"OH IS THAT SO?" I hear Thor shouting at Loki as I dash across the ship.
"Don't hate the player, hate the game." Loki's voice retorts maliciously.
"You're going to eat your words! I will destroy you!" Thor yells back.
"Not if I kill you first!"
I run faster through the ship, fear thrumming through my veins, then I skid to a halt as I reach the cockpit. My heart is hammering wildly in my chest, until I see that Thor and Loki are sitting at the dashboard staring at a screen playing, to my utter surprise... a video game. My body relaxes as I realize they're both holding what looks like iPad's, playing some sort of fighting game. I let out a relieved breath, as Thor howls in dismay.
"I WIN AGAIN!" Loki shouts his voice beaming with pride. "I hate to say I told you so.. but well actually I don't hate it at all. I told you so!"
Loki continues to gloat, as Thor glares at him with narrowed eyes and throws the iPad toward the ground in frustration. Without missing a beat Loki puts his hand up and stops the ipad midair with his magic.
"You've got to stop doing that, brother. There's no need to be a sore loser."
"Have you been cheating with your magic?" Thor accuses his voice low and dangerous.
"Don't be daft. You lost fair and square." Loki responds calmly.
"Can I play with you guys?" I inquire carefully, alerting them to my presence.
Thor spins around to face me. "Of course, Milla y-"
"Sorry but we only have two of these gaming devices, and Thor and I are very much in the middle of something."
For a moment I feel dejected, but I keep pushing, "Can't you use your magic to create another one for me to play on?"
Loki ignores me until Thor addresses him, his voice teasing, "Oh, that's a great idea! Surely a powerful wizard like you can manage that!"
Loki narrows his eyes at Thor, still ignoring me, "If I understood the technology behind this thing, then yes I could. But since I don't, I can't." He quips matter-of-factly.
The sting of rejection clangs through me, and immediately it's like I am a million miles away, and all I see is red. "Well fuck you too Loki!" I roar.
Instant mortification heats my cheeks, "Shit. I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from."
Loki's eyes swivel in my direction, narrowing at me, and I'm certain I see judgment looming in them. I can't bear it, so I turn my attention back to Thor, hating the sensation of helplessness and shame that curdles in my gut. Get ahold of yourself! Stay in control! I shout to myself internally.
Thor gets up and grabs the ipad that's still suspended in the air, then passes it to me saying, "Why don't you two play together, I was going to take a break anyways."
I take the ipad hesitantly, not wanting to break up their brotherly bonding.
"Actually, I'm quite tired of video games, I think I'll retire to my room and read." Loki announces his voice distant as he stands up and vanishes. My shoulders slump and I feel that familiar sting of rejection, when Thor remarks from beside me, "I'm sorry, Milla. Just give him some time, he'll warm up to you eventually."
I spin around, my eyes downcast feeling so raw and bitter that hate surges forward to take its place. I hate Loki!
Thor puts a large hand on my shoulder to comfort me, "You know, there are tons of movies and TV shows on these things that we can watch together. What do you say? We've got plenty of time to kill until we reach Nidavellir, want to watch a comedy with me?"
I nod, not trusting myself to speak, then Thor takes the ipad from my hand and sits down on my new bed against the window and begins scrolling until his eyes light up. "Ooh, this is a funny one. Come watch with me, you're gonna love this!"
I sit down next to him, enjoying his familiar warmth and stare at the screen as the movie begins to play, but even though my eyes are watching, my mind is a million miles away. My thoughts are drawn back to when I was in middle school. Being a foster kid in school meant that most kids would steer clear of me, like I was an infection they were terrified to catch. As if being an orphan was some kind of contagious disease. One day, during recess I was so lonely, that I asked a group of girls who were playing a game in the library, if I could join them. But they only laughed in my face and told me they wouldn't be caught dead breathing the same air as me. My stomach twists in painful knots, I hadn't thought about middle school in years. I've spent so long trying to blot out all of my painful memories, that I'm always surprised when they come floating back up. I harden myself against the pain. So what! I'm twenty four years old now, I'm not going to let a bunch of irrelevant twelve year old bullies bother me! I have a new family now. One that would drive them mad with jealousy if they knew! Thor's laughing pulls me from my thoughts, and I force myself to focus on the movie. And by the time The Princess Bride has ended, Thor's stomach is growling loudly.
"How about some dinner? I'll make you the Captain's specialty!" Thor offers waggling his eyebrows excitedly.
"Yeah, sure. That sounds good." I reply somewhat distracted.
Thor climbs to his feet adding, "Alright, go fetch my brother and let him know." He pauses, then adds with a shrug, "Although I doubt, he'll eat a second time today."
"What do you mean?"
"No, nothing, it's nothing to worry about." Thor replies quickly as he leaves the room.
I follow Thor into the kitchen then walk around him and go knock on the bedroom door as Thor begins banging open cupboards and rifling through drawers.
When I get no reply, I open the door and step inside. Loki's sitting on the bed reading Frankenstein and doesn't look up when I approach.
"Thor's making dinner, if you're hungry." He doesn't respond so I walk closer, moving slowly, careful not to spook him.
"I know you're upset. And I really am sorry for shouting at you." I say gently, "I didn't realize it at first, but now I get it. You think I'm trying to come between you and Thor."
"You dare assume to know my thoughts?" He snaps his voice clipped.
I do my best not to react and reply calmly, "No I'm not trying to assume. I just... I just want you to know that I understand, and that I'm not trying to come between you."
He seems startled for a moment then his features smooth over. I sit down on the opposite end of the bed and study him, trying to get into his head.
"What?" He snaps impatiently.
"You don't have to push me away; we can be friends. I keep telling you I'm not your enemy."
"Don't pretend to understand me! And we are most certainly not friends."
"But we can be." I say gently, then I sigh. "It's okay to feel things deeply, that's what I ado-err... what I like about you. I appreciate your sensitivity, it's what makes you such a good person." I know Loki isn't exactly what one might call a good person, but as I learned from my therapist, the first step to wholeness, is changing how you think about yourself. Best to stay positive.
Loki stiffens and says nothing, pursing his lips tightly. I get up quickly not wanting to push too hard and add softly, "Anyways, feel free to join us for dinner, it won't be nearly as fun without you."
I turn to leave and am walking out the door when Loki whispers, "I haven't tried to hide my distaste for you and your kind, so why do you continue to be nice to me?"
I sigh, replying without turning around, "Because Loki, that's what friends do."
Then I stroll into the kitchen and when I see what Thor's prepared for dinner, I can't help but chuckle. There are several unopened six-packs of beers on the table and in the center is a giant bowl of Nacho flavored Doritos piled high with several layers of melted, gooey cheddar cheese on top.
"So, this is the Captain's special?"
"Yup." Thor lets out a wide grin, "Cheese on cheese, it's my own amazing invention!!"
I sit down at the table and eat some of his nachos, normally I'm careful about eating pretty healthy, you don't get a lean and toned figure like mine by eating junk food. But I don't want to hurt his feelings or make fun of his bad eating habits, so I just eat a little bit quietly. I open a can of beer and drink some. The beer is bitter and hoppy, but it goes down smooth. Thor drinks two cans of beer and polishes off most of the chips before I ask him what's been nagging at me.
"Is Lady Death a real person?"
Thor pauses mid-bite and looks at me oddly, "Of course not, she's just a myth!"
The knot that's been sitting in my gut finally loosens, "Good. Will you tell me about the myth?"
Thor puts his beer down and lets out a loud burp. "It's just an old silly tale about Lady death; the personification of Death, the Grim Reaper. Legend has it that she existed long before life and that she will exist long after it ends."
"Is she somehow connected to your sister Hela? The Goddess of Death?"
"No. Hela was not the Goddess of Death, despite her many claims. She simply named herself that, because of how much she enjoyed killing. She was however the Goddess of Hel. After my father imprisoned her in Hel, she became the Goddess and guardian of the land of Hel in Niffleheim. And even though Hela is as immortal as I am, she can still die. Lady Death however cannot. She was never born and will never die. She simply is."
"You talk like you believe in her."
"No, no, of course I don't. She's not real, she's just a myth. Although her legend is quite ancient, some cultures in the nine realms even worship her as a deity. But it's all made up. Nothing for you to worry about."
"Okay." I reply as worry needles at the back of my brain. I'm still not quite convinced.
"Would you like to play a game of cards Milla?" Thor offers as he eats the last handful of chips.
"Sure!" I reply brightening. "Do you know how to play poker?"
"I do. Natasha taught me. She was the reigning poker champion." He replies with a bitter and sorrowful smile, then adds somberly, "I'll get the cards."
We play three rounds and are laughing loudly when Loki finally emerges from the bedroom, a dark cloud seemingly hovering around him.
"What manner of game is this that has you laughing like hyenas?" Loki inquires sounding thoroughly annoyed.
"Poker, you ever played?" I ask, hoping he's no longer brooding.
"No, but I am a fast learner." He retorts with a smirk as he conjures a third chair and sits down gracefully at the table.
Thor quickly explains the rules to him and I add, "It would be more fun if we had something exciting to bet with."
Loki raises an eyebrow, "Then by all means, let's make this game interesting."
He waves his hands and I feel his magic buzzing in the room as a pile of jewels suddenly appear on the table. Large sparkling sapphires, rubies, emeralds, topaz, jade and moonstones all appear glittering before us.
"Ooh, pretty," I say, amazed by the shining display of glowing colors. Instinctively I grab two emeralds and gaze in awe at their beauty. I've never seen a gemstone in person before, and I can't help but notice how the emeralds sparkle the same way that Loki's eyes do when he's excited.
"Everyone gets ten jewels to make their bets with." Loki adds his tone commanding.
Loki distributes the gemstones evenly and we promptly begin our poker game. The we play several rounds as Thor and Loki drink several beers. I drink some more, trying to keep up with them, but every time we start a new game, they get more and more competitive and are chugging their beers even faster. The more they drink, the more competitive they get, taunting and teasing each other happily. I can't help it; I love their comradery, and I'm just happy to be included. They have so much fun with each other that, even though I'm normally not competitive, I find myself getting swept up in the thrill of the game. I don't realize how much I've been drinking, trying to keep up with them, until everything seems unusually loud and my head starts buzzing. Finally, Thor cleans us out and beats us once again. Loki pouts, clearly upset that he's only won one round, that I've won three and that Thor's won four times.
"YEAH!! I am the master of poker! I win once again!" Thor gloats loudly as he hoards the glittering gemstones in his arms. He smirks then looks at Loki, "And here I thought you'd be a natural at poker. You must be slipping old man."
"Old age comes to us all, brother mine." Loki snaps coolly.
"Rats was won," I declare, my words slurring. Loki and Thor stare at me looking bewildered, "Fats was fun," I repeat trying again. Thor snorts and begins laughing and Loki just shakes his head as if he thinks me a complete fool.
"I mean, that was fun." I say concentrating; forming my words one at a time, slowly and carefully.
Thor finally reigns in his laughter, "Be a dear Loki, and escort Lady Kamilla to her bed, she seems to have consumed too much beer."
Loki sighs and offers me his arm stiffly, which I grab tightly, before allowing him to pull me up. Once I'm on my feet, the room starts spinning violently. I squeeze my eyes shut and lean into him and let him lead me from the kitchen to the control room where my bed is. I stumble and nearly fall along the way, but he grabs me by the waist and wraps his arms around me, keeping me steady. "You really can't hold your beer very well, can you?"
I try to respond, but instead I lean forward and vomit barely missing his pointed black shoes. I stumble backwards but he holds me firmly and keeps me from falling.
"Mime sorry," I mumble, "I don't normally shrink, err-drink."
Loki sighs and steers me away from the vomit splattered on the ground and leads me to my bed. The room starts spinning again and I begin to teeter off balance, but he puts his reassuring warm hands on my shoulders to steady me. I feel like I might vomit a second time, but I close my eyes and try to force it down. Loki gives me a gentle push and I feel my cot against my legs, so I let myself fall into the warm embrace of my waiting bed. Loki stands there watching me wordlessly, so I add, "Don't be smad at me."
Loki sighs, "It's not your fault, Thor shouldn't have given you so much to drink, I think he forgets that you're just a human. We Asgardians have an incredibly high tolerance for alcohol, there's no way you can keep up with how much we drink."
My head is pounding, and I feel like I'm swimming underwater, but I manage to get the words out, "Sorry about the mess."
His voice is soft and soothing, as he pulls the blanket over me, "Don't worry about it. Just get some rest human girl."
"Thanks." I mumble.
I hear him walk away and head back to the kitchen, then I hear Thor's boisterous voice ask, "She okay?"
"She's fine, she threw up a bit, but I got rid of it."
I can't hear what Thor says next, but it makes Loki chuckle. I hear their warm happy voices chattering for a long time, and even though I'm unable to comprehend what they're saying, I let it lull me to sleep, happy that since I'm so drunk I don't need my sleeping pills to force me to sleep.
I'm looking in the mirror applying black lipstick while simultaneously trying to tame my wild mane. My eyes are dark and wild, having seen more death than I care to remember. I wince at the condition of my skin and cast a spell to remove the crow's feet forming around my eyes and the crease that has permanently marred my forehead. I decide not to remove the scar that runs up my jaw and across my cheek, because I kind of like it. The scar reminds me that I was the only survivor. That I fought hard and won, no matter the cost.
"Time passes so slowly, when you're ageless." I remark bitterly, my voice dark and hollow. "Of course, that's something you will never have to worry about." I gloat to Loki as I turn away from the mirror. My eyes land on his dead, pale face and I grin wickedly, pride surging in my veins.
"It is a shame that you can't hear me. I do so enjoy making you suffer." I pick up his disembodied head that I've enchanted and preserved in one piece and stare into his lifeless black eyes. "Perhaps I should bring you back to life, so I can kill you again?"
I toss his head forcefully up in the air, I'm used to its weight in my hand, so I catch it easily.
"Of course, I already tried that on someone else, and learned the hard way, that bringing someone back to life only resurrects the body and not the soul." I grimace, missing my one true love, "He wasn't the same when I brought him back, he was only a monster wearing my lovers face." I add, anger bubbling through my composure. Then I throw Loki's head down with enough force to cause an earthquake, but because of the enchantment, his skull doesn't crack or crumple.
"And it's all your fault!" I roar at Loki, "You murdered him! You killed him on our wedding night, just because you feared us!" Fury burns through me, and my body shakes with an unquenchable thirst for vengeance.
I hiss violently, burning with rage, "If I could bring you back and make you suffer a thousand times, I would!! But instead I'll settle for keeping yours and his head as a trophy, to watch me as I lay waste to your home and all that you once held dear!" I smile and let out a wild cackle, "I will make sure that everyone you've ever known suffers by my hand. Everyone will burn! And when I'm done, not a single soul will be left standing among the ruins!"