Yesterday’s incidents have taken a toll on me. I had gone to bed right after dinner but I couldn’t sleep not because my mind was filled with memories of Haasini. Well not totally. To be honest, I was actually doubtful about my emotions. When I saw my diary in Nithya’s hands, I was startled at first. I haven’t taken a look at it in a long time. It contained so many memories. After I realized I could never have Hasini in my life, I had hid it somewhere I could never find. Seeing her face and reading those pages in my diary, filled with my love for her, would only stir my pent up emotions and leave me with a tear streaked face and an aching heart. Or that’s what I thought. But when I skimmed through my diary yesterday, I was…. confused. The heart wrenching pain and agony I expected never came. Sure I missed her and the memories played in my head like a movie. But that’s all they were…. a memory.
Have I really gotten over her? For years I have wanted to force her out of my head and now when I have finally done it, it hasn’t rendered me the peace I have expected. To be honest, it has left me further confused and I have no idea why.
And then there was Nithya when she looked at me with those coal black eyes of hers swirling in a pool of emotions that I could never clearly decipher, I had a sudden urge to empty my heart to her. And that part worried me the most because I have never attempted to talk about Hasini with any of my friends, not even Jenny.
Thinking about all those things was doing nothing but giving me a severe headache. I reluctantly pushed those thoughts away and willed myself to sleep. I have no idea when I fell asleep last night or even slept at all. Now even at 6.00am I was desperately trying to get at least one more hour of good sleep, but failing miserably. Frustrated, I threw my blanket away and started towards the bathroom to shower.
A sleepless night and three cups of coffee is never going to help you in a busy day at work. I was sitting in my cabin in my office and my head was still pounding like crazy. I could not say if I was fully awake or totally exhausted. I was trying to stay awake and concentrate in my work when my phone rang intensifying my headache further.
I brought the phone to my ears only to move it away the next second, to get away from Jenny’s ear-piercing cry.
“Ash! I did it!” she shouted loud enough to shatter some glass windows if she was near one. Besides it did nothing to lessen my headache. On the contrary it only worsened. However it didn’t make me miss the happiness in her voice.
“Well that’s great Jenny! Congrats!” I said though I had no idea what I am congratulating her for. “What’s the great news?” I asked.
“Of course you would have forgot”, she said with enough sarcasm. “How could you remember me talking to you everyday about my dreams or working day and night for the past few months to make it a reality? How could you keep in mind silly things like that, huh?” I could practically feel her rolling her eyes right now.
That’s when I remembered what she was talking about. She was hoping to open another branch of her restaurant in Madurai, the temple city. I never really understood her intention to open her restaurant in Madurai. People mostly migrated to Chennai to get jobs that could earn them more money. But Jenny, even after owning a restaurant in Chennai, a famous and successful one at that too, still wanted to open another in Madurai. When I asked her why she was so persistent in branching “Just Right” in Madurai, she always replied something about bringing back traditional Indian food, which had been forgotten, with a modern twist. Though I partly believed that, I was never fully convinced it was the real reason. Given Madurai was our hometown and we grew up there and thinking about the hell of an adolescent period we have been through, I was pretty sure she had more reasons than she was letting on. My mind was coming up with so many reasons but before I could get myself engulfed by those memories another shrill cry from Jenny brought me back to the present.
“Ash! Are you there?”
“Oh! Sorry Jenny. So, have you convinced the owner to sell that place to you?” I asked remembering the old hotel in Madurai she was talking about for the past few months. When Jenny has been searching all over Madurai for a place to open her new branch, she came across an old hotel near Meenakshi Amman temple. The moment she laid eyes on that place she fell in love with it. To anyone other than her it would have seemed to be an old rickety building with no business. But Jenny never evaluated anything based on what one’s eyes could only capture, be it places or people. Like when she saw the place for “Just Right” at Chennai, while all of us saw just a warehouse in its worst condition, she envisioned it as a successful restaurant, a place where her dreams would come true; A place where she could feel that she truly belonged; A place where she could walk with pride and her head held high.
And it was the same thing with this place too. The restaurant was started in late 19th century and has been very popular till late 20th century. It was a family business which has been passed on to more than three generations and is now run by Mr.Rajan and his son Mr. Sanjay. Since people have migrated towards fast-food and the authentic flavors are no longer appreciated by most of them, the hotel is now at loss. The son wants to sell it but his father does not want to give up the family business.
When Jenny approached them with a business proposal to buy the place, Mr.Rajan was not so happy at first. She had only talked to him on the phone and he was not even ready to meet her to hear about her offer. However she was determined to persuade him into selling the place to her. And now from the utmost bliss in her voice it seemed that she had succeeded in doing so.
I was interrupted from the flashback by Jenny shouting at me again, “Ash! Hello! Earth to Ash!” I groaned at that but asked her anyway if she had got that place.
“Oh my God! You haven’t heard a single word I said. What happened to you Ash? Are you getting tired of my rants? Seriously Ash I am gonna kill you for ignoring me like that. If only you were here..”
I didn’t let her finish and quickly replied rubbing my temple “No Jenny. I just have a headache and I zoned out there for a minute.”
“Oh alright! Is it too bad?” she asked suddenly losing her anger and sounding concerned.
One minute she says she was going to kill me and the next minute the thought of me getting sick makes her concerned. I was starting to wonder if I was lucky to find such a caring friend or if Jenny was actually bipolar and I am not paying any attention to it. The last thought brought a faint smile to my face and I replied, “No I am fine. So tell me about the deal”.
She returned to her cheery self from mothering me and began to explain. “Oh yeah right. So I called the father today and he agreed to meet me tomorrow.” She rushed the last few words and I would have missed it if I hadn’t listened carefully.
“That’s great Jenny! How did you do it?” I asked, feeling really happy that she is moving forward towards her dreams. Though it’s not a huge step, it’s a step ahead nonetheless.
“Because I am awesome” she said and laughed and I couldn’t contain my laughter either. “Or maybe it has something to do with his son. He was too eager to get rid of the place when he answered my call once. Anyway I am going to meet him and try my best to convince him to sell the place to me. I haven’t wanted something this much in my life, Ash. This is something I need to do not just something I want to do.” Her last sentence held a bit of seriousness to it that explained how determined she was in getting that place.
I could guess what was playing in her mind when she said that, which is not a very joyous memory by the way, and I certainly did not wish to open that can of worms right then. So I replied with a clipped “I understand” and steered away from that subject.
“So when are you leaving?” I asked.
“Maybe by noon. I have to run some errands before that and I plan to get there tonight so I could attend the meeting tomorrow morning without any rush.”
“Ok. I will see you at your apartment before you leave. I could drive you to the railway station.”
“Yeah. That sounds good. But pick me up at ‘Just Right’. I will wait for you there.”
“Alright see you there Jenny.”
“Bye Ash!” I ended the call with a light shake of my head and unable to stop the small smile that crept onto my face. She is never going to listen to my words no matter how many times I repeat it. Maybe I have to put up with her, calling me Ash, for this lifetime.
I replayed our conversation again. I was happy that she had found a way to achieve her long time goal and there is no denying that I would be the first person to be happy for her every success. She deserved to be happy after all hell she had been through. I let out a sigh and pushed away the bitter memories of our teens. My head was still throbbing but it was overpowered by my excitement on Jenny’s news. I sunk myself in my work and before I knew it, it was my lunch break. I remembered assuring Jenny that I would take her to the railway station.
I put on my helmet and started for ‘Just Right’ in my apache to pick up Jenny. When I entered the restaurant Jenny was waiting at the reception with Nithya by her side. Before any reasonable questions like, ‘what Nithya was doing here’ could form in my head, my mind was struck with her beautiful attire. She was wearing a simple sky blue salvar with splashes of white on it, but she looked absolutely stunning. Her dress was a little too girly from what she usually wears, yet I couldn’t pry my eyes away from her.
They didn’t see me and were giggling about something. Nithya hugged Jenny and was saying something that seemed like she was praising Jenny. Because of Jenny’s pale complexion the little bit of pink tainting her cheeks gave away that she was definitely blushing. They seemed really at ease with each other. I had a feeling that I was jealous, the only problem was I was not sure who I was jealous of. Maybe I was jealous of Nithya of how close she was friends with my best friend Jenny or I was jealous of my best friend of how she could be so at ease with my…..
Woah! Stop that Ashwin! Just stop that thought right there! No way had that thought popped into your head. You are just tired and your head ache is messing with your brain. Nithya is not your….
“Ash! Are you alright?” I perked up on hearing that voice and was met with two sets of eyes full of concern. I realized that I had been talking to myself and was rubbing my temples at the same time and they must have seen it. That’s why they sounded worried.
Jenny looked like she was amused about something and quirked an eyebrow waiting for an answer from me. I shook my head and said I was fine. I was trying my best not to meet Nithya’s eyes even though I could feel her staring at me.
“Ready to go?” I asked sounding cheerful and Jenny decided to drop the subject for then. But she didn’t stop before throwing me a look that promised this conversation was not over. Note to self: Prepare myself to get an earful from Jenny sooner or later.
“Well then honey, I will see you in a couple of days” Jenny said with a smile. Nithya gave one of her own and said, “Oh sure! Come back with good news. Have a safe trip.” They parted with a hug and Jenny left us saying she was going to get her bags. I gave a nod and we watched her go. After Jenny disappeared inside Nithya turned towards me and asked if I was free the next day.
I was still pretty shaken from the little episode I had a few seconds ago. It took me few seconds to answer her. “Uh.. Well..” I stuttered raking my mind to come up with some sort of excuse. I told her what came to my mind first, “I have to go to work”, which did nothing but make me look like a fool in front of her.
“But tomorrow is Saturday.” She deadpanned looking confused. She didn’t say anything for a few seconds and I was desperately trying to cover up my embarrassment but any great excuses escaped my mind. When I was about to speak again Nithya interrupted and said, “If you have any plans tomorrow then it’s totally fine Ashwin. I have to buy some things for the upcoming Children’s day function that I told you about. I thought I could use some help. But it’s totally fine if you have other commitments.” She even managed to crack a smile besides her obvious disappointment and I felt like a total jerk.
I was the one who promised her that I would do any help she required for the function. I really meant that when I said it. Even now I wanted to help her and I wasn’t going to back away just because my headache was messing with my sanity and planting some unlikely thoughts in my head.
I gave her a heartfelt apology. “I am sorry Nithya” I said, “I am just tired and had no idea what I was saying. I will come with you tomorrow”
“It’s alright Ashwin. I don’t want to be a bother. I can take care of it, really.”
“Not at all! Just call me today evening and tell me when and where to meet you tomorrow. I’ll be there.”
“Ok” she said with a smile and I smiled back. Before I could get distracted Jenny came back with her bags and we left for the station. I dropped her off at the station and returned to my office. I got home and headed straight for my bedroom and fell on my bed. I instantly fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. My phone rang waking me up and I groaned cursing the one disturbing my sleep. I took my phone to end the call when I noticed the caller id. It was Nithya and I remembered asking her to call me about the next day’s plans. I answered and as expected she had called for the same reason and gave me the time and place to meet her. I ended the call and fell back on my bed. I was not sure what to expect tomorrow. Whatever experience the next day may bring, I definitely didn’t want to spend another sleepless night and wake up with a headache the next day. So I pushed away the confusing thoughts, at least for then, and closed my eyes to let myself get engulfed by sleep.