tears started to form in your eyes and you left the room as fast as
you could in order to not let him see how much his words offended you.
But once you closed the door to your room you couldn’t stop crying. His words hit you hard. You were always extremely insecure about yourself. You hated nearly everything about you. Your looks, your laugh, the
way your voice sounds. But none of this overmatched the way you hated your personality.
No matter how hard you tried you couldn’t stop comparing yourself to others. You will never be as smart, passionate and insightful as Sam. You will never be as confident, bad-ass and funny as Dean. And you will certainly never be as strong and good-hearted as Castiel.
Lucifer was right. Why do they even bother with you?
They were probably just too nice to tell you to leave already. You never
considered yourself as a very interesting or entertaining person and your former relationships confirmed exactly that. Your exes always broke up with you or searched someone
better after a few months the relationship had started. They always told you they want someone more spontaneous and exciting while you needed an eternity to
open up to someone at least a little bit. The worst thing is you couldn’t really hate your ex boyfriends for pointing out your flaws and telling you to stop talking when you told them in detail about your rather uneventful day. Heck, you couldn’t even hate them for breaking up with you because you wouldn’t want to be in a
relationship with yourself either.
But since you met the Winchesters a year and a half ago, you thought you had changed. They helped you with your previous depression and showed you that you are indeed worth something. You began to see the
positive aspects about yourself and you even started talking more again,
something you quit down drastically once your depression started.
No matter how pathetic it sounds, you even searched in the internet for ways to get and keep friendships because of your fear of losing them again. It was a hard time for you but until now you thought you succeed. You thought you finally found a way to be less unlikeable but right now you weren’t so sure.
When was the last time Sam or Dean told you specifically that they liked you? Or laughed about a joke you made? When was the last time one of them wanted to spend some time with you but without the
other brother? Would it really be this bad to spend some time with you alone?
You were so in thoughts you didn’t even noticed how
hysterically you started crying. Every single conversation with the brothers
and Cas played again in your mind’s eyes. So many times you had the chance to say something funny or cool or at least something helpful but each and every time you managed to fuck up.
How could you think they truly liked you? How could you think anyone was able to like you? In this
moment you realized how stupid you really were. For weeks you tried to start a conversation with Lucifer, an archangel. He didn’t decide not to answer because he had a reputation to keep or something like that. Lucifer didn’t answer because
he would rather be lonely before befriending someone as pathetic as you.
The next two weeks you barely left your room. Of course Sam and Dean asked you what’s wrong but you trivialized it and told them you just didn’t feel well. At first it seemed like they bought it but as the days passed they grew more and more worried about you. It was obvious that
something was wrong. Normally you cooked pie for Dean and told Sam anything about the new book you rode but that stopped abruptly.
Surprisingly, the Winchesters weren’t the only ones who were concerned about you. Lucifer registered your change in behavior too. And despite his efforts, he couldn’t deny the feeling of guilt. Never before
did he feel something like that but after he saw your empty look every time you mustered up the strength to leave your room he couldn’t stop it.
At first the devil tried to ignore his regret and shame. It wasn’t his fault that you took everything personal after all but to be honest he kind of missed your attempts talking to him. You were the only one who ever treated him with nothing but kindness. Even when he ignored you, you tried your best to make him
feel at home in the bunker. You showed him around shortly after he arrived, you brought him new beddings and shower gel (not that he actually needed it) and one evening he found a list with book recommendation for him.
But he never thanked you for anything you did for him.
One day he heard the brothers talking about you. Normally, he would just ignore dumb and dumber but this was about the only
human he actually tolerated.
“Dean, we need to talk to her. She isn’t herself. When was the last time she ate something?”
“I don’t know, Sammy. No matter how often I try to talk to her she just shut down. It’s just like back then.”
“Yeah, it seems like her depression is indeed back.But this time it seems to be even worse. We need to think about something.”
They continued talking about a plan to make you open up to them but Lucifer stopped listening. You were depressed and it’s his
fault. You felt just fine before he arrived and while you were the best thing that ever happened to him he was your worst.
He didn’t know how to make it up to you but he knew he would have to try if he wanted to stop the guilt eating him up.
Once he knocked at your door he didn’t get an answer from you. After a few tries he decided to just get in but what he saw shocked him. The meals Sam brought in your room three times a day were left untouched.
You laid in your bed surrounded by tons of used tissues and you looked like you spent the whole time crying.
“Hey (y/n), are you alright?” The moment he asked you he
noticed how stupid this question was but he never really had this kind of
conversation before.
Much to Lucifers dismay you didn’t even look his way let alone answered him. Hesitantly, he made his way to your bed and sat down
next to you.
“Listen (y/n), I’m…I’m sorry, okay?” “Why?”
“What do you mean with “Why”? I’m sorry because I shouldn’t have said what I said.”
“Why?” You finally looked at him. “You just said the
truth. You don’t have to apologize for that.” His heart shattered by your
words. You sounded so hurt, so convinced his words were true. That’s the moment he truly realized how much he fucked up.
You lowered your eyes, you just couldn’t look at him.
Therefore, you weren’t able to see the remorse in his.
“Yes, I do need to apologize because I didn’t mean it. You were just so nice and seriously that kind of overwhelmed me. You aren’t
boring or a burden to anyone.”
That was the moment you couldn’t hold back any longer.
You thought it wasn’t possible to cry any more than you already did but apparently
you were wrong.
“Stop it, Lucifer! Did Sam and Dean sent you? Is that
the reason you’re here? You don’t need to lie to me. I know exactly how I am. I will never be the person people like to spend time with. No one wants someone like me. It doesn’t matter how much I tried I was never someone’s first choice to spend time with and I never will. I should probably just leave. I wasted enough of your all’s time. It was stupid from me to believe you could like me the
way I like you. I’m sorry for that.”
Your last words were nothing more than a whisper.
Before Lucifer could say anything else you stood up and searched for a bag that is big enough for all of your clothes. You didn’t know where to go but you knew you couldn’t annoy all of them more than you already had.
After Lucifer noticed what you planned he began to panic. There was no way he would let you leave like that.
“Wait,” he begged while he stood up to get a hold of your hand. “Don’t leave.”
At first you thought it’s a new way to make fun of you. Maybe he just tried to make you believe him before he burst into laughter for you being naïve. But when you looked him in the eyes again you saw nothing
but sincerity in them. Did he really want you to stay? No that couldn’t be,
right? It wasn’t like someone like him could ever like you back.
“Sam and Dean didn’t send me. They don’t even know I’m here right now. Listen (y/n), you’re the only tolerable human I met so far and I really don’t know how to survive with the Losechesters without you.”
“Is this some kind of trick, Lucifer? What makes you think I would believe you? Everything you did was ignoring me after all,” you
half-shouted at him.
You were tired of guessing what’s going on in the devil’s
head.
“I know what I did wasn’t fair. I promise it won’t happen again but please stay. I’m begging you.”
To say you were shocked was an underestimation.
Lucifer, the Lucifer begged you to
stay. For a few minutes you just stared at him wide-eyed, considering your
options.
Lucifer noticed your inner conflict, so he did something he never thought he would ever do. He hugged you. And to say it was awkward would be generously phrased.
“Don’t go, alright?”
You couldn’t do anything but shaking your head yes because you were still to perplex to say anything. Minutes ago you wanted to leave everything you built up behind and now the devil himself was hugging you so you won’t leave. Could this whole situation get even more confusing?
“Why do you even care? I’m a no one. Just a pathetic little human that can’t do anything right. I’m just…”
But before you were able to continue Lucifer shushed
you.
“Because I like you too.”