September 1973 Barbara's P.O.V Chap20
All I could do was work, eat, sleep. I hadn't received a word from Stella and I was beginning to worry about her, perhaps she'd forgotten of my existence or was too busy on her most recent project in America, I'd be frowning every single day alone in our shared apartment. I'd been working my socks off for money in order to pay the monthly rent all by myself, it was tiring me out so much that I hardly had time for myself and important relaxation.
I missed her, my closest girl friend, I loved her and she was one of the only people that I could really confide in. Of course, there was Mary, but Stella was my number one, Freddie too, but most of my issues stemmed from Roger in this past month, I couldn't admit that. Roger too, my best friend, I found that I couldn't speak to him either, he was so busy with Queen, the only times I'd seen him this past month were when I'd go to the gigs, the parties, the studio where he'd be holding onto different girl, I hadn't seen him alone.
I'd call, no answer. He'd call later, I was working. We'd miss each other every time.
I thought that maybe he was changing, maybe it was better that I was keeping away, but I missed him dearly too. All the dreams that we'd thought we'd share, it was crazy how life had changed, how us children pictured the future. Things became harder than I'd originally thought they would, everyone was changing and I didn't feel the same, they were all moving forward and I was so trapped.
This was the case for a little while, the sleeping, the work, the bills, the rent. Mother had sent some money along with a letter which I greatly appreciated, but not having anyone physically comforting me was becoming rather horrible. I had received no word from anyone until all at once, an envelope came through the door, one in handwriting, catching my eye.
It was from Stella, a sigh of relief escaped my lips due to the fact that she'd actually remembered to reach out to me and let me know how she was getting on, when she'd be back.
'Dear my dearie Barbie,
I am currently sipping on the most extraordinary Mojito so I sincerely apologise for any mistakes I make (If I do make any). I am writing to let you know of a few things, how well is everything going you ask?
Well, it's going brilliantly, so brilliantly in fact, that they want me to stay. In America, to live here and work here full time. It may be such a shock to you and trust me, it was the exact same for me, I didn't think that I'd become this successful with my styling. I have thought about it very deeply and I've thought about you too, so much B, you're my best friend and I can't explain how much I adore you my dearie girl, when we first moved into the apartment, starting at zero, but look at us now, shining so brightly, catching our dreams within our hands. You know yourself how important this job is to me, you of all people know that dreams are everything, I think that I should stay, like you say.
That's why I'm deciding to write to you as I wanted this news to reach you through only me. I'm so so sorry, I wish you the best of luck with everything, send my biggest love to Brian and the rest. I'm sure I'll be seeing you all very soon with Queen's success, you must see me when they have the opportunity to tour the states (which I am most definitely sure will happen very soon!!!), make sure you join them. Don't worry about the apartment, I don't suppose you'll be staying? I'm sending over some money for the next month, please write back to me and let me know! I don't want you stuck paying for that shithole.
I love you my sweet best friend, please be careful when you open the gift I've sent to you, don't want you ripping it haha.
All the best, America's Stella. Xxxxx'
My eyes blinked quickly as I read over the letter again and again until it made the least bit of sense. This was not what I was expecting whatsoever, after what I'd been feeling this past month and a bit, I'd been craving for some good news on my behalf.
The movement in my hands faltered as I sat myself down on the sofa, the home of many pointless late night talks with Stella, who after reading this letter, I perhaps wouldn't be seeing for years. The package that she'd sent with the letter lay on my lap, dropping over my leg slightly while my fingertips rested on the sides after I'd placed the letter beside me on the space of the soft seat. I didn't rip at the package, I handled it carefully, immediately noticing the pattern, this was the jumpsuit type outfit I'd worn for her photo shoot that day, the one we'd had that arm wrestle over, the reason why I'd focused on creating a piece of artwork for her which ended up taking months until she actually got it from me. I chocked a little at the sight of the material, I couldn't help but smile at it, that day, the beginning of her success that she was now sending to me with love.
A single tear fell from my eye and ran all the way down my cheek until the droplet of salty water landed upon the item of clothing that I adored the second I'd laid my eyes upon that day years ago.
There was also a Polaroid of us in this very apartment - I remembered that day, just a few months ago before one of our days out with the boys - Freddie had taken the picture.
God, I miss her already.
All the days out with Freddie, the three of us in the beginning where we only had each other, they helped me deal with the pain of not having Roger in my life, helped me develop as a person, they helped me learn to have fun, to enjoy myself. All the boys would miss her wit, charm and humour I was sure, Brian mostly, who I knew would be quite shocked and rather disheartened after having such a blossoming romance with her.
There was also notes of money tucked at the bottom of the package, useful, but what was I going to do? The thought of having to work much harder was something that I did not want to do, I'd have to completely let go of having a social life, doing what I wanted, working on my Graphics, all gone. A second con of remaining in the apartment would be feeling of isolation that I'd been feeling recently, my intense procrastination when I didn't have Stella in the place bossing me around and visa versa.
I can't stay here in this shithole, I think quietly to myself, using the perfect description of the apartment that Stella had used.
A few days passed by and most of the time I'd been sitting on my spot of the sofa with my sketchbook taking the space next to me, a load of scrap bits of paper were scattered along the floor, pencils too. I'd received some calls in that time too which I'd ignored, I was sure that I'd have to sell the thing with the money that I'd soon be needing for the next month in order to pay rent which would give me some time to think about what I was to do.
I received a visit from Mary very unexpectedly and so suddenly, I stood still in the doorway when I saw her looking right back at me, her smile was one of relief, "I'm relieved to see that you are alive," she states, smiling as I hold the door wider open for her to walk past me and enter the messy apartment.
I'd resumed my position on the sofa while she found herself a seat on the armchair across from me. She was curious, I could tell by the way that she was looking at me, "You haven't been picking up anyone's calls, me, Freddie. Roger, we've been worried about you."
"I've been fine, I promise," I pause, sitting back a little more, avoiding eye contact, "Just - just working, trying to get my life together."
She nodded her head slowly, clearly trying to process what I was saying in her head before responding to me, "You're not usually like this when you're 'just working', something has happened."
I rolled my eyes at the fact that the friends that I had knew me all too well, sighing in the process too as I stood myself up before walking over to my little life green coffee table placed in front of my favourite window in the apartment. Stella's letter lay flat on the table, awaiting my grasp before it's in the hands of Mary, "Read it."
The realisation in her eyes shone brightly and her posture changed, leaning forward so that her elbows her digging into her knees, "Goodness."
"One way to put it."
"You can't stay here on your own, that'd just be too much pressure on you Barb," she explains, a tone of concern present in her voice as she looks once over the letter again.
A sigh leaves my lips and I nod in agreement, "I know, but what else can I do?"
She's most definitely thinking, her brows furrowed, deep in thought for a few minutes before she sorrily mumbles, "You know me and Freddie would offer you a place to stay in our home but it's much too small - the plans for the wedding."
"Oh yes - no, I wouldn't expect anything of you at all - not at all -," I stutter, trying to dive deeper in thought, digging for just anything.
Mary interrupts, "I'm sure one of the boys would be happy to have you."
The thought was something worth considering, although John, the current bassist I hardly knew, quiet type who was living with his fiancé. Brian was rooming with one of his own friends with Imperial college after moving out of the one that he'd had with Tim. The only plausible option was Roger.
The thought of moving into Roger's apartment was rather relieving after feeling so detached from him and our friendship. Perhaps this was what I needed in order to lose the frustration, the rockstar image of my best friend which was the only Roger that I'd been seeing in the past month, not the sweet, genuine and funny boy that I'd grown to love, "You mean Roger."
"Who else?" She grins, "How about I get Freddie to talk to him?"
I stayed silent for a brief few moments, thinking as she beckoned with her voice 'C'mon, you can't deny your friend can you now?'. A small smile found its way to my lips as I nodded my head a little, "Thank you."
"How about you come to the studio tomorrow?" She asks, a heavy implication of hopefulness was illuminated and I replied with an 'okay', "They've been working on another album, Freddie's aching for you to hear what they've done so far."
When I'd heard the next day, what they'd created, I was completely and utterly astonished, it was different, beautiful even, I loved every track that they'd made already. Freddie and the rest of the boys were so happy at the reaction that I'd shown the moment I heard the songs, I especially loved 'Seven Seas Of Rhye', which i soon found out it was also Roger's favourite one.
Freddie gave me an extra large hug after I expressed my love for the work in progress, holding my face with both his hands as he thanked me. To my surprise, Roger was not accompanied by one of his groupies today, instead he was chatting with John Deacon, their bassist who I didn't know all too well. I stood in the corner of the room with Freddie beside me who lit up a cigarette, "I thought that maybe you'd been found dead by Mary yesterday dear, I'm extremely happy to see that you are alive."
A giggle escaped my lips and nodded, "Yes - well, work - Stella - oh, shit, Stella - did Mary tell you?"
He hummed and his head bounced up a little, indicating that he had in fact heard the news, "Going to miss my female blondie, bet the bitch is having herself a good time in America."
My eyebrows raised and fell within seconds, "I would be very happy to switch places with her right now."
"Switch places with who?" I hear the familiar high pitched yet gravely voice of Roger beside me, joining the conversation as if he'd been a part of it for the last ten minutes, but he'd clearly just stumbled his way over from his drum.
"Stella darling," Freddie pipes up as he puts out his cigarette on the metal side table within the studio, "Can you believe it? The girl is staying in Los Angeles."
I internally rolled my eyes at how open Freddie was, but I managed to keep both eyes on my feet as they tapped on the wooden floorboards. I could feel both boy's eyes on me, Roger's especially.
"I must check how much time we've got left," Freddie suddenly says, pushing himself up away from the wall that he'd just been leaning against next to me, leaving both me and Roger, his intense and burning gaze.
"Belle, what are you going to do?" He asks, he was clearly concerned and I managed to bring my eyes up and glance at him, "Surely you can't stay at the apartment."
I shrug my shoulders when I find that I don't have much to say, I had no clue what I wanted to say, "I don't know."
"You can't stay there alone."
"You live alone Rog," I begin to laugh and I manage to squeeze a smile out of him, taking away the edge of the conversation.
"Precisely," he grins.
I furrow my eyebrows and cross my arms, leaning further into the wall, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Move in with me, Belle," He states confidently with a calm tone present within his voice, he was grinning and definitely enthusiastic towards the idea, "You'll soon be pressed with money, you'll be lonely, C'mon."
I groan a little. The idea of moving in with my best friend was a hard one to think about when he is an upcoming and aspiring rockstar with girls clambering after him and let's not forget, his charisma, his image, could I ruin that for him? Perhaps. But he did promise me that he'd cut the cheating on girlfriends, that was the main issue, yet my heart still felt like it was clenching, pressed tightly up against my ribs, this pressure that I'd been fighting for months ever since his birthday party and before even.
"C'mon lovie," he repeats excitedly, "It will be just like old times, our sleepovers. Except without the parents of course."
How could I refuse?
Especially when those times were my favourite of all, when we were kids, no worries, no cares, our lives ahead of us, when we had nothing but each other, the Roger that made me smile, the shy little small town boy without all the rockstar nonsense that I could see was a false persona that shielded him from his genuine self, the real one that I knew all too well. The real Roger was the one that I loved, the one that would stay up with me all night playing Scrabble, the one that came to me for help for the invitation, the one that would help me capture my dreams. He would always be the only one that could truly make me feel so content, perhaps one reason why I'd been feeling so lonely recently, the absence of him and his presence made me feel so negative, I needed more of him in my life and perhaps moving in with him wasn't as bad of an idea as I'd originally thought. I'd see more of my favourite Roger, instead of the one that would get dumped by girlfriends followed by hooking up with anyone girl that he could see.
"- you can say no if you really don't want to, I just thought that maybe this would do us some good as we hardly ever see each other anymore," he explained, eagerly, "I miss you."
He was right, "I miss you too. Of course I'll move in with you," I smile happily and a huge grin appears on his lips, his eyes wide and uplifted, he brings me towards him in a hug. Agreeing to move in with him did come as a relief to me after I'd said it, it was confirmed that we'd be spending more time as a two rather than being in the company of the band and him, all of them, the connection that me and Roger had built as best friends would be rekindled and much stronger than before.
"There's plenty of space for you, you can have Freddie's old room," he tells me as he pulls away from the hug that we shared in front of everyone in the whole studio, I could see Mary grinning from behind Roger, "You've made my day."
How could I not feel so happy at that? It'd just be impossible. I smiled so largely when I saw him smile at the fact that we'd be spending more time together as a pair. He almost jumped up in joy and immediately ran towards the coat pegs nailed to the wall which held his thick light brown fur coat, he was about to put it on before Freddie stopped him.
"What in the world are you doing darling?" Freddie asks as he enters the studio space, "We still have a quarter of an hour to record."
Roger groaned in annoyance in response, "Thats no time at all."
"Time is money, your money in fact, don't you want to spend it wisely?" Freddie remarks, grinning mischievously as he refers to Roger's van that he'd had to sell, something that I'd heard about, I didn't have to be there to know it had happened, I was pretty sure that everyone knew after the continuous mention of it, I'd first heard this morning when I'd arrived at the studio, Roger was clearly still annoyed.
I sat myself next to Mary on one of the wooden planks resting against the white walls, she smiled knowingly at me when I made eye contact with her, "Any luck?" The look on her face suggested hat she knew something that I didn't.
"What? Oh - yes, I'm moving in with him," I stutter over my words due to the look she'd given me.
"He seems really excited."
My eyes averted to Roger who hopped towards the stool of his drum kit in glee, picking up the two sticks before hitting a perfect beat that Freddie began singing with. I'd watch Roger the whole time, reminding myself why I'd always support him and his dreams, even though he'd been a pain in the arse lately in terms of his image as a rockstar, how could I take that away from him when he could play like that on his instrument? He was incredible, he was meant for that life, I'd just have to deal with it.
I hummed in response to Mary, lost in thought as my eyes were trained upon Roger like I was in some kind of trance or under a spell, he was perfect, I'd thought in that moment, but I somehow shook it off, knowing that it would be inappropriate of me to get lost in him, his looks, his everything, that wouldn't be like me, I never did that, ever.
Okay, maybe a few times I'd admired his good looks.
When those fifteen minutes had passed, Roger almost fell off of his stool in excitement, running for his coat before making his way over to me, the smile on his face was so genuine and his hand was held out towards me, "Let's pack your things."
I blinked, "Now?" I hadn't realised how eager he was for me to move in with him until now.
"Yes, now. Let's go."
On the way to mine, Roger spoke of the plans for us living as roommates in his home, what he wanted to do, arrangements. I'd only just realised how much we'd missed each other considering this sudden desperation to spend everyday together, or most days at least as he'd still be out most days working at the studio and doing gigs.
"There's space for you to draw, you can do anything you want," he tells me as we skip off of the bus, he links our arms as we walk along my street.
"You realise that this is going to take a little while, I'm not going to be able to pack everything in one small suitcase," I explain to him, grinning as I unlock my front door, the corridor of the apartment was dark and he followed behind me, "I can't wait to get away from this place."
He chuckled when he noticed all of my work scattered on the floor where I'd been working in the living room, "What will you need?"
"For now, just clothes, bathroom stuff, my work, my writing, the radio," I list. That shouldn't take too long at all, but I was aware of the fact that regardless of living somewhere else, I'd still have to deal with the hassle of actually selling the place.
Everything I needed I gathered, I explored each room and picked up a few bits that I'd seen and decided I wanted to take with me. Roger tried to help me, picking up my radio and sketchbooks which I most definitely needed as I was now working on my masters degree after graduating with my first degree, that was my own next step.
"Is that everything?" He asks almost out of breath, gesturing towards the suitcase placed by the front door.
I thought to myself for a few moments, making an imaginary checklist, going through everything before realising that I'd forgotten to grab my notebook with all of my old songwriting it, easily remedied as I ran to my bedroom and brought it back with me to the corridor where Roger stood, "We must come back to collect my piano."
He nodded quickly, "Yes, definitely. Shame I don't still have my van."
"Don't worry, when you're world famous you'll be able to afford all vans around the world," I say, amused at the third or fourth mention of his sold automobile, "Vans as far as the eye can see."
"I hope so."
I took one last look at everything, almost counting it all over in my head before deciding that this was all I needed, including Roger himself.
To say that I was excited for this new beginning would be an understatement.
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Oioioioioi
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Thank you so so much, here's chapter 20, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Excited for the next bite of this story as this is where they both begin realising somethangggg ;))
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