Alec dropped me outside my house a few minutes before nine-thirty that night. I carefully shut the front door behind me and shuffled into the lounge. My parents watched some historical drama my mother loved; my dad in his armchair and Mum on the furthest point of the three-seater sofa.
Mum peered over her reading glasses, her eyes glued to the screen while her hands worked overtime on her newest knitting project. How she could focus on the stitches and keep up with her TV program, I will never know. It was a talent I had never attained.
I perched on the seat beside her and we sat in silence for a good fifteen minutes before either of them paid me any attention.
"Your dad ordered a Chinese takeaway tonight, so there are some leftovers in the kitchen."
"Thanks, Mum. I'm starving. I've hardly eaten a thing today."
"If you had any decency, you would have rung us to say you wouldn't be home in time for dinner," my father grumbled. He sat back in his chair, his hands resting on his slightly pudgy stomach.
My scalp prickled with guilt. I knew better. I should have called home. "Sorry, Dad. I got distracted. I told Mum I'd be out today."
"Don't blame your mother! Hanging around that Hart boy again? I saw his car pull up out front," he barked, his narrowed glare direct at the TV.
"What's wrong with Alec? He's a lovely boy from a nice family and training to be a doctor. I could think of worse people to spend my time with," I answered, gobsmacked. He had known Alec and his family for years, and his comment was totally out of the blue. Even my choice in friends was wrong in his eyes.
"Don't you dare speak to me in that tone, missy! Don't think you can start swanning in here when you feel like it and treating this place like a hotel," he fumed, shaking his index finger in my direction. A huge line scored the middle of his forehead when his brows pulled together.
I saw red and had to calm down before my mouth caused me any more trouble.
Taking a deep breath in, I dug my nails into my palms, the acute pain soothed the ache in my chest. "Sorry, Dad," I mumbled.
"Speak up, girl!" He snapped back.
"Sorry, dad," I begrudgingly apologised, slightly louder.
"Why don't you get your food now, Natasha and then go straight to bed," my mother added, her voice flat.
My mouth twisted and I gripped the edge of the sofa, my gaze fixed on my feet. Empty. I felt empty inside.
I retreated to the kitchen to warm up my stir-fried rice and sweet and sour chicken in the microwave. My annoyance ebbed away but was replaced with dejection. My bottom lip trembled and tears threatened to overspill onto my cheeks. I angrily wiped them before they had a chance to fall.
Once my food heated through, I sat at the large oak table that occupied the centre of our kitchen and devoured the leftovers in record time.
Instead of placing my plate in the sink, as usual, I decided to wash it up and wipe down the already clean surfaces. There was no point aggravating my father further.
Mid wipe of the oak table, my mother walked in and stood behind me. She gingerly placed her hand on my back, causing me to still. We weren't the huggy, talk about your feelings type of family, more of the stiff upper lip kind. Well they were, I was always the weaker link in their eyes as I was 'too emotional' to quote my father.
"He's had a bad day, Natasha. Don't take it to heart," my mother whispered.
I shrugged, not knowing how to reply to that statement. Bad day or not, I didn't deserve it.
"Thank you for cleaning up after yourself. That's all we ask most of the time. Go have a good night's sleep and we can talk in the morning when you aren't upset."
'Push it down', that was my mother's motto. I turned around, pecked her on the cheek and withdrew to the safety of my room.
A long shower should relax me. I grabbed a new set of short PJ's out of my chest of drawers and a clean towel from the linen closet before heading for the family bathroom.
Setting the dial to hot but still bearable, I discarded my clothes and climbed in. The warm water cascaded down my body. I placed my forehead on the cool tiles, letting the heat of the steam envelop the rest of me and let my tears spill.
Silent sobs racked through me. I was crying for my stupidity at getting my hopes up with Max, for the loneliness when he left me for someone else, for my father's sudden outburst and my mother's silence during that time.
Like a switch, I pulled myself together, washed my face clean of sorrow and turned the water off.
Once dried and dressed, I crawled into bed and slept.
***
The early morning sunshine cast a harsh light into my room and temporarily blinded me. I had forgotten to close my curtains when I climbed into bed last night. Rolling over to my side, away from the glare, I glanced at my phone's lock screen. Only six-thirty am! No chance of falling back to sleep anytime soon.
Letting out a loud sigh and wiping the sleep from my eyes, I unlocked my phone to check if there were any photos on Instagram from yesterday. Maybe someone took a photo of Jade and Max together. Not that I cared. Oh, who was I fooling?
I didn't spot any incriminating photos, looking through my feed. Sian's recent post stopped my scrolling. She had posted one of those quotes about love: 'You're kinda, sorta, basically, pretty much always on my mind.'
Cute, but a bold move. Anyone could see her post and if she was hiding something or more like someone, she wasn't doing a great job about it. I saw straight through her cryptic message.
I double tapped on her photo anyway, being a supportive friend, nevertheless.
An hour had gone by and I was still scrolling through my phone. My attention fully occupied by every celebrity story and funny video I came across.
My phone suddenly dinged, scaring the life out of me. So much so, I dropped my phone straight onto my face. "Ouch!"
I checked my messages, rubbing the sore area on my nose.
[Coffee shop, when I finish work? A few of the girls want to catch up Xx] - Sian
I messaged her back, agreeing to meet her there at four o'clock that afternoon, and slipped out of bed.
Walking into the coffee shop, I immediately spotted my friends Abigail Thompson and Hope Kelly, or should I say heard them. The compact cafe left little room and their booming voices filled every corner of it. Hope's poker straight, long copper hair flew around as she flailed her hands about while talking to a giggling Abigail.
Sian, Alec and I met the vibrant pair when we moved up to secondary school and they were as close to each other as I was to Sian and Alec.
It was friendship at first sight. How could you not be drawn to them?
Hope was loud and fiery, her copper hair matching her nature perfectly. She had the bluest eyes ever seen and was covered head to toe in freckles thanks to her Irish descent.
Abigail was just as loud, but where Hope was fiery, Abby was giggly. The girl was always happy and found anything and everything funny. Her golden skin was blemish-free and the envy of most of us who had to deal with spots at some stage or other. When people said happiness shone out of your face, they were describing Abigail. I had yet to see her upset.
"The barista asked if you two could pipe it down. You're scaring the customers," I announced in a deep voice, startling the pair.
Hope swung round, with fire behind her eyes, ready to no doubt tear me down, but as soon as she saw me, her face lit up. The duo bounced out of their chairs, scrapping them across the floor, and threw themselves at me.
Squeals erupted out of them as they jumped up and down, holding onto me.
"Calm down crazies!" I laughed, patting them on the back.
"Nat! We've missed you so much!" Abigail exclaimed in her high-pitched voice.
Hope pulled back and slapped me on the forearm. I rubbed the sting away and glared at her. "What on earth is that for?"
"Never leave like that again, you selfish cow. You had us all worried," she barked.
"Sian didn't even give me a hard time about it," I mumbled, trying to soothe my arm.
Hope put her arm around my shoulders and kissed my cheek. "Now that's out the way, sit down, I'll get you a drink. Cappuccino?"
She was crazy!
Alec called while she ordered our drinks, asking if he could pop over once he had picked a friend up from the train station.
Shortly afterwards, Sian joined us and we settled down with the girls so we could catch up on all the recent gossip.
***
The local school and college had finished for the day. A group of college kids hurried in to place their orders and occupy most of the seating area.
Amongst them was Chloe, Alec's sister, who was with Joana Graham, Max's ex.
I couldn't stop staring their way. Had I checked out her Facebook and Instagram accounts when Max started seeing her? Of course. I subtly asked everyone about her and although she was practically a stranger; I knew more about Joana than I cared to admit. It was an obsessive compulsion.
She was beautiful, a little pocket-sized beauty with curves for days, masses of rich chocolate brown hair and deep brown eyes. To make matters worse, she seemed so nice, which at first was hard to deal with. If she was someone I could hate, only for a short while, I could have harnessed my anger in disliking her but I didn't have it in me. There were enough people pitting women against each other. I wasn't about to fall into that stereotype.
Chloe weaved between the chairs to get to us, Joana following closely behind.
"Hey Nat, mind if we sit with you? Alec said he should be here any minute and I want to check out his uni friend, Finlay Morrison." She winked at Joana, who laughed.
My mouth turned dry and I coughed while gesturing to the table. "If you can find a free chair, knock yourself out."
The girls found chairs that they dragged over to us and took their seats. I stayed quiet for a while, scared of Joana realising I knew a lot about her.
Turns out she knew who I was.
"It's Nat, right? Sorry if this sounds weird but I'm Joana. I've heard about you through Max. You know Max Reed?" Joana spoke, breaking the awkward silence between us. Even her voice was charming and had a melodious tone to it.
Sian looked over at us, eyebrows raised in surprise.
"Y-, yeah, that's me."
"Sorry, I didn't introduce you guys. Nat, Jo. Jo, Nat," added Chloe, a sheepish smile on her face.
"Max told me what a great friend you were when his mum left. He really appreciated it. It wasn't easy on him."
"Friend? Sorry, I'm a bit confused. Are you sure you don't have me confused with someone else?" My temples throbbed, her words floating between us. Max told her I was his friend? A friend! I might have been slightly delusional when it came to our relationship, but never to the point of thinking we were merely friends.
"I don't think so. Before last summer? You guys used to hang out? We'd just started dating and I saw him with you and asked who you were. He gushed about how kind you were helping him get over his mum leaving. Have you been away? I never noticed you around after that?"
"Yeah, I went on a small gap year. Are you two still dating?" I questioned my voice small voice, sweat trickling down my spine.
"Not at the moment. We broke up last month." She gazed out the window, probably reminiscing about her time with Max.
"Why did you break up? You don't look like someone that wanted it to happen," I pressed and winced at my forwardness.
"You know Max. He's a bit of a man child. I needed a small break to get through my A-levels. I love the boy and he said he would wait for me. He's just so gentle and caring, but so intense. I couldn't focus on school with him always wanting to spend time with me."
I caught Sian out of the corner of my eye, her mouth open, staring at Joana. She looked as shocked as me at that confession. Were we even talking about the same Max Reed? Did she know what he was up to with Jade? I'm not sure they had the same idea about their temporary break.
Luckily Alec walked in with his friend and could interrupt that awkward conversation.
I glanced over to our table and realised we had already lost the other girls' attention. They all gawked at Alec and Finlay. I eyed Chloe and caught her mouthing "meh" to no one in particular before turning back to her latte. Joana, clearly still in cloud Max, hadn't even looked up at the boys.
The most interested party, Abby sat up straighter, puffed up her jet black hair and shamelessly readjusted her Wonderbra. How did I know it was a Wonderbra? Abigail was obsessed with her A sized boobs and did everything she could to make them appear bigger. It wouldn't surprise me if she had some bra cutlets in there.
Alec wandered over and placed his hands on the back of my chair, his fingers brushing my shoulders on their way down. My breathing evened out and my heart rate slowed. I hadn't even realised how anxious that entire exchange had left me.
"Hey girls, this is my friend Finn. He's staying with me for a week so be kind, especially you Hope." He pointed at her, narrowing his eyes.
"Me? I'm always nice!" Hope placed a hand on her chest, pretending to be shocked, making everyone laugh.
"Aren't you going to tell me your friends' names?" Finn asked, flashing a radiant smile.
Finlay Morrison, or Finn, was very good-looking if you were into gruff voices, perfect teeth, designer stubble and blond hair in a man bun. Abby clearly was as she bounced in her chair, her eyes almost popping out of her head.
"Of course!" Alec started pointing at the girls one by one. "I've already mentioned Hope. That's Sian, Abby, my sister Chloe and her friend Joana... and Nat," he mumbled my name prompting me to peer up with a puzzled look on my face.
"Oh, Naaat. I might've heard about you before." Finn winked and Alec's hands tensed up behind my back.
Okay, maybe they weren't here to alleviate the awkwardness.
"Right, who wants a drink? My treat!" Alec asked, fiddling with the ends of my hair.
After a few weak protests from the others about Alec paying for everyone's coffees, he walked to the counter to place our orders. Finn pulled up the last free chair, placing it between Abby and Chloe and relaxed back as if he had known them forever.
From where I sat, I had to turn slightly round to look at Alec. Each time I did, he was already staring right at me. I faced back towards the group, only to sneak a quick glance back at him.
My palms felt clammy and my heart hammered against my chest.
I excused myself and hurried into the small toilet cubicle reserved for customers.
Rinsing my hands under the cool water, I studied my reflection in the mirror. My skin was a few shades paler and my lips trembled.
"What has got into you? Get yourself together," I scolded myself quietly.
I dried my hands, placed one of them over my heart to steady it, and drew in a long intake of air.
Surely no one would have noticed my uneasiness.
When I returned to the group, Alec sat on my chair. With no free spaces, I hovered behind him, merely for a second, before he pulled on my hand and guided me to sit on his lap.
Well, if I didn't feel awkward before, I definitely did after that. What was he doing to me? I didn't dare object, fearing everyone would sense something was up.
I struggled to join in any of the conversations, all my senses overwhelmed by my closeness to Alec.
When did everything get so complicated?
***
An hour! My torment lasted a whole hour before Sian had to leave, and I used her departure as an excuse to get home in time to help my mum with dinner.
She gave me a lift as it was on her way to her apartment in Petersfield.
Once pulled up outside mine, I hurried to undo my seatbelt, hoping to avoid any questioning.
"Not so fast, Wilson." No such luck. Sian's head rested on her headrest as she studied my face.
I couldn't bring myself to look at her.
"Do you think I'm blind?" she asked, her voice tight.
"I could ask you the same thing?"Retaliation was the best form of defence, right? If I got in there first, she wouldn't ask any questions.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She bit back.
"I know you're seeing someone and don't want to tell me about it."
"Don't try to sidetrack me. We're not talking about me. We're going to talk about how weird you were back there. Care to explain yourself?"
I twisted my hands in my lap, still not meeting her gaze. Blood rushed to my ears and I let out a harsh breath. "I've nothing to say. I wasn't weird." I mumbled.
"You might fool everyone else, but you can't fool me. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours? Please tell me nothing's happening with Alec. I'm begging you."
"Nothing's happening." Guilt flooded my body as I said the words. "But I don't know if I want there to be. I mean, I've thought about it," I confessed.
Sian looked ahead and sighed. "I was scared this would happen. Nat, I don't want to see you get hurt. You rush everything you do. You really have to think this through if it's what you want. If it doesn't end well, you will lose one of your best friends. We're only young. It can't end in forever."
"Who crowned you the wise old owl?" I chuckled half-heartedly.
"What? That's not the saying, Nat." She shook her head, fighting a small smile back.
"Don't think I've forgotten about your secret boyfriend." I shot her a quick glance.
"Not today, Nat. Go on, get out of my car. Your mum might be waiting for you." She leaned over my lap and opened my car door, ushering me to leave.
I watched her drive away, knowing this conversation was far from over.
***