Rose
Cristiano was pacing up and down the room.
"W-Wait! How is this possible, Cris? You need to explain everything!"
"I don't know how this is even possible!" He hissed, his eyes shooting daggers at me. "But maybe, just maybe, her parents had, I don't know, sex?"
I rolled my eyes, glaring back at him. "I mean, why did your brother lose her? How are we gonna get her back home? You still need to talk to your brothers! Wait a minute! We had a deal!" I remembered suddenly the deal we had before we went to France. "I was to talk to Juliet and you were supposed to talk to your brothers!"
"Well, it doesn't matter anymore, does it? We're not fucking together!"
I felt like I had been slapped. .by the truth. I looked away, pulling some some of my hair behind my ears. "Well, I need to get her back to her parents. You're his brother so just talk to him!"
"It's not that easy!" Cristiano snapped back, sighing and taking a seat on the stool, running his hand through his hair. He licked his lips, his attractive eyes locking with mine. "He hates me - they all hate me," he quietly said, looking away. "Everyone hates me, even you. If you can't even stand the sight of me, what makes you think that after what I did, they're gonna want to talk to me."
I paused staring at him, beginning to feel sympathetic. I sat on the chair, sighing before coming to a conclusion in my mind. "But it's not about you," I gently told him, trying to be as nice as possible. "It's about getting her home. So, you don't have to tell her that you're her uncle. In fact, when we do find her parents, you . ."
I hesitated and suggested, "you don't have to talk to her parents. We'll just drop her off at their house and drive away. They don't know me so if Blaze tells her parents, they won't necessarily know you either. She probably thinks your name is just 'Cris'. There's a lot of people out there called that. If you're so bothered, they don't have to know."
His eyes flickered to mine and he softly sighed, nodding. I had reassured him. "Okay. . .I'll call the wolves in."
I was confused as to what he was referring to then realised he meant people to look for Blaze's parents so she could get home. I knew there was other stuff involved, that Cristiano wasn't comfortable sharing, that went on with his brothers. I just didn't ask.
"I love you."
Fuck
Why did he have to say that?
What am I supposed to do?
Why am I so emotional?
Why do I want to kiss him?
He sold me! He sold me and I still can't get over that sexy ass man
What if he's the love of my life?
But I can't get over what he's done
Why is his lips on mine?
I pulled away and stood, taking steps back. "Don't, okay?" I defensively retaliated, my hands beginning to shake. His eyes sadly looked into mine and I licked my lips. I exhaled, shaking my head as tears came into my eyes. I stared at him in hurt. "You sold Rose, Cristiano! I'm not your girlfriend anymore - I'm not the old Rose! It was hard at first but now I know that I'm not the same and I'm different. I'm. . .damaged, I'm ugly, I'm a slut, I'm tainted, I'm disgusting! You were supposed to save me but you destroyed me!"
Then I stopped, wiping my eyes and waiting for him to say something. I sniffed, holding back from sobbing in heartache.
"Piece by piece," He began, his eyes filled an indescribable type of deep love. "Brick by brick, wall by wall, I'm gonna save you." His eyes gazed at me in disbelief, a soft scoff leaving his mouth. "You're beautiful, you're funny, you're smart, you're kind. You don't let anyone hold you down, you aren't afraid to speak what's on your mind, you're attractive, you're loving - there's so many ways to describe you."
"The old Rose," I whispered, my eyes going to the ground. Then he came closer, lifting my chin and meeting my eyes. "No," Cris softly said, his eyes dropping down to my lips. "You. You're still Rose. She's just hidden in all that hurt that I plan to take away. I love you and I'm sorry, baby. I'm so, so sorry and there are no words to express how apologetic and guilty I am. If I could take back everything I would. But I can't. So now I'm gonna make it right. Rose, you are everything."
Then he pulled my hair behind my ear and pecked my lips softly. When he pulled away, he gazed into my eyes as a tear slid down my cheek.
I just wanted to be normal again.
The old me.
He wiped my cheeks and kissed them before moving past me and walking away. When the door closed, my hand reached or and clutched onto the table for support so I didn't fall down and sob. I bit my lip hard and sniffed.
Oh, Cristiano, please save me
~~~
Sitting with Jordan, I was impressed to see how well he was at feeding his daughter, Skye.
"What?" He softly asked with a small chuckle, noticing my gaze. I blinked, snapping away from my thoughts before shrugging and replying, "nothing. It's just nice to see you as a father. You're so good with her."
Jordan smiled at me, glancing down at Skye who closed her eyes, drinking from her bottle quietly. "Yeah," Jordan quietly said, watching her. "I have to be good with her. She's my kid and I wanna be the best father possible." Jordan had matured so much that it baffled me. He was still funny and playful however he was then more settled down and serious. His baby had brought of the loving side of him.
"J, can I ask you something?"
His eyes snapped up and met mine. "Yeah. What's up?"
"What happened between all of you guys?" I asked cautiously, biting my bottom lip. He sighed, shaking his head. "I mean, I've noticed that you all barely talk anymore."
"A lot of things," Jordan responded, "it wasn't the same when you left and we all avoided talking about it and kept to ourselves. The 'keeping to ourselves' got longer and longer and before we knew it, our friendship well. . .it had faded away. I miss it though. ."
Skye cooed in his arms, moving around in her father's arms as her mouth rejected the bottle. He sighed, taking the bottle out of her mouth and looking at it. "I don't know why she's barely drinking nowadays," Jordan sighed in concern, placing the bottle down.
I looked at Skye in concern too. "Cameron!" Jordan loudly called and I gave him a look for the noise.
A few moments later, we heard her quick footsteps. "What? What? Why are you shouting?" She bursted in worry, her eyes going straight to her daughter.
"She's not taking the bottle but she's hungry."
"Okay, I think we should take her to the hospital - this has been going on for too long."
"Actually," I said, my hands fidgeting together nervously. Their eyes directly went to me in worry, curious to know as to what I said. I licked my lips, my heart racing. "I-Is she taking breast milk?"
"Yeah," Cameron replied softly, her eyes filled with seriousness. "I wanted to breast feed only but it's a lot so I'm using the both now. She's not taking it."
"Well, it's probably because she's so used to the breast milk," I told them, licking my lips before adding, "she hasn't really had formula from birth so she's probably more comfortable with breast milk. Maybe you should try breast milk for a few weeks then try formula again."
"Oh," Jordan let out, a surprised look on his face. Relief swept over Cameron's and she scooped Skye up from Jordan's arms, kissing her cheek and gently patting her back.
"Thanks, Rose, you're probably right - it makes sense," Cameron kindly said, a smile forming on her face as she looked at Skye.
"I mean, I don't wanna be wrong, you can go to the doctor if you want-"
She shook her head, cuddling Skye. "I'm sure she's fine. I'm just overreacting. I get so worried about her because I don't wanna mess up. How did you know?"
I hesitated, my breath hitching. Then my eyes went to the ground and I licked my lips replying, "I read a few books when I was. . .yeah. ."
"I'm sorry," Cameron began, her eyes filled with sorriness. "I didn't mean to-"
"It's okay," I responded with a reassuring smile. I tried my hardest to push away all of the memories. I stood, wiping my sweaty hands down on my trousers. "I'm just gonna um. . .head upstairs."
"Thanks, Rose," Jordan started but I had already led the room. I ran my hand through my hair, going upstairs as tears began to roll down my cheeks.
I opened the bedroom door, swiftly shutting it behind me. I bursted into tears, pulling my long sleeves and wiping my cheeks, trying my hardest to stop sobbing.
I sobbed into my hands, soaking the sleeves of my top, and the tears dripped between my fingers. My breathing was ragged, gasping. I sank to my knees in front of the mirror.
Staring at it in tears, I sniffed, wiping my eyes and exhaling shakily.
"Why?" I whispered to myself quietly, sobbing. My skin was blotched and my eyes stung from the salty tears.
I am so ugly
I wiped my sore eyes, my tears slowing down as I stared.
'Slut'
'You're my bitch, Rose! You hear me?'
'You're nothing but a whore!'
'Just die'
'Get out of here! You're bleeding all over my floor!'
'No one loves you'
'Die! Just die! The Devil's waiting for you, bitch!'
'Get on your knees!'
'Do that again and you're getting the collar'
"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" I sobbed, my hands shaking as they covered my ears, rocking backwards and forwards as I cried, wishing the tormenting words would stop. I heaved, my breathing ragged and shallow as I struggled to breathe.
Slut
Bitch
Whore
Die
Ugly.
I was ugly.
I was no longer Rose.
If I was no longer Rose then who was I?
Nothing but a waste of space. A waste of space that needed to die.
I stared into the mirror, my tears ending. My hand shaking moved upwards and I pulled a strand of my hair behind my ear, my eyes staring into the mirror in emptiness.
I'm not beautiful
How could anyone love me?
I wanna be Rose again
But I can't
I can't if I'm not the same
Why can't I be the same?
Bruises, cuts, scars and redness covered my skin. I looked so horrible that it was a mystery as to how my makeup managed to cover it all.
Then I took my brush and foundation, exhaling deeply as I gazed into the ugly me in the mirror.
Here we go again
Cover up
As I walked downstairs, I quickly grabbed my coat and wrapped it around my body, hiding my clothes.
Cristiano left the kitchen, Gage in tow and their eyes suspiciously looked at me.
"Uh. Where are you going?"
"Out," I replied, licking my lips. "Can you take care of Saph - I mean, Blaze. I'll only be a short while - I just need some air." I sighed, knowing their weak spot. My tone went lower in sadness as I added, "I feel a bit overwhelmed a-and I just - it's too much. I-I need air-"
"Hey, hey," Gage softly said, "it's okay. You go. You need some time to yourself, I understand."
"Go on. I'll take care of Blaze," Cris seriously said, his eyes filled with kindness. "Be safe."
I nodded, giving them both a warm smile before turning and leaving the loft.
As soon as I got out of the building, I was free and I knew exactly where to go.
~~~
The door opened and there he was. His face was stern and powerful, his intense eyes staring down at me. I licked my lips, my heart thumping nervously against my chest as I stared upward at him, our eyes locking.
"Hi."
"Hey."
I pulled a strand of my hair behind my ear before rolling my eyes and saying, "you said you'd help me forget whenever, remember?" He nodded and my eyes flickered over to the drugs on the table inside.
He chuckled, his dark eyes lustfully running up and down my body. He licked his lips slowly, leaning against his doorway.
I went closer and crashed my lips onto his and he pulled me into the room, shutting the door loudly behind us as we intensely kissed.
_________
Don't worry! They didn't sleep together. . .but they did do a lotta kissing
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