When I came home, out of impulse the first thing I did was to check the comments again wishing a bit that some of them had decided to believe me. Though when I opened it another shock struck me…
I was staring at my own picture soaked in coke, while it tickled down my hair and face my face set in a ridiculous expression. The comments on this one were even more bothersome; people were now making fun of me. I was already getting sick of this. First Drake had to humiliate me in front of the entire population of Bakersfield High and now Dale had to stoop this low.
I was still unable to understand what exactly his problem was? Why the hell was he making things worse for me? As if I already had no trouble in my life whatsoever.
People had no right to decided things for me manipulate my life or insult me whenever they can. I won’t give them that right.
I got up from my bed and headed downstairs with my face set in a scowl. I told him I won’t let go this time and after this picture he posted I had no doubt on my intentions.
‘’Where are you going at this time?’’ I heard mom say, but instead of answering I just kept moving out. Mrs. Cattermole’s house was open so it was easy to march in. Dale’s room was on the first floor, right beside Daniel’s but I had never been there much. With Daniel it was different- I hung out with him there a lot.
I burst open the door, he was sitting on his chair, when he glanced at me he got up and his face was masked with confusion. I looked at Dale with as much as hate as I could muster up inside me.
I grabbed his collar again and I bet I looked like a mad woman but this was least of my worries at time. Dale opened his moth to say something or perhaps yell at me but I cut him before he could utter a single word.
‘’What the hell is your problem with me Dale?! I want the answer right now, what the hell is your damn problem with me?’’ I yelled at the top of my lungs right on his face. Dale seemed taken back from my out burst, truth to be told, I was too.
‘’What are you talking about?’’ He asked an incredulous expression on his face.
‘’You being an asshole! That’s what I am talking about.’’
‘’Shut up already. Who are you to come in my house, in my room and start saying bullshit to me?’’ He asked me,
‘’Bullshit? You call this bullshit? Then what you are doing is saintly uh?’’
‘’What are you talking about?’’ I snorted disbelievingly; he had that much nerve to accuse me on making up stuff. As I looked at Dale, I felt so much hate that I wanted to chew him alive. He had always been an ass to me, but now he was gone too far for me to handle. Teasing was one thing, ruining was another.
‘’You threw that thing on me when I didn’t even do anything, like that was not enough you posted my totally embarrassing picture on net, like I don’t have other things pending on my sleeve right now.’’
I finished and jabbed an accusing finger on his chest. Dale was pushed back a little but he just stared at me like I was the culprit here. Like I was the one who was adamant on humiliating him in front of the whole species of human beings…
‘’I did not do such thing.’’ He said with his teeth gritted.
‘’Yeah right and am I suppose to believe that? ‘’ I replied sarcastically, I was totally disgusted by him today. I have never felt this much repulsion from Dale, but today he looked like a worst person in my life – he was same as Drake. In fact he was worse than Drake. Drake Sullivan had not grown up with me for eight years, he had not been with me as a kid, and he did not certainly know me enough. Dale was total opposite; he had acted like I was a stranger, like I meant nothing to him.
As much as I hated to admit, I was hurt.
‘’I am not lying okay.’’
‘’Just stop already dale, I had had enough, I can’t believe you can stoop this low. Now you are just using cheap tricks to get to me.’’
‘’I said I am no lying. And it’s not my business if someone has posted your picture. Between all this, I don’t have a duty of making you believe me. Now get out of my room before I am forced to kick you out.’’
‘’You think I enjoy being here, you think I like talking to devils like you? I hate this –I hate this mess everyone is creating? You posted my_’’
Suddenly Dale grabbed both of my wrists from around his collar with other hand and forcefully pinned me to the wall right behind him, my breath got caught in my lungs with the proximity. He was too close, our noses almost touches and our faces inches apart – I was perplexed while he seemed totally indifferent to anything.
‘’What are y_’’ He clamped the other hand on the mouth making my words just a jumbled and muffled voice that didn’t make any sense. Dale’s expression was different now – he was furious, his blue eyes were stormy and raging and I felt a shiver run down my spine as he gazed at me with intensity at such closeness.
‘’This is the last time I am telling you Allyson. I did not posted your picture okay.’’ He said it looking at me straight in the eyes and I was forced to believe his words even though I did not wanted to.
Dale let go of without much do and then I exactly didn’t know what happened. Something inside me flipped, I felt so helpless and my emotions over rode me. The next thing I recall – I started sobbing.
I started sobbing in front of Dale Cattermole right in his room – I had never cried in front of Dale, in fact the last time I cried I was eight, when we realized dad had cancer.
Dale’s face was suddenly confused, ‘’Wait, what are you doing? Oh no don’t start that…’’ He almost sounded funny, like watching me cry was scary experience for him.
Dale raised his hand towards me, probably for comfort but I swatted it away harshly,
‘’I hate you! You are just like him, you guys can just use me whenever you want uh. I thought you would support me. You have known me for too long and you still believe him.’’ I yelled again after I swiped away few stray tears.
‘’I just wanted to…’’ He left his words hanging there; glaring at him for the last time I step sided him and stomped out of the room wishing no on would see me.
When I was out, instead of going back to my house I just started walking along the street thinking about what happened. It was stupid of me to yell at him about that picture, and even stupider to cry in front of him.
He would think I was some weak wimp or something.
Right now my own feelings felt like an enigma, I shouldn’t worry about Dale’s thoughts and weather he supported me or not yet I was doing the exact opposite. I shouldn’t matter but it did.
I cared and I hated my self for that. Maybe it was fine to relax and think, I needed a break, my mind was tired from all this stress.
I walked meaninglessly down the streets like a homeless person with my face masked in irritation and confusion. I was heading towards the cemetery on the other side of the houses, right beside the abandoned old school grounds. It was a long walk but I was fine with it.
My dad died in Texas but his roots where here in California too since he was the first cousin if my mom. Dad’s parents were not at best relationship with us. In fact they hated me and my mum because of some old family feud. They insisted he was buried here in the cemetery where half of our old folks were buried. I didn’t even knew any of them – let alone visit. With the exception of my dad though.
The night was cold, the wind was kissing my bare arms and legs, it was bad idea to wear shorts I realized. I walked to the familiar circular oath and then straight ahead to the iron gates that were always open. There wasn’t even a need of the gates.
The rows of tombstones were long, stretched across meters of land. There were no trees in middle but on the outline. When I was a kid, I never dared coming here alone especially at this time of night but now being scared sounded foolish.
Between I was missing my dad so much, I just wanted to spent time with him in peace.
I located the tombstone I was looking for; it was white stone with prominent gothic black letters on it,
Harrison James White
1976-2002
May God grant him with everlasting solace…
‘’Hi buddy, it’s been long.’’ I sat down in front of the tombstone, I might look like an idiot but it was best not to care.
I wanted to cry but it was weird that I didn’t. Dad always wanted me to smile when talking to him, why cry now?
‘’Well you see I am in trouble…you always asked me to keep away but I guess it’s my star. I don’t know what to do, I want to fight but it’s too difficult. I feel like a failure. Just give me some hope.’’
‘’You promised me you will look after me; you said you will always be by my side. I can feel you watching over me, guiding me,, loving me – just lead me to the right. I want to fight, just help me, I need support and strength.’’ The words kept coming up; I kept on talking out all my worries, frustrations and doubt. It actually felt good.
I sat there for a bit longer, but then my phone started buzzing so I had to head back. Mom was going to be epic mad.
I walked down the path when my eyes caught sight of a figure standing three rows away in front of the very last tombstone. I was scared and nearly screamed – I wasn’t much brave after all. But looking closely I noticed it was a boy. I got a bit closer this time making sure I was not making any sound.
A shock went right through me as I peeked who it was. And standing there was a person I least expected to see.
Doyle Jackson
Such a small world…
It came as a surprise because Doyle didn’t seem like a person visiting a cemetery. I mentally scolded myself, this was a public place and he was still a person – he must have some relative buried here.
I crept closer like a professional stalker and hid behind one of the stone’s which wasn’t even large enough to cover me. I looked so silly right now.
Doyle was just standing there, he wasn’t even looking at the grave – his eyes were set on the sky – he seemed to be far away. He was lost in thoughts, looking still and silent, like paused in time. I know it sounded a bit too dramatic but him standing like that was a bit off.
He suddenly shifted his feet making me nervous. Doyle turned away and started walking out just like that. I tried my best to blend in shadows as he passed near the stone I was using as a cover. The dead were so going to curse me.
As he vanished, I scrambled away from the grave and sighed in relief. Being the curious fellow I was, I stepped towards the grave he was standing at.
Even though there were no particular lights here, the moon was enough to illuminate the words there.
Emily Jean Jackson
2000-2004
Your innocent smiles would be missed…
It was obvious that this belong to some child, the thing was what did it had to do with Doyle? Maybe she was his late sister or worse daughter. No it wouldn’t be daughter; he was not that type of guy. He hardly ever dated any living thing let alone has a fling.
Shrugging I also headed towards the exit. Whoever it was, this was none of my business.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
I let out a huge breathe as the bus stopped in front of my block stop. This was just a bus; I had whole school to worry about right now. Picking up my shattered pieces of courage I took confident steps towards it.
The huge bulky looking bullies that usually didn’t even spare me a glance were now looking with narrowed eyes. Great, this was just what I needed. I thought such people were least interested in high school gossip and more into drug dealing or street fighting. Guess I was wrong.
I kept my head down and took quick stumbling steps to the back where I and Dylan usually sat. Dylan was sitting at the window side with a book obscuring his face. He was reading The Divine Comedy. I had never had such taste in oldies yet Dylan seemed more into such stuff.
I slumped on the seat next to him and the bus started moving. He closed his book when he noticed it was me.
‘’Oh hey Ally.’’ Not the response I expected.
I actually ditched him for half of the dance, and the drama which Drake created – I thought Dylan was easily going to believe him and break the friendship. Yet here he was giving me a bright smile showing teeth.
‘’Oh hi, what’s up.’’ I said a bit too hastily.
‘’Where were you yesterday?’’
‘’I skipped after what happened.’’ I admitted, biting my lip nervously.
‘’You can’t possibly do your own damage over what Drake has done.’’ His words surprised me; the tone he used was so encouraging like he knew I was right.
‘’You don’t believe him?’’
‘’I was there that day when you kicked his ass; of course I know it was all a ploy. I am your friend Ally, I am supposed to support you not Drake.’’
‘’Thanks Dylan, it means a lot to me.’’
‘’Mention not’’
When we made it to the school, everything was just like I expected. People kept looking at me with weird faces and whisper things way too loudly. I was being called a slut by every passing soul but still Dylan words have given me enough strength to deal with it.
I knew my friends were there for me – so there was nothing else to worry.
Carmen nearly crushed me with a hug when I met her,
‘’I was so worried about you, but you don’t have to say anything. We are all with you and I am_’’
‘’Carmen! Breathe, relax I am okay.’’
‘’They have also posted notes on your locker.’’ Dylan mentioned glancing at the hallway when we drew nearer. I was hurt but outwardly I just shrugged pretending to be indifferent. This was better this way. I did not want to worry them over me too.
‘’Del said that he can beat up any guy if they try to bully you.’’ My heart swelled at what Carmen said. Delenie said that for me…I was going to die with heart attack some day.
‘’What else did he say?’’ I asked eagerly,
‘’Well nothing really, just asked me to tell you this.’’ She answered giving me a funny look.
‘’That means he believe me?’’ I asked with such a huge smile that it might have scared away a lot of people. Carmen was looking at me suspiciously so I closed my mouth and attempted to make a more serious face. I really needed to have some control over myself; I was acting like a desperate person.
‘’I mean it would be better if I know more people are supporting me…’’ I explained her. Liar Liar, pants on fire.
‘’Yeah that’s okay, Del totally believe you.’’ It was really hard to hide my grin.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
I ditched the play practice because I had no energy to face either Dale or Drake. In fact I didn’t saw Drake whole day so I just assumed he wasn’t there. This play thing was getting on my nerves. After what happened there was no way for me to act along side Drake.
I decided to drop out instead; I had to focus on my studies anyway. I walked to Mr. Murphy’s office when the practice time was over.
‘’Come in’’ He was sitting on his chair inside his cramped office with a cook book in his hand. Seriously disappointing, I expected something else…
‘’Allyson, come in…you were missing in practice today.’’ He gave me a look from underneath his glasses and set the cook book aside.
‘’Well yeah sir I had some pressing matters.’’
‘’So what brings you here. If it’s about that report than I haven’t checked it yet.’’ He said motioning me to sit down.
‘’It’s about the play sir.’’
‘’Go on I am listening.’’ I paused, trying to find correct words. I had been practicing this for past few minutes before coming here. It was all set in my head, I just needed to let it out.
‘’I want to drop out of the play.’’ I said after taking a while. Mr. Murphy leaned forward and gave me a funny look, he so wasn’t expecting this.
‘’Why? Is there any problem?’’ He asked, I wanted to answer honestly to this.
‘’I have a problem with Drake Sullivan.’’ I muttered with a shade of red creeping on my cheeks.
‘’Is it academic? Because the play is going on for quite a few days and your grades are as perfect as always.’’
‘’No sir, nothing academic.’’
‘’Is it a problem from family? I talked to your mom the other day she didn’t mention anything. In fact she was really happy about your lead.’’
‘’No such thing Sir’’ I freaking felt like I was being investigated on crime scene, couldn’t he just accept that without any questioning?
‘’Then I am afraid you cannot be let off.’’ He finished grimly,
‘’But sir, I don’t want to do it any further. Drake and I are having some problems and_’’
‘’You are a really exceptional student Allyson, that’s why I am giving you a piece of advice; do not let your personal life interfere with your responsibilities. If there is a problem, it has nothing to do with the play.’’ He had the point but still it was just easy to say and difficult to follow.
‘’But sir I am just not into this.’’
‘’Even if I want to I can’t. The orders are already sent by the headmaster. You don’t get a choice. I am sorry.’’
‘’So I have to do it.’’ I asked dreadfully,
‘’I am afraid yes but I think you can absolutely do this.’’
* * * * * * * * * *
As soon as I came out of the office, I realized that the school was empty. Great I have to walk home, all for nothing.
Maybe he was right – I could do this. Just a little bit trust and hope…
I passed the hallway when I heard footsteps behind me; I didn’t even get a chance to whirl when I was slammed into the lockers with brute force. I let out a groan but it was inaudible in amidst of all the clanking.
Hailey Jordan stood before me, she pinned me there with her arm and glared at me furiously. I noticed dark circles around her eyes, they looked red and splotchy – she had been crying a lot.
‘’You bitch! I am going to kill you and eat you alive.’’ That was the lamest thing I have heard coming from a cheerleader. The threat was empty and hollow yet there was so much rage that it made me cringe.
‘’Get off you twisted twat!’’ She was much stronger than me, sometimes I blame my genes – I was such a weakling.
‘’You stole my boyfriend! How dare you? I loved him! I fucking loved him and you took away the best thing from my life.’’ She was crying again and I was unable to come with a comeback. She was saying the truth and I felt so much anger towards Drake that I wanted ‘to kill him and eat him alive’.
‘’Drake is lying, I never had such relations with him.’’
‘’Why would he lie over a meaningless freak like you? Don’t play with me Allyson White. I am not going to forgive you easily.’’
‘’Do as you please’’ I already saw the worse that I had no idea what to expect.
‘’If you ever dare to go near him or touch him with your filthy hands I am gonna cut off your little fingers and roast your dirty meat alive.’’
‘’Do as you please’’
‘’You make me sick!’’ Hailey yelled and kicked me right on the gut. The next moment I groaned again and rolled over to the floor. She kicked me once more and then stormed away with her heels clicking in the tiles.
I tried to stand up but the pain was too much to handle, she had been so brutal and kicked so hard that I was forced to close my eyes. I let her hit me, she needed to take it out anyways and this might satisfy her. Or maybe she would just play another dirty trick like Drake. I took the hit all for a chance.
All for nothing...