I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
-Marilyn Monroe
°°°°°°
SPEAKING TO CHANCE AFTER THE INCIDENT IN THE BATHROOM had been hard to Edith, but everything seemed to be okay as long as both of them pretended none of it happened. It was like a silent agreement, and though it terrified the blonde, it seemed for the greater good. It scared the teen to even think of the possibility that Chance had any idea of her being different.
If a kid like John had to disappear, what would happen to her?
Making up with Chance was easy, Ellen seemed like a harder challenge.
The tall fellow cheerleader sat in front of her, studying her cup of coffee carefully. Edith had requested if they both could meet and, though Ellen seemed reluctant, she finally agreed. The café was busy around them as the two friends kept silent, avoiding each other's eyes.
"I'm sorry." Ellen's usually sweet and cheerful voice suddenly sounded worried and depressed, stress dripping from her words "I made a mistake. It shouldn't have happened."
"You know it's okay, Ellen, I just..." Edith crossed her arms over her chest "I didn't understand why."
"I didn't have a reason, I just wanted to do it." Ellen's usual confidence seemed to return quickly as she laughed merrily. Edith felt a little confused at the sudden change "Don't look so flattered, Di, I don't like you or anything."
Edith released the breath she didn't realise she was holding and snorted herself.
"Trust me, you wish you were with someone like me." taking a sip of her own frappè, Edith felt herself relax slowly "Thank you though. I'm sorry too, you know. I was an asshole."
Ellen shook her head "It's okay really. You probably have a lot in your mind."
Edith tilted her head.
"Wait, you don't know?"
"I don't know, what?" Edith felt a little self conscious then.
Did people saw her tripping during cheer practice? It was hard to do her tricks now that she wasn't using her powers anymore. Or was it her hair? Her makeup?
"Oh my god, you don't know!" Ellen's eyes widened, taking Edith's hands between hers "Okay, it's nothing too big. I don't think you should worry, really. I don't personally believe it. Like when they said I was pregnant because I had the flu-"
"Ellen!" Edith hissed the taller's name, snapping her out of her ramble.
"Oh! Right, sorry!" Ellen's grip in Edith's digits tightened slightly for a moment "Sally has been spreading rumors about you being a mutant."
Edith pulled her hands back as if she had been burnt. Her eyes were wide and the words seemed to get trapped in her throat. Anxiety made it hard for her to breathe, Edith felt her whole world crashing down with just a simple sentence.
"It's not true, right?"
"No! No, no, no. Of course not!" Edith cleared her throat. They were just rumours, just rumours "How could Sally say something like that?"
Ellen snorted "Because she's a bitch. But don't worry, Di, we won't let her insult you just like that."
Edith didn't know if she felt thankful, or sad.
°°°°°°
Having someone avoid you was not easy on anyone, and that included Edith. The blonde got a little sick of Kurt and her being awkward around each other sooner than she'd like to admit. She really hoped to fix things with him as soon as the X-Men returned from their mission. Her thoughts clouded with Kurt, what she'd say to him. How he'd react. It was distracting and annoying and Edith didn't know what was going on with her.
Edith actually had hoped to spend the days without her friends studying and reading (Hank was gone too, which made it a little harder, but she had guessed she'd managed). It was easy at first, cuddling in bed with a book about modern history, though it proved harder as the minutes tickled by.
What if Peter wasn't kidding when he said they could die.
Jean and Ororo didn't even say goodbye. They left in such a rush.
Being stuck with just Scott is not the worst thing ever.
Talking to Kurt before they left would've been nice.
It all went downhill when Edith's first thought about Kurt crossed her mind. The blonde ended up closing her book roughly and yelling quietly into a pillow. Edith's worry about her friends and her wandering mind made it hard for her to concentrate in studying. Five days she could've used turned into a slow and painful torture that frustrated the blonde to death. It was a confusing feeling she had never felt before. Like being trapped in a maze with no answers. Again. Although it was no one's fault but her own.
Five days where Scott and Edith were stuck with each other. Oddly enough, it seemed that, like her, he didn't have many friends. It was surprising for everyone including them, but unlike what Peter expected, the two weren't at each other's throats. Instead, the pair enjoyed five quiet evenings side by side, studying while deep in thought. Maybe one or two comments were made, but nothing more. Edith actually liked the change. Maybe it was Scott feeling guilty, or his way of apologising. Nevertheless, she wasn't about to complain.
Edith woke up by the end of the fifth day without a clear answer about how to handle her many doubts. And because Peter crashed into her room, yelling about feeling tired and whatnot.
"EDDIE, MY LOVE, I'M BACK!" he jumped on top of her, sprawling along her bed. Edith knew it was a joke. She knew that it meant nothing. But it was still embarrassing. And annoying "And you're alive! What a magnificent week."
"Magnificent. Didn't know that was part of your vocabulary."
"Ouch. You hurt me."
Edith didn't answer, too busy taking a deep breath and kicking Peter out with her power. He probably allowed her, hitting the ground with a laugh.
"Why are you covering your face?" Peter tilted his head like a confused puppy once he noticed Edith had grabbed a pillow and was pressing it against her features.
Her answer was muffled as she jumped up and rushed to the bathroom.
"Eddie! Didn't you miss me?"
Edith sighed, admitting a quiet "I did."
"Then aren't you going to hug your old friend Petey. I even bought a gift."
Edith snorted, applying her daily makeup at lighting speed.
"I'll hug you once I look like a human being."
"Fine by me. Whatevs floats your boat."
As soon as the blonde opened the bathroom door, she engulfed Peter in a hug. She really had missed all of them.
"Maybe I was wrong about you being alive. Did Scott murder you in your sleep and changed your corpse with a robot?"
"Nope. We got along amazingly." Edith pulled away, leaving some distance between her and Peter. She wanted to say hi to the others, but he had been the only one to actually go to her. Which made her feel happy and appreciated "Where's my gift?"
Peter winked, running out briefly and returning an instant later with an object wrapped in corny pink paper. It had Hello Kitty drawings all over it.
"Here you go, my favourite gold digger." before Edith could complain, he kept talking "It's not actually from me. But from all of us. Trust me, you would never find me buying and specially not that."
Edith sat on her bed, tearing the paper off excitedly. It had been so long since anyone gave her any kind of gift. Maybe Jean noticed and convinced everyone it was a good idea to take a break and get her something. Edith felt slightly selfish and wished she had some money to buy something for her new friends. She really knew how to give gifts.
Once Edith saw the contents of the small box she couldn't help but snort. The blonde grabbed the mug gently, admiring the letters written. The Who. Her favourite band's characteristic diana symbol was drawn right under. Edith loved it.
"Thank you." she said, looking honest and happier than ever "Should I get you a Pink Floyd themed key chain? I feel like I should."
Peter laughed loudly, shaking his head.
"You don't have to but I wouldn't complain." he seemed to remember something.
"Jean wanted to see you. She's taking a bath." Peter sniffed himself and cringed "I probably should too. See ya, Eddie!"
Edith took a moment to admire the mug, settling it on her bedsite table with a fond smile. The teen snapped out of her daze, changing out of her nightgown quickly and walking towards the bathroom where she knew Jean would be waiting for her.
°°°°°°
"Jean!" Edith whined, entering the room without knocking.
The space was exactly like the one she owned but bigger and the blonde found Jean in the bathtub, her eyes closed, probably half asleep. The older smiled, sinking a little in the water, the bubbles hiding her body.
"Eddie, I've missed you. Scott told me you've been keeping each other company." the redhead watched as the other teen sat down in the toilet, making herself comfortable "I'm so proud of you two."
"How was the thing you had to do? The mission?"
"It went good. A big success. We rescued this guy, Warren." Jean yawned. It seemed like it had been a lot of work "He reminds me a lot of you. But more of a dick."
Edith hummed in response, admiring her nails awkwardly, wondering if she was really a dick before realising Jean had been joking. A year ago she would've complained quietly about needing a manicure, badly. But due to stress she had started biting them and eventually stopped caring.
"Thanks for the mug." she said happily, remembering the gift "I loved it."
Jean chuckled "We knew you'd do. It was going to be a t-shirt at first but you have too many of those. And no mugs. Sorry if you were expecting something else."
Edith snorted "I wasn't expecting anything. It was a nice surprise."
Jean smiled back at her, rubbing her fingers on her wet red locks. She didn't seem bothered about washing in front of Edith, something the blonde thanked. She was used to showering among girls back from her cheerleader years.
"Have you seen the others yet?"
"Just Peter and now you." the teen remembered Peter's words then "He said you wanted to see me."
"Oh yeah, is there something you want to ask me?"
Edith had the question at the tip of her tongue. She had all week. It was an easy plan really, approach Jean and ask gently about Kurt. Without seeming creepy, if that was possible. The action itself wasn't creepy at all, though. No way. She was just confused. And Jean was her friend, her closest friend. She was also Kurt's, she could help Edith, she was the only one who could. The blonde bit her lip worriedly.
Edith prayed Jean didn't read her mind too often.
"I don't know what you're talking about?" the teen felt a little dumb as the words got stuck in her throat, speaking instead in an awkward high pitched voice. Maybe she should just ignore the whole situation. Go to bed and finish that History book she was having trouble with.
Jean chuckled: "I couldn't help but notice Kurt and you were having trouble. Both of your thoughts have been so loud lately."
Edith blushed. Right, telepathy.
"Kurt and I were close. But not anymore. I want to fix things." the teen avoided Jean's eyes as she spoke "Is he mad at me or something? I've been feeling really confused."
Jean thought her words over carefully. She knew Edith was having a hard time and didn't want to scare her with a straightforward answer.
"Nah, he's just embarrassed." she read Edith's mind instead of waiting for a reaction "You make him feel embarrassed. It's normal, you're used to flustering people, right?"
Jean abandoned Edith's mind and let her ponder. Why would he be embarrassed? Was it because of the private questions the other day? She also said private things. It didn't make sense, but then again, Edith didn't understand many things about him (not that she'd complain. She actually liked that about him).
Back in high school Reid Smith seemed to have a weird crush on her. Edith couldn't help but notice since they sat together in Spanish. He was the only person the blonde remembered embarrassing. Not even her boyfriend, but a guy she had never spoken to. The teen couldn't help but wonder why. Why was Kurt feeling so embarrassed?
"What should I do?"
"He's not mad or anything, you know. Scott too was weird around me before we started dating." Jean smiled widely "Just do something nice for him. Something you know he'd like."
Edith thought for a moment. She had many conversations with Kurt and knew many things about him. It wasn't hard to come up with something he could enjoy.
"I got it! Thanks, Jean." Edith jumped up and left the bathroom quickly, Jean's words still in her mind. Her eyes suddenly widened and she opened the door slightly, peeking shyly "I have no intention of dating him, though. Don't get the wrong idea. I'm an emotional cripple. You know my only relationship was basically a lie."
Jean giggled, closing the door on her with her mind.
"Make me proud." she said in the blonde's mind.
°°°°°°
It took Edith a few minutes of deep breaths and trying to convince herself that everything was going to be okay until she was finally in front of her destination. She couldn't overthink this time or she'd just run away awkwardly. So, without a second thought, she opened the door, clutching her brand new mug between her hands as her heart beat wildly with anticipation. It had been a while since she last saw Kurt after all.
"Welcome back, Kurt!" she said happily, though it came much more awkward than she intended, her voice high pitched and clearly odd "I thought you'd feel tired so I fixed you a steamy cup of hot cocoa. Thanks for the mug, by the way. I wanted you to be the first one to use it."
Kurt's eyes were wide as he tried his best to hide his body with the bubbles that filled the bathtub. He stared up at Edith, lost and clearly confused. And embarrassed. Specially embarrassed.
Damn, whatever she did to fluster him, she was doing it again.
"What's the matter?" she tilted her head "You told me you drank hot cocoa when you felt cold and upset so I thought-"
"Edith, dear girl," he stuttered. Edith blushed at his words "a gentleman... prefers some privacy in his bath."
Edith avoided staring as she answered.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't know. Jean didn't seem to mind." she let the mug down. Edith couldn't help but look back at him when she felt Kurt's tail snake around the cup, dragging it towards him. It brushed her hand slightly and the contact made her feel tingly. Like when she used her powers.
"Jean is not a man, Edith." his voice sounded panicked as Kurt stuttered "You're welcome, it was nothing. I'm glad you liked the mug."
She didn't understand the difference between walking in on a guy and walking in on a girl. She liked both genders after all. But maybe it wasn't the right time to mention it.
Edith turned towards the door quickly, but stopped abruptly when she remembered what she actually had wanted to say.
"I don't know what's up with you, but" she sighed with determination "I'm here for you. I hope you're not mad at me."
Edith cleared her throat. The blonde wished for a moment Kurt's ability was reading minds. It would've made everything a thousand times easier. She had many more things to say, but knew it wasn't the right time or moment. She wanted Kurt to answer, but wasn't sure if he would. Specially when she wasn't seeing his face, only staring at the door impatiently.
"I'm so sorry." Kurt mumbled shyly "I-I've been acting like a... a Schwachkopf. Can I make it up to you? Practice together or something, ja?"
"What's a Schwachkopf?" she pronounced the word all wrong before she could think about it, only trying to mimic the sounds Kurt made.
The German laughed loudly and watched as the blonde turned around.
"Not as bad as Knallkopf, not as good as Dussel."
"What's a-?" Edith threw her hands in the air "I'm not trying anymore."
Kurt's laughter didn't die, amused by Edith's clumsiness with foreign languages.
"It means I was an idiot, dear girl." he explained finally "I was serious about the helping you out part. I know it's hard to find things to do."
Edith chuckled. Somehow, she felt as if the awkward mood between them had shifted. She hoped she wasn't making Kurt feel embarrassed anymore.
"I could show you something I've been practicing on." she smiled mysteriously, though she had nothing to show as she leaned against the door in what she hoped was a cool posture "But not yet. Rest or something, you'll need it."
As Edith winked, she realised Kurt's discomfort once again and blushed herself, straightening her back quickly.
"Shit, sorry. I'll get going. Return the mug when you're done, I'll wash it! Thanks again." her words were fast and she noticed Kurt struggle slightly to understand
"Thanks for the cocoa. I will."
Edith felt satisfied with the progress.