Sunlight beat down the on the school grounds and the students splayed out on the lawn. Haley sat beneath her lone tree, music shouting in her ears. When she had walked downstairs that morning, she had tried not to look towards the living room couch, but that was all she could stare at.
Though it was empty by that time, she could still spot the telltale signs of its use the previous night: misplaced throw pillows, imprints on the cushions. She found her father in the kitchen pouring himself a cup of coffee, his eyes tired and his phone in hand.
In silence, they had moved around each other. Haley had felt the words of confrontation building in her throat, scratching to be to let out. As each minute had passed, the kitchen felt as if it were shrinking, the things unsaid mounting, expanding until they took over everything. Feeling as if she might explode, she had faced her father. At that moment he had looked up and had given her a worn out smile.
"Have a good day at school, kiddo," he had said.
With a brief kiss on the head, he had left, answering a call before it had barely rung. Haley felt as if a balloon had been popped in her face, leaving her stunned and unsure how to move. Matt walked in breaking her from her daze. Not wanting to deal with another silence, she had slipped out.
Even through the drive to school, she had kept to herself. She wasn't sure if Matt would have even cared about the separation that was cracking their family apart. All morning and during class it felt as if she was floating through it all, unseen.
As she sat with her back pressed against the smooth bark, she didn't really know how she had gotten there. All she could think about was the one thing in her life that no one was talking about, and how it was the only thing that she was helpless to change.
The music played on, the singer screaming away, stealing some of Haley's need to yell. Alone, she felt trapped in her own head, her mind spinning over and over. Even as she felt the emptiness around her, she didn't want it to change. If it stayed this way then it was one thing in her life that was real, even if it was lonely. Alone she could ignore her situation, but with someone there, she might feel the need to share. She didn't want that. Sharing would change nothing.
Haley buried her face in her hands, wishing everyone and everything to disappear. Or maybe if she just disappeared it would be better.
Something bumped her knee, jolting her from her thoughts. She jerked up and found Jace laying on his side in front of her, a wide smile covering his face.
"Hey, Haley Day," he said.
Even with her music blaring, she still found she heard him as if she didn't want to ignore him. But she didn't take her headphones out, afraid of what she would give away if she did. It didn't matter, Jace reached out and tugged one free. Haley didn't fight him, only sat there, unmoving.
"What's up, Haley Day?" The smile fell into something more sober. "You look...I don't know..."
"I'm fine," she said, shaking her head. Before Jace could say something that would poke a hole in her statement, she talked on. "What are you even doing here? Don't you usually eat at the tables?"
Jace shrugged. "Yeah, but I figured I would keep you company today."
"I'm fine, you don't have to keep me company. I'm fine."
Unconvinced, he cocked his head, staring at her intently. At the look that could almost be concern, Haley felt her thoughts tumbling around in her mouth, like prisoners looking to break free. Knowing she wouldn't be able to stop them, she stood up, grabbing her backpack.
"I'm serious," she said, "I'm fine."
Before Jace could get up, Haley was hurrying away, not totally sure what was she running away from.
"Haley!"
She didn't look back and kept walking. It wasn't until she was in the girl's bathroom on the furthest edge of the school that she stopped. Most of the stall doors hung open and Haley tried to remember why she was even there.
As she went to leave she heard something that made her stop. It was the faint sound of someone sniffly. Haley was trapped between leaving and staying when the last stall door opened and Rachel stepped out.
Thoughts of leaving vanished at the sight of the girl. Her eyes were red and parts of her makeup had begun to run down her face. What hit Haley the most was the lack of a smile and the sadness that sat heavily in her expression. Noticing Haley, Rachel froze, startled.
"I thought I was alone," she said.
"I'm sorry," Haley said, not knowing what to say.
For a long moment, they stood there staring at each other, neither knowing what to do. Eventually, Rachel broke eye contact and walked over to the sink. Grabbing a paper towel, she worked at clearing away the marks of her ruined makeup. Watching her, Haley felt rattled by the girl, who always appeared perfect, looking just like Haley felt.
In that instant, she forgot what had driven her to the bathroom. Something popped into her head and she dug around her backpack, pulling out a bag of M&Ms. Opening it, she walked over to Rachel and held out a blue one. Puzzled, Rachel looked from the candy to Haley.
"Jace says blue means hope because it's like the sky. Even though there are clouds at times there is still blue behind it."
A flicker of something more than sadness brightened Rachel's eyes as she accepted it.
"Thanks."
Haley nodded and ate one herself, then handed Rachel a yellow one.
"Does this one have a meaning?" she asked.
"They all do."
"What are they?"
Haley told and Rachel rested back against the sink, listening.
"I like that," she said when Haley finished.
The girls fell silent as the bag of M&Ms diminished.
"I don't think I've ever seen you without a smile before," Haley said.
Rachel stared at the candy poised between her two manicured fingers. "You're not supposed to see me like this."
"Why? Doesn't smiling get tiring?"
Rachel gave Haley a tired look. "Of course it does, but that doesn't change the fact that I won't stop."
"Why?"
A sigh escaped Rachel's lips. "Because everyone is watching me." Haley frowned, puzzled. "I'm the mayor's daughter, class president, I'm someone everyone knows and everyone is looking at, expecting something from me." She grabbed another blue M&M and ate it. "I don't have the luxury of going unnoticed, sitting beneath a tree and letting myself feel whatever I want to."
After a second, Haley realized Rachel was referring to her and her lunchtime spot.
"I wasn't aware that I was noticed."
"It's not that big of a school, Haley."
Haley nodded, trying to wrap her head around the fact that her secluded spot could be something worth envying. After a pause, she gestured to the bathroom.
"So is this where you come to feel whatever you need to feel?"
Rachel shrugged. "For today it is. I don't usually have this kind of dilemma."
"Oh. What's today's dilemma then?"
Taking another M&M, Rachel ate it slowly, as if debating whether to share or not. In the brief lapse of silence, Haley realized what she had said. They barely knew each other and she didn't have any right to know. She also figured it was something serious to have Rachel hiding out.
"Nick kissed someone," Rachel finally said.
"Your boyfriend kissed someone?!"
A nod was all the response she got. When the news was fully processed, Haley relaxed back.
"That's not too bad, right? At least he didn't sleep with someone." She winced. "Sorry, really dumb thing to say."
Rachel took another M&M and stared at it as if barely hearing the remark. "Just kissing someone means that he was already breaking away from us, from me. It just shows where his thoughts were already taking him."
"Oh."
The silence returned and Haley felt helpless to do anything.
"I'm sorry," she said.
All Rachel could do was nod, her eyes distant and sad. One last M&M sat in the bag and Haley held it out. Giving her a grateful look, Rachel took it.
"I should go back," she said. "I don't want people wondering where I've gone."
Haley backed away, nodding in understanding. As Rachel passed her, Haley spoke.
"You should know, you could always come sit with me under my tree. If you wanted to."
A faint smile appeared and at that moment Haley could see how every other smile would be exhausting.
"Thanks, Haley," she said. "I appreciate that, but people would ask too many questions why I was."
Trying not to feel as if it mattered, Haley shrugged the offer off.
"I get that."
Instead of leaving, Rachel waved a hand towards Haley.
"You can always come sit with me if you ever want to."
A flash of how that situation would play out darted through Haley's mind.
She scrunched up her shoulders. "Would I even be in the loop about stuff?"
"Probably. We talk about normal stuff: school work, prom, gossip, bands, hot actors, movies."
"Oh. Well, thanks."
Rachel nodded then took a step back, a weariness coming over her. "Thanks for the M&Ms, Haley. I'll see you around."
After Rachel left, Haley stood there for a second of realizing she had no reason to be there and exited. She didn't get far before she stopped in her tracks. Just beyond the bathroom, she heard voices. Not wanting to interrupt, she stayed put.
It was then she heard Rachel speaking. Hating herself for her curiosity, Haley peered around the building. Nick was facing Rachel, his eyes full of despair and his appearance haggard.
"Look," he said, his voice pleading. "I know I screwed up. I was the biggest idiot in the world. What I did was stupid. I had one drink too many and lost my head."
Rachel crossed her arms. "Why were you even drinking? You told me you wouldn't."
Nick ran a hand through his already disheveled hair.
"It was Bryce's birthday party and I don't know it's my dad and college and next season...and well, you know."
"Yeah, I do know," Rachel said, angrily. "I know what you're going through. I know better than any person cause I've always been there."
Nick took a step forward. "Exactly, you've always been there and I can't do this without you."
For a moment, Haley wondered if Rachel would cave at the sincerity in his voice. She could imagine her waving her hand, brushing it all aside and say she understood and forgive him. With the dejected way Nick looked, Haley felt as if she would have done the same thing.
But Rachel put up a hand, keeping him from moving closer.
"You know I feel the same way," she said, all her control and calm returning. "You're my best friend, Nick. You always have been. And so the fact that you went and did something like this when you know exactly what I'm facing with this senior project and everything else is too much." She shook her head. "I can't deal with a boyfriend who is kissing someone else and getting drunk when he should have just come talk to me."
"Rachel, I'm so sorry, you have to believe me. Don't do this."
"I know you're sorry, Nick. I even know that you didn't mean to do it. But that still doesn't mean it was okay."
Nick rubbed his hand over his face, something frantic about the movement, as if he were trying not to panic but panicking all the same.
"What can I do?" He waved his hands to the side, laying himself bare to her. "Tell me. What can I do to prove to you that more than anything I don't want to lose you."
Rachel was silent, weighing the question. "Prove to me that more than my boyfriend, you are still my best friend."
Forehead creased, he nodded. "Okay. How?"
"You'll have to figure that one out yourself."
With that Rachel walked away, leaving Nick with a hand buried in his hair, staring after her. Haley leaned back against the wall, realizing how completely wrong she had been about her judgment of Rachel.
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Hola, She Ra!
(Spanish)
Haley! Why must you run away from Jace! And dang Rachel! Look at you being all human and whatnot! What are our thoughts on all of this?
👉🕳👈
Do you think Haley will ever let someone in? Cause let's face it, the more she bottles up the more anxious I get about the aftermath!
Random fact for you about yours truly! ☺️ I was once part of a Love Square!
I liked a guy, he liked another girl who liked a different guy that liked me! 😂
Me ———————————> 1st boy
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2nd Boy <——————- another girl
A lot of drama went down when I was not there! It was great! Best way to deal with drama, don't be there for it. ☺️
Tell me one wild story from your school experience!
Vote, comment, follow or literally dance around in your kitchen! It's the most fun one can really experience!
#Me!