We slipped through the halls of the yacht, hand in warm hand. There was a tinny ringing in my ears, nearly toxic blend of alcohol and adrenaline in my bloodstream.
The bedroom door was ajar, and we rushed through it. Lex turned the lock definitively, the deadbolt clicking home with a low thud. We stood facing each other, neither of us moving. I looked up at Lex from under my lashes, waiting. The anticipation in the room hung so heavy it could have brought the strongest man to his knees.
Somewhere on the deck above, someone was singing.
I bit my lip. Lex ran a thumb along my lower lip, tugging it free.
"Don't," His voice was raspy, catching in his throat. "Don't tempt me any more. I can't keep holding myself back."
"So don't." I blinked slowly, ran my hand up his arm.
"Ruth." A real warning this time. Lex backed away, raking a hand through his hair. His eyes were still blown wide, almost black when they met mine. "Change. Carlisle left something in the bathroom for you. I can't have you like that, in my shirt..."
I touched the hollow of my throat, aware of the hem of my shirt dangerously high on my legs.
I splashed cold water on my face, trying to take the berry-red flush from my cheeks. Whatever little plan Carlisle was hatching on his own time was beginning to come into uncomfortable focus. White cotton camisole, white cotton shorts. Socks so soft they felt like water on my legs. He was dressing me the same way Lex once had, at a gala ages ago; pale and sweet to the unknowing eye.
The room was dim when I walked out of the bathroom, lit only by a lamp. Lex was sitting at the foot of the bed, watching me expectantly.
There was a toxic mix of alcohol and adrenaline flooding my bloodstream. I pulled my hair to the top of my head, let it fall around my shoulders again.
"Come here," Lex held out a hand.
I stood just out of reach. "Make me," I grinned, dancing away from his grasp as he leaned forward, trying to catch me.
"This is not a game you want to play, little one," Lex beckoned me with one finger. "Come here."
"It will cost you," I teased.
"And what will it cost me?" Lex raised an eyebrow.
"One hundred million dollars." I folded my arms.
"Done."
My jaw dropped. In that second of inattention, Lex caught me by the wrist, pulling me to stand above him. His hand was tight, and I frowned, trying to twist free. "You can't give me one hundred million dollars."
"If that's what it costs to have you here," He pulled me forwards again, and I stumbled, catching myself with one hand on his shoulder. "Then I will give you the world."
He let my wrist go, and laughing, I collapsed onto the bed next to him, feet tucked under me.
"Oh, come here." Lex cupped the back of my neck and kissed me, nearly knocking me over. "You're ridiculous when you're drunk." He said, steadying me.
I kissed him again, pressing forwards, so we were chest to chest. The silky black fabric of his shirt was warm on my bare stomach. We were moving in synch, hands tangled in hair, balanced precariously on the edge of new, dangerous territory.
Lex pulled back. "Your heart is racing."
I put a hand to my chest, felt my own pulse in the back of my throat, bordering on painful. "I'm okay."
"Promise me you're alright."
"You worry too much."
"I worry just the right amount." Lex traced a finger down my arm, and I shivered. "You have put me through the wars, baby. If I don't worry about you, who will?"
I flopped backwards onto the pillows. Lex laughed and turned, resting his weight on one arm. His hair tickled my face, and I pushed it away, tucking it behind his ear.
"You," I tapped his nose, "Are a big sap."
In a flash, Lex was overtop of me, face inches from mine. "I'm protective."
"You're a sap."
"And you're in no position to be teasing." Lex had me stuck underneath him, those deep eyes glimmering.
I giggled, and the tension in the room eased away. In one lithe movement, I slid from the bed, landing on my knees, chin and hands resting on the mattress. I was still drunk, every nerve in my body humming happily. The plush carpet dug into my injured knee, and I shifted forwards, looking up at Lex.
"What are you doing?" Lex asked.
"Admiring you." I quoted him.
Lex sat up straight, looking at the clock next to the bed. It blinked just past midnight in red numbers. "It's too late for that. Come to bed."
"Boo." I pouted, but climbed back onto the bed next to him.
"Will you sleep, or do I need to bribe you into that, too?"
"Just lay down."
Lex lay down next to me, opening his arms. I buried my face into his shirt, letting the soothing smell of tobacco and vanilla wash over me. The weight of his hand settled on my lower back, and I huffed a laugh.
The room was warm, but the wind blowing in from the cove kept me clinging to Lex to hold the cool at bay. Neither of us were asleep, but instead in the silent space between awake and unconscious. The world became watery silk, wrapping us up and holding us safe.
The dreams came to me again, slow-burn colours beautiful even as they drowned me. They felt like sticky rain on my skin, and when I moved to wipe it from my eyes, my hands came away wet with blood. It was deep red, the colour of something long-dead and forgotten.
I jolted upright, panting, and swiping frantically at my face.
Lex stirred next to me, wiping the sleep from his eyes. "Ruth?"
My nail caught on the skin of my cheek, pulling a line from the corner of my eye to my jaw.
"Oh, jesus." Lex wrenched my hands from my face.
I fought him, trying to pull my arms back. I could still feel Sokol's blood on my face, under my fingernails.
"Ruth. Ruth." He jerked me sharply, tightening his grasp. "Stop."
I stilled, and a bright spot of crimson dripped from my face, spreading on the white of the bed sheets. As it feathered into a star, I redoubled my efforts.
"It's on me." I screamed
There was pounding on the bedroom door.
"Kick it in." Lex gasped. As his attention waved, I ripped free. The momentum carried off the foot of the bed, and I shoved myself flush to the wall.
The door flew inwards with a crash. I cowered at the noise, pressing my spine to the hard wall. Reuben and Carlisle were in the doorway, guns drawn.
The flash of the muzzle.The spray of blood.
There was blood pooling in my palms now, coppery and real.
For an excruciating moment, the only sound in the room was my ragged sobs. Carlisle and Reuben lowered their guns, taking in the scene before them.
"She woke up like this." Lex's voice shook. "This is the worst I've ever seen her."
Carlisle handed Lex his gun, and crouched near me, hands up. "Hey, Ruth." He said.
"Stay back." I put out a shaking hand to stop him.
"Okay, I won't come any closer." His voice was soft. "Look at me, okay, sweetheart? You're going to be fine."
I forced myself to meet his gaze. His eyes were laser focussed on mine.
"That's right. Just look at me."
Strong arms grabbed me, pulling me upright, my back to someone's chest. I had been so intent on protecting myself from Carlisle that I'd forgotten about the two other people in the room.
"Enough." Lex's voice was hard in my ear. His grip was so tight I could barely breathe, let alone fight. "I'm not letting you go until you're calm."
I went still, breathing through my nose.
You can't control her. You should be thanking me.
Slowly, the terror leached from my body, leaving me weak. Lex lowered me gently to the bed, untwisted his arms from around me. "Get me a washcloth." He said over his shoulder.
"I'm okay." I whispered. Lex brushed the hair from my eyes.
"You're alright." He agreed. "Show me your arms."
I extended my arms. From his kneeling position on the floor, Lex took the cloth Reuben offered, and began to dab away the blood. The welts were deep. They barely looked as though they could have been made by human hands.
It took precious few minutes to have my face and arms clean. I sat stock still as Lex finished, tossing the washcloth towards the bathroom. Reuben and Carlisle stood by the door. It was meant to look like protection, but I knew what they were; guards, keeping me from running. Their eyes tracked my every movement.
With a nod, Lex dismissed them. The door swung on broken hinges behind them, lopsided in its frame.
"Do you want to tell me what that was?" Lex's voice lost some of its tenderness.
I shook my head.
"I don't care, Ruth. You're going to tell me, and you're going to tell me now." He was above me, arms crossed. "If you think I'm going to just let you continue on like this, you need to think again. You're putting yourself in danger."
I said nothing, staring at a mark on the floor.
"Do I need to tie your hands at night so you don't claw yourself? Do I need to keep you within arms reach so you don't hurt yourself?"
Tears welled in my eyes, but I refused to meet his gaze.
"Say something, Ruth. How can I trust you, when you end up like this the second I let my guard down?"
"How can you trust me?" I burst out.
"How can I? You've kept secrets from me from the second I met you. I didn't haul you out of that rubble for you to try to kill yourself again."
My jaw snapped shut. "I never asked you to save me. I never asked for this!" I tried to run for the door, wanting nothing more than to be out of that room, off the boat. My legs, weak from the fighting and from the wounds, gave out underneath me before I could make it two steps from the bed. I covered my face with my hands, alone on the expanse of white floor.
Lex's hand rested on my back, and I shrugged it off. "Don't." I whispered.
"Come here." He drew me to him, letting me bury my face into the crook of his neck. "Come here. I know you didn't ask for any of this."
"I just want to go home."
I didn't know where home was anymore. It wasn't my old house in the suburbs. It wasn't even really the mansion, so marred by bad memories.
"Me too, baby. Me too. Soon, I promise."
"How can you promise that?" I sniffled.
"If it's for you, Ruth, nothing can stop me."