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Chapter Four
I would usually wait around to learn what Kendall and Haiden were doing after school, to know if we could hang out or schedule for us to hang out later in the week. Chloe-Rae never told me when she could hang out with me whenever those two were around; she sometimes just appeared at the front porch of my house. It didn't help that she appeared when I was wondering about her either.
"Hey, Olsson, wait a minute!"
I turned my head; I had reached my parking spot where my car sat in front of me. It was nothing special. Dad could obviously get me the nicest car on the road since he was futile with his money but we were on the richer side.
He never went across seas unless he had to, and during the summer he usually had to go over to Greece in order to teach seminars. He never took us with him since he knew that Mom wanted us all to go around Greece and not just me and her, because at the end of the day we'd have been sight seeing and Dad would have been cramped up in a university.
I turned, finding that one of my classmates from my Greek language class was heading towards me. He was one of the guys that hung out with Kendall and Haiden more than I did, so I had a feeling that he was coming to confront me and find out if I had really decided to stop being friends with them. I wasn't in the mood to answer him though, since it was the last thing I wanted to talk about.
I dismissed the teenager and got into the car before I shut the driver's door. I kept my window rolled up, knowing that I didn't want him to come up to me and have the opportunity to be able to converse with me freely. As I had said before, I wasn't in the mood for this.
To be honest with the way that I had been acting all day, with ending my friendship with Kendall and Haiden, one would think that others would realize that I wasn't in the mood to talk to them. I wasn't in the mood to tell them the reason why I had stopped being friends with them.
I knew that I would be welcomed with the love triangle rumor soon enough. If Kendall and Haiden weren't as straight as could be then I would honestly say that it would have some power to the rumor but they were straight.
So there was no possible way that there could be a love triangle, especially since I didn't like Haiden but if I had I wouldn't have dated him the same time that he was sleeping with Kendall (that much was for sure) because I wouldn't want to share my boyfriend.
No one in their right mind would want to share their romantic partner.
I was torn from my thoughts when I heard the sound of the window being knocked on. I didn't look at the guy. Or at least I wasn't until I noted that it wasn't the original guy that had called my name.
It was Noah.
I furled my eyebrows as I unrolled my window and saw that Noah was shifting awkwardly outside of my car. His eyes flickered towards the teenagers that were walking throughout the parking lot before his gentle eyes landed on me. There was hope in them, and I knew that I shouldn't look at him too long or else I would dismantle the only hope that was in those eyes.
"Hi, Icarus, um can I talk to you?"
I almost wanted to tell him that I was late for a dentist appointment or something like that but I knew that he had probably cried his heart out in the boys' restroom and the least I could do was listen to him. So I nodded my head, "sure."
"C-can I get in the passenger seat? That way I don't have to feel t-their eyes on me?" Noah stuttered, his eyes turning in the direction of where Haiden and Kendall were.
I almost felt irritation leak from me. I managed to contain it, partly because my ex-friends were sitting on the bed of a truck and were paying attention to the more social juniors than us.
"Yeah, go ahead."
I unlocked my car again, and he went around the front before he opened the passenger door and got in. He sat his backpack down on the floorboard and shifted so that he was looking directly at me. I turned off the car and turned so that I was looking at him too.
"I...I heard that you stopped b-being friends with them," Noah managed to say, earning a sigh from me as I fought against the urge to turn and see if Haiden and Kendall had looked through the windshield so that they could see me. My windshield and the rest of my windows weren't that tinted, they were legal of course, but not as bad as my ex-friends' cars.
"You heard correctly," I softly responded to him, the last thing that I needed was for him to bawl in my car because I didn't approach this in a nice manner. I was physically and mentally drained for today, but the least I could do at the end of the day was be there for Noah.
"I know this is silly..." Noah drifted off as though he was expecting me to tell him to get out of my car. When he saw that I wasn't growing angry, or irritated he sighed and continued, "Did you stop being friends with them for me?"
I knew that I was a sight to see, with my already large eyes widening even further. Noah was precious, I had to admit, as I peered at him and seeing how innocent he was. It was rare to see such an innocent teenager.
He was so nervous!
Yet he was hopeful in a way, and I knew I couldn't just destroy what little hope and happiness he had. It would be wrong of me to do so.
"No. It wasn't your fault, Noah. I mean....Haiden was being mean to you. Haiden is mean to everyone. He being mean to you was the breaking point for me. I stopped being friends with him and Kendall because I knew it would be better in the long run."
I didn't know how he would take this, it was just difficult to put it into words so that he wouldn't think that I had just upped and left my friends so that I could confess to Noah that I had stopped being their friends because I fell in love with him. He would think that he would have even more of a reason to confess that he was in love with me.
He slumped a moment later, and I flinched internally at the knowledge that he thought that he was special enough that he would have me stop being friends with Haiden and Kendall for him. He must have thought that I would confess that I had fallen in love with him and I would choose him over them.
"Oh...so...you don't..." Noah weakly spoke, before he bent down so that he could pick up his backpack. "I feel so stupid now," he muttered, tears were beginning to fall down his tear ducts in embarrassment.
"No! No, don't feel stupid," I pleaded as I reached forward and wrapped his arms around me. He held onto me with as much strength as he could, as though he could see if I was actually here.
I wished that I had someone for me like I was for Noah right now, an older gay boy that could hold me and tell me that everything was all right. I wished that he could tell me that I would go through many pains and heartaches but I would pull through in the end because I was strong.
I kept my arms as tight as I could against Noah without suffocating him completely. I rocked him to and fro, knowing that he needed this. He sobbed his heart out in my arms, letting everything out.
I didn't know how long I sat there with him in my arms but eventually Noah pulled away from me only to lunge forward and throw his arms around my neck to pull me towards him. His lips met mine and I sat there awkwardly, not knowing how to respond to the fact that Noah had just stolen my first kiss.
My hands shook as I brought my hands up to place on his chest to push him away, not too harshly but enough that it was stern. He peered up at me with his tear streaked cheekbones and his red, puffy eyes. He looked at me with worry, but there was also hope still deep within those eyes.
I didn't say anything, still processing the fact that Noah had gained enough courage to kiss me. I knew that he wasn't anything like Haiden or Kendall; he wouldn't just kiss me because he wanted to mess with me. He kissed me because he actually did like me, which made this harder.
Noah seemed to realize that I wasn't going to throw my arms around him and kiss him with such power and love that he fantasized I would do. His face went scarlet red, his eyes becoming petrified at the thought of me rejecting him again. He gathered his things together in his arms and jumped out of the car before he shut the passenger door closed behind him.
I sighed and let my head hit the steering wheel, my eyes closing as I knew that today had brought so many things that were unwanted. I already woke up in a bad mood. Losing two of my friends, and then having the boy I defended kiss me because he still hoped I would come to kiss him back didn't.
At least no one else came up to my car, so I was able to soak in the misery that I had been feeling this whole day. I was being melodramatic but I had enough social interaction today and I didn't want to deal with anyone else. Hopefully Mom and Dad would leave me alone, though I doubted it.
The strong smell of incense washed throughout the house when I opened the garage door that led into the kitchen. I was certain that Mom was in the attic doing some yoga stretches or some meditation and had left the attic door open. The candles that lined the staircase, one simple candle on either side of each individual step, were lit and basically were a neon sign for a house fire.
Mom's trademark sound machine was upstairs, at the moment it was set on the beach setting. This morning it had been set on the rainforest setting, monkeys and birds and rustling of trees had greeted me. Waves and sea gulls were now traveling throughout the house.
Dad was still at the university, as I saw when I peered into his office. It resembled those old school home offices that were made of dark rich wood wall paneling and leather furniture, but he wasn't sitting in his leather office chair.
The fireplace wasn't lit either, though there were logs in the fireplace that had been used earlier this week when it was colder. The antique grandfather clock sit was nestled in the corner of the room at an odd angle, ticking away aimlessly.
I had barely entered my bedroom and thrown myself onto my bed when Mom came into the hallway and entered my bedroom. She was wearing a simple muscle shirt along with another pair of yoga pants. The little makeup, which was of the natural palette shades, she wore throughout the day had been removed from makeup remover wipes so her face resembled her age quite clearly.
"I'm going to go and make you some tea," was what I was welcomed with when it came what Mom said. I knew that she was attuned to me, that she knew when I needed to be alone. She always made me tea when I was stressed, or sad, or even irritated because she knew it helped me relax.
I got up and changed out of my school clothes before pulling on a worn out long sleeve sweater that was light weight and a pair of black leggings. My sweater fell a little past my butt; I had bought the sweater in a bigger size so I could have times like this when I needed a sweater that swallowed me whole. I slipped on a pair of wool socks in the last minute, knowing that my feet were always cold.
Mom arrived again when I had pulled my fuzzy blanket up and around me; she quietly sat the cup down onto my nightstand before she sat down next to me. She began to run her fingers through my curls. As she did so she softly sang to me a song in Greek of all languages, it was a lullaby that she had learnt shortly after she learnt that she had become pregnant with me.
Her patience was what made me crack in the end, and with tears falling down my cheekbones I began to tell her what had transpired throughout the day. She listened without stopping the motion of calming me by running her fingers through my hair. She leant back against my pillows and pulled me against her.
When I was done she handed me my cup of tea and I took a deep sip, feeling my muscles unclench from their tense state. I handed the cup back to her and she sat down in its pervious spot. She finally spoke after a minute, "I think you did the right thing, Icarus. You took that negativity out of your life. I know that you are not happy with the way that you had your first kiss taken."
I flinched as I remembered Noah crying in my car and how he had thrown himself at me. A part of me wished that I had a crush on him; things would be so much easier. I would have been so elated at the knowledge that he felt the same for me as I did for him. I would have embraced his love.
Only I didn't feel that way towards Noah. I felt nothing other than companionship, and there wasn't any love towards him. There was nothing there. And that made it worse in my opinion.
"I hope he doesn't hate me," I finally admitted as I sighed and looked towards my window that overlooked the front yard. Mom shook her head as she lightly took my left side of my face and moved it towards her so that she could look at me fully.
"Don't you ever think that way, Icarus Lee, because I am certain that he is just embarrassed. He doesn't hate you. He hates himself. Imagine if you were in his place, he thought that you would return his feelings. It is not your fault that you cannot return those feelings," Mom sternly told me, enough that I gave her a small smile and allowed her to wrap her arms around me. She kissed my head and whispered, "You are a good boy, Icarus. Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad."
"Thanks, Mom. Is it all right if I skip school tomorrow?" I almost pleaded this towards her and she nodded her head. "Of course, everyone needs a day off from school in order to recharge themselves. Maybe you'd like to come with me to the yoga studio. I'm certain that it'd beat being around a bunch of teenagers all day."
I shrugged my shoulders, "maybe. Let's see how I feel in the morning."
She beamed at this before she kissed me on the head again, handed me my cup of herbal tea, before she went out of my bedroom. She shut my bedroom door on the way out, knowing that I needed my privacy.
When Dad came home he was upbeat, his voice carrying up to the second floor of the house as he excitedly told Mom some news. I tried to ignore his positive mood, since I wish that I had a good day like he had. Yet he had to tell Mom about how one of his students was transferring to a university in Greece and how Dad had been the one who had been the recommendation.
"So where's my son? I want to share the great news!" Dad's voice got closer, he was near the staircase but Mom cleared her throat, gaining his attention.
"Not right now, darling. Icarus had a bad day at school. He's taking the day off tomorrow. He might come with me to my yoga studio tomorrow. It's his choice though, he's not a little boy anymore," Mom informed him, her voice low but loud enough for me to hear.
"So I should hold off with the news?" I was certain that Mom was rolling her eyes, just like I was. He only meant well, and I was proud of him. I was always proud of Dad, but sometimes he didn't know when to calm down with his enthusiasm.
"You are clueless sometimes, darling. Come, I made some tea earlier for Icarus. Let's have some together," she responded. The sound of their footsteps moving away from the staircase shot relief through me.
I worked on my homework, making sure that my mind was focused on other matters than boys who kissed me when they were having a mental breakdown and terminating childhood friendships with an asshole and bitch. I had to admit though that was a harsh manner of calling Haiden and Kendall that but that was what they were, I was sure that everyone could attest to it.
Mom knocked on my bedroom door when it was time for dinner. Telling her to come in, I was finishing up on my homework. Glancing up I saw that she was heading in my direction with a plate of vegetables and a vegan burger. Dad loamed in the doorway, but with Mom shooting him a look over her shoulder he soon went downstairs to give us some privacy.
"How's your homework going? Oh, you're working on Trig. I remember having to take that in high school. Nasty subject in my own opinion," Mom conversed to me, earning a snort from me.
"I thought that you're supposed to be positive, Mom," I joked to her, making her roll her eyes at me as I began to eat my dinner after I had pushed away my homework. She glanced around my room as I did so.
Her eyes landed on my different sketches that were taped on the wall. She didn't bat an eyelash at the naked sketches of men and women. They were based off of some of the most famous statues, so that was the only way that I knew I would get away with sketching them.
"How's your latest art project going? I hope that Ms. Meyer didn't pressure you into doing a sketch of your namesake, or your dad either," Mom probed to me, making me arch my eyebrow at her. I sat my plate off to the side, before shaking my head.
"No, Mom. Neither of them pressured me into anything. I wanted to sketch it. Of course I can't help but have a feeling that he looked like me...or maybe I look like he did. Anyway, it's doing fine. The wings are a bitch—"
I flinched from the glare that Mom sent me. She always hated whenever Dad or I would cuss. "Sorry, Mom won't do it again. They're a hassle to deal with. I see tutorials for them all the time. You'd think that me drawing since I was practically able to hold a crayon would make me be able to draw some wings."
"It took me the longest time to be able to do the splits in the beginning. I did dance though, and it's brutal. You're supposed to learn these things when you're really little, not when you're in middle or high school.
"That way your joints are easier to maneuver. Course, Mom never cared for me to do yoga. She said that I needed to get over the hippie stage....once I started bringing money in from doing said hippie job she changed her tune," Mom confessed.
Grandma never really came over anymore during the holidays. She came over on Christmas Eve so that I could open her presents that she had gotten me, only so that I could spend some time with her.
She hated Dad with a passion though; she didn't like how he had married Mom after seven months of actually knowing each other. They ran away and got married in the cliché city of Las Vegas.
Why they chose Las Vegas I had no idea. Maybe they decided to add salt to the wounds by having got married at the city that people lost it all. It was humorous though, Mom and Dad laughed at the memories. They even had a scrapbook made by their two best friends, Sharon and Hank.
"Did you have time to work on the project today?" Mom turned to face me again, having looked away from the sketches. She had been admiring them once more. There were a lot of them, I had to admit.
"Nope, turns out that Art was cancelled for today. Ms. Meyer came down with a respiratory infection. Mr. Miller couldn't care less about getting a substitute so he has us doing study hall in the library for the hour. To say the least he's public enemy number one in the art department," I let her know. Mom nodded her head, accepting this, before she took my plate.
"When your father tells you the news he is so eager to tell you please act like you're surprised. I know that you could hear the whole thing, that man does not know how to have an inside voice when he's excited," Mom commanded, I nodded my head in assurance before she left my bedroom and shut the door behind her.
Glaring at my homework, I sat everything on my desk that I normally used for my artwork. The desk sat on the east side of the bedroom, there was no window that was above it. The window was on the north side of the bedroom, so that sunlight could come in but not overpower the room.
All I was looking forward to was to get a good night's sleep. I hoped that I would be able to make up for the horrible sleep I had the night before. I wasn't that lucky, for I had barely gotten into deep sleep when the feelings I felt last night came back with a vengeance.
I was drowning and being burnt to a crisp at the same time. I was wax and I was being melted by the harsh rays of the sun. I was falling from the sky, ready to be plunged into the harsh ocean waves.
I was—
"Icarus, can you hear me?"
I had burn marks over my skin, blossoming like freckles. I was dehydrated, the painful glow of light hit me and I screamed. In seconds I passed out, all the while my parents slept without a clue of what was happening to me.