* * *
Cingulomania
A strong desire to hold a person in your arms
* * *
"X..."
"Hey," Sage heard Xander's low voice close to his ear. He almost passed out. "Is this okay?"
I'm-
Sage didn't respond. He absolutely couldn't. His Broca's Aphasia failed to jumpstart, until a strange, fuzzy sensation registered in his brain, of Xander nuzzling his nose against his shoulder.
"Sage?"
Don't move, calm down.
"U-uh..." get. A. Grip. "I'm uh-h-huh." he tried again, "Um..."
S-sitting-
Xander tried again. He let his nose brush over the sleeve of Sage's sleeve for a second time, just so he could have another serving of Sage's overly tempting scent; the one he just couldn't get enough of. "Snowflake?"
T-there's that name again.
"O-oh, X-Xan, y-you're a l-little..." too close. The blond squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to relax again. "Y-yes."
Vibrations spiraled through Sage when Xander chuckled.
H-he's laughing! Why is he laughing?!
Holy donuts...
I'm sitting in his...
His lap!
"Then, está bem, Sage. Relaxe?"
Hearing Xander's gentle tone again, it was then that Sage realized that Xander wouldn't hurt him. It was okay.
But despite knowing that, Sage had to wonder what Xander was doing, why, and how.
"O-okay, Xander."
Sage couldn't help wondering if Xander liked him, if even 0.1% more than 'just a friend'.
N-no way...
I-if he did, that would mean he'd want to ... k-kiss me again, right?
...
A-and in any case, I don't think I could handle that!
"I think I'm better now."
They sat in silence, but it was comfortable and ... sweet. Xander had completely underestimated how warm, soft and lovable Sage was. He was the embodiment of everything Xander needed at that point in time, and he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
Yet, he itched for something else.
"Ah, X-Xan?" Sage broke the silence.
"Hm?"
"I ... t-tell me about your mom."
Xander stiffened, and it took a few minutes of silence that drifted between them for him to relax again. Though Sage knew that he shouldn't try to open and unhealed wound, he wanted to learn more about Xander and his past, and something told him that there wouldn't be another chance like the one he had.
In an instance, Xander's eyes fluttered back closed.
"What you wanna know?"
"E-everything," Sage replied. "Or anything. A-anything at all. Ah ... like w-where you were born, where you learned Portuguese, your childhood with her, and ... um... t-things like that."
Xander's mind rolled back in the past like it did ever so often, but that time, he ditched the hurt and recursion of his mother's death, to happier memories; despite that those too were hard to say out loud. He almost groaned.
Taking a deep breath, Xander began.
"Well," he still didn't know what to say. Because he seldom spoke about himself, he didn't exactly know how to do so when the need arose. "Mom ... her name was Vanessa, and she...fuck,this is hard. Do I have to?" he asked, pulling away a bit to glance up at the adorable boy in his lap. They met eyes, and Sage reddened, but he nodded nonetheless. "She was born in Brazil, and lived there for most of her life, and that's when she met my dad, in some foreign exchange program when she was like thirteen or something. Around sixteen ... she migrated here and she had me here when she was twenty-five.
"I'm half Portuguese, but mom always taught me her language. I learned it before I did English, I think." he paused to think for a second. "Yeah, I did. They homeschooled me until freshman year."
Sage gasped. "Homeschooled?"
The older boy merely rolled his eyes at Sage's dramatic reaction. "Don't let me have to flick you, Sage."
"Hehe."
Xander really wanted to flick him for that. However, he continued his story instead. "Going to high school was a big deal for her. She kept worrying that I'd get bullied, 'cause I barely talked to people and mostly stayed home, and in her mind, American high schools were 'uma abominação'." a smile played across Xander's lips at the fond memory.
"Uma bomico ... huh? W-what does that mean?"
"'An abomination'. Uma abominação." he slowly said, ensuring that he enunciated clearly enough so Sage could catch onto the word. "Mom loved football. Even more than Xavier, and she even almost made it into the national female football team once, but grandad told her to focus more on her studies. That's what made me get into football when I was ten. I realized that it must've been in my blood, because I liked it, and I made the team in no time. Mom came to every single one of my games, and whether or not we'd won, she'd take me to Target to buy me some lame action figure, or we'd just go to Burger King to celebrate it."
Xander began speaking absentmindedly after that, and Sage listened attentively, to every time Xander smiled while speaking, or laughed. Though the underlying sadness in his voice was hard to ignore, Sage urged him on whenever he trailed off or abruptly stopped talking.
"O-oh, by the way, a picture c-came out earlier when I was looking," Sage said. "I-it's over there."
With one hand still around Sage, Xander leaned across the bed, soon finding the photograph nestled in the sheets. It was one that entailed the whole family - father, mother, and son. While Xander scrutinized the picture, Sage did too, and it took him a while before he realized that it was actually a painting. "W-wow," he breathed. "Who did this?"
"Mom. She ... she loved painting."
Turning his face a little, Sage glanced at Xander staring down at the photo with a pained look in his eyes. "Xander?" he softly whispered. "D-do you?"
"Hm..." Xander tilted his head back a little. "Well, I did. But now I suck balls at it."
"C-can I see?" Sage inquired. An inexplicable surge of excitement brimmed within him at the thought of seeing something Xander painted. Sage had his doubts, but he knew that Xander must be a much better artist than he was.
Xander chuckled. "Another time, yeah? It's been a while," he said, and Sage nodded. At the silence that followed, Sage's continued perusing the photo until the silence in the room made him aware of Xander's watchful gaze. Almost instantly, his anxiety reawakened.
The kiss...
I-I still have to apologize.
"Um..." he hesitantly began. "I-I'm sorry for y-yesterday. R-running off, I m-mean! I-it's just that I had to go home really really early, and if I didn't, mom would get super worried about me."
Another deep silence preceded his rambling.
G-gosh, Sage! Way to make it awkward!
H-he probably didn't even r-remember!
Squeezing his eyes shut, Sage braced for the worst rejection in his life.
The subtle mention of the what transpired between them drew back the potent desire that had previously welled up within Xander. Instead of acting on it, though, Xander merely snorted.
"Was that your first kiss?"
The question caught Sage off-guard. Furthermore, he didn't anticipate that Xander would be that blunt about it. With reddened cheeks, he tried to hide it by rubbing at his eyes. "Ah ... n-no, b-but it...um..." it was my first kiss with you.
There was a zero chance of Sage admitting that aloud.
At first, Xander thought that the momentary flurry of chargin he felt was because he was wrong about his speculation, but he soon realized that what really happened was that he didn't like the images that flashed before his mind of Sage being kissed by some random guy or girl.
It irritated him, just like when the random dude approached Sage outside the supermarket.
"H-how about you, Xan? W-was that your f-first?" why did I ask when I already know the answer?
"I've been with lots of girls. Go figure," Xander bluntly answered, shooting Sage a smug smile. Strangely though, the truth didn't hurt Sage as much as it would before.
Xander snuggled against Sage again, and with his free hand, he ran it up and down the other boy's back in a soothing motion.
"O-oh ... w-well, I-I kissed a girl one time, too."
Chuckling, Xander softly asked: "Yeah?"
"Mhm."
"And you're a virgin, aren't you."
"W-what?" Sage blurted once the initial shock of Xander's embarrassing words passed. Xander looked at him with a lifted brow, daring him to tell him that he wasn't right. "W-well, t-that's not ... I-I'm ... a-and how would you know that, Xander? That's not legit and—"
The pleasurable sensation that suddenly overtook him cut him short of words, leaving him to only gasp on impulse. "Really?" Xander moved his fingers back down the side of Sage's abdomen, covering it in the process. Another chill rushed through him, and when he whimpered, Xander smirked in satisfaction. "It's obvious." then, he swiftly poked Sage in the side, causing him to briefly jump and release a frightened yelp. The sensation evoked did more bad for Xander than good.
"Shit..." he groaned. "Don't do that again."
Sage, confused, completely stopped moving. "W-what's wrong? You poked me!"
Snorting, Xander replied: "In case you haven't realized, you're basically sitting on my dïck."
Sage's entire face turned pink.
T-this boy...!
He's so blunt :/
With a small curse, he brushed away hair that again intercepted his line of vision, raking his long fingers through it and tucking it behind his ear to ensure that it stayed back for a while.
"Do you want me to c-cut it for you?" Sage offered to distract himself from his previous trepidation. Xander cocked a brow at him again, that time hinting skepticism. "A-ah, um, I k-kinda learned to do it. My mother says it needs to be cut, but I don't want her sending me to the barber again. That's ... it's t-traumatic."
Xander laughed at that.
It was known that Xander didn't like when anybody touched his hair. Other than the fact that he seldom washed it or touched it himself was the fact that his hair was one of the most important things to him, regardless of how poorly he treated it. The only time someone touched it was when the girl he made out or had sex with felt the liberty to bury their fingers in it and ruffled it, which irritated the shit out of Xander most - if not all -times.
The next thing Xander knew was that Sage wended his way out of his arms to get to his feet. Xander frowned.
"I r-read up articles on WikiHow, and I even watched videos on YouTube, s-so I think I know what I'm doing," Sage explained. The only thing he neglected to mention was the fact that he'd wanted to touch Xander's hair ever since they first locked eyes. Though he wondered what Xander would say if he revealed that, Sage decided to leave it unsaid.
"C-can I?"
Narrowing his eyes, Xander demeanor exuded skepticism, yet the way his eyebrows furrowed and unfurrowed gave away his lingering curiosity. Eventually, he sighed, and Sage beamed at him.
"One haircut comin' up!"
Xander rolled his eyes as he stood, walking over to sit on the chair before his dresser. Glancing at his reflection in the mirror, he grimaced. Before, he didn't realize how badly his hair needed to be trimmed and groomed. Occasionally jelling it wasn't doing the trick anymore, and other times, his depression was a force to be reckoned with, even with doing the simplest of tasks.
Sage soon appeared behind him, causing Xander to glance up at him through the mirror.
"Where do you store your combs, Xander? I-I think I need scissors too."
Xander opened his top drawer, and from there, he brought forth a pair of shears, a detangler brush he hadn't seen in years, and a rat tail comb. He passed them to Sage. "Here."
"O-okay."
The boy fumbled with taking them for a moment, but once he had a firm grasp, he laid down the shears and comb, leaving only the detangler in hand. For some reason, his hands were trembling; nervous.
His hair is so curly! I don't even know where to begin.
"Um..." he murmured as he continued perusing the overgrown forest of dark curls atop Xander's head. "Can I touch it? Y-your hair I mean..."
Xander snorted. "No shit, Sherlock."
"Okay," Sage said, cheeks heating up. Unconsciously, his hands slid across Xander's shoulder blades. Once he realized that he did that, though, he quickly retracted his hands. "Ah! S-sorry about that!"
W-what was that?!
Sage, get a grip!
"Why are you apologizing? I'm not gonna snap your head off if you touch me." he aimed a questioning look at Sage through the mirror. "You're gonna have to get used to me one way or another, yeah?" tilting his head a little, he smirked at Sage.
Sage bit his lip and obediently nodded. "S-sure! Just close your eyes for a bit, a-and I'll be fine."
Though perplexed as to why Sage would say that, Xander shrugged and closed his eyes.
"N-now turn around - ah, Xan! Don't open them!"
"You're an idiot, you know that? You don't want me to look at you?"
"N-no, so you'd better k-keep them shut." Sage subtly threatened him. It wasn't that he disliked when Xander looked at him or anything of that sort, it was just that he felt ineffably vulnerable and exposed under Xander's; like he was going to mess up or do something stupid.
Sage was aware that his mindset was ludicrous, but it was his way of getting used to Xander; and even then, he didn't feel as though he would ever not turn into a spaz whenever in Xander's presence.
A small chuckle sounded from Xander. "Aye," he said as he retrieved his phone.
A-alright.
Sage began by running the detangler through Xander's curls. Surprisingly, it coursed through seamlessly and trying again, the process yielded the same results. The wispy obsidian strands easily moved in the direction being brushed, but they eventually sprung back into their originally tousled ringlets.
As though that wasn't even to prove how soft his hair was, Sage chose to experiment further with his fingers.
Sage almost gasped as his fingers slid through silk-like strands of a pillow of feathers. The curly locks felt doll-like as they clumped between his fingers, ridiculously soft and lush.
I knew it.
His hair is ... it's like magic.
...
Gah! I-I just want to hug it!
"I-I'm going to st-start now, okay?"
Xander grunted in response.
Retrieving the comb, Sage used it to brush Xander's curls forward, before positioning the tail of the comb outside his hairline, at the back. As Sage made a path through the curls with shaky hands, he collected it in his hands to extend the strands to their full length. Sage was shocked that they were almost five inches long, completely contrary to how short they seemed when unattended to.
Sage took a deep breath before running the shears through them. The curls lifelessly fell to the floor by Sage's feet.
"Um, Xan?"
"Yeah?" Xander replied. He stopped scrolling through his messages to hear what Sage had to say.
"H-how should I do it? I-I don't want to ruin your hair, s-so..."
"I want the back short, yeah? Don't cut the top too much; I just don't want it bitching in my face and giving me acne." Xander explained as he brushed the curls from his forehead.
Sage giggled. "You don't get acne, Xander."
"Yeah, not anymore. And I don't mind that."
"So, you want it like you usually do?" Xander hummed in response. His eyes fluttered at the soothing sensation of Sage's slender fingers resting atop his head again, just before he ruffled the curls. "I ... okay, I can do that. I'll t-try. Now, c-close your eyes again."
Despite rolling his eyes, Xander obliged. Sage nervously resumed.
I don't want to mess it up.
Clip, clip.
More hair fell.
It's going fine so far.
Turning Xander's head just a little, Sage perused the top, where majority of the curls flourished, in an almost wave-like fashion. After brushing the back down, Sage commenced working on the front. In no time, the room was again filled with the sound of scissors to hair intersection, as well as the sounds of Xander touching the screen of his phone.
Clip, clip.
Sage kept a close eye as he trimmed a few other strands.
It almost felt like a sin to cut hair that amazing.
A few more.
"Ah," came Sage's small voice, followed by a small sigh of relief. "I-it's all done."
Sage clutched the hair tools to his chest like a book as he stepped away after brushing thatches of hair off Xander's clothes. The senior opened his eyes, and in no time, his eyes found themselves to his reflection, where they commenced their scrutiny. Areas where strands of hair elevared higher than others were obvious to Xander, along with the absence of the fade that defined his features, but it wasn't anything gel and a brush couldn't rectify.
"D-do you like it?" Sage stammered. Like everything about Xander, his reactions were sometimes difficult to gauge. When Xander stood to his full height instead of answering, Sage decided it was best to busy himself with cleaning up. Mentally, he scolded himself for not thinking of spreading a sheet on the floor to make the process easier.
The blonde nearly fainted from the unexpected sound of Xander's voice directly behind him. "Hey," the senior said to get his attention. "You missed right here."
Sage tried his best to remain calm as he pivoted to face Xander. There, he found said boy to be holding a lengthy hair strand between his fingers. Xander's eyes remained intently focused on him, like a hawk's predatory gaze.
I bet he couldn't wait to open his eyes again, huh ;^;
"O-oh, c-certainly..." Sage gulped. He awkwardly extended his hand to take the hair. As he glanced away from Xander's eyes, he used his other hand to cut the strand. Immediately after, Sage retracted his hand and took a small step backward, warily watching Xander.
H-he has a weird look again.
M-man ... w-what is wrong with this me??
It's just a regular look.
Xander glanced back to his reflection. Raking his fingers through his hair, he gave his reflecting a Carter-like lopsided smile. "It's a'right'. I hate going to the barber — and I wasn't going to anyways — but now I know you can cut my hair, so..." he trailed off as his eyes found their way back to Sage.
"Do y-you want me to be your p-personal barber?" Sage quickly rushed out, just to ease the foreboding silence. Xander nodded. "S-sure thing! I can d-definitely do that! I'll go on YouTube and the internet and s-see how I can do it b-better next time." Sage stammered with his eyes to the floor. Eyeing the mess of hair on the floor, he distracted himself by thinking of how he could best get that untarnished. Vacuum cleaner, maybe? Or even piling them into a cluster? "I-I'll get cleaning now. Ah, c-can you hand me a small brush?"
Xander stopped Sage before he could get on his knees. "Later," Xander told him.
"Um, oh," Sage whispered. He tried backing up to give Xander space, but soon came to realize that the wall was directly behind him, and Xander clearly had no intention of moving away.
I ... I feel weird.
When Xander stepped towards him again, Sage meekly looked up at him.
"W-what is it, X-Xander? I-is everything okay?"
For the longest while, Xander didn't respond. With one hand raised to press against the wall, he used his other to hook a finger under Sage's chin, tilting his face upwards. Xander reveled in the inexplicable allure of Sage's queerly coloured eyes. "I need my fix." the dark-haired boy revealed, his eyes discreetly flickering to Sage's lips. Oblivious, Sage tucked under his lower lip between his incisors.
A-as crazy as this sounds, I swear that his pupils just got b-bigger.
From their proximity, Sage blushed so badly.
"F-fix? What do you mean? N-nothing is broken here."
When Xander snickered and shook his head, it abruptly occurred to Sage what this 'fix' could possibly mean.
N-no way...
He c-couldn't r-r-really mean that, could he?
Deja-vu...
?
I t-think I'm going to pass out.
Sage's knees liquified under the gravity of Xander's gaze, and not to mention their unmistaken nearness. Confusion, trepidation, and nervousness thronged within him as he stood there, unable to look at Xander for more than a second. Then, he took the bait and looked away.
X-Xander, what are you d-doing?
I-I'm a boy, you know?!
When Xander chuckled, Sage's entire face heated. Instantly, his hands shot to his face, to conceal his burning cheeks. "P-please don't tell me t-that I said that aloud."
Xander did nothing to equivocate as he replied: "Yeah, you did." he said. "And in any case," he took Sage's hands, slowly peeling them from his face. The blond blinked in indecision. "It doesn't matter." as long as it's you.
Sage ensured that his thoughts stayed in his head.
W-what does he mean b-by this?
Does he ... i-is it even possible for him to ...
Like me?
...
Suddenly, Sage became drunk in his own thoughts that all the sound around them dimmed down to a low murmur, all except the thumping of his heart. He studied Xander's every movement until he was so caught up in him that nothing else mattered. Not his body's avid reaction to Xander's proximity, not his erratically beating heart.
Him.
"Don't run away this time, yeah?"
He can't possibly be...
Unfortunately for Sage, Xander made his intention as clear as day.
At the last minute, Sage jerked his head back, a little. Realizing his companion's hesitance, Xander too stopped. Delicately brushing locks of hair out of Sage's face, Xander softly asked him, "Não?"
With a wildly palpitating heart and a head seconds from spinning out of control, Sage couldn't regulate his thought process, much less to say anything out loud. The only thing he could register, though, was the surprising realization that he wanted it.
More than he thought, more than he should have.
Somehow, Sage managed to execute a semi-decent nod, and as cliché as it sounded, he felt as though the world came to a standstill when Xander licked his lips and smiled, just before erasing the remaining distance between their faces—
The door swung open.
"Yo, Blaze! You ain't gonna fuckin' believe what just happened to me! This hoe came up to me and was being like-" Carter stopped dead in his tracks as he took into account of what was taking place before him. Mouth hanging ajar, he didn't even attempt to formulate one of his regular horrid jokes.
Then, he bolted out of the room.
* * *
Well, it was bound to get out at some point.
What do you think? Carter's pretty talkative. Will he keep it a secret?
And what do you think will happen if he doesn't?