The rest of the day leading up to the real date was as normal as a usual day. Well, if the definition of normal is spending a spectacular, free day of beautiful sights and fun activities with the person who happens to be your ideal type and you may even lov- um, like.
I mean, I definitely loved our conversation, at least. When given the chance, and when he knows you well enough, Wonho can be so open and talkative, sharing really unique and intelligent opinions that can differ so much from your own about the world around you. It's so different than the previous persona he exudes at school.
I thought I knew a lot about him from the plane ride and from then until now, but there is so much more to him. So much behind the face that people are so quick to judge and gossip about behind his back. How is that someone can be so so so SO hot, but also a good person and an intellectual with great conversation skills? My standards are quaking.
It was even more shocking when the conversation of sexuality came up. I told him easily about me, a semi-confident self-proclaimed gay, discovered in middle school. He seemed surprised when I told him about the negative attitudes towards homosexuality in Korea, and my need to hide it. Coming to America had felt freeing not just through independence from the culture there and my parents, but because I could be so open about who I was in America.
My gay couldn't help but show when he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and leaned in to kiss my cheek, smelling of Wonho and boy. My blush flamed across my cheeks as he whispered in my ear "it's a good thing... we could have really missed something special." It left me blushing and cursing myself. Why do I have to be so naive?
But, him, cool and collected, moved right on with normal conversation, explaining that he didn't really believe in labels. He'd always known he was different, but who doesn't feel that way about themselves sometimes? He never rushed to dig into who he really was because it didn't matter to him. He was already it, and whatever it was, his dad probably wouldn't like it anyways, so why put a name to it. But, at a sleepover with a best friend, seeing him shirtless, he realized his intentions weren't as pure as a straight guy's would have been.
I tried not to be angry. Shouldn't I have been sad? It's kind of sad, I guess.. So why was I angry? The jealous really jumped out. Shit, I mean, I had no right to be angry! But, he still mocked my pursed lips and narrowed eyes.
Okay, so maybe I was a little angry after all. What can I say? I'm not exactly confident in the way that I "seduced" Wonho, for lack of a better term, and I wasn't going to let anyone take him from me, short time we've been dating be damned.
So when I say I was with the person I lov-like, it's code for the person I actually love but am too scared to admit it to.
But, shit c'mon, Hyungwon! Love? How can you love him already? But there's no other word I can conjure up to describe the feeling I get when I see his slightly crooked smile aimed my way. Or his goofy, miniature dance he does when he's happy to be munching on some food. Or his easy friendship with Minhyuk and Shownu, all my favorite people in the whole world, all getting along.
So, I make up my mind. As the useless gay that I am, I need to tell him. Tonight. And if he doesn't accept it at the City of Love, then it must not be fate, because professing and accepting love is kind of a rite of passage here.
But we're not thinking about it! Because that is unproductive and unnecessary!
Which leads to now, as we're walking home a few hours later, and all I can think about is that. Stupid, unproductive, unnecessary idea, yet I can't not think about it.
"What's wrong?" Wonho's voice pulls me out of my stupor and I jump as if I'm being caught doing something that I'm not supposed to be doing.
"I wasn't!" I say an octave too loud, sounding guilty as hell.
"Oh, okay..." Wonho chuckles. He slings an arm around my shoulder, a sentiment of what he does so much that I should be used to it, but in reality, I may never be because of how much it excites my heart.
"You seem a little lost in thought, there. What are you thinking about, sweetheart?"
Instant choke. Instant chagrin.
"Sweetheart?" I sputter. "Is... is that the pet name we're going with, now?" While I like that he took the initiative to call me that and I'm nearly in cardiac arrest, I can't deny that it's a bit of a cringe-fest.
"That's what I thought," he says with a small frown. "Too corny?"
I don't want to further his frown, but I can't deny the statement in all honesty.
He laughs a little bit at my face and squeezes one of my cheeks with his hand over my shoulder.
"It's okay. It doesn't hurt my feelings. I'm just a bit disappointed.... I'd actually wanted either sugarplum, babycakes, or fiance even, but if sweetheart is too much for you, then those are obviously a no go. "
I crack up. Damn, I thought sweetheart was rough. Can you imagine two gay dudes in a cafe and one saying to the other, "C'mon, fiance, time to go home"? Oh, hell no. I feel a full body shudder coming on.
"Well..." he trails off at my expression, his face now in thought. "Is there any that you do like?"
Truthfully, before I met Wonho, the answer would have been a quick no without any hesitation whatsoever. I looked with disgust onto couples that showered each other with PDA and spoke to them in baby tones and called them 'honey' and 'darling'. Just, ugh. That was in New York, not Suburbia. They must have never PDA, I guess. It really makes me sad to see anyone but a white PTA mom do that to their lover in all seriousness. And even then, it still makes my heart ache in a 'what is the world coming to' kind of way.
That would have sealed the deal for me before Wonho. But now, after meeting him and falling in love with him, it doesn't seem too bad. I mean, it's just a way to express your love for them, right? What's the difference between calling them baby and telling them you love them? I mean, I love you obviously counts for more in most situations, but still.
Damn, I sound lovesick as all hell. You can take the person out of Korea, but you can't take the Korean out of the person. My mom's stupid K-Dramas are really getting to me with this useless melodrama.
"Um..." What am I okay with? Honey? No. Sweetie? Definitely not. Love? HELL NO. Baby? Hmm. That's not too bad. Basic but easy. I can dig it.
"Baby," I say confidently.
"Baby..." he pauses a moment, seemingly rolling it around in his mouth to see if he likes the taste of it.
"I like it!" he smiles his heartbreaking smile and pulls me closer.
"Consider it done." he secures his arm around my shoulders tightly and smiles devilishly. "Baby," he adds with a smirk.
I smack him. "No one said you had to do it so soon! I haven't prepared myself for it yet!" Damn! The kid wasted no time in making me blush. C'mon now, Hyungwon... what did you expect? He's been making you blush ever since you got to know him! The invitation to the trip, the plane, the car - oh god, yes, the car - the room, the -
Yeah yeah yeah, Hyungwon. We get it. You're whipped for the boy.
Wonho's too busy to notice my blush though, too wrapped up in his own wit, for God's sake.
"Oh, come on baby," he chuckles. "Don't be shy. I'm your boyfriend, it's okay. We're the only people that it's okay to be corny around each other. Lovers have the right."
He laughs harder at my face, trying to decide whether to be befuddled or melt, and crimson melts across my cheeks.
"Well, are you ready?" Wonho's hand finds mine and he interlaces our fingers. Am I actually? Dangerous, my mind trills. Danger, danger, danger.
Wonho laughs. "Baby, why do you look so scared?"
Shit. That obvious.
"I'm not," I snap haughtily, gripping his hand to the point of pain in response. "I'm just worried your Eiffel Tower plan is a lie and you're gonna pay me back for being such a spendthrift with dinner at McDonald's."
Wonho scoffs but thankfully doesn't catch my thinly veiled fear at how deep in lo-like i'm falling.
"I'm sure you say that to all the guys that finance your international travel." He says spitefully.
"Oh?" I inquire. I unlace our hands to lean up against him. I run my hands up his arms, avoiding his eyes in my chagrin at my boldness, and latch my arms around his neck.
"So I must do this to everyone, right?" I gently kiss the tip of his nose, praying he doesn't push me away, calling me a potato or saying that I stink or that my pores are too big for his perfectionist retinas.
Against his chest, I can feel his heart speed up with us so closely pinned together, my chest, thin and skinny, against his, warm and muscled. Am I... am I actually affecting him? All I was hoping for was that he wouldn't hate it.
This fuels me more. "Or this?" I kiss his right cheek and then his left cheek lightly.
Wonho's eyes dart to my lips and back. I don't blame him, if he's anything like I am. I'm having flashbacks to the shared bad incident, AKA the Battle of the Impulses, AKA the First Time I Touched Wonho's Lips When He Was Sleeping. I'm tempted to do so now, but I refrain.
"Or... even this?" I say tentatively. Should I ask first? Does he want me to? I mean I know he said that we're dating and that he loves me and that I'm his soulmate and all that jazz but does that mean that he really-
"Stopping my thought, Wonho presses his lips to mine. I'd like to say that I don't sigh a little, because that's a pussy thing to do, something you only see perpetually lovesick girls in K-Dramas do, but I'm not a good liar.
Wonho pulls back, eyebrow raised. Damn, why does he pull that off so well?
"I hope you don't make that noise to just any guy that you meet."
Did he just...? Scratch that. I pull away. I take back that last statement. I take back anytime I said that he was kind hearted and forgiving.
"C'mon..." Wonho snickers, trying to pull me back. I force his hands away and cross my arms. If you think I'm that easy, you've got another thing coming.
"Fine. I won't say it," he continues. "But we all know that Evan wasn't your best friend or anything..."
I look back at him, indignant. He's really doing this, Hyungwon. He's really pulling receipts from when you were drunk, like that's fair. Or proper boyfriend behavior. Or even human behavior. The nerve on this boy! The second he thinks I'm snatched he goes off and says something like this. Try again, loverboy! You may own like ten jets and five houses and be greek god level hot, not to mention live the life of basically a chaebol, but I'll be damned if I let you come for me to my face and get away with it.
I stalk away from him but he wraps his arms around my waist from behind.
Fuck. He's back-hugging you, Hyungwon...
I try to shush my inner uwu, considering back-hugs are the sweetest to me. I'm supposed to be mad at him. Be a wall back there, Hyungwon. Be a brick.
"Just don't do that to just anyone anymore," he says quietly, almost in soft vulnerability in my ear. Don't you do it, Hyungwon... don't you do it...
"You're my boyfriend. You don't need anyone to take care of you but me." He adds.
Shit. And just like that, he's forgiven. And all it took was a back-hug and a broken apology. What a cheap whore you are.
I turn around in his arms.
"Okay, you big oaf," I relent. "Let's go." Hand in hand, we make our way back to the hotel.