A few days later, Logan was still finding FOR RECTAL USE ONLY stickers on all of his belongings. I wasn't sure who put them everywhere, but the signs seemed to point in twelve different directions. It probably wasn't Carter, who was actually incapable of doing harm to anything. That narrowed it down to Darrell (who didn't care for Logan), Brett (who probably found it hilarious), and Jia (who enjoyed being a pain sometimes). But no matter who it was, Logan didn't think it was funny after the first three stickers.
I did, though. I thought it was funny.
The box that had the first sticker on it had a necklace with the chemical structure of caffeine in it. It was sweet, perfect, and better than any sort of jewel or precious metal in the entire world.
Everything seemed to be normal once again (or as normal as it got at Paradise City), and after another wonderful dinner prepared by Brett, Logan and I did our seal watch. Actually, it was still just his, but it felt like it belonged to me too.
Later that evening, the stars came out, and I found myself outside at the top of the lighthouse, gazing up at the sky by myself. It wasn't filled with loneliness, though, like it had been before. The world didn't feel empty anymore. Part of it was that I knew that there was an ocean filled with life right in front of me, and the other part of it was that I had someone waiting for me to come home, back inside the house and back to West Virginia.
I was an independent person with a desire to please, but I was also still human. Evolution dictated our social nature, and there was no sense in going against what nature had decided for us.
I took in a deep breath of the cool, salty air. I'd never get used to the way it heightened my senses and gave me a new life, a new purpose. For some, the ocean was relaxing, but for me, it was stimulating, and like any love, I wanted closer.
Unfortunately, I would probably drown if I got too close.
Even though I finally had people who wanted me with them, there was still a call to leave everything behind and only focus on the waves as they rolled in and out. But I knew that wasn't feasible. Instead, I had to be somewhat mature and keep my personal life and my personal life separate. There was one that I preferred, of course, but the other one required attention if I didn't want to fall back into isolation.
There was a difference between isolation by choice and by force. By choice, it felt good for a while, but it quickly spiraled out of control.
"Hey Reagan," Jia said as she arrived at the top of the lighthouse.
Oh, thank goodness. My thoughts were beginning to get weird.
"Hi," I replied. I wasn't sure if she wanted me to say anything else, so I didn't.
She was better at being friendly than I ever was.
"It's really nice and peaceful out tonight," she continued.
I nodded. "A part of me never wants to leave."
In fact, the vast majority of me didn't want to ever go, but that tiny, obnoxious minority reminded me that while I could be perfectly happy out by myself, people didn't usually like being left behind. It hurt them.
Jia laughed. "I miss my dog too much to stay here forever."
"What kind of dog?" I asked.
"A chihuahua."
I looked at her, then back up at the sky. "I'm sure the chihuahua's feisty enough to fend for itself."
See, Rea? That's the exact kind of thinking that made you the social disaster you are.
"Oh yeah. She definitely is." Jia laughed. "But still, I miss her."
Neither one of us said anything for a moment.
"You know, everyone came out here for a reason. What was yours?" Jia asked.
I rose my eyebrows. "I thought mine was obvious. I just really like whales."
"Sure, but you didn't have to spend an entire summer away from everything to study them."
Of course I didn't, but—
"I mean, I just wanted to make some friends and have a good time. I've done that, for sure, but I've gotten a little more out of it than I thought I would," Jia continued. "I learned how to put up with douchebags for one."
I laughed.
Surely enough, she was right. Everyone did have a reason to run away from civilization. Brett told me that Paradise City was the best option he could pick for a project (although that certainly wasn't the best reason), Darrell could never trust anyone, Carter didn't care for the mundane life society expected from him, and Logan set out to find himself after spending most of his life figuring someone else out. It was rough, yes, but at least he cared for me and my real passion when no one else did.
"I guess maybe I thought that I'd finally have a reason to feel so alone in a world with seven billion people in it. But I don't anymore. It's the strangest thing," I said.
Jia smiled. "That's a hell of a lot deeper than mine."
Were our reasons any different, though? Not really, no.
Even though night had already set upon the island, the birds didn't want to go to sleep, and they continued to squawk and cry like always. Maybe Jia knew why they did that. What could they possibly have to say to each other?
A lot, probably. Maybe they liked midnight heart-to-hearts too.
"Since you're several months into your bird-language fluency study, do you know what the gulls are all worked up about now?" I asked.
Jia laughed. "I think it's just your average screaming. Assert dominance, defend the territory, stuff like that."
The more you know.
"Huh. Interesting. I just figured that they liked irritating everyone and ruining the peace on the island," I said and looked over at her.
"Yeah."
The conversation lulled, but there was no such thing as silence on the island. I didn't mind just standing with her though, and although she was a thousand times more talkative than I could ever dream of being, it didn't seem that she minded either. There were some moments that didn't need words, or words couldn't live up to what was going on. A Paradise City night was one of those.
She really had learned to deal with douchebags. Of course, Darrell had mellowed with time, but they didn't threaten to kill each other all the time.
I had changed too, just in a different way.
***
The following morning as the sun began to rise, I sat in the kitchen with my cup of coffee. I had built a routine during the summer, and though I wasn't exactly sure what day it was, it was somewhere in the latter stages of my time on the island.
I had a few more whale trips on my plate, and then, it was all over. I really had found paradise, and before I could realize just what I had, it was ready to be ripped from my hands.
But I wasn't at that point yet. I didn't have time that I could waste wishing; instead, I had to focus on what needed to get done. There was one reason I even made it to Paradise City, and that was because I knew how to put aside my feelings in favor of my goals. It was a cruel, vicious cycle, and I could only hope to repair the damages further down the road, but people like me fell in love with the circle of life.
I finished my coffee, and I headed down to the shore where Toby would take me out to the Millennium Osprey earlier than usual. It gave me an extra moment at the ocean, just like how it all began some four years prior.
Maybe I had changed on the surface, but in the depths of my personality, I would always remain the same.
Not much more than an hour later, I climbed on board of the Millennium Osprey. Nastasya had another case of some sort in her hands, and it didn't take me but a second to figure out what was inside.
"Is that another drone?" I asked.
She nodded. "It's not nearly as good as the last one, but I bought it, and I can crash it into the ocean all I want."
I laughed. "You should probably keep that to a minimum."
She had opened up to me over our time, and while she seemed intimidating the first time I met her, she just liked to focus on her work. Her harsh glare hadn't changed, but it was focused and determined rather than intense.
Robbie, on the other hand, was exactly the same as my first impression of him, just a goofy old man on the sea.
"Reagan, there's a nice lady who wants to meet you," Robbie said from the cabin, and I peered in through the door.
A woman stood there, and she wore a pantsuit and a smile. "Reagan Winebrenner, it's very nice to finally meet you."
All I wanted was a moment of peace. Was that really too much to ask for?
I smiled and extended my hand for her to shake. "You too. Um, who are you exactly?"
"I'm Emma Berger, career services advisor and financial manager of Paradise City," she said. "I'd like to monitor your project for the day."
"That's wonderful. I love being judged," I said, and I immediately grimaced.
Why did I have to be this way? Why?
She laughed it off. "It's nothing serious, really. I just want to make sure there aren't any ethical violations. There have been a few questionable activities during other projects, and I basically need to check a box that says you're not sketchy."
"Any projects this year?" I asked.
"Oh, no. Well, not at Paradise City, at least, unless you have something you'd like to report."
I shook my head. "Nope. Everyone's wonderful."
As much as I wanted to throw Darrell under the bus to see just how serious this woman was, I knew it was a horrible idea. I didn't do horrible ideas unless they were suggested to me by Brett, Logan, and sometimes Jia.
"Good, good. It never seemed like a good idea to have a bunch of college students stuck on an island to me, but what do I know?" She threw her blonde, wrinkled head back in laughter once again.
Clearly not much. She was wearing a pantsuit on a boat.
I smiled anyway. "It's not bad, since we're all pretty responsible for ourselves."
She took the seat next to Robbie's captain chair and continued. "I'm sure, doll."
She flipped open a pocket mirror and ran her finger along her fading lipstick. I glanced over at Nastasya, and that intimidating glare was back.
Nastasya cleared her throat. "I believe I was sitting there the entire way here, wasn't I?"
"Oh, yes, of course." Emma scooted down, but there was no way Nastasya would be able to fit on the small space she had cleared for her.
But if there was one person I knew who wouldn't give a damn about that, it was Nastasya. She plopped down next to her, though she was practically pressed up against Emma.
"And that's Reagan's spot," Nastasya said.
I shook my head quickly. "You can stay there. I feel like standing."
Emma didn't move, and while I didn't feel like standing, I also didn't feel like getting labeled as sketchy. There were certain behaviors I could tolerate from authority in exchange for keeping the peace.
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Hello everyone! Thank you so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, so don't be shy.
I don't actually have much that I want to say right now (gasp!), so I guess I'll just ask an off-topic question. What kind of music do you like to listen to?
For me, there's not much of a pattern. I like a little bit of everything, like Imagine Dragons, Tom Petty, Toto, Frank Sinatra, and Van Halen. But there's a lot more that I don't like, and there's no rhyme or reason to it. I just like what I like, and I hate what I hate.