February 1970 Barbara's P.O.V Chap17
I'd completely forgotten. Completely and utterly forgotten about what Tim had told me, not until I'd visited Roger at Brian's campus in Imperial College for their weekly band practice. Tim had gone completely quiet, sometimes he wouldn't even turn up to the band practice and also wouldn't even have the decency to show up and apologise for not being able to make it. It was pissing both Brian and Roger off, very much, I'd sit in the corner of the room while the both of them would bicker about Tim.
I found myself panicking at the responsibility of knowing why Tim hadn't been showing up and I felt as though it was too late to say anything at all. I worried about what Roger would think, especially after seeing him so frustrated. It had all suddenly dawned on me, how could I be the one to tell the boys that their lead singer was to leave them? I didn't want to be the one to shatter their dreams, Roger's dreams, it would break my heart entirely.
But the horrible feeling of guilt would never leave, just knowing. I had to say something, I couldn't just keep my mouth shut, even after having the extraordinary kiss that I had received. It wasn't enough for me to keep quiet, not when Roger was involved.
What the hell was Tim even thinking?
"Roger I, can I talk to you please?" I ask, interrupting his and Brian's ongoing argument. My heart beat quickened as the room quietened, I caught my breath when Roger turned his head, facing me suddenly, "It's about Tim."
"Has he said anything to you?" He asks, his face was strained and he was visibly trying to keep his voice calm.
I sigh and timidly glance up at Roger, my eyes flickering between both boys who were awaiting my answer, "Y-yes. I er, I forgot to tell you, it was Christmas Eve and I just, it's our favourite day and -,"
Roger interrupts me, "Belle, Belle, what did he tell you?" He tried to calm me down at the use of my nickname and using a gesture of his arms to quieten me down.
"He er, er, he told me about another band that he's thinking o-f, of joining - please don't be angry at me Rog, I swear I meant to tell you, I didn't want to be the one to say, I thought that Tim might've said something by now," I ramble, unable to look both boys in the eye as I fidgeted with my own fingers.
"Christ sakes Belle," he sighs as he brings his hand up to his forehead, "Is that all he said?"
"He said that the band is called Humpy Bong," I add, my voice was almost talking in a whisper, finally having the courage to bring my eyes up to land on Roger who let out a quite sarcastic, breathless chuckle.
"Humpy Bong?" Brian chirped in disbelief as he stepped forward. I nod in response, knowing just how stupid I had just sounded, talking in incoherent words, how weird the name was, it almost made me want to laugh.
"I can't believe it," Roger states, shaking his head. He paced the room, trying to hold himself together before he hits at one of his drums - he sits on the drum stand as he thinks things through, trying to calm himself down, lighting a cigarette up in the process.
I flinched at his anger, knowing that I was the reason for it. He saw the way that I had reacted to his sudden movement and frowned.
"Is - is that why he kissed you? Like it was some sort of bribery?" He asks softly, his voice growing bitter at the second question, "Why did you let him?"
I shook my head, becoming angry at myself. I had no clue why I had let him, I suppose at the time it was due to the extent of how much I had liked him. At this moment, I realised how stupid I had been that night, "I- I don't know, I don't know why I did it."
"Because you like him, right?" He says, in an unsure tone, wanting me to confirm and say yet another something to him.
I nodded, only because I couldn't do anything else and Roger only sighed again while Brian stayed to the side, "Christ sakes, Belle? We're best friends, you're supposed to talk to me about things like this."
"I know and I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," I repeat, frowning. God, how I wanted to stand up for myself, to yell at him, because in all honesty, what Tim had done, I'm sure Roger could've done the same with any other girl, but I couldn't say that, I couldn't do that to him, not when he'd suddenly been brought back to square one after being a part of this band for years now, "I just, I know how much music means to you -,"
"Is he at his lecture do you think?" Brian suddenly asks, his voice spoke fast.
Roger shrugged, "I don't know where the knob is," he mutters matter of factly, sitting himself down on the raised platform which held his drum kit.
"I'm just going to go and check," Brian replies after he hums in agreement at the use of the word 'knob'. He practically charges out of the room, shutting the door behind him, leaving me and Roger alone.
I keep my mouth shut in a large frown and my elbows dig into my knees as I rest my face within my palms, "I'm the worst best friend," I mumble against my skin.
I heard footsteps, presumably Roger's come closer. I lift my head out of my palms and look up at him as he stands in front of me, he gestures for me to move over, "Budge up a little lovie," he mutters before sitting himself onto the small wooden plank that I had been sitting on, after I move myself up a bit until half of me was hanging off of the edge and I was fully reliant on my right leg to keep me sitting, "You're the best, best friend. This is all on Tim."
I huff quietly in response, "I feel so ashamed at myself, I swear to you, on my life, I was going to say something. It slipped my mind."
"It's okay," he replied, his voice calm and collective as he reassuringly hung his arm around my shoulder.
"It's not, Roger. I should've told you the moment he told me. This is your dream, I may have just fucked it up for you and Brian too," I explain as I use my hand gestures to emphasise just how panicked I was while Roger's hand kept stroking at my back gently.
"The band has been a load of bollocks recently, the shows," Roger admits honestly, he stayed silent for a few moments after that, thinking to himself, "Tim," He exhales and I feel his eyes on me, "I'm sorry, I know just how much you liked him."
I furrowed my eyebrows instinctively before raising my head a little before letting it fall down again, "Just my luck really."
"Dickhead," I hear him mutter to himself.
I can't help but let out a giggle before sniffling a little, "You can't talk," I say, jokingly, finally allowing myself to glance at him, "You do the same to every girl that you meet."
"Not every girl," he retorts, his eyes shifty and averting away, "I suppose I can't talk," he laughs nervously for a few seconds before he stops, seeing that I'd stopped laughing too, "Don't worry about me or Brian, we will sort this."
Roger patted my back a few more times before I leant to my left, towards him. I manage to wrap both of my arms around him, leaving me in the most uncomfortable position in Roger's arms as my head ticks underneath his chin.
"Soppy git," I hear him say above me. I could hear the amused smile from the way that he spoke.
"Shut up."
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Even after a week I still felt so responsible.
Roger and Brian sat outside Tim's lecture, luckily they'd known his timetable. They waited in the back of Roger's van. I'd walked - I felt as though I should be there to at least reason with Tim. Roger and Brian has a bottle of beer in their hand and each had a cigarette hanging out of their mouth - I was too late to talk to Tim, I could see them talking. Roger seemed rather pissed, while Brian was keeping himself cool, by the looks of it as Tim explained.
The commotion between Tim, Roger and Brian was quite a lot to deal with and to watch. I had been there from afar, but it soon resolved in a handshake. At first I had no idea what was going on, what was being said, not until I cautiously walked towards them. Brian cleared his throat when he noticed my presence and the two other boys nodded and shook hands. Roger and Brian shared a somewhat frustrated look, of course, they didn't know what this would mean for them, the band.
They went their separate ways and I was quite shocked that 'Smile' was over so suddenly. It had hardly been a month since me and Stella had travelled with them to the Royal Albert Hall to take pictures of them as a band.
"You know how I am, Barbara," Tim had told me, forcing a little smile, "I'm quite awkward."
I couldn't help but let out a short giggle before nodding in agreement, "I know. I had to say something, you know that right?"
He agreed, "No hard feelings?" He brought his hand out for me to take and shake.
"No hard feelings," I repeat, hesitantly, still considering the fact that he had pushed me left right and centre, confused me, toyed with me. I still took his hand and let him shake it himself.
"See you around."
"Who knows," I reply simply with a smile that lasted for about a second or so, "I hope Humpy Bong treats you okay."
~
The following month was rather bleak. I spent as much time with Roger as I could, apart from the times he'd visit Brian's apartment, who still lived with Tim. It wasn't until I had gone to Kensington to visit Freddie with Stella, when Freddie had been whining about how much he'd missed singing and being a part of a band, that I had realised that there was an easy remedy.
It was like a glitch in time, something that was written in the stars, fate as some people may call it.
I remembered that time me and Freddie had gone to see 'Smile' one night, his sass, I'd never forget it, the moment that he insisted that he 'could teach them a thing or two', insinuating that he'd be a much better front man than Humpy Bong's new lead singer. Which I definitely did agree with, I had no doubt about it.
The moment I had mentioned that Tim had left the band, Freddie's face turned into a look of understanding, knowing what I was hinting at, "I've been waiting for this moment for quite a long time now my dear, I might just take them up on that offer."
"Well, I haven't actually told them yet, but I'm sure they'll be very happy," I reply, grinning at how smoothly this was going.
Stella agreed too, "You're something else, Freddie."
Me and Stella were the ones to assist Freddie to 'Smile's' band practice area where Roger and Brian would be waiting for him. The two guys had, had other singers come in to audition, but were completely taken with Freddie the moment that he had opened his mouth to sing.
His voice was unbelievable, incredible, extraordinary. Out of this world. Both Roger and Brian sat with their instruments with their mouths hung wide open in astonishment before they all played a song together to get a feel of what it'd be like to have the three of them playing as one.
I noticed how Brian gave Stella the eye. He wasn't even trying to hide it at this point and neither was she.
"Are one of you girls here to audition?" Brian jokes when he was done playing his guitar and the rest of them had stopped, letting their instruments fade into silence.
"Belle, it's your turn!" Roger calls loudly, grinning widely as he taps his cymbal with the drumstick in his hand. The sound of the cymbal had brought me back to old times, years ago, when we were in secondary school in the music room ever lunch. Our friendship was new, I think that it had been about two years after we met, when we'd sing songs that we'd written, that I still have now written in my old diaries, we'd take turns, sometimes I'd sing and play the piano while he played his drum, sometimes he'd come in and sing for me, it was quite random a lot of the time, we always just let the instruments take over and lead us.
I shook my head, holding my arms up in the air, waving them about, "Not in a million years." But I wanted to, I really wanted to. But my shyness caught the best of me.
"You must sing for us all one day darling, you will not get away without doing so," Freddie states, smiling as he steps onto the wooden floorboard from the band's platform.
"We'll see," I reply, flashing a quick wink with a smile and a shrug of my shoulders.
Stella's eyes widened, only just catching on to the conversation that had lasted for about a minute and a half now. She was probably too busy ogling Brian. "You mean to tell me that you can sing, and you didn't tell me?"
I kept quiet as I jokingly rolled my eyes and shrugged my shoulders again, "Maybe?"
"She's bullshitting you. She's got a great voice," Roger interrupted, standing himself up from his stool before jumping onto the floor before he glanced at me and smirks, knowing how I shy I was and that this situation was positively embarrassing for me.
I mouth, 'I hate you," very clearly, opening my mouth widely so that he could see exactly what I was trying to say to him.
He brought both of his hands up to his heart, pretending that I'd shot him as he fell dramatically to his knees, raising his head so that he was looking up at the ceiling with his mouth agape.
"Barbara dear, that was not wise, now we have to find a new drummer," Freddie laughs.
"I'm sure we can find one, he isn't that special," I answer, grinning when I see Roger lift himself up off of the floor in lightning speed.
"I'm awake!" He jumps up into the air enthusiastically.
"Idiot," I mutter.
All of us were engaged within conversation, I was very sure that Brian and Roger had already picked Freddie to be the new lead singer of 'Smile' as they were already telling him when they'd be having their next band practice. I was so relieved that 'Smile' was not over, I could see a bright future ahead of them with Freddie as the new lead singer, with his drive, his passion and talent, I was sure that he'd take them all far. I was also tremendously happy that Roger still had a tight grip of his dream, I promised that I'd stay in guard of his dreams, always.
"I've got a date to get to," Roger suddenly pipes up as he glances up at the clock above the door, "I'm going to be late."
My smile faded slightly, just slightly, my mouth stayed closed as he left the social circle to grab his brownish and tawny fur coat. I found myself watching as he left, he flashed me a smile before he left the music room.
And just like that, he was gone.
"I could do with a drink," Brian says, breaking the silence, he makes eye contact with the rest of us in the room. Freddie most definitely agrees, Stella bats her eyelashes, nodding, while I only nod, keeping the same small smile on my lips as I do so.
Me and Stella walk in a pair, while Freddie and Brian walk a little over a metre in front of us in their own pair. We followed them as we were not as familiar with the area as Brian was, he knew it very well, pointing at certain shops and places that had caught his interest in the time that he had been staying here.
I gave Stella a knowing look, winking at her before sending her a mischievous grin and nodding in the direction of the curly haired brunette, "You two seem to be hitting it off," I whisper after I lean slightly toward her as we walk.
She glares while I notice a light shade of pink tint her cheeks into an intense blush, she nudges my arm with her own, "Maybe?" She replies, mocking me in my tone of voice when I'd been nervous about my singing abilities.
Soon we were nudging each other all the way to the local bar, we were so caught up in play fighting that we both ended up bumping into the backs of Freddie and Brian, "We're here you silly girls," Freddie chimes as he gestures for us both to walk in front of him and Brian.
Brian smiled shyly at Stella, letting her pass him before he followed behind her into the bar, while I stood just in front of Freddie, smiling back at him, nodding at Brian and Stella, to which he smirked knowingly, "Adorable," he mutters quietly.
I wished that it'd be this easy for me, to find true love.
"I'm in love with Mary," Freddie confessed as we sat around a circular table with pints of beers stood on the table in front of us. He said it with such confidence, he was definitely sure. They had been together for more than a year now, two years to be exact, "I'm going to ask her to marry me."
I smiled genuinely in response after gasping with glee, "She loves you more than anything," I reply with complete and utter confidence myself, I was so sure. I sat in between Freddie and Brian, but Brian was leaning to the right, facing Stella who sat next to him, laughing at every other thing that he was saying.
Freddie grins so happily and I try to do the same, "I'm so happy for you," I assure him as I pick my pint of beer up and towards my mouth, taking a large gulp before setting it back down upon the table.
He didn't say anything, not for about a minute, while I just thought to myself, silently wondering where Roger had gone with his date, how far away he was, how much he liked the girl, how many times he'd seen her before, if he was planning to take her to bed.
No doubt he was.
It was just out of interest, it was only my place to wonder what he was doing, as his best friend, whether or not it was going well.
"Missing Blondie?" Freddie speaks before sipping on his drink, how did he always seem to know what I was thinking or doing, I was beginning to think that he was some kind of angel sent from the heavens.
"Pfft, just enjoying my beer." Why did I find it so hard to admit that I was thinking about my best friend? I'm only worried because I want him to get back home safely. I sat myself back as far as I could, furrowing my eyebrows, "Just out of curiosity, how many girls does Roger bring back to your apartment daily?"
Freddie laughs to himself, "You want me to give you specific numbers? Are you talking weekly?"
I nod slowly, awaiting patiently for the answer while Freddie thinks for quite and long moment, "Goodness, I think it was four last week, could've been more as I am quite sure he sneaks them in while I'm working," he explains, taking another sip of his beer while I stay silent, listening to him, "Sometimes when I get back from the airport I see ladies' underwear poorly hidden under my sofa. It's rather frustrating sometimes my dear - you wouldn't believe some of the things I've seen."
I was curious, "Tell me."
"You want to know?"
I didn't, but I did, "Yes," I sigh, thinking that I can take it, I can listen to this without feeling sick to my stomach.
"Two girls going at each other for him - one waiting in the living room for him to be done with another. They are like rabid animals for the man - this happens daily, I usually stay at Mary's."
My eyes widen before I bring my glass up to my lips and take a large gulp, I was silent after that. I hadn't realised exactly what he did with these girls, I knew that he'd had a lot pining for him and that he took advantage of that.This was what I had meant before when I had told Roger that he most definitely could not talk. Not with the way that he was shagging so frequently, breaking girl's hearts.
Bloody knob, I thought to myself, I tried to laugh it off and tried to hold in my agitation, I almost dropped my glass back onto the table, Brian and Stella stopped talking for a moment and stared at me and Freddie laughed.
"Are you drunk already?" Freddie asks, grinning widely, forgetting about what I had just asked about my best friend.
I shook my head, "Not even a little."
"To the new, and better 'Smile'," Freddie raises his pint happily, clinking the glass with my own before I even held it up.
To the new, and better 'Smile'.
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Thank you so much for reading!!!
Thought I'd get one more chapter out before my English exams all begin, still got another few days before I sit the first one, so nervous.
If I do update in between my exams, I will only be posting during the night as I have no time during the day as of right now. I live in the Uk so that's the time zone if you wanted to know lol.
So grateful for all the reads, all the sweet comments, they have made my entire week already.
I x