Chapter Thirty-Two
You had separated from him, but both you and Quince stayed sitting on the floor. You hugged your knees to your chest while you waited for him to speak, the seconds seeming to carry on for hours.
"She's...the deader than the dead we are now," he said, not moving his gaze from the floor.
You were silent for a minute before you could bring yourself to respond, "What do you mean?"
"I mean she—I mean she's dead. Like gone for real, her soul turned to total dust. She went through the attic door... She got the consequences."
"I don't understand," your brows furrowed.
He finally looked to you, an unsure expression on his face, "The attic is the way out and one of the only ways left for us to truly die. Her body turned to shreds and her soul evaporated."
"I don't get why she was even looking for it! And why did she go through?" you frowned, your words cracking more the longer you spoke.
"With everyone concentrating on you, she had plenty of time to look for the attic. She didn't listen when I tried to stop her, either."
"Why? Why is the focus on me?" you began tearing up. "She is just as interesting and as pretty as me. Why me?"
Quince chuckled, "But she's not you. Can you really define or justify love to me? Any definition or answer you can come up with won't be sufficient. Trust me, I've thought about it for a long time. The reason We love you is because You are you... and I am me. There are qualities to admire of course, but at the end of the day, you're the one who insisted on bonding with everyone. Not her."
You looked to the floor. This really isn't what you wanted this conversation to turn into. Not now. Not with this news. "She's...gone?"
"Like dust swept out the door."
"And you didn't warn her about what would happen?"
"Oh, I did, trust me. She found the attic and I was alerted instantly. I told her what would happen, but she left anyway. Like I said... She has no trust. She really didn't believe me," he sighed. "I think she's had it out for me since the start."
"I don't know...what to say," you said slowly, the tears falling more. Part of you already knew this. Jenna was looking for an escape, but the only escape from this death is to lose consciousness entirely. What Quince said made sense, and that had to be the worst of it. You had no doubt that he was telling you the truth.
That she was really gone.
"I'm sorry, (y/n)," he said softly, scooting closer to you to put a hand on your shoulder. You leaned into the touch until you were hugging him entirely. You were glad when he hugged you back, even though you were embarrassed to stain his shirt with your tears. Your head began to ache.
"We have to tell everyone else," you sobbed into his chest. It was an ugly cry.
"If you want to go rest, I'll break the news to them," he offered. You thought about it...resting sounded nice but felt wrong.
"I think I should come with, at least. I should see this mess to the end," you said firmly, separating from him. It would be weird if you weren't at least there for Don. You felt like you three have...had an inherent bond. You, Jenna, and Don were like...siblings? In a weird way? You weren't sure what it was. Like there was a certain level of softness reserved for both of them that couldn't be explained.
"As you see fit," he shrugged as he stood, holding out a hand to you.
.x.x.x.x.x.
Don was first, and he said nothing.
You wanted to be the one to tell him, for reasons that were obvious to you but perhaps less clear to the man in front of you. Don just seemed tired. He shrugged, finally and muttered a, "I figured," before he turned back to the book he was reading.
"Is that...all you have to say?" you asked.
"Not sure what more you want from me. I think we all knew she was...gone a long time ago," he sighed. He was being mean, you didn't understand. You knew if you kept speaking, you'd cry again and that was the last thing you wanted.
You glanced to Quince, who sent you a comforting look and motioned towards the door. He was probably right, you should leave. You wouldn't get much more out of Don.
When the two of you found Suki and Dianna, it was Quince's turn to break the news.
"Hi Suki," Quince waved when he entered the room. "Dianna," he nodded.
Suki immediately took notice of your downcast, watery eyes. "Is everything okay?"
"It's about Jenna," Quince replied. "She's gone, like really and truly gone. She's more dead than any of us are, and she...won't be coming back."
"Oh..." was all Suki could say as she looked at you. The concern in her gaze was touching, but it just made you realize how pitiful you probably looked. You were sure everyone would just count the hours you had wasting looking for Jenna.
Dianna, on the other hand, had hardly looked up from her own book. "That's tragic."
"It...is," you agreed. "We just wanted to tell everyone.
"A necessary task," Dianna replied. "Let me know if I can be of any assistance."
"I don't think that will be necessary," Quince smiled as he began to pull you away. You looked over your shoulder to see that Suki still looked very...lost somehow. Maybe she was affected, too? No one else seemed to really care, so if Suki did, maybe you'd feel more okay.
When you found Ryo, you almost didn't want to approach him. He was right, after all, about the attic being dangerous. You cringed as you imagined his smug 'told you so' face. You sighed.
Quince told him, and he didn't seem surprised in the slightest. You were surprised, though, when he turned to you and said, "I'm sorry."
Sorry? Why? What???
"Ah, yeah," you said awkwardly, putting a hand on the back of your head and running your fingers through your hair. "It's pretty sad." You laughed hollowly.
"Are you okay?"
'Am I ok' what's with him? He was so cruel the last time we spoke. "I'll be fine, I'm sure," you replied.
"I'm here if you need me," he said evenly, clasping a hand on your shoulder and squeezing before turning away. Quince watched the interaction. Part of him had wanted to intervene. Ryo was such a strange phenomenon. Such a jackass with a heart of... something much less valuable than gold, but a heart of something, nonetheless.
You didn't know how to feel. Maybe this was his way of apologizing? If it was, it wasn't gonna work! He'd have to try a lot harder.
Right?
Or, were you relieved that he was nicer? Maybe you both had missed each other. Maybe... you had been ready to forgive him for a while already.
Whatever.
You two still had to find Jason.
You were surprised with how long it took to find the tall man, seeing as how usually when you were looking for him, he seemed to turn up. He wasn't in the kitchen or the library or his room! Where was he? In the back of your mind, you were anxious—worried that he might've disappeared like Jenna. But he's not like that, and Jason likes it here. Or at least, you assumed he did.
Thankfully, your concerns were put to rest when you and Quince found him in a random sitting room with a pad of paper he seemed to be doodling in.
He looked up when you walked in and greeted you, "Hello, (y/n), Quince."
"Hi," you said back to him. You hoped Quince would go ahead and spill the news on this one. You were tired.
"We're telling everyone about what happened to Jenna, and you're the last one," Quince started.
"Oh?"
"Yes, you might have guessed, but she's gone...as in, permanently. She's the version of dead that's more dead than we are," he said, and you heard for the millionth time.
"I...see," Jason said slowly, his gaze wandering to somewhere indiscernible. Suddenly, his eyes snapped to you. "He's not giving you any trouble, is he?"
"Huh?" Who? Does he mean Quince??
"Ryo. He was unkind to you when you were looking, right? Is everything okay?" Jason asked, hoping for a negative answer. If things kept going worse for you, then naturally you'd need someone. You'd need him. He had to force himself to calm down before it became obvious, but the idea of you needing him more at a time like this excited him.
"No, actually," you said, taking a long look at the floor. "He was weirdly kind when we told him. Maybe he got over whatever was wrong earlier."
"...Is that so?" he said dejectedly. "That's good to hear, then." He seemed weirdly detached as if there was some sort of barrier between his mind and you. You supposed that could also just be you projecting your own weird feelings onto him, but then there's not really a normal way to deal with this.
Jenna was really gone. It wasn't even like grief on earth where you could imagine that the person may be in a better place—you were fairly certain Quince was telling the truth when he said she was nothing more than some celestial dust.
You were pulled out of your thoughts when Jason grabbed one of your hands and looked up to you. He was sitting, but it was still weird to be taller than him. The way he looked at you was intense, and it was as if he was trying to see your thoughts by staring through your eyes. "If you need anyone for anything please come to me. I'm here for you. Even if it's dumb...even if it's just being near you so you don't feel alone. Don't hesitate to find me, okay?"
You didn't respond for a moment while you processed what he said. That was probably the most thought-out response you had gotten out of anyone today, and it was... a lot. It was sweet, but for some reason, it also stressed you out to a degree. You weren't sure why, really, but you really just wanted to go to sleep for a couple weeks.
"Thank you, Jason," you finally managed. He was still staring straight into your soul, but you had broken the eye contact. "I think I'll just go to my room for now, but we can hang out later."
"I'll see you later then," he nodded, releasing your hand.
Quince had been internally screaming during the whole exchange.
What sort of drug was Jason on? While Quince supposed that was a reasonable response to someone in grief, it just pissed Quince off on the merits that it was Jason saying it to you.
Why were any of them acting like they had a right to comfort you right now? That was obviously Quince's job, wasn't it?
He looked at you as you stood idly for a moment.
Of course it was. Quince was the best at it, after all. He put a hand on your shoulder and turned you away. You've certainly had enough for now.
"I'll walk you to your room?" he offered.
You smiled for what was probably the first real time today, "Thanks, I'd appreciate it. "