I stood staring at the closed elevator doors. The tug of regret was filling me. I want to believe that he's here for me, but I don't know what to think. On one part I want to believe it, on the other his words to Veronica haunt me.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped up in suprise. I met Chloe's eyes. "Sorry. I just want to tell you I made dinner." She looked away. "He probably just needed to get some fresh air. He'll be back soon. Then we can all sit down and eat."
"Stop doing that." I tell her.
"What do you mean?"
"The dinner. Stop trying to bring us together."
"I just wanted to do something nice."
"Do you know we're getting a divorce?"
Her eyes widen with denial. "What? That's not true."
"It is. I got what I needed. Charles gave me everything before he dropped dead. That means Omer is now free to run into his true loves arms and walk into the sunset. Happily ever after."
"This is about Veronica? He doesn't care about her."
"Really? So I didn't catch them kissing in his office? So I didn't hear him tell her how he would love to have a family with her? Chloe, you're very naive."
"He wouldn't do that."
"He did. I don't blame him. The only reason he married me was because I suggested it. I needed to get back what Charles stole from me. In exchange, Omer got 20% share of his competitor. Simple. Now I got what I wanted, he got want he wanted. It's done."
"Maybe... that's how it started, but I see the way you are with eachother. You can't fake that. I mean, this isn't how it's supposed to be."
"And how is it supposed to be with you?"
"We're supposed to be a family. He's supposed to be my Dad and you're supposed to be my mom."
"That's not going to change."
"Yes, it is. I don't understand how you're just going to give up like that? I mean don't you love him?" I stood silent. "Maybe you don't believe he loves you, but I know he does. He's been here day and night worrying about. Calling doctors, psychiatrists, trying to find ways to help you. He's doing your work, handling the media, everything for you. If that's not love, then I don't know what is. I can't even imagine what you're dealing with. I don't even know how you're still standing with everything that has happened. It not easy losing your parents, son, and ex-husband in the span of a few years. I don't know how you're not breaking down from all that shit. But I know what you're doing. You're pushing people away that care about you. People that only want to help you."
"I don't need help."
"Yes, you do. No one goes through what you are and just walks around life like nothing. It's not normal. I just know that whatever it is, Omer has done above and beyond for a person who you think doesn't care. Because from where I'm standing he cares alot."
She turned around and went to the kitchen. I stood there stunned. What did I do? I shouldn't have reacted like that. She shouldn't be caught in the middle like that. I mentally slapped myself for being so cynical.
I went into my room and closed the door. I leaned against it and tried to take in everything she said. Could it be true that he cares. I know he doesn't love me, but he cares. That's something right? Even then I know it isn't enough because I love him. I took a deep breath when I felt the pang of emotions welling up inside me. I push it away. I can't deal with that right now. I don't want to.
I looked around my room for a distraction. The envelope came into view. The yellow envelope is sitting on my dresser. Bane said he thinks it's the assests that Charles left me, but I felt something small inside. I took the envelope in my hands. I hestiated in opening it. I need to open this alone. No interruptions. Just then I made up my mind.
I took my purse stuffed the envelope inside. I then grabbed my car keys. I slowly made sure the coast was clear. I saw Chloe with her back turned and her headphones on. That's perfect. I made my way into the elevator and out the building. I looked around to see if I was being followed, but no, I wasn't.
I drove to the Four Seasons Hotel. I was instantly greeted by the receptionist, who recognized me. "Mrs. Aslan, I'm a huge fan. How can I help you today?" I already felt the headache forming.
"I want a room."
"No problem. I see here you always get the Sea Breeze Suite?"
"I don't remember, but that's fine." I leaned against the counter. "You think you could hurry up a little? I'm feeling a bit tired."
"No problem at all." She smiled widely. "If you could just give me your credit card, I'll do the rest. Once I'm done I'll have someone bring it up for you. If that's more convenient."
I let out a breath of relief dramatically. "That would great. Thank you." She gave me a key card and specific directions. I took it. "Oh, I have a little bit of a headache. Do you have some Tylenol?"
"We have a small shop here. If you give me a mintue, I can go get you some and charge it to the room."
"That would be so helpful." With that she rushed to the shop and came back in record time. She handed me the small bottle of pills. "Thank you for your help. I truly appreciate it."
Without further delay, I made my way up to my room. I dropped me keys on the table and pulled the envelope from my purse. I took a seat on the sofa and stared at the enelope in my hand. I don't know why I feel reluctant to open it. I shook away my hestiation and opened it.
I took out legal document of the transfers of assests to me. I out that aside. Then I took out a hand written letter neatly folded. I unfolded it and began to read.
Cora,
I don't know even where to begin. I thought about this for sometime now. I look back to everything I did to you and I keep wondering how. How could I hurt the woman I love more than life itself? How could I not even bother to see my own son who needed me the most? How could I continue to hurt you over and over again? The truth is that I don't know. I want to say my mother had a hand in my actions, but no. That would've come out as an excuse. There is no excuse for what I did to you.
I lied to you. I lied to you to make you fall in love with me. The intention of what I wanted was there from the start. I knew I had to do it for the sake of my family. Well, I made myself believe that. I blamed you for my family's financial loss, when you had nothing to do with it. Your parents had nothing to do with it. I realize that now.
I stopped myself from truly loving you. I kept thinking, this is what I have to do. Nothing more, nothing less, but when you smiled everything looked brighter. When you laughed everything felt right. I fell for you. The day I married you I became whole. I get to spend my life with the woman I love. You became everything to me. That scared me. I began to fight what I felt. I began to tell myself that your family destroyed mine. That all Verdells were nothing, but power hungry people that don't care who they stepped on as long as they came on top.
As time went on it became harder to hate you. I don't know why, but everytime I pushed you away, you came back to me with pure love. It became harder for me to resist so I left. I did everything I could to not be home. I volunteered for every business trip I could find. I thought the longer I was away, the easier it was for me to hate you. It didn't work.
When I found out you were pregnant, I was terrified of how that would work. I convinced myself that you did it on purpose. I don't know how insane I was to believe that. There's no words for it. Then I noticed how you started to change. You used to have these crazied eyes. You became paranoid. With every visit I saw you were getting worst. My mother told me how you kept talking to people that weren't there. How you screamed during the night scared that someone was in your room, but no one was there. I didn't want to believe it. But the house staff confirmed every story.
That night I came home and found you on the floor with pills scattered around, I lost it. I made you do that. I made you try to take your life away. I became so mad at myself, but then I turned that anger to you. You almost killed our child. How could you be so selfish to do that? You were supposed to protect him like a mother should. I was furious. I did what I thought was best. I put you in psychiatric hospital. I wanted them to watch over you and give you the help you needed while I was gone. It was the only way I knew how I could keep you alive in my absence.
After a few months, the doctors said you were making progress. I thought everything would be okay. My mother called me saying that you were back home. I was happy to hear that, but I was still angry about what you did. You called me when I was away and I ignored each call. My anger towards you wouldn't let me answer. I didn't even listen to any of the voicemails you left. I just continued my life.
When I finally came back, I was told that our son died. I was in shock. I couldn't believe it. You were doing so well. I didn't know where it went wrong. I blamed myself for not being there with you. How could I even show my face at my own son's funeral? I couldn't do it. Then you moved out, divorced me, disappeared for months, not communicating with anyone we knew. Then out of the blue I got an email saying that you married the owner of our competitor.
I don't know how everything went wrong, Cora. We had a chance to be happy and I ruined it, but everything else? I couldn't imagine that the strong vibrant girl I met in college was capable of becoming someone so cold. So dead to emotions. I felt your love, but there wasn't any when I saw you again. I'm sorry for that.
I didn't know the extend of everything you had to suffer through. I know about what my mother did to you. I know now that she was the one that hired someone to kill your parents and make it look like an accident. I know now that she was the one that made it look like you tried to commit suicide. It was all her. She did that to you and I helped her in a way. I let that happen to you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything.
There's nothing I can do to change what happened. Nothing I can do will ever bring back the Cora I knew. Nothing I do will bring back Adam. I regret ever listening to everything except my heart. I don't have the power to take back time. The only thing I can do is give you peace and give you justice. My mother confessed to everything and I recorded it. Inside the envelope you'll find a flash drive. It's the only copy I have. You do what you think is right.
I wish I had the strength to give this to you in person, but I'm a coward. I can't live this life knowing everything I played a part of. I can't live with myself like this. I killed my son, Cora. I killed you. I don't deserve any forgiveness from you. Today is the last day you will hear from me. Today I will drive, and I will lose control of my car. I'll make it look like an accident. Hopefully, I'm right, and the police will give you this. I want you to know that I love you, more than life itself. I want you to be the woman I fell in love with. I want you to move on and love like it's your last day. I'll do my best to watch over you and finally protect you. Please, be happy. Do it in the name of our son. Live your best life. No more pain, Cora. No more.
I dropped the letter on the floor and covered my mouth from the sobs. My hands shook in rrealization. The tears poured down my face. I hyperventilate as I tried to hold back the sobs that broke through. No. It can't be. No.
I looked at the note on the floor. "No. Charles." I cried. "No. No. No!" My flashback invaded my mind.
Your 'sorries' aren't enough. I want you to fucking die. Fucking die!
"Stop." I sob as I grip my hair.
"Do you take this man to be you're lawful wedded husband?"
I smiled at him. My heart beating faster out of love. "I do."
"Stop."
"What name would you like to give him?"
"I'll name him, Adam."
"Please. Stop."
The circle never ends. Mommy, loves you, Adam.
I cried, trying to push it all back. Make it go away. Please make it go away.
"Hi, I'm Charles. And you're..."
"Cora. Cora Verdell."
My eyes zoned in on the pill bottle I left on the table. I stalked towards it and took it in my hands.
"You really love me that much?" I asked him.
Charles smiled. "More than you know."
I killed him. It wasn't an accident. He purposely did that. He committed suicide. He took his own life. And I told him to. I told him to die.
"I don't care what my parents said. I'll follow you to the end of the world if I have too."
I opened the bottle. I downed every single one in it. I felt my throat burn. The world is too cruel for me to stay. I can't take the pain anymore. I can't handle this anymore. I want peace. I want never ending peace. Take me away. Take everything away.
I threw the bottle on the floor and let my memories consume me. I held onto the arm of the sofa as I felt the drowsiness take a turn. I felt the room blur. My limbs start to feel weaker and weaker by the second. The pounding on my head matches the beating of my heart. It's going faster and faster. I fall down to the floor. My vision is blurring in and out of darkness. My focus is unclear.
I feel like I'm being elevated, but I know I'm on the floor. I began to cough out of control. There's a pounding on the door. The noise is fading. I felt my body shake uncontrollably as my cough turns into choking. I try to grab onto the leg of the sofa, but I can't seem to control my arms. My entire body shakes viciously. I'm choking on something that's coming out of my mouth, but I can't move to stop it.
I hear someone call out my name. Then I felt a pair of arms lift me, holding me close to their chest. My name being called over and over again. Then I felt it. The final breath coming out of me. I gasped for air, but my lungs wouldn't allow it. My eyes followed to the person holding me. His eyes filled with tears as he said something I couldn't hear.
My last thought was to the man I love.
I'm sorry, Omer.
****Author's note****
I'm sorry for any triggers this may be. I personally have a hard time with it because I relate to Cora. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I think there's only two chapters left plus, and epilogue and then it's over.
Thank you so much for reading. ❤