A/N: It's weekend, so let me waste your time (and mostly mine) with more shenanigans
Someone, stop me, please
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Mutsuki: Me and [Y/N] don't have pet names for each other
Saiko: Yeah, right. Hey Mutsi, what do bees make?
Mutsuki, confused: Umm... Honey?
[Y/N], from the other side of the room: Yeah?
Mutsuki: ...
Saiko: Never ever dare to lie in my face again
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Saiko: So, are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
[Y/N]: I'm the knife
Haise: They just wrap all four limbs around me and never let's go. They are a koala
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The Quinx squad at the supermarket
Haise: *can't find the others*
Haise: Sir, I lost my friends, could I use your mic to make an announcement?
Store clerk: Of course
Haise: *over the mic*
Haise: Goodbye, you little shits
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Haise: What if I implement a no-animals policy in the Chateau?
[Y/N]: What the hell man, you can't throw Shirazu out like that
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[Y/N] and Shirazu, texting each other
Shirazu: Bitch
[Y/N]: *blocks him*
Shirazu: *runs to them*
Shirazu: Hey, unblock me. I have something to tell you
[Y/N]: *unblocks him*
Shirazu: *texting*
Shirazu: Bitch
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Saiko: If you had a shot for every bad decision you made, would you still be sober?
Shirazu: Yeah
Haise and Mutsuki: Maybe a little bit tipsy
Urie: Wasted
[Y/N]: Dead
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Shirazu, panicking: Oh god! Oh god! Guys, help!
Haise, storms in his room: What happened?!
Shirazu: I accidentally sent 'I love you' to Saiko!
[Y/N]: Why the hell are you panicking? You guys have been dating for months
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Shirazu: Hey, you alright?
[Y/N], crying: Yeah, it was just these onions
Shirazu, yelling: What the fuck did you just say to my [Y/N]!
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Haise: But what if Kirishima-san kisses me first?
[Y/N]: Then you kiss her back
Haise: Okay!
Haise, slightly confused: But why her back?
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[Y/N]: What the hell are you doing here?
Mutsuki: I should ask you the same question
[Y/N]: This is my room!
Mutsuki: I should ask you a different question
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Saiko: Talk dirty to me
[Y/N]: I'm not wearing any underwear because you never put the fucking laundry in the fucking dryer like I asked you to 100 motherfucking times
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[Y/N]: He means so much to me... I treasure every moment we have together... How can I convey that to him?
[Y/N]: *sends Urie a meme out of nowhere at 2 am*
[Y/N]: Perfect
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Mutsuki: I win!
Haise: What are you saying? I have you pinned to the ground
Mutsuki: Exactly
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The Quinx squad, chasing down a ghoul on a mission
Haise: We have to get him to Cochlea
Urie: Alright, who do we know that has handcuffs?
Saiko: Well, [Y/N] and I--
[Y/N]: *elbows Saiko*
Saiko: --wouldn't know
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Urie: I begged you to grow up and realize how the real world works, but I see that you still treat everything like a joke
Urie: I want us to break up
Saiko: What? Why?! I have stopped playing video games for you! I'm starting to be more mature....
Urie: Oh yeah? Then why did you start barking at the dog this morning?
Saiko: He started first!
Urie: ...
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Urie: Oh my god, shut up! The joke was 20 minutes ago!
[Y/N]: *holds breath to stop laughing*
Urie: Good. Thank you--
Saiko: Yo [Y/N], have you heard about--
[Y/N]: *laughing hysterically*
Saiko: ...
Urie: ...
Urie: Welp, those were a good three second
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Mutsuki: I want someone to take me out
Saiko: Like on a date or with a sniper gun?
Mutsuki: Surprise me
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[Y/N]: The password is 411782856
Haise: The password for what?
[Y/N]: To the wi-fi when you come over tonight
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Shirazu: Making my way downtown
Shirazu: Walking fast
Shirazu: ...
Shirazu: Walking a little slower so my steps will match with Saiko because she's short
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Haise: *peacefully drinking tea in the living room*
[Y/N], storming in the room: Oh, yeah? Well, I still have your underwear!
Haise: *shook*
Urie, following them: [Y/N], I still have your virginity!
Haise: *chokes*
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[Y/N]: So Mutsi, if you had to kiss/marry/kill Haise--
Mutsuki, instanly: Yes
[Y/N]: Wait, dude--
Mutsuki: To all of them. Is this even a game
[Y/N]: ...
Shirazu: I'm kind of concerned about the kill part
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The Quinx squad, meeting each other for the first time
[Y/N]: I'm [L/N] [Y/N]. And you are?
Shirazu: Single
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Urie: Get on my level
[Y/N]: But bending down hurts my knees
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Saiko: About a week ago, I accidentally slept with Maman
[Y/N]: ...really?
Saiko: Yes
[Y/N]: You accidentally slept with him?
Saiko: Yes
[Y/N]: Accidentally?
Saiko: Yes
[Y/N]: I don't understand, did you trip over something?
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[Y/N]: Yo Urie, why are you looking at me like that?
Saiko, teasing: Because he likes you~
Urie: I don't like them
Saiko and [Y/N]: Oh
Urie: I fucking love them, learn the fucking difference
Saiko: ...
[Y/N]: ...
Urie: Wow, did I really say that out loud
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[Y/N]: Describe Haise in one word
Shirazu: Cool
Saiko: Nice
Urie: Annoying
Mutsuki: Mine
The rest of the squad: ...
Mutsuki: That's right, back off bitches
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Urie: No one will want to date or even marry you if you keep being so violent
[Y/N]: *punches him*
Urie: *pulling out a wedding ring*
Urie: Anyway
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The Quinx squad during a ghoul attack
Haise, whispering: Shirazu-kun, don't say a word
Shirazu: ...
Shirazu: Fergalicious
Haise: What did I just say?
Shirazu: Oh, I see. Two weeks ago, playing Scrabble, it's not a word and now suddenly it's a word because it's convenient for you
Haise: ...
[Y/N]: Fergalicious is a wor--
Urie: Don't even think about it
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Mutsuki: I need relationship advice
Haise, eating an onion like an apple: Go on
Mutsuki: Sometimes, I think about kissing [Y/N] and how soft their hair looks and how pretty their eyes are. What does it all mean?
Haise, crunching on his onion: Idk bro I haven't felt any emotions for a really long time
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[Y/N], from the kitchen: Honey bun?
Urie, from the living room: Yes?
[Y/N], blushing madly and holding a tray with buns: I-I meant, w-would you like o-one?
Urie, blushing as well: ...yes
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[Y/N] to Shirazu: One universe. Nine planets. One earth. Seven continents. Seven seas. 195 countries. 809 islands. And I had the unfortunate luck of meeting you
Haise, shouting from upstairs: There are eight planets!
[Y/N], shouting back: Viva la Pluto! Fuck you!
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Shirazu: Oh look, we're under the mistletoe. You know what that means
Saiko: That's not a mistletoe
.
.
.
Saiko, waking up in the middle of the night: Holy shit, he was flirting with me
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Haise: Here you go, [Y/N]! A nice, hot cup of coffee
[Y/N]: It's cold
Haise: A nice cup of coffee
[Y/N]: It's horrible
Haise: Cup of coffee
[Y/N]: I'm not even sure if it's coffee
Haise: Cup
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Random person: You two are such good friends!
Saiko, holding [Y/N]'s hand: We're together
Random person: So... best friends?
Saiko and [Y/N], showing their wedding rings: We're married
Random person: Oh
Saiko: You get it now?
[Y/N]: We totally fucked each other last night
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[Y/N]: When I drink alcohol, everyone says I'm an alcoholic
[Y/N]: But when I drink Fanta, no one says I'm Fantastic
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Shirazu: Spell 'me'
[Y/N]: M E?
Shirazu: You forgot the d
[Y/N]: There's no d in 'me'
Shirazu: Not yet
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Saiko: Try to make them feel special. Be nice to them
.
.
.
Urie: Hey, [Y/N]. Did you know that I can fit the entire universe in my hands?
Urie: *cups their face*
[Y/N]: *starts crying*
[Y/N]: U-Urie--
Urie, pissed: Yonebayashi, you fucking liar! They're crying now!
[Y/N]: ...
Saiko: ...
Saiko: I give up
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Saiko: Hey, [Y/N]. Wanna come over and eat what my mother made?
[Y/N]: What did your mother make?
Saiko, smirking: Me
[Y/N], blushing and grabbing Shirazu by the collar: What have you taught her--
Shirazu: I didn't! I swear!
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[Y/N], after being sick: It's good to be back! Now I can go and train with the others and--
[Y/N]: *sees Urie working out intensely and shirtless*
Urie: *notices them*
Urie, smirking: Oh. I see you're feeling better now
[Y/N], falling on their knees: *nosebleed*
Urie: What's wrong?
[Y/N], holding their nose to stop the bleeding: I-It's n-nothing...
[Y/N], thinking: ...pregnant... I'm definitely pregnant... and it's his child...!
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Haise: Is there anyone who isn't gay here?
Shirazu: *raises his hand*
[Y/N]: *puts his hand back down*
[Y/N]: No
Shirazu: Oh
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[Y/N]: Move over
Haise: [Y/N], please, I can't
[Y/N]: Just a little, please
Haise: [Y/N], this is my shirt
[Y/N]: You mean, our shirt?
Haise: Get out of my shirt, I can't breathe
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Shirazu: *opens the door for [Y/N]*
Shirazu, smirking: Ladies first
[Y/N]: *shoves him*
[Y/N]: Hell yeah, I'm a fucking queen!
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Saiko: Hey, I like your pants
Mutsuki: Thanks, they were 50% off
Saiko: I would like them 100% off
Mutsuki: The store can't give free stuff
Saiko: That's not what I meant--
Mutsuki: That's a terrible way to run a business
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Haise: Hey, [Y/N]. I really like your outfit. Do you know where it would look good? On Shirazu-kun's room floor
Shirazu, blushing: Did you just... hit on [Y/N] for me?
Haise: Well, someone had to
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Saiko: I swing both ways
Saiko: Violently. With a bat. Come get me, you motherfuckers
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[Y/N]: I'm a piece of trash
Saiko: As an environmentalist, I have to take out the trash. Is 7 pm okay?
Shirazu: That smooth little bi--
Haise: Shirazu-kun, language
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Saiko: Let's play fuck, marry, kill. Your options are me, Mutsi and Uri-boy
[Y/N]: I would fuck you, marry Urie and kill Shirazu
Shirazu: I wasn't even one of the options, what the fuck
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Urie, pissed: I hope you suck a dick and choke!
Saiko, yelling: It'd be a pleasure! Shiragin, take off your pants
Shirazu: *looks at them with a neutral look*
Shirazu: *goes for his pants' zipper*
Urie: Holy mother of hell! Stop!
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Urie, walks into the meeting room late: Sorry I'm late, I was doing stuff
The other people there in the room: Ooooh~
Shirazu, panting and running into the room: HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS
The others: ...Oh
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[Y/N], hugging Haise tightly: I had Haise for only one day and a half, but if something is ever going to happen to him, I'll kill everyone in this room, then myself
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Haise: Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit
Shirazu: Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
Mutsuki That was deep
Saiko: Philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie
[Y/N], in tears: Holy shit, that was deeper
Urie, pissed: Common sense is knowing that ketchup is not a damn smoothie, you nasty fucker
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Haise: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks in this room
Shirazu: Like hell I'd listen to yo--
Saiko: *walks in*
Shirazu: Okay, I'm doing it only this once because you dared me to
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Mutsuki and Urie: *talking to each other*
Haise: They're so cute, I'd put them on a boat
Saiko: Wha--
Haise: Isn't that what it's called? When you think people would look good together?
Saiko: You mean you... like, ship them?
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Shirazu: Don't be ridiculous, I'm not in love with Akira Mado
[Y/N]: *ducks*
[Y/N]: Holy shit, your bullshit almost hit me
Shirazu, confused: Did you just duck?!
A/N: It is said that Shirazu had a crush on Akira
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[Y/N]: *yawns*
Urie: Being pretty must be tiring
[Y/N], half asleep: Then, you must be exhausted
Urie, slightly blushing: Smooth
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Saiko, standing on top of Mutsuki: That was amazing
Mutsuki: Wanna do it again?
[Y/N], from the room next to them: Please don't
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Saiko, pushing Urie: Yo [Y/N], ya want a boyfriend?
[Y/N]: *takes Urie by the collar of his shirt*
[Y/N]: This bitch empty
[Y/N]: *throws Urie*
[Y/N]: YEET
Shirazu, yelling: Did you just fucking yeet Urie?!
Mutsuki, crying: What the fuck is going on
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Saiko, storming into [Y/N]'s room: Ah ha! So you two are having sex!
[Y/N], looking up from their book: Really? Shirazu, why didn't you tell me, I would have put my book down
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Saiko: I'm cold
Shirazu, handing her his jacket: Here
Saiko: I love you
Mutsuki: I-I'm cold
Haise: *holds his hand and pulls him closer*
[Y/N]: I'm cold too
Urie: Well damn, [Y/N], I can't control the weather
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A/N: Imma go to sleep now. Good morning/day/evening/night