The bell rings over head, calling for everyone's attention. Putting my camera in my messenger bag, I sit in the chair farthest away from everyone or at least as far away I could get away with.
So much has happened since I left I feel so out of place, more than I did before because now everyone, including myself, proceeds with extreme caution in regards to me. I'm noticably different, physically and mentally.
Mr. Schue walks into Glee Club and straight to the whiteboard, "Finn, give me a drum roll!"
And with those instructions, he hurriedly grabs a black marker from the ledge of the board and starts writing. As Schuester wrote a new letter the club sounded out what he was saying, trying to guess what the assignment would be this week. He draws a question mark on the board, stepping to his left revealing: MARRY ME?
"Marry me," the club reads aloud together, confused by the question scribed on the board.
"Question mark!" Brittany finishes, making everyone laugh at her before turning their excitement to our teacher.
"Yes, I am proposing to Ms. Pillsbury. This is the kind of news that you share with your family, and you guys are my family." Our teacher's excited eyes linger on me for a second, directing the family part in my direction. He's clearly still upset with me but trust me, mine's been festering longer.
"Mr. Schue, we're so happy for you," Quinn congratulates him, seemingly genuine. To be fair I can't tell if any of them are genuine or real anymore.
"We totally don't think you'll screw it up this time." I don't see how that was a compliment.
Mr. Schue smiles at us, sharing our excitement for his decision, "Here's the thing: it'sot to be perfect. I'm sitting down with Emma's parents to ask for permission, and then this proposal needs to knock her well-washed socks off. And that's where you guys come in, okay? So the assignment for the week is to come up with a proposal number. And you know Ms. Pillsbury- it's got to be perfect."
"Well, you can count on us, Mr. Schue," Kaydon and Finn salute before we leave Glee.
I leave the library after my free period because after being gone for 3 weeks, I only had a few days to get it all done. Sam runs down the hall to meet me at my side with a towel around his neck and his blonde hair dripping wet, "Hey, guess what, dude. I just joined synchronized swimming."
"No way! Why the Hell are you doing that?" I laugh loudly, getting passersby to stare at me.
He shrugs hitting me with his towel, "Yeah, it means I get my letterman jacket."
"Dude, you're in synchronized swimming and Glee Club. That's like some kind of weird death wish."
"Swimming is sexy."
I snort, "Not if it's synchronized."
He sticks out his tongue at me, "I'm not worried."
Azimio and Nick both Slushie him as they pass us. Sam stands there in shock, having forgot how being Slushied feels. I pull out my camera and start taking pictures of him, passing peoples reactions, his Slushier's retreating bodies.
Mercedes walks out of her class, seeing him drenched in cherry ICEE , "Oh, my God, Sam. Are you okay?"
She wipes some of the slush off his shoulders and hair while I wipe his face with the towel he had from swimming. Shane, Cedes boyfriend, walks over looking at Mercedes helping our friend with a hint of jealousy, "What's going on, baby?"
"I'm just I'm helping out a friend."
He grabs her hand, pulling her away from us, "I think he'll pull through. Let me walk you to study hall."
Sam watches them leave, jealous that Shane has the girl and all he has is an anxiety driven friend who he basically has to hold together with duct tape. I lead him into the bathroom, washing his hair and lending him the spare shirt I had in my bag. He slams his hands on the white porcelain sink, screaming at his reflection, "This school sucks."
"No kidding. Look what it did to me." He looks at me, instantly feeling like an idiot.
He knows exactly how I got to where I am today and it's all McKinley High's fault.
See, looking at my life before McKinley it seemed like the typical crap any teenager or citizen of the world experienced: I grew up without a dad, dealing with Racist comments regarding the authenticity of my Hispanic heritage, I was a Military Brat and I learned how to live on my own. Once I came to McKinley, that's when everything started to push me closer to the edge; the inequality and bullying presented itself to me in ways I never experienced before because I never had to get into fights for being Slushied or being in a Club or on a sports team, the people who claimed to be my friends stood idle while other "friends" bullied, ignored or belittled me, I lost my parent and then my childhood best friend became the haunting ghost of her memory, I was cheated on, and I think worst of all was when my biological father finally decided to be in my life they tried to bully me and pressure me into giving him that shot.
That's why I left, that's what turned me into someone completely different.
New Message: Mr. Schue
Hey could you please come to my class really quick?
I stand in the doorway of Mr. Schuester's classroom, holding tightly onto the strap of my bag. Finn sits at a desk, waiting for the purpose of the meeting with Schue and our parents. He meets my eye in the doorway signing: what's going on?
I quickly signed back: I don't know.
Carole sits on the edge of Schue's desk, "Okay. Will, uh told us about your plans for the future."
"Yeah, which was supposed to be private," Finn hisses at Schue, angry for whatever reason.
I mean knowing Finn, he's probably just going to stay in Lima and work at Burt's shop or maybe teach a Glee Club someday.
Mr. Schue exhales, knowing that in that moment he lost Finn's trust in him as a confidante, "Look, I-I knew telling them might upset you, but I felt obligated to bring Burt and your mom into this discussion. This is a big decision."
"Well, you know, I was going to tell you guys about it sooner or later."
What the Hell are they talking about, what's his big decision? Burt moves from leaning against the wall beside the broken pencil sharpener by the blackboard, "Look, Finn, you know what okay? I gonna need somebody to take over the shop while I'm off in DC, and if I let your brother do it, he's gonna have all the grey small monkeys wearing white dinner jacket. Now, because I'm not anti-military or anything like that. I just don't get where you're coming from with this."
"Well, my dad was a war hero. I have an obligation to him to to be a good man. To make something of myself, to help people like he did."
Carol lets out a short breathy laugh, pinching the bridge of her nose, "I knew it was about him. You don't have to prove to anyone that your dads in you. You know, everybody already knows what kind of man you are."
Finn looks between us all but his eyes stay on me for the most part, assuming I'm on his side for this decision, "Yeah, but how can really know until you get tested? And what better way than than to walk in his footsteps?"
"Your dad was a good man. was brave and true, and he had the same goofy sense of humor you do. But he didn't die in Iraq. He served over there, but something happened to him. I never found out what. Uh, I he I don't know if he he did something or saw something just lost his way, but he broke."
He looks at me seeking comfort, on the verge of tears, "He died a hero's death, right?"
Carole and Burt look at each other, pained to see Finn so upset. Carole sits beside him, laying her hand on her son's, "He died in Cincinnati after being dishonorably discharged. Honey, he had a drug problem that he tried to get over when he came home-- for for you mostly but but then he he would just disappear for a day or a week sometimes. One day, he just didn't come back. It was an overdose."
"Oh, I feel sick."
"It's a lot to hear. Just, uh, you know, take it slow. I see everything that was good in him I see it all in you."
"Why did you lie to me? Why?" Finn cried, now knowing that his whole life, the way he modeled his life after was nothing but a lie fabricated by his mother to save his feelings.
"Because your dad was so much more than the last few months of his life. That man he became was not your father. Honey, I was going to tell you when I thought you were ready."
Finn gets out of his chair, clattering it on the floor from the force, "Well, I'm not ready. I mean, how how, how did you think I could ever be ready for something like that?"
"Can I say something?" My voice squeaks, almost inaudible to them because of the distance between us.
They all look at me, curious and shocked that I'm choosing to voice my opinion. The three adults nod their head so I take my first step into the room so they could hear me better. "Trust me Finn, don't do something because you're trying to please someone who will never give you that because you're ultimately going to be the one getting hurt. I mean look at me."
"Lia, are you sure this is how you want to spend the rest of your Senior year? Scared to talk, sing and keeping everyone except for me out?" Sam whispers into my ear.
The two of us sit in the chairs closest to the drum kit, everyone kept glancing over at us especially Kaydon, Finn and Puck. I meet Kaydon's eye while I consider my options, "No it's not. I'm just scared that everything is going to get worse. Everything got worse when I moved here, made my anxiety and anger worse."
He grabs my hand, squeezing it, "You are the strongest person I know. You grew up without a dad and basically on your own because of your Mom's service. You fight for what's right, remember the Karofsky fight. You lost your mom and learned to live with that pain by yourself and you had your father barge back in your life. You learned how to handle bullying, racist comments, being ignored and belittled, Santana. No matter what you choose or tell them, I've got your back."
"What would I do without you? You always know what to say to me," I ask, laying my head on his shoulder.
"Your life would be dull and without meaning."
"You know, I just wanted to say that I thought that you blew that song out of the water and totally nailed the assignment."
Santana watches everyone praise Rachel for performing Without You by David Guetta, annoyed that once again Rachel gets away with doing what she pleases, "Oh, no, wait, wait a second. Was-- the assignment wasn't "Make everything about Rachel Berry and force everyone to watch," was it?"
"Easy, Santana. It's fine." Mr. Schue looks at Rach, "That was beautiful, Rachel."
"So, Mr. Schue, what do you think? We've given you a whole bevy of songs to choose from, from upbeat and awesome to a little overwrought for my taste," Artie asks, making me giggle into Sam's shoulder.
"They've all been incredible, you guys. I think I just need a little more time to really consider my choices."
"Mr. Schue?" I whisper, clearing my throat. The room goes silent, all eyes on me. "Um, I probably should've said this the other day, but you know that whole proposal thing? How you want it to be big and special and worthy of Ms. Pillsbury? I have an idea."
Rachel:
Yellow diamonds in the light
Now we're standing side by side
As your shadow crosses mine
What it takes to come alive
It's the way I'm feeling
I just can't deny
But I've gotta let it go
Rachel & Santana:
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
Santana:
Shine a light through an open door
Love and life I will divide
Turn away cause I need you more
Feel the heartbeat in my mind
Rachel:
It's the way I'm feeling
I just can't deny (New Directions: I just can't deny)
Rachel with New Directions:
But I've gotta let it go
Oh, woah, woah
Rachel & Santana with New Directions:
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
Rachel (& Santana):
Yellow diamonds in the light (Santana: In the light)
Now we're standing side by side (Santana:Oh-oh, oh-oh)
As your shadow (crosses mine)
Santana:
We found love
Rachel (& Santana) with New Directions:
We found love in a hopeless place (Santana:Ooh-ooh)
We found love in a (hopeless place)
We found love in a hopeless place (Santana:Ooh-woah)
We found love in a (hopeless place)
Rachel:
We found love
New Directions:
We found love in a hopeless place (Santana:Oh-oh)
Rachel with New Directions:
We found love in a hopeless place (Santana:We found love)
New Directions:
We found love in a hopeless place (Rachel:We found love, we found love)
Santana (& Rachel) with New Directions:
We found (love in a hopeless place)
Mr. Schue gets down on one knee, looking lovingly up at Miss Pillsbury, "Emma you are the one. You always have been. The truth is, I feel like I've had to stop myself from doing this from the second I first saw you. The first time I held this hand, it felt like I'd held it a million times before. Like somehow, it's always been here. Life is messy. It just is. And I know that's hard for you, but that's why you have me-- to balance things out. But you have to realize, you do that for me, too. Every day. Loving you and being loved by you makes everything better. I love you with everything I am and everything I ever hope to be. So Oh Emma Pillsbury. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"
"I love you so much," she cries.
"Is that a yes?"
"Yes. Yes. Yes." She jumps into his arms, crashing her lips onto his.
I close my locker door, hurrying to make it out to my car before anyone trys to stop me and discuss the 101 reasons why I'm not the same person from three weeks ago. Unfortunately, in my rush to avoid people I walk right into someone, knocking me off my feet and scattering the contents of my bag on the floor including my camera.
"Oh my goodness, I am so sorry about that. I really need to watch where I'm going," Kaydon apologizes helping me gather my things, both of our hands hovering over my camera.
We make eye contact before I snatch my camera up off the ground and examining it for any damage. "No. It's my fault, I'm sorry. Umm... Now if you'll excuse me, I really must be going. I have an... uh.. assignment that I really need to finish."
"Wait," he calls, grabbing my wrist.
I shrink at his touch, praying for the moment he takes his hand off of me. He sees this new behavior I've developed and slowly takes his hand off my wrist. Sighing in relief, I start to shake, becoming very aware of how long he's been looking at me.
"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for not being what you needed. I know, knew you, very well and I could have helped with whatever triggered your leaving but I didn't. I let my injured ego get in the way even though I knew something was wrong. And now you're even more different than when I moved to Lima... What I'm really trying to say is that I know that you've really changed and I may not know you like I did but I haven't changed and I'll be here to help and listen if you let me."
"You really mean that?" I whisper, looking up at him. He nods sadly, smiling at me. I must look like a scared little kid right now. "Okay then. Let's talk."