Even though I felt like my relationship with Landon got better for a few seconds, it fell back down to square number one the second I found out he's Noah's cousin. I haven't been able to look at him the same and I've just avoided him, something he mirrored. I wish we could have conversations like the ones I have with the other boys instead of being like this. Conversations where we talk and laugh and silence isn't an option, but we don't. We can't. We haven't exchanged a word ever since he dropped the bomb. I know everything about second chances and not assuming everyone to be the same, but I can't. I simply can't forget and ignore his relationship with Noah, even though he seems to not be a big fan of him.
I love their laugh, I really do. I love how easily they laugh and how happy they make me. I sometimes find myself smiling for a long time after I've talked to any of them, and it makes me forget Noah for a while. As always, he comes back, but they make it feel like I can maybe get over everything, without even knowing it. Their simple presence is enough, and that's probably the main reason I got my job at Linda's back.
I need the money so badly, and I don't dare go anywhere else. Noah's gonna find me there anyways, so running away from him at my job isn't an option. I can avoid him, however. I told Linda I can't take anymore late shifts, and my schedule is amazing now. I'm working four or five, six days a week, and I'm never opening, closing, or just being alone. The sixth day, Saturday, I work nine hours to somehow gain up to the short weekdays. Besides, I loved working with them. They taught me so much under such a short matter of time and I felt true bliss when I was with them, and I really wanted to go back to it.
I ignore the spot Noah put me in by just not looking at it, but it still pokes my mind every time I'm close to it. I try keeping my smile and continue to talk with the girls, but it's always there, always hunting me.
Parker forbid Landon and Dylan to go to the "station", but even though their visits there have been shorter and lesser, I am a living proof that they're there. Me and Dylan's bloody cotton balls in my trash that keep increasing.
Jordan and Mrs Fernandez have spent a lot more time at the house, which I like. I spend almost all my free time studying with Jordan in my room. We're just sitting there, at my desk, writing essays or solving math problems or naming kings. He's really smart. He doesn't get distracted from his work or bother and distract me, and he almost never asks anything about his homework, except when it comes to math and biology. Except that, he's all A's. To me at least.
It's incredible how much colder it's gotten during this month. People have taken on their longer jackets and coats, and many more are wearing gloves, hats or scarfs. The shops and restaurants are closing much earlier, resulting in me only working four hours, as the parlors and stands are seen more often and with many more customers. Either they're selling food such as hotdogs, tacos and mini pizzas, or they're selling hot chocolate and cookies and things like that.
It's been raining a lot too, but to be fair, Phoenix isn't famous for its sunshine. This, however, and the cold breezes and the darker sky, hasn't been an obstacle for the boys and their pool. That is, until the exams of Parker and Isaac started rolling in. They still spend much of their time in the water (at least after a few hours of studying), a drink in their hand and a pair of unnecessary sunglasses over their eyes, as I've been studying with Jordan, until even Jordan has given in for the hot and bubbly water two or three times.
Elaine and Iona have been here lots too, whereas Emma had disappeared for a while. She's probably got a lot to do with her job now that it's closing in on Thanksgiving and Christmas. She works at an office, and that's the main reason I think she and the whole office actually wanna do as much as they can so they can go back to their families for the two holidays.
We're invited to spend Thanksgiving in Mrs Fernandez's house. She and Elaine (who for some reason seems to be closer to Isaac than I thought) have had a long conversation with Isaac about someone named Gina, where none of the three stubborn beings gave in on whatever they were arguing about.
The weight of the exams preparations has been clear on all of the seniors' shoulders. Everyone I've seen has been rushing from class to class with tons of papers. Thomas has been taking help from Elaine in lots of subjects, and I even heard she's tutoring many of the seniors for money, but made him an exception since he, according to her, is so sweet and charming. Landon and Dylan spend some time with her, but they're not as fixated at it as Thomas is. I on the other hand have preferred my room and the million cups of tea I drink.
Isaac has been really stressed lately too. Even him and Parker have some important exams coming up apparently, and even they have participated in group discussions with Elaine and Thomas in Thomas's room. Other times, they've been driving to Mia's house to get her to explain all kinds of things. The two of them aren't even going to the same programs, and yet, they're taking all the extra classes together. The only ones who've been pretty calm the past week, are Dylan and Landon, who to be honest never seem to have stressed over anything. The exams that have been pulling Parker into a world of mind craving concerns have made him think less about the two boys' existences, which has made it easy for them to sneak out to the station without his knowledge.
I got back from Linda's at nine, which has given me some time left to eat something and study. The boys left me some pasta, which I was grateful for since I hadn't had anything to eat except an apple a few hours ago. I ate and then dedicated myself to my school work; a presentation about one of the countries in the world on the HDI list. I chose Kenya.
I'm about to say "Come in" to the person on the other side of the door that knocks so silently I would expect it to be Jordan, if time wouldn't be past midnight, when Landon walks in without waiting for my answer, his finger held up to his lips.
What is he doing here? Why is he telling you to be silent? Why is he so vigilant? Why does he look like he's doing something he shouldn't?
I swallow and tighten my grip around my pen. I take a second to glance at Harris to gain some comfort from his presence, expecting the thought of him being there to calm my rushing thoughts and my escalating heart.
"I'm sorry, but I need to talk to you," he says silently, squatting down in front of me. He's close to my knees, and I not-so-unintentionally roll the wheels of the chair backwards a bit. "It's important."
He keeps throwing glances at the door every time someone walks past (which isn't much since they're all sleeping now), or when too much time passes from the last time he checked.
The last time we talked was after the party, we haven't said a word ever since, and now that he wants to talk to me, now that I know he's Noah's cousin and he's sneaking around like this, it scares me.
"Okay," I say, preparing myself to run. From what? I don't know, and I wish I never will.
"I need to leave, now, but I need you to do something for me. The others can't know. I'm-"
"You're going to the station," I interrupt him. My stupidity must be reflected in how I dare interrupt him and how I use the word station as if I've lived there the past ten years, not as if I don't even know what it is.
"I need to," he feels like he needs to say, not caring about whether I know or not. "It's important. I know you're not talking to me, but please do me this favor."
I consider whether I should run out to Parker or not, but he interrupts me in my thoughts. "I'm going, with or without you help, but it'd be so much easier if you'd help."
"Why not any of the others?"
"Because they'll stop me."
"How are you so sure I'm not gonna tell them?"
I'm really curious to know what makes him think I'm not gonna ruin his plans. I don't know what the station is, but I know it always results in blood and broken bones. If I've got a chance to prevent that, I will, especially after how Dylan came back the last time.
"I'm not. I simply just have to trust you and hope you won't snitch, which I'm not so fond of either. I need to leave, tell me if you're in or not?"
Of course you're not! Why would you help with beating him up? No!
But what if I can help him? What if I can prevent him getting beaten up?
Are you crazy? He's Noah's cousin! Get out of here!
"What is it?"
He doesn't hesitate before filling me in on his whole plan in the upcoming seconds.
"I need to leave, if I don't, everything I've fought for until now will turn into ashes. You've seen us after the station, and tonight's gonna be worse. I'm not sure if I'm returning in one piece or many, but..." I widen my eyes, causing him to thoughtfully utter his next sentence. "I'll be alive, don't worry. Just.... very injured. It doesn't matter, I have to. If I don't call you before two, I want you to wake Isaac up. Tell him he can yell at me for the rest of my life and he can tell Parker and everyone, but that he needs to come and pick me up at the station. Tell him I'm doing this for him, he'll understand. It's not for Isaac, it's for someone else. Can you do that?"
"What are you doing?" I dare whisper yell, regretting it immediately.
"Don't care about that, can you do that or not?"
"Lan-"
"I'm gonna go in five minutes, you can either help me, or not. Yes or no?"
I'll just tell the boys as soon as he's left. I'm not gonna be the reason he comes home in a worse state than the other times.
"Fine, I'll do it."
"And you won't tell them. Your word."
His eyes are piercing through mine. I've got to admit their color is usually beautiful, alive, somehow, even though he as a person isn't, but now all that is gone. They look empty. Empty and desperate.
Of course he's desperate, otherwise he wouldn't ask you for help!
My word? I lie, yes, but not even I break something like that. I've learned it from Kaitlyn, and I personally know how bad it hurts when someone breaks their word like that. Your whole trust in them is ruined, and this boy doesn't even have a trust in me. He's just put his whole act in the hands of fate, hoping I won't give him away. Am I gonna break that? I can't.
"Okay," my lips form. "I won't tell them, you have my word."
He nods, once more looking at the door. He stands up and drags a hand through his hair, exhales, and then utters, "Thanks", before disappearing.
I remain in my chair for some good seconds before I decide to look at the time; twelve forty five.
If he doesn't call before two, I'll wake Isaac up. Simple.
But is it? Is it really that simple? Is it simple to wait for his call for an hour? The vibration of my muted phone that's gonna either give me a heart attack or prevent one? No, it's not.
I knew from his tone, from his posture, that tonight is gonna end worse than the previous ones, and to wait one hour, in which he might get killed and that with my knowledge, for his call that's gonna confirm he's still alive, I can't do it. I'm not gonna have any of his injuries, or worse, his death, on my conscience, and I can't tell the boys. So I've got one option left.
Follow him.
That's what my inner voice is screaming for and against. It's torn between Follow and Wait, Follow, Wait, Follow, Wait, Follow, Wait.
Follow wins.
I grab my car keys and tiptoe downstairs, cringing anytime I do something that I'm sure will result in the boys waking up.
I make it through the house without any jeopardizing of my own little mission impossible, and run outside to my car, driving out of the woods in the speed of light.
The problems with my car is the pattern; the white dots. They're spotted from over miles away, and they're so rare; I've seen one car who looks like mine until now. To expect him not to see the Minnie the Mouse car that's following him on the empty road at one am is what makes my mission impossible.
I keep a good distance from him, but make sure I'm still able to see the only moving object in probably the whole area.
He drives into a dark road, forcing me to turn my lights on the second I tell myself not to do it to not get exposed. He'll see me, but I'll drive into something if I don't do it. I barely see the hood of my car as dark as it is.
I see how his car disappears as he enters a building. It's about ten floors high, a few of the lights on the last floors flickering.
What are you doing? Please! Get out of here!
Every piece of common sense in my brain is screaming for me to speed my way out of here and not even care, but I continue. I'm so scared, I can barely swallow as much as my heart beats, and that's not because the building looks haunted, or because of the dark, and not even because of what he'll do to me if he finds out I followed him. My fear is actually what forces me to push down my gas and park about hundred yards away from where Landon drove in.
They always say listen to your gut, listen to your beating heart when it says something's wrong. Both are yelling how wrong this is, but I don't listen to them. The closer I get to the building, the more my fear grows. The more my fear grows, the more determined I get to continue. It's basically a cycle I can break if I want to, but I don't. Why? This building is literally screaming for me to leave itself, but yet, the small whisper that was Landon's worry drowns it out. The worry his eyes were holding when he told me to call Isaac was less than a millionth of a percent, but it was there, and it was terrifying. If he wouldn't be worried, I'd never follow him. His eyes were holding a small whisper for help that he was trying to conceal, and that's the worst part; how obvious the way he was trying to lie to himself was. That's why I'm here, peeking into the building from outside.
Landon's back is towards me. In front of him are standing four men I know too well; Noah and his shadows. I can't hear what they're saying, but the sight of them is enough to make everything in me twist painfully. As if someone's wrenching all my bones and organs, that's how it hurts to see Landon with him.
But he hates him, he's made that clear!
All I know is that whatever reason, my fear of Landon grows, just like my fear of Noah. What if he doesn't hate him for real? What if he talked like that to get me to follow him? What if he's with Noah? What if....
Everything for me has always started as an what if. What if I wouldn't get my mum to sign up for that dating site? What if she wouldn't marry John? What if they'll find me? What if I'm wrong? What if my hopes are pointless? Everything until now is a big What if?, and none of the million What ifs? in my head have answers. All of the solutions, answers, clues are concealed by a fog, one that doesn't disappear, but instead becomes thicker; my oblivion. I'm oblivious. I'm oblivious to everything and I'm not able to do anything about it. My hands are tied.
I'm ripped out of my thoughts when I see punches being thrown Landon's way, causing his already injured body to fall to the ground. I jump at the sudden change of scene and how much I even try to prevent my tears, how much I try to slow down my heart rate, I fail. My hand flies up to my mouth as I watch the biggest one of Noah's shadows, the oldest one, take out a knife from his coat.
I don't know what to do. I want to help him, I want to run inside and stop it, but I know I'm dead if I do. I know that the second they see me, the second Noah's smirk ignites, I'm dead.
I'm so sorry Landon, I'm sorry. I can't.
I can't bring myself to look at him as Noah's biggest shadow forces the knife somewhere in his body. I close my eyes, waiting for a scream to reach my ears, but it doesn't.
Isaac! Call Isaac!
He told me to call Isaac, why didn't I do it?
I force my trembling hands down my jacket and take out my phone, slowly clicking my way to Isaac's name, but something grabs my arm.
Someone.
"No!" I shriek as I'm being forced inside, the smirk I feared so much starting to come alive. "Let me go! No!"
I'm thrown to Noah's feet, Landon behind me. They've stopped hitting him, their attention now drawn to me as they instead hold him down.
"Hey," Noah says and knees down. "It's been a while sis. How's living with these losers? Which one's the best? If you tell me this pathetic motherfucker, I swear I'm gonna be disappointed in you."
"You fucking dare say that again Noah," I hear Landon growl. I hear the pain in his voice, the one making me feel guilty. "I'm gonna fucking kill you one day."
"Those are just empty threats Landon, you know that. You're a coward, that's why you're here now. How's Elaine?"
"You don't fucking s-"
His words are cut off by something slicing, and I hear how hard he tries holding back his screams. I can't imagine how hard it must be, especially since it's hard for me to contain myself from screaming right now.
Noah strokes my hair behind my ear and then pulls it, causing me to whine but then feeling bad again. Landon is holding back the urge to scream when someone's forcing a knife through him, and I'm crying when someone pulls my hair?
"You know, I've been thinking about why you live with him. Wanna know my conclusion? Rot people always find each other."
He slaps me with the back of his hand and I fly to the left, now having a glimpse of Landon. His forearm is pouring blood from two places, and yet he's forcing himself to remain like this.
"Don't fucking touch her," he growls. "Your problem is with me, not with her. Let her fucking go, or I'm gonna make you regret your every breath you've fucking-"
"No!" I scream when I this time see how Noah's shadow forces the knife down Landon's arm. This time, Landon let's out a moan when it happens. The two guys holding him down start laughing.
"Wait Charles," Noah says and takes a few steps towards me. I shut my eyes as tight as possible and wait. "What?"
"Noah," I whisper as I get up on my feet, waiting for him to shove me down. He doesn't. He probably wants to see what I'm about to do, and so am I. I have no idea what I possibly can say to get him to leave Landon.
There's only one thing you can do. There's only one thing he's willing to accept.
I don't want to. I don't want to say the famous I'll do anything phrase, I can't. If I wouldn't know what he's gonna crave, maybe, but not a chance.
I'm so sorry Landon.
"Please let him go," I force out, my voice much more silent than I expected it to be. It's as if something as simple as four words crave energy the same amount as NASA.
"Why would I do that? Why would you ask me for that? What? You love him? He's your dream guy and I'm slicing his perfect face up?"
"Noah p-"
"Don't fucking beg him!" Landon screams from behind me, shaking all my bones. "You don't fucking dare beg him for my life Hayden!"
"What a great couple," Noah says and walks around me. "How much does this mean to you, huh? What will I get?"
"What you'll get?" Landon growls as I swallow. "You'll get a free ticket to hell. But since you're already going there, I'll give you one t-"
His words are transformed into the first scream I hear leave his lips today.
"Don't you ever shut up?" the one with the knife says.
"What do you want?" I exclaim.
"The million dollar question!" Noah says loudly and claps his hands. "What I want! Thank you! Finally we're moving forward."
I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!
~
Sometimes it is the right decision that is the hardest to make. It's doing the right thing that hurts the most.
~
Hi!
So sorry for not updating, my Internet is terrible and whatever I've done until now won't work. I've written two chapters the second one will be out in a few minutes as well.
Landon and Noah?
What does Noah want from her?
What is gonna happen?
So excited for you to read the upcoming chapter.
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Have a good time until next time.
Lots of love,
xoxoMichelle