Billie
"I'm gonna get you back, ya know!" Lexi calls out and I chuckle to myself, my heart fluttering in my chest as I walk away from her.
"Good luck with that!"
When I reach my car around the corner I get in and let out a loud sigh while leaning forward to rest my head on the steering wheel.
I can't believe I kissed her! Why would I do that?
Because you wanted to.
"Shut up, brain," I grumble then sit up and turn the engine on, pulling my seatbelt across my body before I pull away from the curb and drive back to my apartment.
A little while ago Fin and I moved out of our parents house and into a nice apartment with Claudia. It gave my parents some much deserved alone time and me and Finneas some independence. It's been really nice, but I miss my parents a lot. And Pepper, I miss living with Pepper.
At least I see them all the time, and sometimes when I'm anxious I sleep at their house to help calm down.
When I get back to the apartment, I shut the door behind me and lean back against it with a huff.
"Hey, William," Fin says without looking up from his book.
He's sat on the couch with Claudia, both of them reading books while her legs are draped over his lap. Our fairly new dog, Benny, is curled up on his other side, looking adorable as always.
"I saw Lexi again."
Finneas and Claudia look up from their books immediately at that, both of them looking skeptical but interested.
"You're supposed to say hey back," Fin teases, which earns eye rolls from both me and Claudia.
"Did you talk to her?" Claudia asks and I bite my lip shyly. "What does that look mean?"
"I, uh, I may have kissed her," I mumble and they both let out little gasps. "I couldn't help it."
"What happened next?" Finneas asks and I hesitate.
"I sorta panicked and told her I have a boyfriend."
He furrows his eyebrows before saying, "But you don't..."
"I know that, genius!" I respond sarcastically. "I just freaked out and wanted to put up some type of wall between us, you know? It was the first thing I thought of."
Claudia laughs softly before patting the spot beside her and setting her book down. I plop down beside her and rest my head on her shoulder; smiling when she brings her hand up to run through my hair gently.
"What'd she say?"
I smile slightly when I think about it, "That she's gonna get me back."
"Do you want her back?" Fin asks and my smile drops. I sigh softly and shrug after thinking for a while. "I dunno. It's complicated."
"Walk us through it then."
I stay silent for a moment while I think. I look down at my lap and fiddle with my fingers as I start to get overwhelmed almost immediately.
"Well, part of me wants her back because I loved her so much and I want to feel that way with someone again. I missed it, you know? But at the same time, I spent so long getting over her and finally did, I don't want shit on all that progress. Plus it's been two years, we're probably different. What if our feelings aren't the same as they used to be and I just end up hurt all over again?"
They both listen intently and nod along, Claudia continuing to play with my hair comfortingly.
"Sounds like if you do get back with her, you should ease into it. Start off slow, test the waters," she says and I nod slightly. "Don't kiss her less than a minute into talking to her," she teases and nudges me playfully.
I blush and bite my lip when I start thinking about it again. "I couldn't help it! Her lips were just, like, right there," I say defensively and let out a soft sigh. "And I really, really missed her."
"I missed her too," Claudia says with a slight pout.
"Me too," Fin agrees and I smile to myself because I love that Lexi found a place with my family too. "You should invite her over sometime if you're comfortable."
"Maybe at some point," I reply and look down at my phone when it vibrates.
Unknown: hey
Unknown: it's alexis
Unknown: you know that super hot girl from the bar
I chuckle to myself and save her number to my new phone then push myself away from the door.
"I'm gonna go to my room, see you guys in the morning," I say and walk down the hall. Benny hops off the couch and trots after me, which he always does.
I'm his favorite, so he sleeps with me.
"Love you, kiddo!" Claudia calls out and I smile to myself.
"Love you too, future in-law!" I call back before waking into my room and shutting the door behind me.
I text Lexi back then change into some pajamas, brush my teeth, wash my face then get into my bed with a tired sigh. Just as I'm about to roll over, snuggle into Benny, and drift off; my phone buzzes again. I debate whether or not to check it but give in because I know it's Lexi, rolling over to read it.
From there, we end up texting for at least an hour. Texting turns into a phone call in which we talk about everything except the elephant in the room, that being what got in between Lexi and I in the first place.
She tells me about how she's at school again, but she lost her scholarship to USC so she's working towards transferring somewhere from 2 year college. That broke my heart a little, because Lexi worked so hard to earn the scholarships she got, but she never got to take advantage of them.
I tell her about all the crazy things that have happened to me since we last saw each other; playing Lollapalooza, Coachella, a sold out world tour, all of it. My heart fluttered when she told me how proud of me she was, which was something I didn't know I needed to hear so badly. Eventually, around 3am, we decided to call it a night.
"I still love you," she had whispered, sending my body into an absolutely frenzy. My stomach erupted with butterflies while my heart pounded in my chest.
I wanted to say it back, but I couldn't. Instead, I mustered up a week, "Sweet dreams, Lexi," before hanging up and burying my face in my hands.
Sleep was hard after that, but eventually I managed to drift off.
~
"Just let me die," I groan and roll over in pain.
"Quit being so dramatic," Finneas chuckles and sits down on the edge of my bed. "Claudia ran out to buy pain killers, she shouldn't be long."
I woke up this morning feeling like absolute shit. My stomach and head are killing me, and I threw up immediately when Fin and Claudia tried to get some breakfast in my belly.
Finneas reaches out to strokes my hair comfortingly as I shut my eyes with another whine.
"I'm sorry we can't stay in to take care of you, Bil. Can any of your friends come over?" he asks and I grunt in response, too lazy to muster up anything substantial. "Maybe just go back to sleep then call someone if you need help when you get up again."
He gets up to get me a some water and comes back in a few minutes later, this time with Claudia who's holding a bottle of painkillers.
"Here you go, hun," she says sweetly and helps me sit up before passing me the water Fin got and two pills.
Once I take them, I lay back down and Fin leans down to tuck me back into the mess of blankets.
"Hope you feel better soon, Billie. I wish we could stay," he says apologetically and leans down to kiss my head sweetly, which Claudia does too once he's out of the way.
"Love you guys," I mumble and watch the leave before drifting off again.
I wake up what feels like a couple hours later because Benny is whining in my ear, most likely because he wants to go for a walk.
"Sorry, bub. Mama can't move," I mumble and nuzzle into his fur.
He keeps whining and eventually I groan and pull away from him so I can reach to the side and grab my phone with the intention of calling someone to help.
My heart skips a beat in excitement when I see Lexi's name on my lock screen. I unlock it quickly and read the messages, smiling to myself as I do. She's just telling me that she got an A on the paper she wrote the morning after we talked on the phone until 3, somehow.
It was last week when I saw her last. When I kissed her like an idiot. I still haven't told her that I lied about having a boyfriend, partly because I feel awkward explaining that I lied and partly because it puts a little bit of distance between us while I figure the shit happening in my head out.
We text and call pretty much every day, and every time we do she drops very unsubtle hints about wanting to see me in person.
Should I call her?
I bite my lip as my finger hovers over the phone icon, debating whether or not I should. Benny seems to decide for me when he bumps into my arm, forcing me to hit the button unintentionally.
Well, I guess I'm calling her.
I bring the phone to my ear and listen to it ring a few times before she picks up.
"Hey, Billie," she says happily, and I immediately smile at the sound of her voice. "What's up?"
"I was jus hoping you could help me out," I say and blush slightly when I realize how disgusting my voice sounds when I'm sick. "If you're not busy."
"Never too busy for you, Bil," she says and I smile again. "What do you need help with?"
"Benny keeps whining for a walk but I'm too sick to take him out and Fin's out," I explain and use my free hand to scratch behind Benny's ears when he rests his head on my stomach.
"Text me your address, I'll leave right now."
"You're the best, Lex. Thank you." I hang up and let out a shaky breath at the thought of seeing her in person again before mustering up the courage to text her my address.
About twenty-five minutes later there's a knock at my door, and with some struggle I manage to get up from my bed. I wrap myself up in one of my blankets then walk to the door with Benny in tow.
When I open it I'm lost for air for a moment because, damn, Alexis Ackerman is beautiful.
She has a concerned look on her face, but she also perks up when our eyes meet. The way she looks at me is no different than the way she did two years ago, and it makes me want to kiss her again.
Control yourself, Billie.
Benny snaps us out of our staring contest by jumping up on her and Lexi chuckles while reaching down to pet him.
"Hi, cutie," she coos and I grab his leash off of the table by the door.
Lexi clips it on when I pass it to her and then I pass her a spare set of keys so I don't have to get up again when she comes back. What? I'm lazy, sue me.
"Where does he like to go?" she asks and I shrug.
"He's not picky, he just likes seeing new people and smelling things," I answer and squeeze my eyes shut when a sudden wave of nausea hits me.
"You should get back to bed," Alexis says and I nod slightly. "Do you need anything?"
I shake my head and open my eyes again. "I'll be okay. Thanks for doing this for me," I say and she smiles softly.
"You should know I'd do anything for you," she says quietly and I look away, unsure of how to feel about her words.
She lets out a soft sigh when I avert my gaze. "Alright, well...I guess I'll see you in a bit," she mumbles and steps back. "Come on, Benny," she coos and he bounces around excitedly while she starts walking down the hall.
I watch her go for a moment then shut the door and go straight back to bed, burying my face into the pillow with a frustrated groan.
I have no idea how much later it is when I hear the front door open and close, and the jingle of Benny's collar as he runs into my room. He jumps up on the bed and nuzzles next to me, and I wait for the sound of Lexi's footsteps nearing as well but they don't come.
Did she just leave?
My question is answered a few minutes later when she comes into my room, moving quietly in case I'm asleep.
"I'm awake," I mumble so she knows it's okay and roll over to look at her, seeing that she's holding a tray with various things on it. "What's all that?"
"I figured you should eat so I got your favorite soup from that Vietnamese place," she says softly and sets the tray down by my bed. "Well, it used to be your favorite, I don't know if-"
"It still is," I cut her off and smile at the gesture.
"Good. I also got you some tea and medicine for your throat, a hot water bottle for your stomach, some more tissues, and your laptop so you can watch some movies," she says and my whole fucking chest feels warm with love.
"You're the best," I say quietly and she just shrugs off my compliment as she grabs the thermometer from by my bed.
"Open," she says softly and I open my mouth so she can place it under my tongue.
I could easily do this myself, but part of me really likes being cared for like this, especially by Alexis.
Once it beeps she takes it out and looks at it with a frown. "100, maybe I shouldn't have gotten the bottle," she mumbles and I shake my head.
"No, I like it. I have the shivers," I say and, as if on cue, my whole body shakes to demonstrate.
She pouts and looks around the room, spotting another blanket thrown across the armchair in the corner. She grabs it then places it over me gently while I just watch her, examining her features that I missed so much.
"I like your piercing," I say quietly and she turns her head to look at me, both of us blushing when we realize how close our faces are.
"Thanks," she whispers and her eyes flick down to my lips for a second before she pulls away. "Want me to feed you soup?" she asks with a smile, already knowing the answer.
I got sick a couple times when we were first dating, so she knows the drill. I like to be pampered when I'm sick, and the great thing about Lexi is that she loves to pamper me, so it works out well.
I nod and she smiles while sitting down on the edge of my bed. She takes the bowl of soup carefully and gathers a spoonful, letting it cool off for a moment before she carefully brings it to my lips.
Once I swallow I smile happily, "I haven't had this in forever, it's even better than I remember," I mumble and she gets me some more.
She feeds me about half of it before my stomach starts to twist and I tell her I can't have anymore right now. With that, she sets it down on the tray again and gets up from the bed, making me pout slightly.
"Do you need anything else before I go?" she asks sweetly and I frown at the thought of her leaving.
"Can you, um..." I trail off and hesitate for a moment. "Can you please stay?"
Her lips curl into a soft smile at that and she nods, "Of course I can."
I scoot over under the covers then pat the newly open spot for her, excitement and a little bit of shyness flashing in her eyes.
"I don't wanna cross any lines with your boyfriend," she mumbles as she sits down on the bed again, kicking her shoes off so she can actually put her legs up and lean back against the headboard.
"He won't care, trust me," I mumble back and try not to freak out at the feeling of having Alexis in bed with me again.
"Wanna watch a movie?" she asks and I nod, reaching over to grab my laptop that she brought in from the living room.
I type in my password then pull up Netflix, and we scroll the the options together. Eventually we settle on Thor: Ragnarok, and I set my laptop down so we can both see it.
Having Lexi so close to me makes it hard to focus on the movie, it's as if the air between us is buzzing or something. I try to tune it out, but it doesn't really work.
A bit of way into the into the movie my eyelids start to get heavy, so I rest my head on Lexi's shoulder. I feel her tense for a second but then she relaxes and rests her head on top of mine while her hand finds mine silently. I let her take it and she laces our fingers together the way she always used to, somehow firm and protective but soft and gentle at the same time.
Neither of us say anything about the position we're in, but I think both of us know that this isn't just friendly.
This means something, and I don't know how long I can try to force myself to act like I'm not still madly in love with her.
~
a/n
i've been too lazy recently to thoroughly edit my chapters i'm sorry about that
hope you guys are liking this so far! y'alls feedback always makes my day