-probably hope it never would end-
-𝕁𝕒𝕙𝕤𝕖𝕙 𝕆𝕟𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕪-
I took a deep breath as I led stokeley to the kitchen, where we are going to talk. He sat down on the stool in front of the counter as I went to the fridge and grabbed two bottles of lemonade.
I leaned on the counter after giving him a lemonade and then looked down, "so you wanted to talk."
"Y-Yeah," he stuttered.
"Well Talk," I stated. I looked at my bottle of lemonade, this is way more awkward than I thought it would be, if we are being a hundred percent honest.
"So like... I know you dont want me back, and I-I-I- I understand. I should have came into that room quicker and told them not to do anything to your sister. I didn't know I swear or I wouldn't have let that happen. And I shouldn't have treated you the way I did when it came to.. the uh situation.. I just.. I wish we could be friends. Anything I just- I need you."
"Honestly.. I hate myself more than I hate you," I admitted. "Because I walked away when it got hard." I sighed. "And I just shut you out. But I feel like I had a right, you took something that broke me, literally tore me apart.. you used that to break me apart. I was already broken, Stokeley. I don't understand why you'd want to break me even more." I started to cry. I haven't gotten to get this out in forever.
I needed this.
"I never- that wasn't my intention. I'm stupid as hell I don't deserve to your forgiveness. I don't even deserve to be talking to you right now." He stammered. "I just.. this isn't an excuse but I was doing drugs with Jared... a-and my mind wasn't right. I should have stopped the drugs. I shouldn't have even started them."
"I don't understand what I did to you? I did all I could, I did everything you asked of me and some." I was crying by Now.
He moved off of the stool and walked over to me, "pulling me into a hug." He rubbed my back as I let it all out. "I hate you!" I cried.
"I know, it's my fault, I dont blame you." He mumbled.
"Stop! Stop being so nice and understanding!" I yelled. "I fucking hate you! Look what you did to me!" I looked up into his eyes.
"I want to take the pain away," he said. "I wish I could but I can't. The damage is done and I've ruined you already," he stated.
I said nothing as I looked up at him, our eyes meeting almost instantly when he looked down at me. And for a few seconds, I saw all the reasons why I loved him once before.
"I wish you didn't hurt me. I wish I didn't love you." I whispered, before reached out and connecting our lips.
He pulled me by my waist, lifting me on top of the counter, while still kissing me.
-𝕊𝕥𝕠𝕜𝕖𝕝𝕖𝕪 𝔾𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕟𝕖-
A/n- im no good at sex scenes so just work with me.
I smiled as I lost myself in the kiss, initiated by no other than my love, Jahseh.
I know this is wrong but it feels so right. My heart and my mind are telling me to go for it, but my intuition tells me to back out while I can. Before I cause anymore damage.
"Wait-" I mumbled as I pulled away from the kiss, now standing between the legs of Jahseh.
"What?" He asked.
"I can't, we can't," I said.
"Why?"
"Because I don't want us to do this, we aren't okay, Jahseh." I stressed.
"We will be okay, it's going to take time, a lot of time," he stated.
"Well until then, I can't," I held my ground.
He nodded his head, "We don't have to."
"But I want to," I mumbled.
He looked down, "I just, I don't wanna give you mixed signals," he said.
"This is a mixed signal," he stated.
"I know," I sighed. "I understand that you don't love me anymore."
-Goulbourne-
"I do love you, there's just a lot we need to work on," he explained. "I'm only open to friendship right now."
"Maybe it'll change sooner or later, but that's all I can give you," Jahseh told me.
"I wasn't expecting anymore, I just missed having you in my life," I told him. "But I love you, and I'll wait for you, as long as it takes."